I've been told no contact per a NH bail comminsioner as part of my bail conditions. Which my lawyer is trying to modify...

I think I'll be OK tonight.

Just got back from bringing my kids home. Might have a bite to eat then watch a movie. try to get my mind more off things and deal with this thru my lawyer tomorrow.

That's the smart thing to do, the thing I knew I had to do, the thing I wasn't sure I was strong enough to do earlier today. I made it. phew...

I am NOT saying you should do this...BUT, having another party contact her to inform her of something would not violate your bail conditions.

Just tell me to stop readin ALL her email....
WHY does she insist that I give her answers, try to communicate, or give me crap for (what she says anyway) not trying to see my son??? Why????


1. She has NO CLUE of all the things I've done in the last 4 weeks to try to put my life back together. No clue the financial burden she's put on me to be able to see my son...yep, I have to pay for the application to see him at the state facilty, then pay for a background check, then pay for the time I get with him...a whopping hour a week! BUT... if SHE doesn't fill out an application as well, and to date she has not, then i don't get to see him. So... $ for Application, flushed, $$ for background check that came up just as clean as my STD results, flushed...

2. She got the truth the day I left, she's been getting the trouth ever since we were married. WHAT THE HECK DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET THAT THROUGH TO HER???? WHY on earth is she so damn fixated that I have cheated on her???? The ONLY reason I could ever find was the whole thing about me being on the computer at night. Pre-baby, our fist, after she went to bed I would do my lab stuff for a few hours and yes, some nights the time just flew by and it was morning before I went to bed. I did this after she went to bed becuase back then i wanted to spend time with her, so I did "my stuff" only when I had "me time". The was never any me time so I made time in the wee hours of the night. Looking back... BAD idea. Post-baby, she would get so tired she'd be in bed 7:30-8:00. so me time againwas after she's in bed.

I do research and self learning online and some nights I'm not even online, I'm busy setting up my lab network to mirror a client setup... no time and no desire for online chatting with someone!

3. I have listen to "get out" and "I hate you" for 3 years...I've stayed and work hard (apparently not hard enough) to do whatever it takes to show her I love HER. not taking my vows seariously???? please...

4. Forgiven me? forgiven ME?!?! For what exactly??? I'm not the one with an STD!! Heck I thinkI'm a pretty stand up guy for even TRYING to get back home so we can talk about all this crap! I'm finding myself wondering why I bother... it's clear either she had it all along in a dormant state, or SHE cheated. And she says it wasn't dormant, so by her own words that means she cheated... why nto just walk away and fight for custody of my son? At least then he wouldn't be hearing what a loser his fatehr is for only making $16/hr in a job he used to make 6 figures at...

5. Yes, I wanted another child in my family. Why? I wanted a girl the first time, I'll admit. I will also admit I love my son more than life itself. I don't want him growing up to be one of those spoiled only child types. I'd still feel the same way had we had a girl the first time too. plus I thought...if we had another child, maybe some of that unconditional love they get would wear of on our relationship and get us back to where we both want to be. Where we know we can be. Where we used to be.

Besides... I just love my kids so much I wanted more! Something wrong with that? .... is that the "profile" of an "abuser"??? I dont' think so!

I love the part about how at the very least I owe my son. yes, he WAS innocent in all this. She took me away from him. Yes, i was leaving, but i was only planning on being gone a day or two. maybe a week, and that's a BIG maybe. inreality I probably would have drove around a few hours and gone back home, climbed into bed, and left her a note for the mornig about how we need to sit down and really have a talk.

anyway... from all you've read in the emails i post from her, edits only to the names. Is my wife bipolar? Did the supposed abuse from her last relationship of 10 years mess her up? Or am i really truly doing something wrong here?

no, I don't think she is bi polar based on your descriptions of her. Messed up...yep.

HI MECD,

All Iknow now is that if I really ahve to wait till 12/13 for my court appearance and all this to be behind me...there might really be nothing left to go home to. It's only been four weeks and she knows I'm legally bound not to have contact with her. If I have to wait another 7 weeks... I think both her and I will go insane.

I REALLY wish I could be a fly on the wall. At home AND in her office. Hey, even in her car when she's on the phone with god knows who...

Some of this was making sense to me.. The comment my mother made to my aunt about how she was marrying me for my $$... The controlling behaviour she has on me...

