That's just it... I have tolerated disrespect from her...and others most of my life. Even my mother has no respect for me. Though she'll deny that. That's actaully the ONE thing my wife and mother ahve in common I guess.

Anyway, i've been standing up in my own way over the last year and pretty much let all the digs and comments just slide off... that's when she gets even nastier. Some kind of ego trip to put me down or something.

I love how she says she's pregnant cuz I wanted another baby... I thought marriage was supposed to be 50-50 not 70-30 or in my case...90-10.

I go so back and forth on the baby thing right now. Part of me doesn't care whot he father is as long as it is healthy. Part of me thinks i'm a jerk for even thinking about a paternity test.... how could I do that to this baby. And of course if I do, and it IS mine... I will NEVER hear the end of it... NEVER. i wouldn't put it past her to tell the baby that when it's older... she already tells my 2 year old son that I'm a loser...and he repeats it! Doesn't know what it means yet, but he repeats it.

I want to go home.
I want to make my marriage a happy one.

I guess... Just go home, stand up for myself gently and let her know I'm not thrilled with her having me arrested and that I cannot trust her NOT to try that again. Stay positive, think positive, don't comment about anything potentially negative. Be supportive for her and maybe, just maybe she'll see I'm sincere and for real. And she'll drop this whole BS about me being with someone else.

Hopefully she's just been a damn workaholic... wanting to stay at work instead of argue with me. If that's all this was, that certainly can be fixed.

....I remember when we first met and finally move in together. She was a gym freak, every morning 4AM...up and the the gym, showered and back in bed before I ever woke up. but would laways leavea note incase I woke up.... then she slowly stopped going... she told me she wanted to spend as much time with me as possible so stayed in bed with me until it was time for me to get up and go to work. She changed her gym schedule to go during her lunch break. Home about the same time as me... dinner, then couch cuddle time or a walk through the neighborhood, then bed. Those were the best days. I was really looking forward tot he little ones jumping in bed with us to wake us up in the mornings.... hopefully soon enough. hopefully.

WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And you think you should handle her gently. YOU have been conditioned to take this crapp off of woman...it is no wonder you are not getting any respect. YOU NEED TO find your nuts...let your wife know that this will never happen again...you need to put your mom in her place immediately. There is a new sheriff in town if you want a happy life/marriage.



This plan sucks asss. What has appeasement gotten you so far...no respect. YOU can either choose to demand respect or you can walk around being a wuss for the rest of your life. Reach in your pants...go ahead...feel those dangling items down there....USE EM! You will not get respect by being a wimp.

You married a woman that seemed to love/respect you...although I doubt that was the case. Somewhere along the line she has chosen to show you the ultimate level of disrespect...GET MAD....and stop taking it. Rent the movie American Beauty....watch the husband in there....(now there is infidelity but since the price for it is high at the end...it doesn't bother me). Kevin Spacey's character was taking too much crapp....watch it....learn it. TODAY....YES TODAY...MAKE A CHOICE THAT YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO TAKE ANY [censored] OFF THAT WOMAN EVER AGAIN. Put mom in her place too.

There is a new sheriff in town....if he can find his nuts.

Spent about 3 hours with my Lawyer today then came to work to find.... a note!!

I AM SO FRIKKIN PISSED I CAN'T EVEN GO INTO IT RIGHT NOW!

Sorry for yelling... I think I found where my wife is getting the info on the "stories" I've been telling.

I'm going to my temporary abode and hopefully if I've calmed down enough to type I'll share.

WHAT A LIAR she is!!!

...AND STILL trying to F with me! gggrrrr

Calm down.
Focus.

Have you filed temporary custody, support and use of the house papers yet?

Your W is doing everything she can to get a rise out of you. Don't buy into it. She's trying to goad you into breaking the RO -- that's what she's been doing all along. This is nothing different.

Don't let her make you the bad guy. Work on you and work on your plan. Send everything else to your lawyer.

o_0` I am almost afraid to ask.....

I can't file ANY paperwork, she's hogtied me good!

And I have a message from my bank, who also holds our insurance policies. She's been able to change my profile so that it says I live in another state. Effectively voiding my car insurance. Also changed our marital status to seperated. I'm still @ work, fuming, and on the phone with my bank to get that all reversed.

Good note RE: Lawyer visit. We will have a new court date 7-10 days from now so this can all be behind me in as little as 2 weeks. I still have to go to the Child Impact seminars though... that she has STILL yet to register for.

I AM SOOOOOOOO tempted to call the house to see what the answering machine greeting says now too, but I can't. I also want to unblock her from IM and put my Status to something... can't think clearly now as to what but I know that's a BAD idea.

Funny... I put my wedding ring back on today too...

