Thinking,

God provides.

Last Christmas I was advising Eph when his wife took off with his kids over the Christmas holiday leaving him behind broken and alone. She basically attempted to abscond with the kids and move to her parents home in another state.

Eventually...Eph got a hearing and won temporary custody of his kids and has had it nearly all year awaiting a final custody order sometime this fall (which all indications are that he will prevail).

If you play this all correctly you will be able to beat the wrap, make it obvious she trumped up the charges in an attempt to extort a custody agreement (which her statements on the record today demonstrate), demonstrate yourself to be the most concerned parent (even supervised visitation should be undertaken and not avoided at all despite how humiliating it is), and demonstrate yourself as the most reasonable and trustworthy person with whom the court can most trust to look out for the best interests of the kids.

Hopefully...she incriminate herself to such an extent you'll end up with even more than 50-50 custody.

Worst case...you lose. But don't settle. Settling, at any point in this process is admitting guilt. Your child is young. As long as you don't agree and get a custody order IMPOSED upon you by a judge...then you'll be more likely to win later when you seek modification of the custody order in two, four, six years and so on. IF you settle...then you lose many of your best arguments because you agreed to place your child with her. Courts are hesitant to change an agreed upon custody order. They will just think you've waived your right to complain and unless something really new has surfaced to change the circumstances...you lose.

Keep your head up. Win or lose...the victory is in the fight.

Mr. Wondering

In other words.

The court should punish her for this misbehavior.

You will be seen as a victim.

She as the perpertrator.

The court should become sympathetic to you. They may not say that or document it but in the end...if you continue fighting...it SHOULD become clear to them and you should win a more favorable decision than had your wife just let you leave peacefully and play the victim herself.

There SHOULD be an upside to this struggle you find yourself in and you won't see that upside unless you fight to the end. (the court and attorneys will struggle mightly to get you to acquiesce to a moderate custody arrangement...most likely every other weekend and wednesdays...it will even seem crazy to them that you won't accept that considering all you face...however, it is because you face this and continued fighting that SHOULD be demonstration enough to the judge/court about how serious you are, how innnocent you are and how protective you actually are of your son...trick is not to appear abusive in your demands which only plays into her victim mode. You just fight quietly and continue to fight...nicely.

Mr. Wondering

Mr. Wondering

Man, I think you're being PLAYED... Sounds like she's trying to play the legal system too. Hopefully they see right through it.



Strike one for her.

I think it's a good thing that you didn't have an opportunity to disclose that you were free from the STD. IMO that should be disclosed ONLY when she makes public her claim that that's her proof of your infidelity.

I don't understand why your attorney wasn't there with you. This was a temporary custody hearing right? He should have been there to speak up on your behalf. Doesn't your wife have an attorney? If so I can't believe the judge bought her story about filing out a Restraining Order thinking it was a Custody Order. Those are two different animals. Two different jurisdictions. One's civil, one's criminal. Where did she go to get the RO? Surely the clerk advised her about what it was. How did she know to get one? What "proof" did she offer to get it?

This just doesn't make sense to me.

She screwed you big time with this new RO.

Sorry. Your attorney needs to get on the stick and stop this train before it wrecks.

TOMK, your (W?)W clearly has the ability to put deep into fogland with the minimum of effort. SHE IS GOING TO USE THIS AGAINST YOU!!

I would strongly suggest that you do NOT put yourself into situations where she can put one over on you like that. If you do have to talk with her, do it through a lawyer and always make sure one is present if you're meeting face to face. Avoid all other communication. Use this period away from your home to work on your personal boundaries and what you are not willing to accept if/when you eventually move back home. Your W can only continue to take advantage of you if you continue to let her.

I'm so very, very sorry to hear about this. And my heart hurts for your little boy.

Do everything required of you and don't let her get to you. The second RO thing....good Lord, that's just VISCIOUS.

Nasty piece of work, there.

No. This was not a custody hearing. This was a hearing for the Domestic Violence RO...to be nulled out, modified, or extended. It was nulled out per my wife, as long as I agree to the TEMPORARY custody. As this is a Domestic issue and not a criminal issue, my court appointed attorney couls not represent me. had I wanted a lawyer for today, I would have had to pay for one. My wife did not bring one either.