Oh... Not sure if I ever mentioned this before? I think I have but in case I haven't... I really don't feel liek going back through my post to find it right now, but I'm sure I will later. What do you think about this... her ex of 10 years who never married her, but was married before and his 3 kids lived with them, not their mother... This guy gets her pregnant, she has the baby but gives it up for adoption. The day the baby is born... the guy ... the guy drops her off at the front door to the hospital, doesn't even help her out of the car, never mind into the hospital, and drives away. never saw the baby. Not once.

The adpotive parents live an hour away and they invite her into this baby's life as "Aunt L" until the boy reaches..8 I think? Anyway, she stopped visiting him shortly before I met her. I've seen pictures of him, he looks like her. She's alwasy had a VERY ROUGH day on his birthday, for years I try ti make that day special for her so she doesn't wallow. I was successful only 1 time, she thanked me for it. Also supposedly she has a video in a safe deposit box, of which I know nothing about...what bank or anything. Speaking of that...we get quarterly bills for a storage area that I've also never been allowed to go to. So i've never seen this tape, but she talks abotu it every once in a while. i ask to see it and the subject is instantly changed. and whenever i bring up "what's in storage?" I get anythign from old school books to oh just a couple of old air conditioners to "my stuff, don't worry about it".

And some weekends (these are rare) when she disappears for a few hours... I find out she's been to storage... One other puzzling thing about storage, she moved ALL her stuff one year form one storage place to another, yet the things that are supposed in there are too heavy for her to move... THAT part I JUST figured out!!

What the heck is going on with my wife?!?!?!!?

oh yeah... one more thing. There's also a safe int he house that I don't have the combo to. I'm not allowed in it. She had it before we met.

...It's an electronic lock and I have been working on computers for 25 years so i was able to get into it. I found drugs and some paperwork that was all legal wording. The paperwork I didn't much care about, I was in shock I found drugs in my house.

Flushed them immediately. Confronted her when she came home. The best part.... I'm the jerk for breaking into her safe. "That was my stuff you had no rights going in there". She fianlly confessed she hadn't touched the drugs in many many years, and didn't even remember them being in there. That small fact comes up from time to time when she wants to pick a fight... that I broke into her safe.

She has since changed the combo and has even gone as far as removing the keypad and battery and keepingthem in her purse or on her person ever since. No matter, i could get in again if i really wanted to. but I'm clearly still not allowed in it.

So... any other spouses keeping safe deposit boxes, storage facilities, or safes inthe house that are 100% off limts to the other?

Any faithful, honest spouses...same question!

Weird....
not a single word from her today.
not even online in IM since the last email yesterday.
Another tactic? Or is she out of town with the possible OM? If so... where is my son?!?!

It does sound like some odd circumstances, but don't let that get you side tracked yet. Easy to start obsessing about questions that don't have answers.

Keep your focus. Get your son and get back in the house. Has your lawyer filed an emergency petition for temporary custody yet? And a petition to give you the house and financial support from your wife? Since she filed false charges whenshe really doesn't seem to have a problem with you keeping your son, and now won't take the class, she's effectively barring you from seeing your child -- that won't look good to a judge.

Can your lawyer reccommend a way for you to get a message to her, responding to her questions and with the STD info?

Don't let yourself get obsessed and side-tracked. Focus.

-AmI.

AmI is right, keep your focus. Don't get caught up in obsessing about what she might be doing. Who knows, maybe her attorney told her to stop baiting you, that it won't look good for her. There really is no way of knowing what's going on in her mind right now.

TOMK how ya holdin up today?

Yep... Lawyer spoke to the DA, DA spoke to the wife. Wife stewed about it for a day then I get another email. Only this time it's from "L (maiden name)"

Instant heartbreak and empty feelings again.

Hopefully just another tactic on her part seeing how nothing else has worked. I'm doing good at defeating them, but they are getting harder and harder.

Email...

Funny thing. My "story" has never changed. Cops said so, Judge said so, BOTH Lawyers said so. Hers on the other hand, my paid for lawyer counts 3 different versions...

What I did that was wrong and inexcuseable? Leave on my own. She is claiming the Spousal Immunity to avoid being caught in her own lies. Period.

From all you've read in her emails, please tell me she is just venting and really screaming for her husband to come home.

