Good plan TOMK.

Here is a link to the controlling case law regarding paternity presumption in NH. It appears to be a rebuttable presumption which means you likely can disavow paternity and use a DNA test to prove it. DNA doesn't matter if you WANT the child to be yours...whereas it likely does if you choose to disavow paternity.

link - BODWELL V. BROOKS

I'd need to research more as this case involves a biological step father wanting paternity versus a husband trying to get out of being forced to pay child support to a non-biological child.

However...read the case carefully and google the other pertinent cases to see if you can come up with a more germaine fact pattern.

Also...there is a case cited in Bodwell called Stanley which I thought looked interesting to your case. It gives a New Hampshire Step Father the right to seek custody of a step child in the best interests of the child. Apparently, upon cursory review, you are not SOL in New Hampshire when it comes to your step daughter.

Mr. Wondering


edited to add : OOOOPS...got your case mixed up with another that involved step-children. Never mind. Sorry.

edited to add: NEVERMIND...wrong guy. Too bad Jamesus doesn't live in New Hampshire.

Thinking,

I do not believe under New Hampshire law that you will be required to pay child support for your wife's unborn child if you prove the child isn't yours (blood test) and you don't acknowledge the child as your own. Wherea, IF you happen to reconcile with your wife and choose to raise this child as your own...you CAN use the paternity presumption to keep OM from obtaining any parental rights to such unborn child.

Watts v. Watts -

"Watts v. Watts, 337 A.2d
350 (N.H. 1975) (ex-husband not permitted to deny paternity after discovery that children were not
his biological offspring where had acknowledged children for fifteen years; “[to] allow defendant to
escape liability for support by using blood tests would be to ignore his lengthy, voluntary acceptance
of parental responsibilities”)."

You have not voluntarily accepted ANY parental resposilibities for this child. This might not stop your wife from putting your name on the birth certificate which MAY necessitate you disavowing the child in your divorce petition and/or demanding a blood test to determine paternity.

I got the quote above (footnote #35) from a more expansive law review article on paternity rights which you may want to read.

Link - Duke law review Article

Mr. Wondering

Wow Mr. W. I'm impressed. This is great information for TMOK to use in further asserting his rights as to the unborn child and his SD.

Yes! Thanks MrWondering. If I go that route, you have helped me alot!

Right now I'm trying like CRAZY to get these criminal charges dropped and move forward! I do not have warm fuzzies about my court appointed, very young lawyer. I called her today to express the urgency I have with all this and told ehr the full story about the voicemail on my ceel, what my son (tried to) say, and what I heard her say in the background.

My lawyer wasn't too convincing to me that she was going to do everything in her power to get this moved up. She was - to me anyway, sort of hap-hazzrda dn carefree in her mannerisms. "Oh yeah, well I can try this and ...oh I guess i could try that..." sort of thing.

I pleaded with her, saying "Listen, my son is obviously very upset I'm not home with him, it obvious it's unbearable to me to be w/o him too. Can you please call whoever you need to so that we can get my bail conditions changed at the very least?!?!" Her reply was oh well you ar supposed to have visitation rights now, so why don't you just go visit him?

I can't visit him! I have to WAIT for the court paperwork to get to me, then.... oh wait... this si good... how do i contact my wife to setup a visitation schedule??? oh yeah... i can't!!! The RO prevents that!!!

hmph....okie dokie....man that wife of yours...I would loove to teach her a thing or two about parenting....ok how can I put this in a nice way....YOUR WIFE IS A LUNATIC AND SHE IS USING YOUR SON AS A PAWN!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

By involving him the way she did and barring you from seeing him....she is up to no good she wants to get you in trouble and she is purposely baiting you. can you upload that VM message? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> Can I call your lawyer...please....I would love to call your lawyer and tell her to get off her buns and get you to the D.A.....but you get what you pay for....I think you should at least get a consult with a laywer who specializes in family law....your son is being manipulated as well and it can be seen by the courts as a bad thing. Call the D.A. or somethign and find out if you can set an appointment....as far as the visitation...unless your lawyer is a total cold hearted...well you know...she may be able to convey the message to the proper people about setting the visitation schedule....that way you follow the procedure. Sorry this whole new recent events I read gave me flash backs of what my XH did. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I dread leaving work. Reality sets in as I drive past the onramp to the highway to go home...and I'm not going that way.

When I would pick him up from daycare on my way home...I would actaully have to travel past home to go get him, the trip home was so quick. The 30 minute ride to pick him up and the 20 minute ride home just went by like a flash.