What I was furious about earlier is I finally got a copy of the police report. It says that she hit me by her own admission, though no marks on me. The cop interviewing me noted to me that he saw the red mark on my neck though... in the report, not there! The report says the fight started in the bedroom...WRONG, SHE started on me downstairs 30 minutes after I got home. But wait...flipt he page to the other officers report... it says she laid into me the second I walk in the door... by her own admission!!! So which is it Baby??

The part about the physicall evidence I LOVE!!! The officer's report.. "L told me that MR was yelling at her loudly ad she felt uncomfortable so shoved him away from her, this is when he back handed her with his left hand, causing her to fall backwards towards the open door int he bedroom. MR then approached MRS and shoved her intot he door causing the doornob to punch a hole int he wall. I find enoguh evidence for probable casue to arrest MR for unprivledged contact of MRS"

Funny how the admission of her hitting me wasn't PC enough to arrest her. Yet my version of her tripping over the clothes all over the bedroom floor and landing on the door that caused the hole inthe wall aren't enough to keep me from being arrested!

Had I been the woman with the redmark... BOTH cops would have "seen it" and reported it! Had I been the man that got shoved into the door it would have been me tripping...

The officers report even states that I was outside when they arrived, calm, car already packed and that I told them I refused to aregue in front of the baby.

Yet I get arrested.

Nice system we have hear.

The DA has decided not to allow bail conditions to be modified. But The court date can be pushed up to sometime between late next week or early week after that, 11/7-11/16. So there is hope that I can be home for the holidays legal wise... but her latest action of telling the bank and the insurance company that she's "seperated" and I live in another state.... what the H E L L is that?????

....better be just another ruse as she hasn't seen me online and thinks I'm "Living the good life" as she emailed to me once before....

I haven't made any changes to my email I plan on sending her. Should I?

OK... venting online has calmed me down. (Luis could learn from that...if he reads this thread)

All done reacting, no IM stuff for her, NC per RO until lifted... deep breath.

I miss her and I hope she misses me and this is just her way of trying to gain some sort of contact, all dibiousness aside.

2x4 anyone?

does the police report say she hit you or shoved you? If you were in her face and she felt threatened....she had a right to protect herself.
TOMK...I arrested the woman probably 50% of the time in these cases and your ability to keep your cool is obviously lacking...so, did she hit you or shove you?
Were you in her face yelling?

don't send her anything as the R.O. is still in effect you know better.....secondly...did you tell your attorney about how she falsified your profile? I would make sure he knows...thats malichious right there and can be looked bad upon by a judge.

OK TOMK...are you SURE you want this woman who is out to get you by the balls back?

MEDC
1 officer says she shoved me, both say she hit me. Point is, that's a lie. I was on my knees picking up the pile of socks when she belted me. I wasn't in her face at all, and I didn't yell once. Didn't even raise my voice...

How is my ability to keep cool lacking exactly? In the last 30 days of posting how have I lacked... perhaps a bit tonight? But that's it... and just venting online. If I show lacking, please explain. I don't want to ever come across like an angry guy... I'm not.

Surviving,
The second I got the note at work and realized what it was for, I called my lawyer and told him she had them call me at my job and that she had my profile changed. I've learned quick from all of you. Let the lawyer do his job... he can't unless I give him what he needs.

Do I want her back? Head says no, heart says yes. Inner Personal Conflict. sigh. When it's good...it's the best thing I've ever known in my life. But man oh man when it's bad...it's the purest of evil i've ever had to deal with.

please remember... I'm an emotionally beaten man. I gave up trying to stand up for my opinion after constantly being told it didn't matter. I got too many "Becuase I said so" and "I don't need a reason"

I went home that night, all intentions of walking away. I walked in, dind't say a word to her for over 30 minutes, didn't even look at her. That pushed her buttons and she raged.

That fight that night was all her. Unless NOT communication is an act of aggression in itself.. then I guess I would be guilty there.

honestly your gonna have to weigh that out....after how vindictive and evil she has been....i doubt trust issues will ever be solved....what if the baby isn't yours....that will factor into it to.

if that baby isn't mine she will never see me again. Period

...and I'll do all I can to get custody of my son

you know our hopes and prayers are with you......unfortunatly I can't say I hope she is lucky enough to have you back in her life....she's done to many evil things in my book to deserve to be trusted again....but I am not her husband .....she needs some schooling and to grow up....and she needs to go to church.

She sounds like a child having a raging TANTREM because she can't fight or get a reactions from you. Either that, or she is still trying to get you to break the RO so she can really get you. Very odd, either way and certainly not LOVING, in anyway.

