Don't sign off on her 401K. If you live in a community property state you are entitled to half of that in a divorce. She's jumping the gun on a lot of things. I hate to tell you this but it seems she's itching to get rid of you and make you look as bad as possible. Prepare yourself for the possibility things will get worse before they get better.

Keep ignoring the bait and stay the course, it's the best chance you've got at seeing your son in the near future.

She's pissed that you shut down your IM.



Have you looked into what AMIOK suggested?

You need to get moving...and not sit around waiting.

Your criminal A is not going to help you safeguard your financal sitch or the custody of your son.

Go back and read her post.

~ Marsh

Hey there TOMK how ya holdin up....my suggestion for now....turn IM off....unless your doing real "work" turn the computer off completely....when was the last time you worked out? I became addicted to working out when i went through my divorce...it gave me a stress outlet and honestly I felt better....(not only did I loose the extra weight of my husband I lost over 100 lbs). To this day I feel better and I realize how depressed I was and how a little umph to get me off the couch/computer chair and I did great things. I suggest if you can't go out for a jog...at least go for a walk...fresh air...sunshine...don't stay cooped up.

The part time job suggestion was spot on. My husband worked two jobs (military and a part time pizza delivery). It was a major help. This may be how you cold come up with extra funds for an attorney.

Go to the phone book and look up Legal Aid. If you don't have the money for an attorney they will help you. If you don't have legal aid, look in the phone book for your local bar association. Call THEM and they may be able to hook you up with someone. If they can't do it, then look up your state bar association. They may be able to help you. But do something! Step away from the computer and start actively fighting for your marriage.

tomk,
Sorry I've not had the time to post more to you on this thread, but I am still sitting here scratching my head over how to make sence of all of this.

You have statted in the past that you have monitored your W's activity since you were M'd(bc of a letter she sent her old Bf).

She, it now seems, has been getting and STD test yearly(which is rare for a M'd women alledgedly living in a monogomous R) for the last several years.

I must ask, how do the two of you so mistrust the other, when a M foundation is built on TRUST? What was the foundation that the 2 of you built this M on?

The revaltion that your W has had STD testing yearly(which is extremely rare, and very telling of it's own nature) should clearly point out to you the nature of her Dr's opinion that this is not a dormant STD, but rather, a recent one. Her own medical record would indicate such.

So if you are clean, how on earth can she reconsile that DX? The answer would seem pretty plain and simple for me, it is a RECENT infection, and does not indicte YOU!

I highly recommend DNA testing on her PG child. OTOH, I know you cannot force this, but there will come a day when it will have to be done.

It is totally consistent with your W's predetermined plan to put all of the blame on this fission in this M, on YOU!

Rest assured, this has been her plan since day 1!

I will pray for your peace in all of this, and hope the truth will eventually be revealed so that you may reunite with you son.

All Blessings,
Jerry

Ready for this......

She called me at 2:00 today. Non-chelont, just like any other day. "Hi, I need you to call me back, the car is int he shop and I can't get the baby seat out of the back. None of the guys here know how it comes out, call me back ok? thanks"

WTF?!?!?!?

Sooooooooooo

I called my court appointed Attornet again and told her all about that. Get this... YOU ALL were RIGHT!!

She wants me to consider a plea bargain. I said NO WAY. I did NOTHING wrong. Then she says I shoudl consider anger management, it goes a long way with the prosectution. I said why? Why do I need that when i was leaving quietly. She admittedly called the cops for no reason. My lawyer says Oh yeah, BTW, I got the report back from the invesigator. Your wife says she hit you first, across the face, then you stood up and got in her face then hit her.

Funny.... the police whenthey arrested me never said anything about that to me when I told them she hit me.. they said she said she never touched me.

There one story change...no TWO!! In front of the judge last week she asked for the charges to be dropped (So she wouldn't get caught in a lie).

I told my lawyer, my story has never changed, hers does. My lawyer then says "Maybe I should try to get you bail conditions changed... would that be ok with you?"

WHAT THE HECK!!!! ... I politely asked this stupid hole "Isn't that what we agreed on last week when I called you?" I am soooooo shopping for a real lawyer!!!! (didn't get anywhere last ngiht and work today didn't allow me the time).

So now I'm wondering who's car my son's babyseat is going into, there was a male voice inthe backgraound laughing, and she was tryign not to laugh on some of the words spoken.. I wish i could record it onto an MP3 and post it!!

My buddy Mike is going to the house tonight to get the description of the apparent new car inthe driveway for me.

I can't help but to think this is a ploy to get my car away from me. Her car is paid for as we all know by now. And now in the shop? It's brand new! not even 40K miles on it.... so she's without... hey my car has her name on it too... I'm willing to lay odds I get pulled over real soon for grand theft auto. (Wouldn't be the first time she tried to have me arrested for "stealing" my own car).

