Ok so I get to work, low and behold the email I was expecting has already arrived. Just names edited as usual...

I love how this account has suddenly become "primarily" mine now.

I haven't updated my address because I don't have one!! I'm in limbo! What... am I supposed to call the insurance company and say oh hey... for up to the next 2 months I'm staying "wherever" and after that I think I have a good chance of going back home... Why bother until this is a "done deal"?!?!?!?!

Waoh woah woah!!! I was a SAHD for 18 months, I've been working for the last 7. SHE said, and we agreed tot he terms of me finding a jobs, was that as long as my check covered daycare for the boy and my child support, she would take care of the rest...as she's been doing ever since the boy was born. So what's changed now?? Oh, I'll tell you. Her Bonus. Now she can cover the daycare expenses herself and have extra money... no need for me anymore.

I like how she mentions her car needED fixing. I doubt she's had time to even go get that looked at yet. She HATES sitting in the dealership waiting area for an oil change, never mind a major repair. That light went off once, I called the dealership about it, they said it was nothing, a mileage thing. The car is programmed to have that light blink @ 50K miles as a reminder to have the tranny serviced. Which was schedule at the next oil change. Not to mention it's covered under the extended warranty I bought, (Did I say I bought?!?!? as in me, with my money...) So I see this as her ploy to say she's run through her $9K already. The crap about needing tires... BOTH cars were getting new tires this month, HER idea to get it done on both before the snow flies. She was also going to pay for my remote started to be installed in my car seeing how I paid to have one put in hers. As for the heroism of her saving me from the state taking more money from me for child support, again...crap. Teh State doesn't default in taking child support, you have to petition for it. She didn't becuase the way New Hampshire works, they make you fill out a financial affidavit, and if you get caught lying on it.... Anyway, after we both fill out the affidavit, they use a formula that say who gets how much...to make both parties income equal.. so had she filed the petition, she's be oweing me!!!

Actually, as I'm not allowed in my own home, I spent most of my last check on buying new toiletries, groceries, and I do have a few bills that I have been paying on my own that she knows about but apperently they escape her mind. Those total about $200 every pay cycle, so I'm left with about $450 every paycheck. She knows all this, I have to transfer my ENTIRE paycheck into the household account, then she lets me transfer back out or pay stright from that account so she knows what's going on. She's just pissed I have money now and thinks I'm going to "wine and dine whomever..." I guess she doesn't know or care about the financial burden of a Lawyer either...

I refuse to even attempt to pay for the car. Why? I already paid for one. The one she drives, it's owned outright. I tried to buy anotherone on my own with a loan. She embarrased the crap out of me by demainding I go back to the dealership and redo all the paperwork so her name was on this loan too. And I must say, I was VERY embarrased. The salesman and the sale manager even commented abotu how whipped I must be. By her own admission, it's a good thing her name is on it now, otherwise I'd be royally screwed. Bottom line however, if I lose this car, she loses the one she's driving now. As I paid for it, but was a nice hubby and included her name on the titale.. I believe what's good for the goose, is good for tha gander. I lose mine, I take hers.

Living the good life?!?!?!?! THIS IS THE GOOD LIFE????????
wow..

Wow is right....

No I do not believe you.

and you should really leave these folk alone.

lets quote you ....once again.

my EX wife did the same thing to me.............accused me of cheating and stating that she hated cheaters all the time. She always threatened to leave me instantly if I cheated on her. I had numerous opportunities to have an affair and never did. Well, she was the one who actually HAD more than one affair.

But did not you cheat...and fib


Happy to answer any questions or ellaborate more if it helps me figure all this out...( that's shine I believe)

I cheated in my 1st Marriage, I was just and stupid. I regretted it as it happened, hated myself for it, came clean to my then wife, we worked through it but it ultimately ended our marriage. Not by her though. I was too discussed with myslef and thought she deserved better. had I not been the one to file paperwork, we may very well still be married and celebrating 13 years next spring.


I simply do not get how people can be so blind-unless they are blinded.

T-get the support you need-stop trying to swallow you're own ******, before you choke...

and someone like ma says told ya so.

Max

TMOK

Ignore her email - she placed the RO - so dont interact.

As for the car pmt - call the lender and get a 30-60 day extension due to a family emergency.

Insureance - not sure why it would be separated - you are apart of the same household still. She is a moron - property would still be in both names.

