Took me a minute to realize you were tlaking about the TomTom stuff... yeah i've done my homework on these guys. From all i can find it's legit. But I'm still protecting myslef just in case. I went and opened another account in a completely different bank, just in case. So if i do get screwed, I only lose the $25 I used to open that account and they have no way of knowing where my real account is.

hi Max,
thanks for your post. it's convinced me 100% that you are NOT here to help anyone. I've since excercised my MB dicussion board rights and asked the Mods to ban you.

Not that your posts merrit a reply...
yes i have been seperated from my wife once. 2 months after my marriage to her. iwas gone about 6 weeks maybe? Can't honestly remember. but I was still married to her and faithful, as I would expect her to have been to.

My name is not Ross, and we were not on a break.

Once again I'd like to thank you sincerely for using this thread I use to find help and insight as to why my marriage is falling apart for you own agenda. Wasting my time, other members time, and yes...even yours. Please go away voluntarily.

Your VERY FIRST post shows that you are only here provoking those who have been cheated on... I would think that most find their way here seeking help and as such, the first post made, though not always apparent, but most first posts... are questions from themselves, not replys such as yours.
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...rue#Post2984615

Apparently my wife still feels the need to know everytihng and have the upper hand on everyone...

In one of the brief moments we were alone together I asked her what she told her family and how I saw her Dad- which she already knew- in town and that he didn't wave to me.

This "conversation" took place less than 24 hours ago... Now I get yet another IM... (I'm sort of glad to get the IMs, but I am strong enough not to answer any of them.)
Town name edited out... that's all

She did not get the chance to hear in court that the reason why I was in town was to get a hard copy of my lab results that show I'm negative on all STDs. As it was not mentioned in court and not on record, she will not know until opportunity presents itself IN COURT. Or until this matter is behind me and there is no longer a court case. Even then, I may hold onto it for when/if divorce proceedings commence. It clearly shows the date the tests were given, and the date the results came in... 4 days after I learned she had an STD.

Your wife is a piece of work. I am not totally convinced there is someone in the wings now, since she seems to have to communicate with you.

I guess she likes the power trip of the one way communication - you can't respond to anything without going to jail.

She may have bitten more she can chew and will have to follow up with further lies to protect herself even if she has you incarcerated for a major crime. Be careful with her.

Even if you beat this rap and things start to normalize - what will prevent her from screaming rape or assault as shinethrough mentioned ? I don't think you can ever be safe with this woman.

that's the million doallr question... pardon the pun sweetheart if you ever find this and read it.

we were happy, very happy, before we wed. I'm fairly confident we can be again. we don't ALWAYS fight. As I've said, when we go on roadtrips or vacations things are great, i's just when we are home... (what can that mean??)

Counseling...we NEED counseling.. WE need counseling. If she will agree to that, there may be a chance I can feel safe enough not to worry about her doing something like this ever again.

I know I shouldn't blame myself for any of this, but the more I read on here and other places, maybe this is her way of screaming out to me that she does need me. I admitted that I'm emotionally detached, so that I don't engage in arguements. arguements are what she knows, from her own words and saying what her last relationship was like...

We haven't had time for us in years, granted it's only been a few years together... but if we make a real effort and use that couch as CCT like we bought it for, maybe this marriage can work. And we will both be happy and the nonsense arguments will just stop.

Your wife is playing a game and using her advantages as a woman to beat you. Your only recourse is to remain calm and peaceful (lest you give credence to her charges) and try to document her and flip her into the defensive position.

Here's a link to a website about survellance items.

I think off the page I linked you can again link to a whole website containing stories and information about vindictive use of RO's and DV charges (www.dontmakehermad.com). I don't know how current all the links and information is but it looks informative.
.
LINK -Don't make her mad...protective devices

warning - using survellance in court (even in the hallway) might be completely against the law. It would have been nice to record your conversations at court that day or even prompt her to admit she's trumping up charges...just don't get caught. Even if not allowed...it could be used forever to vindicate you...even with your own child when he becomes an adult. I like the MP3 recording wristwatch idea ($70) though I don't know how obvious it would be.

TOMK, another thought...like in the courtroom, etc. Don't let the bailiff/official leave you in the room alone with your wife. Tell him that you don't trust her and that you need to be protected from any further allegations of abuse.

If he HAS to leave you there alone with her, then ask him to handcuff you to something that keeps you in the same spot. Any allegations of abuse from her would then have to mean that she approached YOU.

Hmm! Heck, while you're at it, ask him if he can handcuff HER to soemthing, too! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

rwinger...really that makes it all the more likely that there is an OM in the picture...Affairs desperately NEED the BS in order for them to continue...Seriously, it adds to the drama of it all...I believe most BSs are unaware of just how much the conversations of the infidels are all about the BS...What they might know-how "terrible" they are-guess what he/she said now?-How are we gonna be sure they don't find out...Oh man it is really the sickest thing...GAG...But that IS what goes on-sadly, I've been there, so I know firsthand...Also, most OMs really dig being the knight in shining armor...TOMK's wife has created a perfect scenario for that...

TOMK, I've asked this one other time, but do you have a friend that would be willing to stake out your house and spy? If there is an OM in the picture and he lives relatively nearby, you can bet that he is at your house during all of this...Which is just sick, twisted and wrong...But I think you need to know...

Mrs. W

Mrs W -

I agree with your take - very interesting - it would be a perfect setup.



