OK, I'll say it one more time.

You don't have the luxury of blowing dough. You need a second job with part time hours. You need legal representation, whether its through legal aid or a lawyer paid directly.


If you just have to blow money, instead of renting a damn motorcycle, could you have asked your XW if she needed anything for the kiddos?

I know the 2x4 hurts but you need it.

You need to make sure your payments for your other children aren't jeapordized by the need to pay for the lawyer on spur of the moment thinking with your primary income.

Heres another 2z4, bite a washcloth or something.

STOP READING THE EMAILS. Get a third party to check it if its so important or block her! I'd like to know what IM program allows people to allow other users to re-add themselves to your friends list.

If shes logging on as you and re-adding herself, we all know how to fix that problem don't we?

Harsh... maybe ... but if I see you not following advice that others are giving you freely, I just don't see any point in trying to help and I stop posting.

Can you tell me what you've improved about yourself using what others have told you?

Please Forgive my bluntness, I don't have alot of time today to word it nicer.

I now step off my soapbox and await your response.

SSB...rude beyond measure.

Sweets, granted i spent $300 for a sanity check and a relase this weekend. And I did go see my other 2 kids both days, mornings and evenings..in fact that is where I just came from. As for securing my childrens futures.... I did just that. If you read my whoel story you'll see that my current wife cashed out all the kids CDs. Saving our sons for last of course, and I was shocked to see it go too. but then, it quite possibly could have been cashed out just to put it into a non-joint account so i couldn't see the interest accrew or add to it...

Meeting my REAL Lawyer Tuesday. he called me today... i have anotherreferal i called on as well, I assune they will call me tomorrow, but i'm impressed with the guy that called me on a sunday... And I should have little problem coming up with his retainer too.

Yes, i feel horrible for spending the $$ to "get away" for 2 days, and I can't get that money back. But seriously... I've ridden motorcycles since I was 16, I've been riding about 1/2 my life...as nothing ever bothers me when i ride. It was good mental health for me. Maybe foolsih to spend the $$ but definately worth the mental reoupe. I don't expect anyone to understand unless you ride or used to.

Glad to hear you are seeing your other children. Please don't let that stop if you go back to current wife.

Great news on the appt with a real lawyer!

RMX,

What I've done to improve my situtaion (for the record...my XW gets her $ beofre I get my check...she's alwasy covered) But yes, i did in fact ask her if there was anything they/she needed. She said she was set, I saw a grocery list on the table, took it, tookt he kids, let her rest (she has medical issues) and the 3 of us went food shopping on my dime. My XW was very happy to have some alone time and to see we got her errand done fer her. I'm NOT a selfish man!

so, back to what I've done...

Took advice and have 3-4 "freinds" staking out the house for possible OM.
Took advice and called 2 father's right groups, one right in town, the other in the state capital. Both say they can help me. Meeting with one tommorrow...actually foregt what time, it's in my eamil though.
Took advise, STOPPED using IM status to convey messages to her.
Took advice, saved EVERYTHING she has sent me, printed it out, took pictures of the cell phone with call details, and will be gettign the monthly activity for the accoutnf rom my boss.
Took advice, anything (more) I get from her will not be read, just printed and filed in the "specail folder".
Took advice, though this was my own doing too, joined a gym and workout almost every day.
Took (my own) advise, and "escaped" for 2 days...even though i will admit it was against better judgement and that money could have been used somewhere else in a more prudent mannor. But... in all this, isn't a mental health day warranted?

So... the mind is now clear, you will see a more leveled and determined TOMK now too. I am on a mission, i will complete it, I will succeed. I will need help. please be there for me when i do...

2x4(s) recieved. Thank you.

TOMK...SSB was rude because of her remarks regarding the 401K and your wife...
BUT...
save the justifications "I don't expect anyone to understand unless you ride or used to"...it makes you sound like a child. It was stupid and has nothing to do with anything other than poor decision making on your part...and even if someone never rode a donor cycle before, they can understand that.

You have better uses for the funds right now and since funds have been an issue(that you have used numerous times as an excuse for not getting a lawyer)...it makes NO sense at all spending the money on that. It shows immaturity and a unwillingness to think about consequences of your actions.

Think. Think. Think.

and, you should not be spending time with your ex wife...

More on me not seeing my other kids..not sure if I ever posted that. I would see them every other weekend, take them to my house afteer we were married, but my wife always seemed to have issues with them, especially my little girl. i could never understand why though...seeig how she practically raise her exboyfreinds 3 kids... what's the problem with having mine every other weekend? The kids loved her, they knew her as step mom, but she just seemed distant from them when it was my weekend.

It got to the point that my kids didn't want to come up to my house becasue they felt uncomfortable around her, heck even I was on eggshells those weekends... so instead of having the kids @ my house, I would take them to my parents or my sisters and spend the weeeknd away from my wife.

1 weekend I caught her driving through the neighborhood checking up on me that I was really there... I was beside myself. She denied it was her...

I would get questioned like mad on Sunday night when i got home, who was I with, what was I doing, what was said... EVERY time I came home. it got tot he point I was tired of the 20 questions so i gave up seeing my kids to shut her up.

