TOMK,
I think she spent so much time at work because she resented you for spending so much time on the computer. Same thing with your son, maybe she felt she was "doing it all" and working full time while you sat on the computer. I am not saying that is what you did I am saying maybe that is how she felt.

Why is your wife going to a parenting class?

About all her secret stuff, some people are like that. My MIL was like that. I think it is a control issue. Something only she has control over. My husband was like that in the begining of our marriage. He had a pet peve about me opening his mail. I couldn't understand it but I respected it. Over time he realized he was turning out more like his mom and stopped it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> When it is time to talk about this explain how it makes you feel and ask her why she doesn't let you in.

One thing that you said in a recent post struck me. You say maybe you had your son before you were ready. Maybe that is how your wife feels and it is now even more stressful because she is having another baby. It may have not hit you yet because the baby isn't here but she is carrying it so I am sure she is feeling overwhelmed.

You also said something about video of her first born. If I remember correctly she gave the baby up, correct? I think she still is dealing with the guilt of not being a mom to that child. Now she has another child and one on the way but that baby WAS her first born.

Have a great time with your kids today!

TOMK -

Haven't had a chance to revisit since I have been travelling so much lately. Couple of quick comments & things to think about.

- Your atty has been the best money spent so far. He saw your communication challenges and stepped up to the plate. Apparently he understood that your wife did not understand your exact circumstances. He helped break that wall down. If you had stayed with the public defender - who knows what would transpire.

- The email from your wife is her love letter to you. She may not realized how much you loved her and did not understand your silence. Your letter touched her soul - great job.

- When this RO ordeal is over - you need to do a 'post-mortem' on your & your wife's communication skills. Need to spend more time together. Obviously you both dont know how to read each other very well. I am a technical project manager for a very large company - its a part of our standard to do a project post-mortem after every major launch to understand key learnings and improve our methods the next time around. This is required in your situation. Both of you know it.

- You have grown and learn quite a bit since the first post... amazing ... isnt it? Write down some of those key learnings now while there is some quiet time. Life will be coming at full press when you return home.

- Do not forget one thing - the situation was not progressing until you got an atty and started taking care of yourself and doing the tasks your self. Do not rely on others to do the work for you.

- You are coming to the place where you have an incredible opportunity to have a great marriage and family. Understand that you need to grasp it and take advantage of this opportunity.

- Cant tell if there was an OM in the background or not but I think we can all safely say there would have been an OM one day if not now. Perhaps what some other posters have said - this OM may have dropped her - this could be possible - cannot say. Prepare mentally for worst but don't dwell on it. Stay focus and on task. Learn how to meet her needs. You might have been given a second chance - you do not want to go down that infidelity road if you dont have too.

Have a good day on the hike. Sounds like fun - thats what we do as a family still. Its the bonding of hiking, rock climbing, camping, kayaking that has been a godsend for us.

Had a very groounding day today. Weatehr couldn't ahve been better for this time of year. My 8 yr old boy and 10 yr old girl were ready @ 7AM... packed witht he things I told them to bring, layers, water, snacks... gave them each a set of binoculars too. They each carried their own gear. Very proud of them.

Amzingly they loved the steep stuff. ...And the higher we went the faster they hiked. Not bad at all for a couple kids that have never done this before. I wanted them to pace themselves, we went from 1100ft to 3651 in 2.5 hours... they wouldn't listen but they were just fine.

Got GREAT pics ont he way up, on top, and on the way down. 2 different trails, He piced the up, she picked the down. They knew they were picking.... my daughter, bookworm that she is, went to the library earlier int he week and...get this, read SIX books ont he mountain and the trails... then TWO more of hiking techniques, tips, and tricks... wow. She is going to do this world good one day....

got the kids back, mom wasn't very happy (and voiced it) that my daughter ripped her pants. SCREAMED at me that she has NO $ and my daughter is an odd size... hard to find pants that fit her. I told her I would pay the replacement, she threw my money back at me saying I should tell her how to run her family. Left the money (only $9...dont usually carry cash) said I was sorry, hugged the kids and left.

Got to my temp abode... MORE $$ issues... ugh.

IM from the wife. "I thought you had no $$ seeing how you are paying for this new lawyer. Explain to me why you are taking you daughter to go get a haorcut for $30 then... and NOT trying to see your son?? ... unreal".

Can't reply... want to... can't.

One of the times I started seeig my kids again my daughter said her mother has been telling her she needs a haorcut (it's almost touching her behind) I told her she needed one too and she asked me if I would take her. We called Mom, she said OK. I used my CC to pay for a haircut...

Damn.... my mail is still going to the house. My wife is opening my mail and going through my CC records and my ATM. My ATM I can ask for an online statement. The CC I can't. Logged in and changed the Address to my work for now... damn dman damn...

Why does she care if I pay for my daughter's hair cut?

....interesting... now just IM'd me asking how my day hiking was... wanted to know if I took my exwife. Still can't reply...want to, but can't... (is that a broken record or what??) If she knows what and where I took the kids, why doesn't she know who I was with??? Just me and my 2 kids.... oh and about 100 ofther hikers. Non of which were my exwife....or anyone I knew for that matter.

So... what? 24 hours after a love letter I get this? help me ladies.... hormones? please be hormaones....