Another thing is that I would not put it past this WW at all. She seems to be one cruel person IMO

Adding this - I saw the link that MrW shared above. WOW - that is sure food for thought. I have wondered what I will counsel my 25 & 19 yo sons on marriage - why would an American male even think of marriage - the contract is one sided. I know commitment is the purpose of the marriage contract - but its looking more like a commitment for a fool . Not very MB I know - apoligies for the threadjack.

Sadly, because I pretty much keep to myself... I have no friends. Lots of "friendlies" but no friends. I've been this way all my life, maybe that's why I love motorcycles so much.

I've found the survaillance site quite interesting too. Reminds me of a time I did some work for a client of mine and they let me borrow a device for 2 weeks. http://www.trackit.ws I put the Harley Demo in her trunk, called her office about 1:00 one day and her secretary told me she had gone to lunch. I look up the tracking device...can't remember where she was, but it wasn't lunch. Asked her later that night where she went for lunch, she said she didn't have lunch. "Oh really, cuz your secretary said you were gone 2 hours for lunch??" Her reply was that just becuase she leaves the office doesn't mean she went to lunch, she has off-site business meetings all the time. (Her secretary is new).

....guess I bought that one, stupidly. or maybe I knew and was just in denial?????? Ha! Maybe I STILL AM in denial...

My kids had a surprise B-day party today for my ex, they asked me to go. I did. Boy was that fun. Her ex (who recently just moved out according to the kids and my family)litterally fought for the kids' attention while I was there. My sister and her family, and my parents went too. My little 10 yr old girl pulled it off. My ex was completely surprised. hung out for about an hour and left. My wife ever finds out... I wouldn't put it past her to call the cops saying I just drove by the house or something. She HATES that I still talk to the ex. Absolutely hates it.

TOMK

Did you ever take Mrs W advice?


Perhaps your sister. BTW - can any of your family members go visit DS at the home to check up on him? Does the RO affect your side of the family also ? I cannot fathom my family not checking on my kids if this situation ever occurred. I have a large family and they would probably insert themselves. If he RO includes everyone - dont break it. You know the priorities of your situation.

I also want to say kudos for your self control on not responding to the IM and emails. Personally - my Italian-Irish temperment would have caused a plan FU or my own spontaneous combustion and landed me in a cell- <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I would be paying atty bills for the rest of my life.

Yes, I have taken the advice, but as I said, i have no freinds... I keep to myslef. My family pretty much falls under the RO in that respect too.

Funny thing about New Hampshire i've found out. Dads and married men who have Wayward Wife's don't get much of a break. I've recently discovered that if this baby isn't mine, and i get divorced and she keeps it. I still have to pay child support for it. A married man who's wife becomes pregnant, even if not his child, must support said child. I wasn't on my laptop when i found this law so I can't post the link. I'm trying to find it again as I type. I forget what I was searching and just happened across it....

Can you believe this crap????

Also, don't know if this was her doing her thing or her giving in to my son. I was out with my other kids today after my son's football game. We went for a hike through some local woods. My phone rings, it comes up private number, the only number that ever comes up that way is my house.... I let ti go to voicemail. I'm on an RO after all so can't talk to her.

Vm rings in teeling me there's a message left. I listen to it... it's my son.... crying. Telling me he loves me, misses me, and wasnts to know when I'm coming home. Needless to say i had to compose myslef in front of my toher kids, it was bad enough for my 8 year old to ask me if I was OK....

I can hear her int he background saying "I hope you are happy now that you got to do that" as they hung up the phone. I get back to where I'm staying after I drop off the kids back at their house and I have am IM from my wife.
I WANT TO GO HOME!!!!!
Is there any chance of me calling someone and explaining all this so that i can get my court date expidited? I mean NOW...First thing Monday morning?!?!?!? I've listened to that message too many timmes. I just want to hold him and never ever let go!!!

Save that vcml msg and IM and show it to your atty. Tell her is this is torture and harassment by your wife and I still think this is close to official oppression. Sorry to hear you have to endure this. All I can say is save it and show it.

Texas is similar. It is PRESUMED until proven otherwise. You can always refute it with a paternity test.

Found out some states will not even consider the DNA testing to establish paternity. The presumed father is the married spouse and cannot be contested or removed with DNA testing.

Interesting link of different decisions:

http://www.clasp.org/publications/truth_and_consequences2.pdf

IN NH...DNA don't matter.... If you are married.

it doesn't matter IF you have raised the child as your own. DNA can be brought as proof after a birth...married or not....but after haviung raised the child for a given time, it will not matter in almost every jurisdiction.

Men get the shaft in matters of reproduction... we have no say on abortion and are frequently lied to about paternity. And I mean frequently. Any woman that lies to a man about the paternity of a child should NEVER see that child again. By that single act, she has proven herself to be an unfit parent, partner and person.

How do you know this? A lot of states have just recently (within the last 5 years) enacted "disestablishing paternity" statutes with all kinds of ifs, buts and whens.

TOMK -

Stay on task for the time being. There is enough headache on the current legal situation / custody to keep you busy. There is plenty of time later to worry about paternity - I assume its just conjecture at this point - correct?

Is it possible to visit with your atty tmrw morning to find out if this can be expedited? Show the vcml and IM - go to the clerk's office. If not - I guess men are just screwed in this country.

I was going to go to work late tomorrow but I start @ 8 and the attorney isn't there till 9, so I book myself out of the office from 9:30-11.

First things first. Priority 1 is to get back in the house and take care of my boy. Step 2 is to put my newly purchased Survaillance gear into effect. Step 3, be warey and question everything.