My wife basically lied to the judge, playing stupid that she filled out the wrong form. The judge does not know that she has a legal background. Like I said, this was my wife's way of doing what she does best. What she said made the judge believe one thing, when she meant another and unless asked a SPECIFIC quiestion in a SPECIFIC way... she's do that "lying by omission" thing.

Pathological.

Lastest IM just came in...

names removed, otherwise no edits.


I would reply with, I know it's "aweful" it's a public defender's office, they aren't made of money you know. They help guys like me... but thanks ever so much for your concern sweetheart. Just think, had you not called the police that night, where we both are right now...would be a heck of a lot BETTER!!!!

but... again, if I reply before my court case on 12/13.... I get to spend the rest of the time waiting for court in a 6 X 8 cell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

K....gotta chime in and put my two cents in here.....My XH and I had a situation close but not entirely like this....I've been lurking on this thread because it caught my attention. First things first....I agree with MK....I may be a rookie...but in my training in law enforcement (granted I don't know your states laws)I can't see why you were arrested if there was NO evidence of DV. I can see them asking you to leave the residence for 24 hours. But with no evidence of spousal battery I don't understand why they arrested you. Secondly....I think you need to seriously with your lawyer sit down with the D.A. about this. You have enough evidence that she is manipulating the system....you have done everything right per your R.O. you also have officers (hope you got there names) who escorted you as civil standby's and can atest to your proper behaviour. I think it's time to stop playing the nice guy...my gut feeling is she is up to something and thinks she is a few steps ahead of you. She is waiting for the right moment to unveil it. Protect yourself man...for you and your son. I know it's hard but I think thats where you need to start.

Thanks surviving. Thank you everyone. But I have to ask this... why? What made me a target for her instead of someone she loved and respected? Could this huge thing in our life be something that changes her ways? Or am I still being played? What else is there to take from me? The only thing I can think of is that she gets some sick twisted sekf gratification knowing that once this is over, she could do it again on a whim.

Was she abused so badly in her past relationship that she's ....can't think of the right word but it means taking it out on me to stand up for herself.

She talks about counseling, but does that mean I need ot get counseling for my supposed attack on her? Or is she saying WE need councelling.

THIS SUCKS!!!! Trying to figure out what's going on with only a one sided conversation.... ugh!

I pleaded with my lawyer, the VERY young girl....either fresh out of college or even still in... to get me an earlier court date. For more than just I wanted to be back with my boy. If this is my baby, and she does have medical issues due to this STD, then I need to be there when she has DR visits. But I don't think my lawyer fully understood my urgency...

I think your wife is setting you up for something also. I also think that this goes beyond husband abuse to now judicial system abuse.

Can you not get some $ from family or a credit card to find an real atty? At least pull out the yellow pages & get a consultation. Public Defenders are notoriously overloaded & will advise a plea bargain if given a chance. This is not good and result you having supervised visitation for years.

I just don't get how your wife can null the PO with added restrictions for visitation - does she have that much power in NH? I think she is setting you up for losing any custody rights in the future. She has to have some one waiting in the wings since she is ruining her husband while pregnant. This is the part I cant get my head around.

How would this play out in court on the criminal charges ? Why would the DA persue this if their alleged victim is dropping the PO? Who else would be a witness to the crime?

On another note - your wife visits with your atty - did your atty relay the results of the interview? good lord - is your wife now manipulating your defender?

I thought our justice and legal system is corrupt and dysfunctional but this is absolutely amazing. I feel for ya - I only have been a juror 5 times so very ignorant how these things go.

Re read today's events - What are you saying here ? Did she strike you in the court ?

no she told her family she belted me. Her family doens't knwo WHY she belted me, just that I'm out of the house and she hit me. I don't think they even know she's pregnant yet.

My wife had a meeting with my attorney's investigator.

I really wish I could afford a "real attorney" But I have no way of supporting that financially. Family will not help me, their vacation plans in 2 weeks might get ruined if they help me.... and as I said, she cleaned out every joint account we have.

