TOMK, remove that plate information from your post.

Thanks for the info MEDC

My bad for not understanding that a lawyer is suppose to help me... i guess the phrase you get what you apy for...in this instance is dead on. I have applied to 3 different referall services tongioht. hopefully I will get a call back in the morning.

I do sincerely apologize that if my typo that referenced my female attorney as a "stupid hole" was offensive to anyone. I have a feeling max will be stopping by soon. It was indeed a typo. I didn't wasnt to say A...hole so i tried to type Ahole and missed it.

I'm not a wife beater. I'm not abussive in any way that I conciously know of. I'm not an angry man at all... anymore. I admit i used to be very negative. but I learned that was too draining on my life. I let it all go without a thought nowadays... by that I mean...at least the last 2 years.

I delievered my son in the deleivery room. A moment that graciously was stopped in time for me and I will never ever forget the feelings I had that morning. The love...the pure, unconditional love I felt for my beautiful wife, and our new family member. My life changed forever in that moment. I became a protector, for him and for her. For my family. no more Mr. negative the world is out to get me. I began to turn my life around and be more positive. They both deserved that of me.

My wife beat me down emotionally though... it's hard to keep positive when she's around telling me I'm worthless and she can do better than me. (Funny how when we have money I'm a nice guy though). So I gave up the positive. I didn't go back to negative... just neutral. Nothing bothered me anymore. It was always a loosing battle with her, so i just stopped trying to win..no ... actually i even stopped trying to compromise. It was drilled into me. "Beacuase I said so..." "I don't need a reason..." So, I let her have her way, all the time.

Is that a description of a man who would abuse his wife? Sounds more liek a broken man than anything else to me...

correction... sounds liek a broken man who has just realized he stopped being his own person a long time ago. And is now back on track to be that Positive roll model for his FAMILY...whether she likes it or not!

....My mom used to tell me, "kill 'em with kindness".

tomk, your posts will be easier to follow if you click abc check on your tool bar before posting.
Don't worry about the A omission... honest mistake.

I don't have a toolbar?

google tool bar on your web page??/ If not, go to google..it's great for all of your internet work.

can't sleep. every time I close my eyes I hear my son crying in that phone message asking where I am....

That and knowing the weekend is coming up...the weekends are so frikkin long now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

What's the chances I find a lawyer tomorrow that can have my bail modified the same day?

Maybe I'll head over to the courthouse and see if I can do something on my own... anything to hold him again.

It will be nice to be able to talk to her again too. I knwo if I can get in the house we can work on things. I guess I FUBAR'd when I decided to leave instead of telling her that I'm hurt that she thinks I cheated. I'm hurt knowing I didn't and the possibility that she did. I'm hurt that she doesn't respect me, and we need to TALK to each other not at each other and discuss calmy what we can do about all this.

I was so excited she was pregnant again. Now... just I just wonder if it's mine. That is such a painful feeling... I don't know this baby yet, but I already loved it. Now I don't know how to feel about it.

Well I called the dealership. yet anothe fib my wife has told me. She told me the trannsimission in the car needed to be replaced and that was going to take most of her recent bonus check, another reason why she feels I should make the car payment. (I called the bank, they gave me a 30 day extension).

The car is fine, though it does need a new electrical part for the tranny. And is covered under the warranty program I bought when I bought the car. So no out of pocket $$ for her. They also gave her a loaner so that explains the new Mazda in the driveway last night.

But where was she @ 6:30 @ night? She DOES leave to pick upt he boy @ 5:00 every day now... Groceries? Out to dinner? I don't think so on either count. She doesn't like taking him food shopping, though she has to now I guess. but she will not take him out to dinner so late, he gets cranky... so I don't know hwere she was... and suppose I never will. At least she came home alone, either that or the guy was with her int he reantal... doubtful though.

oh I HATE the what ifs....

Hopefully someone fromt he 3 apps I filled out lastnight for a new lawyer will be calling me today...

SEE! What did I tell you about those fiesty older women..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

People usually are more than happy to help out with something like that. I'm glad you are finding ways to investigate.

And I hope one of those lawyers calls you today too!!! You need legal help, yesterday!

I guess I'm just too used to keeping to myself. I am shocked at how my co-workers are so willing to help without me really even asking.

Only one lawfirm called today. I make too much for them to help me at a lower rate. Frikkin double standards... I don't make enough to support myself right now if I was paying rent and all, but I can't afford the retainer either.

Headed to Costco warehouse in the AM for a 2nd job...hopefully I get hired on the spot. I'm too out of shape for any of those wark-a-day programs where you do manual labor and get paid the same day...unfortunately.

I'm going to try to come up with the retainer and call those other 2 firms back tomorrow too. I need to see something, anything, happen on this by Tuesday next week... I can't take another weekend without my boy.

TOMK, you are doing great! Keep it up and continue this proactive drive. Hope you get the second job!