Now... now the road just seems to go on forever and I'm stuck in a metal jungle of traffic. It's about 75 minutes for me if I we to go "straight home" now. But it seems to take days. I don't even want to come here. Cuz I think what do I do once I get here? I used to play with my boy for a bit, then get his dinner ready if we weren't waiting for mommy that night. Then after he ate we'd take a bath or just play til she got home.

Then bedtime about 7:30 every night. He's so cute. He refuses to go upstairs to bed without a fuss unless Daddy gives him kisses, then sometime we get kisses between each lattace ont he stairwell till Daddy can't reach anymore. As Mommy and baby go upstairs for ni-night time... he says...

He says, see you in the mornin, love you, ni-night. See you in the mornin, love you, ni-night.

I miss that. So frikkin much

Another email from her tonight, I only edit out names...



See, I go open another account and I have to use my real address otherwise I can't opent he account. This is the account I setup for the TomTom thing... in case it is a scam, they don't have my real bank account info. but here I go opening a secret account somewhere that wifey can't see... what an A-hole I am!!!

Yes, before court whent here was no bailiff around I did tell her I want to come home, that wasn't a lie! That wasn't to get me out of trouble...why can't she see that???

She doesn't knwo I have test results saying I'm clean. Could she seriously think this came from me? Could she NOT have cheated herself? Did a test result go to the wrong patient? yes i was online alot, but computers is what I do for a living, no schooling on it. What I knwo i learn from doing or researching. isn't that one of the many things the internet allows for these days??? No more Libraries... The cell phone thing... heck i can't remember the last time I used my persaonl cell phone, I swear she put my cell on her plan just to be able to check my phonecalls...period. Funny thing though, she was the only one i ever called or got calls from. Aside from the occasionally rare call to/from the kids... The setup she talks about...again, VoIP phones needs a hardline in at least 1 set... I guess i should have hardlined that one in the master bedroom instead of getting it out of the way int he basement where all the lines come into the house.... i hide nothign from her, cuz first of all I have no need to, secondly when i did try way back when...she ALWAYS knew. Even if it was the littlest of things like a surprise gift ot something. I NEVER ONCE GAVE HER REASON TO BELIEVE I WAS CHEATING. Although i do she her POV on it. I just wish this dang RO would go away so i could explain all this to HER.

Proof right here that after I was cuffed she was in the doorway listening to everythign i was telling the Police. That must have bothered her big time to hear me tell someone I think she's the dirty one in this relationship....

And i believe it's only a matter of time that she make them aware the car is not garaged there, but then, this time the car is in her name too and a loan against it... so perhaps she would get into trouble if she told them? I love ow she goes on about me not having bills and no rent... yep... no NOTHING thank you very much.... how's that $9K bonus you got 2 weeks ago doing for you??? You know, the day before you had me arrested!!!

panic when i read this... does this mean the boyfriend is moving in????? I never got the chance to come clean on anything. There was nothing to come clean on, on my end. And when i got medical proof of that I couldn't share it with her because of a flippin RO!!!! And now I have to wait for my bail conditions to change!!! WTF?!?!?!? IS she going on with her life without givign me the chance to explain ANYTHING?!?!?!?!

Woah!!!! She's leaving him ALONE?????? OK ALL this info NEEDS to get to my lawyer ASAP!!! (And I need a compitent one- no offense to Public defenders)


At least when she wrote to her ex about the trip she took to Vegas, neglecting to tell him she got married, or anythign about ME... she signed it "Love L"....
She's lied right there too... she's already talked bad about me. I used to hear it all the time.. "Your father's an A-hole" "Daddy's a loser"...to the point where HE WOULD REPEAT IT BACK TO ME!!!!


Ok so I bent a rule of the RO a little, BIG MISTAKE I think too. I thought...hmm I am on IM, she is on IM, I can't talk to her...but... I CAN change my status to a custom message....
So all day today my Status said "Going to watch airplanes tonight, I wish my son could be with me" Then I thought, oh crap, what if she shows up? that would be GREAT, but... it could lend me up in jail, so I changed it to "No airplanes for me tonight, not the same without him there". I don't know if I FUBAR'd that one or not. Or if she was really even there. SHE never liked going, but she came, to be with us, and she did get a kick out of his expressioins whent he planes went by...

For any and all naysayers....the bolded phrase above says it all.

"so I have decided to move on"

MEANS

I have ALREADY moved on but I'm hoping to fool you and the rest of the world that my affair started TODAY (or whenever you actually bust me) as indicated clearly in this lovely email I sent my soon to be ex-husband.

She certainly didn't want to give you any indication she was already in an affair but just in case you soon catch her she's got her trump card....being that she didn't do anything wrong up until she found comfort with Mr. Scumbag after being abused by her husband and kicking him out after he beat her up. The email also clearly lists all her rationalizations and justifications in nearly bullet fashion in case anyone questions her later.