Dont have more advice but you need to get real legal representation - this is not looking good. There has only been one story told to the officials.

Find out from your atty what was said to the investigator. Find out if she is going to lie in court that you physically abused her. I have a feeling that you are going to lose your home, car, family with very limited access to your child if you dont get a plan going.

Madmax, are you on crack???

TOMK... you shouldn't have to neglect your relationship with your children from your prior marriage to make your current wife happy. I was thinking about that today and it really saddens me, think of how your children, your flesh and blood, must feel about that?? I hope one of your goals is to fix your very important relationship with them.

MM is just an angry "woman" that would do better off in a relationship with a woman. she has been asked to leave TOMK alone...but her anger towards men cannot be controlled.

Thinking,

If you haven't done this yet, get your mail held at the PO, so she won't have access to it anymore.

~ Marsh

TOMK,

JMO -- I think you are focusing on the wrong things here. Mr. W already told you you need to get proactive. You need to protect your son and your finances before you worry about whether or not you want to save your M.

The criminal charges are completely separate from the custody and support things. She's trying to act like you're already D'd, cleaning out the accounts and trying to split insurance and bills and assets without the benefit of any judge ruling on any of it. But she doesn't have the power or legal authority to do any of that UNLESS YOU KEEP LETTING HER.

I think your best course of action right now is to get an emergency custody and support petition in front of the family court (whole different court system than the one dealing with your criminal charges and RO). Ask to be the one in the house, with full custody of your child. You were a SAHD, you were the primary caregiver, you make less money -- she should be supporting you, making the payments, etc.

If you can't afford a lawyer (although I think there are creative ways that you probably could find someone to help), then see if there are document services in your area who will prepare documents for you. Or just look up the laws and file yourself. You spend enough time online, you know your way around -- start doing the research and get to work. Get your son and finances protected, and then worry later about whether or not you want to save the M.


You've got to realize that the RO and criminal charges are a totally separate issue. Your public defender is not going to do you one tiny bit of good regarding custody or getting back in the house. The one thing you can do is make sure that your custody petition alleges that her abuse allegations were false and were designed simply to get you out of the house, that SHE is the one who hit YOU, and that she's making up affair allegations to cover up her own affair. Provide copies of the e-mails and your medical records to back you up. Then send a copy of all of that to your criminal attorney and the DA.


You can't just sit around and wait, and you most definitely can't expect your public defender to be even the slightest bit useful for these things. Start taking some action that's going to be useful, instead of reading her e-mails and online status.

That's just my opinion.

-AmI.

agreee 100% with Amiok!

Hate to say we told you so.....don't cha think your putting a little too much energy into thinking what she is up to....and doing....you need to stay ahead of the game. She is getting away with far too much and will walk away with the game ball if you don't get a move on man.

Ditto....I second that.....anyone else?

No time today... been busy with work stuff, But I'm taking my paycheck and finding a real attorney this week.

I have steps 1-5 ready, Now I need to concentrate on steps a-e The Before stuff... like (duh) taking care of these bogus criminal charges.

Thanks everyone. I guess I was starting to wallow.... bad move.

Awesome! Do everything the others pointed out. Having an attorney you are paying for is a great deal better than one assigned to you!

So happy you are going to get proactive!

(and thrilled you are off the IM with her)

Hard trying to find a lawyer at night though. Nothing from her today but the email insisting I pay for this car (too).

I bet it kills her not seeing me online and she starts wondering...

who I am with (alone)
what I am doing (reasearching for my protection and my son's)
where I am doing it (now in the inlaw apartment above my parents garage THANK GOD!!! HEAT and a real BED!!!) - I thanked my sister profusly for the time I was there and (without me knowing) talking to my parents to allow me to stay here. $200/month for rent. But it beats the streets!
what's being said (nothing, I'm alone)
when she'll see me back online so she knows "I'm controlable" (she won't until the criminal charges are GONE!)

Now... To just go through all my newly bookmarked favorites on NH Law and the others I got from here... LOTS of reading to get done. Might go grab a coffee and settle in for a bit.

I would once again liek to thank all of you who have helped me try to stay on track and focus on what I really need to right now.

And to madmax... go away. you still clearly have your own agenda. (Is is possible to block any posts by Max?)

Click on her name, and scroll down till you see where it says,"Ignore this poster."

Congrats on finding a decent place to stay.

Now get busy!

~ Marsh

Tomk,

I do language analysis.