I think she expected you to break the RO after her 'love letter' to you. She's placed herself ina tough spot and now she's going to take it out on the easiest target...guess who that is?

I'd ignore it.

i'm WAY to sore to think tonight anyway...
My kids did great today...but they reminded me that i USED to be a hiker....

OT: I'm still very sore...but it is so worth it!!

My 8 yr old boy was a little scared the closer we got to the MT and even wanted to go home when we got there. I told him it was just like a regular walk through the woods, he changed his mind and wanted to go. I told him he was in charge, he picked the trail up, he told us when to take a break, and if he wanted to we would turn around. My 10 yr old daughter picked the trail down. The higher we got, the faster they went! They had a BLAST at the top! We had a great day.

http://www.kodakgallery.com/ShareLanding...mshare&Ux=0

Great pics, what a view! Your kids are cute! Don't reply to your wife' IM's. Also cut the X a little slack. You did step out of the picture for a bit and she may still have some anger towards you. She may also have a fear of you coming in and out of the kids lives. DO NOT leave them again no matter what your current wife says. This was and still will be an issue you need to work out with your Wife.

Nevert leaving those two ever again. Already got an email from my youngest wanting to know what Mountain we are climbing next weekend! YIKES!!! My knees can't take that.... good thing it's getting late in the season for them to be climbing. They have NO cold weather gear and I have no $$ to buy it right now.

PS... my belly is NOT that big!! Those pics make me look HUGE, I'm laying against a rolled up jacket as padding on the rocks and wearing 4 layers... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />)

Thinking,

real good pics!!!! No matter what......find a way to find a solution that will make the both of you happy about your kids.

My father was in the same situation and he "left us".....he removed himself completely from our life......his OW had children of her own and tHey are his new family....... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

I've learned to live with it as there has been no contact for over 27 years......he has never met his grandchildren nor his great-grandchild........he doesn't know what he is missing out on.

Don't make the same mistake.......find a solution and imagine yourself many years from now......sitting at the table with lots of happy, smiling children faces!!!!and they are all a part of you rather than sitting and thinking "what are they doing".........."why did I desert them?"........and and and........

The time will come and they'll have a car......then the problem will be no problem anymore concerning picking them up.
Why didn't your wife just go with you when you picked them up from your exwife??

Concerning the kids clothing.....have you ever looked into Ebay?? They have great offers for used children clothing. Just a thought. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

bb

Your kids are great! I loved the pic in the car coming home. Looks like they were really tuckered out.You don't look anything like I imagined (I ALWAYS get that wrong- LOL).

I agree with MOJO... keep ignoring the hateful IMs. It's obvious she has major issues with your x and your children that need to get resolved. Your kids are precious and they won't be young forever!!

I agree, don't sacrifice your R with them for your W. They need you so much, it's painfully obvious. You divorce spouses, not children.

I hope you guys consider getting counseling. She really needs to work on her jealousy over your EXW and your kids.

The pictures are great!

nuff said...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> you're right on..........

also nuff said.....

SSSUUUURRRREEEEEE.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

No One's opinion matter's but my wife's anyway....

LOL

Thatta boy, TOMK!

Great pics, btw!

It really looked coooooooold on that MT. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

~ Marsh

awww how sweet! You old softy you!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Wow... just got back from "night one of two" of my Child impact class. I REALLY hope this opened my wife's eyes when she took hers on Saturday.

He's two.... and he already knows so much. It's amazing how much he soaks up, learns, and repeats. THANK GOD he hasn't learned the arguing... at least he hasn't shown he's learned it yet. I'm hopeful I was good enough to keep it from him.

I have homework to do... I don't think they look at the types of cases they get when they think this thing out. I had to introduce myself and then tell the ages of my kids... was not easy to say "...and one on the way" being in a room full of people going through divorce for this reason and that... I'm not going through divorce, so trying to figure out why I was forced to go to this through the courts... I already know not to argue in front of my boy..

The homework part destroyed me. My assignment, that I have to bring in with me next week, is a paper that answers 5 questions. EVERY SINGLE ONE of the questions is "Observe your child and describe how they cope with... fear, anger," ...and 3 others... I was so frikkin beside myself...I can't do these. I'm not legally allowed to!!!

So... in all this positive thoughts and feelings, and moving forward, I'm brought right back to the HARSH REALITY that I can't even complete a court ordered seminar 100%.

I miss him, and I want to go home. NOTHING ELSE MATTERS RIGHT NOW!!! Why would a court system put someone through this? WHY does "the system" have such generic... I feel like I was given a form letter disguised as a class. What a slap in the face I feel like I got tonight instead of insight on how to protect children from "adult issues".

I actually unsubscribed from the "NH Dad's have rights too" group earlier today because I felt like it was too over powering and militant. Tonight I was given a big dose as to why they are the way they are... I've just resubscribed!

One thing I did notice, and I made it a point to verify every single person in the room, including the two lectars.... I was the ONLY person wearing a wedding ring. If I'm going to be sent to a seminar as part of my bail conditions, at least have it geared towards my circumstance!!!

I feel just like I did when the cop with little man syndrome told me he felt there was enough PC to arrest me... with NO physical evidence other than my wife's tears. Oh... and the red mark on MY neck...

Really looking forward to the look on the lectars' faces when I tell them I don't have my assignment prepared next week..... I better get my certificate that I was present!