Of course you ask her that and she'll tell you she never told me to stop seeing them....though she knows it's her doing that stopped me.

During some arguements she would try to throw digs in about my daughter too....drive me crazy!! Why would she do that? Bring up my daughter for no other reason then to get a rise out of me...the argument would have nothing to do with either of the kids, but she would say something....

So yeah, I'm a horrible father for allowing my wife to make me feel guilty in not keepigher happy and in that, stop seeing my kids. I've been blessed with an understanding woman that will allow me, carefully, back into my children's lives... I will not let any of them down again! And if that's a "deal breaker" form my wife, then i guess i will finally know what kind of person she really is, and i will have to learn very quickly, I'm a better person without her.

I do want to go home though. I feel it in my heart we came make all this work. SHE has to give a little too though.

I do NOT spend time with my exwife. not at all! I go ther to see the kids, period. They live ont he 3rd floor and I have to go up, i wouldn't expect an 8 & 10 yr old to come down alone...ever. I'm in the house long enough for the kids to get ready to go outside. My exwife and I talk about nothign but the kids, and talk is very little, if at all. we are kind and civil to each other. nothing more.

Was it a bad move for me to go by food for her? She was clearly not feeling well, and i summised as the list was on the table, my kids needed food. Just trying to be a nice guy...

Though hind site tells me if my wife knew this, then she's summise that my XW is the one I've cheated with.... ugh.

Yes.

I freely admit I know very little about how to properly handle these situations....but MEDC.....how does buying food for his children = bad move?

What am I missing?

Real Quick here.

Did you see the Helpwwife(?) thread.

His wife filed bogus Domestic Violence charges against him. He and his lawyer disputed it...he took a lie detector test with a reputable polygrapher and eventually the custody judge saw right through WW's ruse. Last week, the judge ordered his WW to vacate the home and he was awarded temporary custody and moved back in saturday.

Couldn't you have found someone to borrow a motorcycle from...that $300. could have been utilized for a polygraphy test or even a vasectomy (as you questionable are expecting your fifth child and maybe you should consider being done..IMO).

Mr. Wondering

BUYING food for his children is okay. He should NOT be out running errands for his ex wife since his current wife has a problem with his relationship with her.

He was adding deposits to her love bank while at the same time, potentially removing them from his wife.

and I'm sure I'll catch crap from her too... I could have made the car payment she says is now my resposibility.

OK... I guess my seeing it as a way to get back my sanity should have beenseen as a way of throwing out good money for childish reasons. I can't undo it. Could I have borrowed a bike? not likely, if i had a good enough frined for that, i would have a good enough friend to help me with this mess.

You're right, you're all right. The rush is over and I have what to show for it? $300 of my $650 gone. Maybe my wife is right...I can't do anything right.

i guess i just have 300 more reasons to hurry up and find that 2nd shift job... oh wait... 400, i bought groceries for my ex too. (that will go over great with the wife when she finds out)

the only errand I ran was to go buy food...2 birds, 1 stone. I was with my kids when I bought the food. We made a game of it. They had a blast. If I did anything to my ex's love bank... it was 100% unintentional. But now that you put it that way, yeah, my wife is gonna kill me.

if you can't figure out that going and running errands for your ex wife is a problem, I do not blame your wife for having issues with you regarding appropriate boundaries and your ex.

TOMK...can I ask how old you are? Perhaps I am expecting too high of a level of maturity if you are in your early to mid twenties...or close to that. But really, some of the things that you are doing show very poor decision making ability.

38 in January. never claimed to be a smart man. I really don't see the harm in spending time with my kids at the grocery store. Would it be the same had I used her money? had i used HER money...then i could see it as doing an errand for her...

So... if I take my kids out to dinner, is that doing the wrong thing too?

i guess i should have just left the list and let her deal with it...after all, that's what she's used to. Wow, i guess i really do need to stop and think about how everyone else would take my actions, and be sure there are no problems with anyones reaction.

no wonder my wife thinks i still have a thing for my exwife...

Maybe I'm better off trying to get back into the house and telling my wife i want to be a SAHD again. Keep myself out of trouble.

...just thinking about the baby on the way, and how i should be there, and hoping I can be there soon. still really looking forward tot he belly kicking and that stuff... and then welcoming the little one into the world. hopefully a girlt his time. shoot hopefully MINE... damn...

how do you possibly equate taking your kids out to dinner and going grocery shopping for your ex wife?

of course you should have just left the list...it was HER list for her responsibility. The fact that you spent your money is only part of the equation. don't you get it??? Really?

Completely agree with MEDC...

TOMK...Look at the money situation alone...You got paid $650 on FRIDAY...It is now ONLY SUNDAY and you have $250 left...You paid NO BILLS-SAVED NOTHING (and let's not kid ourselves, you aren't going to be able to save any of the $250)...Please tell me that you are paid WEEKLY...If not, I don't know how you expect to make it...Really TOMK, our 7 year old DD has better money management skills...SIGH...What's done is done...Please learn from this...

I think it would be wise for you to keep a journal and write down EVERY penny that you spend EVERYDAY...Would you be willing to do that?

Mrs. W