Got an email from her today...
why does this have to be done NOW???? Oh yeah... it's about HER getting money... SHE IS KEEPING ME form seeing my son NOW....

How about so I can get back into my family's life and work on my marriage?!?!?!?! First she tells me we need to talk before she can decide what she wants to do. Now she says she only wants me to be able to tlak to her via email??? Why... so the OM can move in or spend the night??? WTF?!?!?!

That's cuz I smartened up and stopped communicating via my status message, it was leading me down a hole I didn't want to go into. She had a trap waiting, I just know she did. Now I'm an jerk for not communicating??? HER VERY FIRST EMAIL TO ME was "please obey your RO, I don't wnt to see you go to jail". Not she's giving me chit for not trying to talk to her. Must be KILLING her not to have control...

Yep it felt great, thanks for asking. Busted you in another lie i see you have already begun to worm your way out of darling...

reread the bold text.... then tell me why? Please. I have that complete and utter empty feeling inside me again. There's already someone waiting to replace me isn't there?

anger tactic? Say a bunch of BS to get me riled up and reply?


...Cuz THIS ONE is working.... I want to call and JUSTIFY ALL MY ACTIONS.

I won't... but I want to. Time to leave the PC for a while.

Ya know... even though I can't afford jack right now, I needed a release. I rented a Motorcycle for the weekend. I know I financially shouldn't have, but I used to ride ALL the time, and now I don't.

I spent a little money and got a biKe for the weekend... (ironically the same bike she said she bought for me Christmas 2004, but she returned it cuz she was mad at me for something). I was gone all day today and I felt great. I started to feel "me" again.

I come back to this message and BAM...reality hits me like a dump truck.

I need willpower not to respond to that last one. Had I not gone for a ride today, I wouldn't be typing this...I'd be sending my response to her. AND..possibly letting her know my test results.

My marriage isn't salvage able anymore is it? She's checked out officially now. I was afraid of this. Out of sight, out of mind.... I took care of the hard part for her by leaving, she made sur ethat once I was headed for the door, the record shows it was her call, not mine.

I knew this would happen... no sleep tongiht, Keep tossig and turning thinking about that last email. I realized I never even opened the atachment she sent. Just read. She must be on crack of she thinks I'm going to signed this and send it back to her. It looks benign enough, just a form that changes our Trust so that the kids are 100% beneficiaries.... but I think that was already done when we had our son, not it just need to be amended to go between the 2. But.... this paperwork clearly states that if something happens to her, her spouse is, by law, the beneficiary, unless it's sign off against.

I am not signing anything she puts in front of me unless a lawyer, a good lawyer, tells me it's OK. When we first got this trust setup, I thought she was helping me protect my money. After it was set up though, I became educated that the way it was set up, SHE was in control of all the money and I was on it in a way that required her approval for anything that changed or any transactions.

Either everyone is thinking I made a bad move with renting the bike for the weekend and has givein up trying to help, or ....or maybe everyone is in agreement that I am really being replaced and no one wants to say so? Though I guess neither of these are really accurate, I have learn that everyone speaks their mind here....

Tonight of all nights I could use some support. It's 3:30AM, I'm over an hour away from my house, and all I can think about is going over there to prove to myself that there isn't another car in my driveway or another man in my bed. But going there would do what for me? What will I do, what CAN I do, if I find something? I can't even admit I was there if I go...

this sucks.

I don't know how much it costs to rent a motorcycle, but I'll admit it did cross my mind that money would have been much better spent on a good lawyer. I hope you find one first thing Monday.

Several times you have mentioned that you could not see about getting a lawyer because you had too much to do at work. I am thinking right about now you need to take a few hours off work and go meet with a lawyer. You must impress upon them (employer and lawyer) the urgency of your situation. Several knowledgable posters on this board have suggested fathers rights groups that you should contact. Please do that!

Also, remember you have two other children who need you. Try taking some of this (understandable) frustration and channeling it toward some attention to THEM right now. And resolve to never again let another human being come between you and your children.

Oh and also, this board is just slown on the weekends. I think people still want to help you.

TOMK...get a lawyer. Quit responding and griping about everything she says or does right now. You are supposed to be working your plan...not getting worked over by hers.

YOU really need some counseling for impulse control as well as stress management. You allow her to push all of your buttons and you become your own worst enemy.

Focus. Focus. Focus.

I'm always amazed and amused by parents who will spend bucks to entertain themselves before spending pennies to support their kids.

TOMK, you have three children already born, and one on the way...

Major impulse control problems...

Your wife is trying to plan responsibly for the children by securing her 401(K) for their benefit in the event of her death, because possibly you're not a very financially competent adult. Even if the marriage DID somehow survive.

Let's try some math here -- How many weekend bike-rentals would that 401(K) mean for you, if it wound up in your hands instead? And why NOT have it secured for the children?!?!