I do have ONE thing goign for me though and I'm trying LIKE MAD to get it settled NOW. Ever hear of the TomTom Personal navigation device? Well 2 years ago I bought a couple domain names in the hopes of doing something with them as a "TomTom enthusiast". Well I got an email about a month ago from Corp over in the UK. Seems my domain names are trademark infringements, but they are willing to pay me for them. It's a good amount too, i just have bben trying to verify this isn't some scam to get my bank info. I just last week opened a new account ina total different bank in case this is a scam...

Paperwork was emailed back tot hem today when I got out of court. But as the UK is 5 or 6 hours ahead of me, they were closed by the time I sent the email. So I should hear back on Monday, have the wire transfer Tuesday. transfer and close that account Wednesday.... So i do have a chance on the $ side soon anyway.

If the baby is mine, and it ends up being a girl.... I think I'm going to push for the name "Hope"

Posting this why?.... no idea. Just trying to keep myself occupied and not think about missing my son too much. Going to be a long weekend. This weekend we were supposed to take him up north to leaf peeping....

TOMK,
I've read your entire thread her and I seem to have more Q's than I do answers for you.
I had to go back to your original thread(s) to attempt to glean more info in all of this.

You said:
"After all, she's CONSTANTLY accusing me of cheating on her. So this makes me think she's accusing me to cover her tracks? (That part comes from experience...sadly).

She swears she never has cheated on me, or anyone else. I have though, so I must have cheated on her too."

Would you care to elaborate on that statement? You don't have to, obvioulsly, but I'm just curious.

Did you not say you had a previous M that also involved children? I could have got this wrong, but I will double check.?

You said:
"She jumped back, tripped over the closthes that were all over the room, backed into the half open door which poked the doornob through the wall by the way. So there is her proof that i hit her I guess, after all, how else would that hole get there right???" So there was physical evidence to the police, that some form of violence had occurred, correct?

I went down stairs and asked her where the smut was, she said "Its not on your laptop, it's downstairs ont he server" I went down there... saw it, and immediately deleted it! NOT to get rid of somethign I did... to get rid of that garbage of what i thought was my PC...."
So one must ask, how did that smut get downloaded to your computer? Did your W download that? Is this yet another setup? Once again, just curious.

"The snooping software she talks about... yep, I did do that IN THE PAST...as I said, i've been dealing with this from her for THREE YEARS." Isn't that the length of years you've been married to her? So you have been mistrusting of her since day one of your M? Why?

"One week later we were home and it was my turn to have my kids form my previous marriage."
Ooops, nevermind, I answered my own Q. As I recall, you never see your C from previous M because your present W used to get angry at that prospect, or something like that? And you accepted that? Are you not the father of these C, and still have a responsibility to be their father?

TOMK, I don't know what to make of your sitch. To be honest, there seems to holes in both sides of this battle. As I said at the beginning of this reply, I end up with more Q's than answers, but that’s for me to ponder.

I do wish you luck in being able to see your son again, and truly hope that you start to become a part of the lives of your previous C from former M. FORMER, doesn't mean they don't need you.

All Blessings,
Jerry

She has admitted belting YOU across the face and YOU were arrested? I'd be having your attorney supoena her family members!

On the mouthing "I love you" stuff...don't buy into it. She is gaslighting you...BIG TIME! She's hoping that your head will start spinning. Remember that she filled out paperwork for ANOTHER RO against you. Do you know what basis she used to file it, if you haven't responded to any of her texts and emails?

The charges against you can be dropped, but she'd have to tell the TRUTH in order to do so. She's not going to tell the truth, because then she'd probably get into trouble for filing a false report.

Don't buy into her lovey-dovey words, because her ACTIONS are what's telling the truth. Don't respond to anything she says, even if nobody is around, because, IMO, I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't start ripping her clothes and screaming bloody murder while exposing pre-arranged bruises around her neck or something.

Man, I hate to keep being the pessimist here but PLEASE be very careful in dealing with these people. My son, who is a massage therapist and a personal trainer, started receiving email from a couple in the UK. Apparently they were there on vacation and were not happy with their massage therapist back home (here in the US). They scheduled a MONTH of massages with my son and said that their current massage therapist would be mailing him a check for the remaining balance that they had already paid him. The guy said my son could just cash the check and then wire any remaining money back to him in the UK. He said when they returned to the US they would pay him normally for the next month... to please bear with them. Ha!

