Not giving her the info about my results.... I gave her info that showed her it's was possible that a woan can carry the disease dormant, a man cannot. She knows she can carry it dormant now. Her Dr's told her (according to her) that there is no way she was dormant. She also knows now (thanks to ...MEDC I believe? for pushing the dormant theory and my research i gave to her) That's it's impossible for a man to carry it dormant. Do the math, I'm negative now, no treatments... so never had it.

She had it. i gave her the out that she could be dormant, she refused that idea, and admitted she got it recently.... the other side of my equal sign says ...no SCREAMS..OM.

Hasn't she already?

and... guess who just called and didn't leave a message... seems me not being on IM today got to her? (poke...oh my eye)

TOMK

A few days ago you posted, and I quote

"I have hundreds of thousands of dollars sitting in the bank."

Was this a typo or what am I missing?

I guess I don't get it then.

You don't want to tell her because.....

it bolsters a divorce case?


So what is the point of trying to marriage-build?


Just because she dismissed your suggestion that the STD could be dormant, does not mean that hers wasn't. It might just mean she dismissed what you had to say out of distrust for what YOU had to say.

Not saying that there isn't another man - that's also possible. Besides the STD, what evidence do you have of an affair?

SB

Document the attempted call too.

All of constant IMs, then emails and the calls...It would show that if she is so afraid of you that she needed an RO, why on earth would she continuously be contacting you? Did I understand that she may have actually gone out to see the planes that night? That was a little unclear to me. If she did, that would show she has no real fear. It could also indicate that she was trying to bait you so you would get into trouble. It also indicate that she is harassing you...knowing that you can't respond. In any event, she looks pretty bad to any reasonable person.

NH RO prohibits me communicationg to her in any way... through anyone.

I have given her ZERO reason to believe that...she put all these "circunstancial evidence" in her own head.

100% agree with you there.... got any spare change you could lend me so i can afford a real attorney?

I have talked to my attorney about this very simple fact till I am blue inthe face... all i get is "Well i can try to see what I can do, maybe send and email to the DA? or ...maybe... maybe I should call them..."

I gave my wife that theory too. I know I did not cheat, I have Medical proof of that as well. I would really enjoy knowing that she didint' and would be perfectly content knowing it's been dormant for years...befor ei even knew her. Her words though say...she has been tested annually and always clean...

I wish nothing more than for that baby to be mine, her hormones in a rage and doing this because of that alone, and this STD that came into OUR life NOW, was from some guy before she knew me... My marriage could go on from there. And it's very concievable it is just this way... but my fine upstanding woman of a wife would NEVER get an STD from someone.... never. And she'll deny it forever and a day just to save face with whomever she thinks she needs to... and let this marriage fall apart because of it.

The test results go nowhere until my Lawyer says otherwise, or until She and I are in front of a judge.

really? Typo I guess...sorry... should have read HAD hundreds of thousands... but if you read it all the way through it says "now it's gone" or something like that?... No that it's gone... she tossed me too. that was my point.

I suppose living less than 10 minyes form the office but leaving at 4AM and coming back home at 6-6:30 EVERY DAY wouldn't lead itself to be suspicious activity?

Or how about the fact that daycare is literally 3 buildings from her office, 15 miles out of my way, yet i'm the one dropping off and picking up? EVERY DAY...

Not to mention the emotional abuse, name calling (to my face AND to my son's face)....

I would guess she has not been STD tested annually. That sounds like a lie.

People say things like this to try to draw others out on lies. "I'm tested annually, so I know *I* am clean!" is something that would be a lie, thrown down in anger to try to get you to respond and justify.

STD testing is not usually "routine" in annual GYN checkups for married women, we have to ask - special - for it. And pay for it, too, extra. So, unless she is fastidious in asking every single year for an STD exam, and has reported back to you "All clear honey, you sweetie you, I know you haven't cheated all year!", then I doubt she's been tested every year. Folks tend to joke about that kind of thing, you know?

Push your lawyer to set up the meeting - if you want to save your marriage, it might go a long way toward that. You never know. It could be worth a shot.

SB

Sorry for quoting everyone tonight, i just want to be clear on what I'm replying to.

Every phone call is not only recorded from the account activity my boss has graciously told me she would supply, but I have also been taking pictures of my phone with the call details. Printing every email and every IM.

Yes... she did go (again according to her IM..no proof that she really went) to go watch airplanes with my son. She knows what it means for me to take him there. I have gone even before he was around. I have a fascination watching planes taxi, land, and take off... I'm very happy my son gets so excited about it too.

So telling me she took him, to not disappoint him, could have been to bait me. Or maybe she was being sincere... she does love him too. But... she used to hate going with us, she went, but she would comment about how stupid it was just to sit there...

SB,
I know it doens't make snese for a married woman to get tested every year... and no she has never said "all clean darling, thank you ..i trust you now"

BUT... if she really is gettign tested every year...what does that say? I count only 2 things... either she doesn't trust me...or she's scared to death all her extramarital fooling around has given her baggage!

Am I wrong? Why else would ANYONE who is supposed to be in a committed, trusting relationship be tested annually for STDs?