I miss my son as you all know, but I'm starting to miss her now too. Funny how you don't really know what you have until it's gone. Funny? No... sad. When/if I get back in the house, I'll never take anything for granted again. I'm hopeful this is just a HUGE wakeup call for us both.

I had a meeting today as I always do on Tuesdays, one of the clients had an intersting ...what's the word for a guys necklace? Well he had one on and I liked it, asked him where he got it.... Grand Canyon he says. How messed up is that?!?!?! That's where my wife and I honeymooned... Now I want to get one more than ever. hopefully she'll see it, ask about it, and I can tell her why i have it. Better yet, make a weekend trip out there with her and my boy.... get us all one.

How am I holding up. So worried and stressed I've actually made myself physically ill from it all. All I want to do is go HOME and crawl into bed.

oh yeah.... "My problems" (she created) adding to HER stress levels.... I love it!!

Ok this part in her e-mail struck me.... forgive herself for what?

TOMK- continue to stay dark and follow the rules. Its killing her that she can't elicit a response from you. Which is ironic since she set up this whole RO thing herself!
Honestly, allowing this....female...to stew in her own juices for a bit might actually be good in the long run. Who knows...

Still going for that part-time job?

Yeah I'd like ot know what she needs to forgive herself for too, I was thinking forgive herself for not gettign rid of me sooner?

I WILL NOT reply. My response was to print, and fax to the lawyer. not 10 minutes later he calls. Confirms he spoke to the DA and the DA spoke with her. He has paperwork for me to sign but wants to redo it now with this latest email. Needs to confer with the DA. But expects to have paperwork ready for me tomorrow afternoon. Wants to know when I'm available. I told him I would make myself avail any time he needs...

I wish I drank... tonight would be a good night for that.

Your almost free and clear buddy....did the D.A. say when the charges would officially be dropped and the R.O. recinded? She already aggreed to spousal immunity so whats the hold up....and I wonder what "stories" she heard?

Well my lawyer has ALL the IMs, Emails, and 3 phone calls... he shared them all with the DA... that's the only "story" I've told...

Maybe this weekend I can go home and not even have to worry about a court case on 12/13.

Wonder if I can get my $$ back if I don't have to go to the Child Impact seminar...

i dunno maybe your wife should go to it....then she can understand the impact she had on your son????

SHE has yet to register for it.

Can i call them or can i call them. i knew somethign was up yesterday when i hadn't seen her online or gotten any correspondance.

Now that she changed her eamil back to her maiden name and signed it that way too...she's online waiting for me to say something.

This fish doesn't go after the same bait baby... this one learns.

I'm actaully pretty proud of myself about how calm I am about that last email. When I left just after we were married she did the same thing, changed her name back. Got me too... not this time. Just Print and fax. What a nice calm way of dealing with that!


On another note.. Yes, applied for a night shift job doing just about the same I do now only for an enterprise company. 3X the $$ too. I have had an email interview and a phone interview already. Shoudl be hearing back tomorrow.

Another side note, really looking forward to going home and spending time with both of them. Question though... and maybe this isn't the right time for this... how do I deal with not knowing if that baby is mine? I love my wife, but the thought of her with someone else is right on the tip of my skull and i know WHEN we get to that arguement, I'm going to say something i don't want to.

I WANT to support her in this and I WANT to love that baby... just the thought of it not mine though..... it's there. How do i deal with that? Or is this something i should worry about later?

TOMK

You have improved greatly since your first post - kudos to you - should be proud. Now I am stumped on the next challenges. See I think this RO and getting back in the house is just to correct an injustice - its the easy part.

Her reaction is really going to be the key indicator on the path to take. My gut tells me Plan A your butt off until the birth anyway. Finding out paternity can wait - far down the list right now. Dont jump ahead in the game. Is there a reason (like SF freq) that you are concerned?

Your wife is stressed out so you need to go slow on that relationship. You are going to have to play the dumb fox I think. She might slap another accusation your way or file D papers next. First is to be a good father - thats the next task.



Keep the mouth shut - don't mention anything until a DNA is performed. You are going to need to do some spying to find out if there is OM in the meantime. Right now - you don't have any facts - just emotions - facts are friends.

The tough part is yet to come - you will need to build up her love bank. So be the husband and father she needs if you choose to return home. One thing - you do not have to tolerate disrespect.

I hope others pipe in here - I feel like I have rambled on with no coherent plan myself LOL