Movin' on...my a$$. She's been moving on for likely months now. This is ALL a setup. Thinkin' would be wasting his and our time were his story untrue. Were internet support...there's not a thing we can do for him if HER story were indeed the case. Further...why would he share so much detail and subject himself to uncertainties and interpretation if he were attempting to pull one over on us. There are certainly easier ways to get sympathy here.

I just find her actions completely opposite of a truly betrayed spouse. Where's the BS fog??? None. She wants nothing to do with Thinkin'. She's screwed him to the wall and attempted to EXTORT a favorable custody agreement in exchange for dropping false allegations and she wants to deny him any visitation EVER with what is supposed to be HIS unborn baby. The supposed presumption of him cheating isn't enough (which it WOULD be if she actually believed it to be true)...instead she lists ALL the reasons they can't reconcile including history rewrites, no doubt.

Thus...please lay off Thinkingofmykids story. His wife IS cheating on him and he needs our support.

Mr. Wondering

Isn't this just dandy. Exactly how many BS's show up here with that attitude.

"yeah, my husband cheated on me though I don't know or care about with whom or when, just so you know...he also beat me up and constantly looks at porn. I had him arrested and removed from my home a few weeks ago because I was scared for my safety but I withdrew the charges. The restraining order remains in place until he agrees to a custody arrangement favorable to me..it's completely over...I love him but it's just not enough...but I hope we can be at least friends"???????

Typical WS

Mr. Wondering

If you can afford it, get a lawyer ASAP.

If you can't afford it, get in touch with someone who can - parents, friends, mentors, whatever - if you don't have these relationships, cultivate one. Go to a law school and talk with a professor - get him to take on your case as a class project... Whatever it takes.

Good God this woman takes manipulation to a whole new level! My blood boils just reading that email. And she KNOWS you can't respond. This stinks... big time!

When are you back in court again?

TOMK, I am shaking my head through all this as I read it. I see a lot of parallels in your story and mine.

I can't say it's unbelievable because I have lived it myself - it is very believable. it's disgusting. It's revolting. It's sad.

Mr. W is dead on here and you need some real legal counsel here. This newbie you have is going to cost you big time.

Just remember, you can always ask the court to have her pay your attorney's fees. Seeing as how she is manipulating the system that might happen for you. It's worth a shot.

Also, do go back as Mr. W suggested and read Eph's story as he also struggled through a lot of what you are going through.

I hope more than anything you are wrong. reading that gave me such an empty helpless feeling inside. God I hope you're wrong.

Last night after I found what i thoughtt o be a loophole inthe RO. I asked her in my status meeages "Do you have someone else?"

She replied with "No, I don't have the time for anyone else. Or the desire. But you have or had someone else. I know you did."

Then she signed off for the night.

This morning I had to go to my usual Tuesday morning meeting but today I had to be there @7 instead of 7:30. And as I'm even further away...I naturally had to get up sooner. I satyed logged in all night. I had an IM from her "So why are you up and online so early?" Another line...I forget word for word, but she basically accused me of talking to some woman online again. I wanted to reply... but the Status message can only be so long, and I just didn't have the energy. I changed my Status to "There has been only you since 03" and took a shower... logged out and left 10 minutes later.

Huge mistake doing this Status line thing.... now she's doing it. Just another way for her to try to get me to respond I guess. But in her defense... I started it.

Life sucks

Do NOT do this! Doesn't the RO state no communication?

Also, she is feeding off of this...I wouldn't give it to her. In fact if she wasn't giving you so much to use against her later in court, I would turn off the IM altogether.

I know you are dying to explain yourself to her but you are playing with fire. I think you know you are... be careful!

Also, have you spoke with your doctor about the antibiotic you took and if it could clear up clamydia? You might want to have information on that ready.

I am going mad not explaining anything, but I'm doing OK. When I feel I'm at my weakest and ready to give in and take my chances with the RO...I walk away from any PC and go see a client (during the day) or just go for a walk. Like I said I found this loophole and used it for maybe the last 12 hours. STUPIDLY. I won't do it again.

As for the Dr talk about the RX I was on and the chances of it clearing up the STD. yes I have talk to him and no, he says there is nothing in his paperwork that says the RX I was on can clear Chlamydia. Now I just need a copy of that...

So we are back to square one again, though she has no clue we are. I know I haven't cheated, she thinks I have. I have no STD, she does. My tests came back negative, she's on meds to clear hers (I think anyway... I haven't been home since the time we "found out"). She doesn't know I have solid proof I don't have an STD, so as such thinks she can continue to accuse me of betraying her and lieing to her.

Looking forward to presenting the MEDICAL proof to her...

Starting to get mad at a faceless OM too... if he does exist...