THIS WAS A SCAM. Thank God we figured this out before any money changed hands. Thank God my son ran it by me. I told him in the beginning that it sounded very weird and something was off about the whole deal.

The alleged therapist here in the US (Pennsylvania) actually sent a package through UPS but we had just recently moved and the package was returned to UPS. When my son called about it, UPS said that they flagged it as fraudulent.

When you said these guys were in the UK -- alarm bells started sounding. I hope I'm wrong for your sake.

Mel

As Always predicable- you have been for yrs now-read it back to yourself. Though I do digress, I could have possibly used the term “marker”.

Mk-Let’s let this clear, I don’t need a date---I’m married, have been for a number of yrs now, or are you sadly now promoting adultery?
And matey I never did state I was an abused partner-you may benefit from reading my post again also...slowly if that also helps.

You go with the info you choose at hand-I will go with my info, question if I have too...you call that weenie? (That has to be American)

.I call it –information gathering-that will hopefully lead to a holistic approach.-one not blinded by distractions...that could lead to a positive outcome.

While I type about that, I might just ask too, T, has been separated before, when was that separation?. Some folks believe it or not... That if they are separated: It isn’t cheating (another day for that debate too) could that explain the STD.- but nothing explains or has convinced me otherwise-that false accusations have been made.

And yes Shine, somewhere in here he does have two other kids-though he seems to be thinking of them.

As for my training mk-I am very good at what I do...if adultery taught me one thing .it is to stand up for what I believe in.

And something is sooo not right here.

Uneducated, annoying, stalking troll looking for another date under a rainbow in a v-dub

AKA

Max

Happy to answer any questions or ellaborate more if it helps me figure all this out...

I cheated in my 1st Marriage, I was just and stupid. I regretted it as it happened, hated myself for it, came clean to my then wife, we worked through it but it ultimately ended our marriage. Not by her though. I was too discussed with myslef and thought she deserved better. had I not been the one to file paperwork, we may very well still be married and celebrating 13 years next spring.

My current wife knows i cheated, so thinks I will cheat again. She refuses to listen to the entire story though, but knows I'm the one who filed. So then that brings up the comments about how we (me and my exwife) still love each other and want each other back. in fact my current wife thinks that's who I'm cheating with...my ex. But I'm not cheating. I felt horrible the first time i did it, i will NEVER do that again. I would leave the relationship I'm in now before i persued another. Physical or emotional.

Answered above

First instinct was that yes, my wife downloaded it, not for added ammo on me...for whatever reason, i don't believe that's illegal... but I though it was her cuz she watches the Cinimax late night stuff from time to time. I don't like watching that. So I thought perhaps she downloaded it. But... I can't verify this right now because the servers are oof, but one was setup for me to access remotely, in that made it publicly available. Maybe a random internet user found it. Like i said, right now I cannot confirm that, i can't get on it to check the logs.

I guess you missed the part about how i inadvertantly found an email to her exboyfreind of 10 years. The email told him EVERYTHING of her trip to Vegas, even sent him pictures of her. Yet not ONE WORD about how her name changed while WE were there or that I was even with her... then signed the email "Love L" My favorite picture of her is tainted cuz she sent him that one, and every time I see that picture I'm reminded of the email. BTW...she never denied sending it when i told her I saw it. So from then on, for a while... i snooped to see what else she would send him. and there was this guy in Kansas too... never met him or found out much about him, just that before me, she would visit him often and go on 'roadtrips' with him. Just as freinds according to her... so i snooped on that part to make sure it was just freinds. never found anythign on him though.

Yes, absolutely. I failed them for a few years as a father and am on my way to rebuilding that relationship with them. My exwife is gracious enough to allow me back into their lives.

Yes, former does not mean not needed. It took me being arrested to see how controlling my wife really is. My eyes are opened and they won't be glazed over again. i have a LOT of catching up to do with my kids.

Touche`