I see you as VERY REACTIVE (well, both you). Your emotions are all over the place. For example, you will love the baby, even if it's not yours, you'll be gone, period. It's understandble to be sure, but I think you need to see this about yourself (and her).

Yes, I know I'm reactive, and I try not to be. that's alwasy been a problem with me.

i love her, i can't do anything about that. And in the car ride back to my temporary abode... I thought about it. I'm going to be one of those guys that loves this baby and will rais eit as my own no matter what. This baby doesn't deserve what [email]h@ll[/email] it could endure not being in an intact family.

I want to believe it's mine anyway.

I think you're right about the tantrim thing...

Also called my bank/insurance company on the ride too and got the profiles, both of them, switched back to married and my profile has my REAL HOME address again. I explained to the clerk on the phone that my wife is pissed at me and what she did isn't really legit. There is a note on both our member numbers now that we are in mid-marital issues and the profiles will remain "locked" until further noticed from both of us.

Maybe.... maybe when she logs in an notices, that would be a sign to her that I'm not out gallavanting and "living the good life", and wanting to come home?

Weird what the mind, heart, and soul can do to a person just by taking that semi-concious break from reality every evening and waking up the next morning.

I woke up feeling very happy, unusually happy. While in the shower, I don't know why, but I began to think about the motorcycle accident I was in back in 2001. How I nearly died and the Doctors telling me how lucky I am to be alive. When I was able to walk again and begin to get back to enjoying life, I realized how right they (and all the others who told me) how right they were. I began to see every day things in a new light. I really loved being alive. I learned to appreciate every single thing that was going on around me. Thankful for all of it.

After my shower my thoughts turned the the days in the hospital awaiting the arrivals of my boy, and then the proud moment the Dr gave me at the last second asking me if I wanted to deliver him into this world. Right then... more than ever, my wife and I were a complete team. It took the 2 of us to create this life, and then we were blessed enough for the 2 of us to bring this life into the world. I have never in my entire life ever experienced a prouder, more loving moment. I will some day be able to put into words exactly how that moment made me feel, and how I reflect on it still.

Then this overpowering sense of Love came over me. I love my wife. I absolutely love her.

The ride into work this moring I couldn't stop smiling, physically smiling. Remebering all the great times we've had, and some of the troubled times. But we got through every single one of those troubled times. I know I can't, but I feel like I could go home right now, open the door and hug my wife so tight.....

Sigh.

She's a vindictive woman, a scorned woman. Her past haunts her I think. She told me things she's never told anyone. I was supposed to protect her from her past... wasn't I? I think when we argue she gets super defensive as a self preservation tactic because of her last relationship. She had opened herself upt o me once, let me in... but I must have hurt her and not seen it. That door closed and I didn't stop it. Now she's back to what she knows... self preservation at any cost. Wouldn't a battered woman act this way to make sure it never happened again? Not that I ever gave her any reason to think I would hit her or threaten her... but in her mind I must have. Somehow.

My wife knows I LOOK like Mr. Bad @ss, but she also knows I'm the biggest SOFTY in the world. I just need to find a way to remind her of that... and I think just getting home, looking into those green eyes of hers, telling her I love her, and holding her... that's the biggest step to take in reassuring her.

Well I have more to say but duty calls... actually a client just called saying their server is down. Gotta go do my job. Actually I consider this my "other job". My job is to keep me happy and provide a loving envirnoment for my family.

TOMK

TOMK, sounds like you're simmering down a bit, which is very good.

Keep the good thoughts in mind, as you have today. Rest is key, as is exercise, so I hope you're getting some of that. Both will help you to stay focused and calm, and to act, not to react.

PK

Glad you are having a good morning TOMK.

I would not spend a lot of time trying to analyse her. You are just guessing at her feelings, motivations, etc. Stick with what you know...the actions. Yours and hers. She has made some pretty ugly moves against you with this RO and how it is effecting your son. I am not trying to be negative here, but stick to the facts instead of the guesswork.

I don't see her as all that open...you mentioned all the secrecy about the child she gave up for adoption and the lock boxes. That is not where you need to be for honesty and openess in your marriage. It's all this secrecy that brings on the fears of deception. If you are both transparent those fears should go away.

This relationship feels very abusive to me. Not necessary from the physical sense but in how you guys treat each other. You both sound very co-dependent. This is a very unhealthy place for both of you. Have you read much about codependency, enabling, etc?

was he in the bedroom? was he downstairs? was he in the car boot?
did she fall through the wall? trip? or did a hole just suddenly appear?
was there a red mark? was there not? who was convincing?
who shoved who? or was that who hit who??
what report is what?
stay tuned!!!

or go back to the beginning of the thread. It is pretty well self explanitory.

T,

It all starts with you.

Source the support you need.

Max