I have some concerns about her messages.

The biggest thing I would question her on right now is the statement:

"I have decided to move on."


This really does mean she already has. That decision was already made before she did any of this - before the fight, before the cops, before it all.

She already decided.

Only the other parts of her messages indicate regret.

She balks constantly. She interjects windows into her thoughts throughout her messages to you - she states she intends to retract the restraining order, and that it has been her full intent to do so. She indicates in several places musings about "getting back together", and tries to retract it by a caveat that "well, that can't happen" - however, this isn't really true.

I think she realizes she is in deep on the lie that got you kicked out, and what you are getting in emails is a goldmine from her for court. She is handing you your case for the judge. Print everything and save it, because I think it is her full intention for this to happen. It would be very unusual for someone to put this much information in writing that would bolster your case if their intent was to bring you down. So I submit that her intent is not to do that.

Regarding the STD - send her the information today. You need to take the wind out of her sails on that argument, because the sooner she is reduced on that front, the better for you. Holding back the information does you no good. It might make you feel like you are in some position of strength, but you actually are in a position of weakness as long as she frets and worries on this. Because you are withholding information that you could offer up, you will be seen as not being truthful with her. If you two were together, you would tell her right away - so do that. It makes you seem more open - so offer it with gentleness and love, and show her the olive branch!

This would go a long way to make trust stronger - why hold back? Send it through somrone to her.

SB... I thought he couldn't send her the information, there was a RO right?

SB I thought it was a good idea not to tip his hand about the STD as to prevent the WS from coming up with a rehearsed rebuttal to the evidence while everyone is watching her in the courtroom.

I know this sounds callous TOMK but I did have some advice for you, once your done reading and all that good stuff I have two words, Supplemental Income

You have 16 hours a day available since you dont have access to your son, a part time job is in order.

It doesnt even have to be IT related, delivering pizzas or even a McJob.

Yes its going to suck, but me and many others have done it just to get out of debt, you would be doing it to fight for your family which is far nobler a reason.

Also does your area have "legal aid"?

Do you have anything you don't need that you can sell on craigslist or ebay?

if you use yahoo i am on as bobbym77

Sb, while your writing/previewing a reply. I wanted to state that I was asking you respectfully to explain why you think he should tell her.

If she was the one that cheated, the information isn't going to do her any good, she knows how she got it.

If she wasn't the one that cheated, then he should tell her. ( ONCE THE RO IS NO LONGER IN EFFECT, Thanks MEDC )


Thats all I was asking, maybe you have thought of something i havent.

Thanks

*** Edited to add ***
Is she going to take that olive branch and poke him in the eye?

do NOT send the information. You will violate your order...do not do that.

If you want to recover your marriage, why worry about a rebuttal to the results? They are what they are. Your lawyer can work on any rebuttal anyway, and already should be doing that.

You can send things to her through others, or through your attorney.

She believes you had an affair. You need to put that to rest with her. The sooner you can do that, the better. Unlikely to be a "Matlock moment" in court. Chances are, if a divorce happens, this would have been covered LONG before, in mediation or settlement meetings anyway.

When she writes things to you, she is coming from the point of view that you slept with someone behind her back. She also indicates that she has searched through your stuff, and feels that she has found some supporting evidence (the "smut" is one piece of evidence referred to that she feels supports her case of infidelity - regardless of its weight as evidence, she thinks it leads there!).

This is a woman we need to understand possibly believes she is a betrayed spouse. Whether she cheated or not is actually under the "possible" status as well. Chlamydia can remain dormant for years in a woman, so this STD could have been in her system for quite awhile, and become active with the preganancy.

Both TOWK and his wife need to become much more informed on this topic, and perhaps arrange a joint meeting with the doctor to talk about the possibilities in this regard. It might not be a bad idea to approach the judge with the results of this test, and ask the judge for permission to have the RO adjusted for such a meeting in the interests of this marriage and perhaps so the judge can see what has been going on behind the scenes of this case. A good attorney might be able to get something set up in the courthouse with a judge and a doctor and the wife and husband. It might go a long way toward saving this relationship.

Why not talk to your attorney about this? At least try to get the message to her about chlamydia, how it can be dormant for years, how your test is clean. It is completely possible that NEITHER of you have cheated.

Now wouldn't that be a crappaganza, if neither of you cheated, and all of this was

for nothing?

SB