Lawyer wannabe tells me even if she can get me a hearign to have my bail conditions changed, we're looking at least a 4 week wait for that... BULL... lawyers are like politicains, everyone one owes someone a favor. I need to find the right one so he can say ..look, this woman has changed her story every time she tells it, the kid is histerical looking for his father, the guy just wants to go home.... She emails, IMs, and calls him every day since his arrest. She aint afraid of this guy. Let's make this criminal case jsut go away and let this poor SOB get on with his life....

PS... I joined a gym that's less than half a mile from my office. Every nite after work since I joined, I'm there.

No clue why I felt the urge to join, the wife has been after me to join for years. Actually did once, buit it only lasted 2 weeks...

I can just imagine what her comments will be now that I joined on my own..

How will she know?

WHEN I get to go home... I'm not going to stop trying to be my own man just cuz I get to go home (sooner then later).

TOMK...I realize that you are very frustrated...understandable...But please tell me that you didn't really mean to refer to that female attorney as a "stupid hole"...Tell me you left off an "a" or something...Really, that is a VERY offensive way to refer to a woman, and I am not even close to being a feminist or even easily offended for that matter...

Just thought you should know...

Mrs. W

VERY GOOD! I am proud on ya for that front. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Ditto the sentiment. I am not easily offended or a feminist either, but that (among several other comments on this thread) threw up a red flag for me.

Sf and Mrs W...a hole gets edited all the time on these boards...I am assuming TOMK sees that since it has already happened on this thread when I was referring to MadMax.

Also...a serious question...I know so many women that find any reference to their anatomy to be vulgar...yet, I hear them laugh and use derogatory words that describe the male anatomy. Why do you think this double standard (along with a great many others in male/female relations) exists?

The C word??? Taboo by most women...

versus D? seems to be pretty accepted.

ehhh...I am a tomboy to an extent....doesn't bother me...I work on cars and some of my good friends are guys and I watch foot ball...I am used to guys using those terms...basically water off a ducks back for me.....like my best friends and I calling each other B&*ch's it's a term of enderment for us.

For clarity, I am one of the last women ever offended by such things-Hey, I was a little sister in a fraternity, good luck shocking me-lol...Really I was more embarrassed for TOMK...I cringed when I read it because I know what refering to a female in that way will likely bring to his thread...It seemed an uncouth thing to do in this venue, in light of his current situation and ESPECIALLY when he has been labeled an abuser by some here and his wife...I hoped to give him an out...allow him to explain and/or apologize if he felt it was warranted...And really, the term "hole" IS a disrespectful way to refer to a woman...and there are certainly disrespectful ways to refer to men as well...

Also calling one of your FRIENDS a b*tch is a far cry from calling a stranger that...Further, TOMK is expecting FAR too much from his court appointed criminal attorney...

Anyway, that is just the way I see it...

Mrs. W

as I'm sure most of you can see by now, I'm a habitual typo-ist.

sorry for any offense I caused. I type fast and sometimes when I'm anxious I typo. Not to memtion i have dislexiz, i knwo i spelled that wrong....


Anyway...

Mike did some stake outing... 6:30PM, no car in the driveway. Outside light on. (We never leave that on..never)
7:30, got tired of waiting out by the complex entrance so made another driveby... Silver Mazda 6 NH Plate in "her spot" living room light on, outside light still on.

So... tomorrow moring I'm calling the local Ford Dealer and checking the status of my car... what's wrong with it, how much to fix, when it'll be done, and oh... did you provide my wife with a loaner???

If not... I need a way yo lookup the owner of the above mentioned plate...

Also, surprisingly, when mike mentioned to me he was going up tonight, the grandma that works for us wanted to know what was up... she acctually offered to do drivebys too!!! Wow!! So now Mike and his freinds will be driving by and staking out, and the sweet lady I work with is all gung ho about checking out for OM(s) too... you folks were right....

Thank you again.

One other thing I forgot to mention and apparently no one has picked up on yet. I didn't get a chance to say anything before cuz i was ranting on about my Ahole of a lawyer ( <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> ok ladies? )

Notice how this woman who is so scared of me and had me arrested for threatening her life...calls me int he middle of the day to ask me how to remove a baby's carseat fromt he back seat of the car... Why? NOONE at this suppsed car shop knows anythign about the LATCH system????? And why ME of all people she decides to call?

......hhhhhmmmmmmm yeah she feels threatened by me alright.

there's no reason that plate number should be on here TOMK. You cannot look that information up. It can be obtained for a fee from..

https://secure.bestpeoplesearch.com/c-VINL,Service.aspx

MEDC, I totally hate double standards. I agree that using vulgar "anatomical" words as curse words or putdowns is equally dirty and ugly for male and for female.
I would never call a woman a "C" or a man a "D" ; it's just trashy.