Perhaps..when i have time away from planning my protectiona dn my son's... I will look into the possibility of this STD being dormant thru the first pregnancy...

Enlisted the help of a young freind... I have no where else to turn so I asked my co-worker, he's 17 if he wouldn't mind checking outthe house for me. he's been there once to pick up some computer stuff, she wasn't home so she doesn't know him or his car.

He's agreed to help me out. Help be headed up... well let's not say right now what he's doing, just that he won't be talking to her so I am not violating my RO...

He knows her car too and the layout of my driveway... he's got a new night vision camera he wants to try out too.

Thanks Mike!

Here is what I see so far...just what "I" see, so I could be wrong. You guys have had a long history of some pretty strong verbal assaults at each other. her calling you names in front of your son, you getting mad as well. There was a time there was a large sum of money, then it gradually was spent. She had some trust or control issues (possibly with reason, possibly not) so she demanded joint names on everything...aggressively. She makes a good living but the big cash is gone. Usually not fun for most people.

She starts to feel like she is carrying the full load of the home financially and a lot of the work at home. (I know you help too). She works rather ridiculous hours but it could be that she is trying to maintain a life style from spending the big cash. She doesn't pick up the child because she probably leaves before daycare opens and comes home after it closes, so she asks you to do it.

"IF" she is feeling all of this load (and it would be greatly self-imposed), and she doesn't feel appreciation for it, it could be building up. You make it very clear that your feelings for the baby are greater than your feelings for her so this would add greatly to resentment.

Then she finds herself PG again. SB is correct, those STD tests are not very routine so she most likely has never been tested for them previously. Now that clamydia is more previlent, some doctors are now asking to test. So MAYBE she has had it all along, never knew because she was never tested (her doctors records will give you the answer on this) and she has just completely lost it. Maybe she doesn't understand that she could have had it for a long time undedected or maybe she honestly feels you gave it to her so you must have cheated. I absolutely do not believe what she says her doctor said about it.

her already aggressive angry outburts could have gone into overdrive and she didn't know how to handle you leaving so she just impulsively called the police that night. Now she is in a mess. Still angry, buggin you, baiting you possibly to get you into real trouble or possibly because that is how she deals with you.

OR, she has had an affair, was worried about the STD possibility, got tested and freaked out and set about this plan to cover her tracks. She sounds so impulsive though...it doesn't feel like a well thought out plan from the IMs she has sent. She must know that you can save all of that information for court.

So she is home with a baby that really misses his daddy and her evenings are probably rather difficult.

I do not believe that your are a physically abusive man ( I HOPE I am correct on that one). I also don't think you have enough evidence to prove an affair. It is VERY possible, but I don't think you can throw in the towel on it yet.

It seems like you both need to learn to address situations with more maturity and communication that does not escalate into huge fights and name calling.

I am SO glad that you are getting a lawyer...you desperately need one. This is spinning out of control so fast and she is pulling all the strings.

I don't know, just some thoughts of mine...

Fantastic!

~ Marsh

sickofthis,

I realy truly hope this was all hormonal on her end.

I want to believe she didn't cheat. But she always tells me how easy it would be for her. She adimant about annual testing. And CONSTANTY accusing me of cheating. (to me that's guilt and steered into another direction....at me).

And yes... I love my son more than her. But that's her own doing. I could love her undontitionally again, but it would take a lot to get there.

I just don't understand why she holds my past against me so much. I mean...didn't we all do things with other people before we did them with our current spouses? What's the rational in hating me for that? I really think all her anger at me stems from a girlfreind I had in Florida before I even knew who she was.

And the more I think of it, that old girlfreind is probably the ONLY reason why she pressured me to take her with me to Vegas when I went on that business trip... cuz the old GF and I went there and she has seens some of the pictures of that trip....

Sigh... She dosn't want me but doesn't want anyone else to have me. Heaven forbid I'm ever happy again......

Am I on crack?...BELLY LAUGH coz I was quoting the big T himself=start from the beginning of this thread.

Ahh ignore that, carry on your merry way. Ignorance must be bliss. Like a dormant STD right. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Plus; it is quite entertaining...more than you know

And Mk.lets get this straight so boundaries are drawn, I will not be intimidated by anyone including yourself.

T –again I will say-get the support you need. If you choose not to, that is your choice. In the big scheme of things—it is you that has to live with it. Not me.

Max

GGRRRRR.... her status message this morning is "Proud of yourself?"

For what I want to ask....... ugh!!!

Still knows how to push the buttons!!!

MM...I don't expect you to be intimidated...(edited by MEDC to save Justuss the trouble) in training rarely care what anyone says.

okay, now back to your pipe.

Don't bother asking...I'm sure you'll be getting an e-mail explaining what she meant.<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Ignore it....e-mails and IM status.

~ Marsh

Can you remove her from your IM so you don't see these status messages?

I can remove her from my buddy list... I did in the begining, but readded her so she could give me more "proff" that she isn't afraid of me...

Here's what I think she meant in her status message this morning...

Talk about COMPLETE EMPTY feeling inside after I got this....

Just another piece of evidence she already has someone else huh?

I feel so dead inside. Wish my frikkin lawyer would call me back!!! Untill I get the chance to call a new one anyway....