Thinking

just wanted to know if everything is ok??
What's been going on??

bb

Another 'emotional break' last weekend.
NO Computer at all. Figured once I get back home I'm not going to be on much so I better condition myself now...

Called my Lawyer, but had to leave a message. No word back yet, but today being a holiday I didn't expect one.

Part 2 of the Child Impact class tonight... fun fun.

Supposedly this time next week I'll have the legalities behind me, and movING back into my house.

Can't wait to see the look on my boy's face when he realizes Daddy is home and I will be there when he 3wakes up too! (I just hope he lets me 'go to work' seeing how that's where he thinks I've been all this time...)

Thinking,
good to hear from you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I really do hope that everything will work out for you and your family.
Have you still been seeing your other children???

bb

You betcha!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Got another call from my lawyer today. Court @ 8:15AM 11/19. The wife will not be there. The DA is going to offer some sort of Malum Practica (spelling) in which if I'm a good boy for 6-12 months, these (bogus) charges go away forever. but if I "mess up" at all, then I face the maximum sentence for each count... 2 years X 3 counts... 6 years in prison. For trying to walk away from my marriage....

I spoke with a councilor last night after my Child Impact class. I told the whole story, just as I have here... I was told by the councelor that what I did was wrong.

What I did was wrong...

By not saying ANYTHING to her I was passive aggressive and in the eyes of the law that's just as good as a real threat.

Are you kidding me?!?!?!?! All i did was go home, a beaten man, pack my [email]sh@t[/email] QUIETLY and try to leave to find a place to think and get my head clear! but becuase I refused to (and this is the concelor's words) "Communicate with my spouse" She saw that as a viable threat and feared I would kidnap my son and leave forever. My wife was "perfectly within her rights to call the police". Though the part of the physical abuse the concelor concedes wasn't evident enough to warrant my arrest.

So again.... the SIMPLE FACT that I'm the man in all this, I'm the one that gets the SHAFT from the "system".

Funny thing though.... my wife's IMs and Emails have ALL been completely benign and casual.... like "just another day in the park" sort of thing.... very odd.

She wants me home. My son misses me and gives her a VERY hard time every night when it's bed time, wakes up in the middle of the night calling for me, and refuses to cooperate with her for basic tasks like baths and getting dressed. He's clearly upset I'm not home, and she lets me know it.

Oh...another email from her about how she was informed that only 1% of these test results are false positives.... amazing the difference in % we both ave gotten....

Looking forward to this being ALL behind me and I can get on with my life.

My kids had such a blast 2 weeks ago cliimbing Mt Monadnock...my daughter just emailed me asking if I could setup a plan for us to hike all the Mountians in the Appalachian trail. (Yes, she's told me she's read 3 books on the trail so far...YIKES!!!) I tried to do them all as I grew up and never got all of them. looks like now, with the help of my little girl, I'll be hitting that goal...

Thinking,

it might not of been the right way of communicating.......... but to just imagine what the courts would have to deal with if all wives called the cops because their husbands refused to communicate accurately. OMG <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />
My husband would have a life-time prison sentence......... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Did you ask this councelor, what he would recommend someone to do in this kind of situation????

Imagine..........ThinkingOfMyKids................we are all here in Marriage Builders probably just because of this reason. Not knowing how to communicate the right way.......just imagine all of us in prison.

I'm just picturing this.......... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Great to hear how happy your children are. Keep this up and when you do get back home.........communicate with your wife about this. It's a biggy in your marriage and there are issues that have to be dealt with........for the sake of your children and your marriage.

Don't let yourself be talked out of seeing your chilren and letting them into your life. You could even consider talking with Steve Harley about this. It surely would be interesting what he'd have to say and how to POJO in this situation.
bb

Just got a set of IMs that really bother me. In more ways than might be obvious....
_________________________________________________
L says (6:30 PM):
try having a crying 2 year old tell you
L says (6:30 PM):
"mama you make me sad....you hurt me"
L says (6:30 PM):
kills me when he says i hurt his feelings
L says (6:31 PM):
he was being a pain...so i said "stop being silly"
L says (6:31 PM):
launched into a crying fit and said I hurt his feelings
L says (6:31 PM):
so sensitive!
L says (6:31 PM):
a 2 year old expresses that?
L says (6:32 PM):
geesh
L says (6:32 PM):
at least he knows how he feels
___________________________________________________

My gut says she said something other than "Stop being silly".... That and she seems so....non-chelaunt about HIS hurt feelings and that SHE caused them.

This is not the first time I have gotten a message like this that "She hurt his feelings" and he told her so. It's tearing me apart that I can't reply or do anything about this right now.

I wonder if he knows I'm gone because of her? I wonder how he will be when he sees me again... if he'll let me leave his sight.

These next 5 days will be the longest of my entire life....

BB,
She, the conselor, said "you're not living there anymore are you? This sounds to volitile to be healthy...." This is not my MC, this was just a councelor taking part in the Child Impact class I had to attend. Just something we talked about briefly during a break.... (odd)

tomk,

Some kids are that sensitive at that age and if he is going to a day care that uses "feeling" words, which would be very common, it is probably completely normal. Be on alert, but do not jump to conclusions.

Have you given some thought to how you guys are going to re-join here soon? What her expectations will be, and yours? I suggest that the two of you get together first, say what you need to say and get that out BEFORE you get with your son.

He has been through a huge seperation so be ready for a variety of reactions. My mom told me (I was his age) that when she was in the hospital for 4 days I missed her terribly but when I saw her, I rejected her. I didn't want her to hold me, etc. She said I also started to wet the bed for a couple of days. After that, everything returned to normal. My H was deeply hurt when he told our little boys that his dad, their grandpa, had died and they just laughed and jumped on the bed, acting silly. They started laughing up toward the ceiling and pretending that they were talking to grandpa in heaven. This is a very young age and they will not respond the way an adult would. He could just rush into your arms, but be ready for a variety of responses.

I would be very careful not to overwhelm him with YOUR feelings. Let him approach you. Let me him set the pace.

I am certain this will be a highly emotional moment for you, but you will need to contain some of that, for his sake.

I urge you to give some of these things some thought.

I don't want to come across like a bragging Father so please forgive me if I do.

My son has had quite the vocabulary since about 6 months. His Dr is amazed with his words and ability to form meaningful sentences from day one. And Always comments to us about that too. My son has/had a medical condition (knock on wood) so for the 1st 18 months we saw many many specialists, they all concur with our PCP that he's very articulated. We like to think he got Papa's brains....there isn't much Papa doesn't know...

So with that being said I can certainly understan him coming up with that all on his own. I'm sure daycare is teaching him too. He's been advanced for his age. (Did I mention I was a stay at home Dad for 18 months? hehe).

His uncanny understanding of his surroundings is one of the major reasons I refuse to argue in front of him. He does not need to pick THAT up early....

AS for rejoiing my family..... I just want to bust the door down, yell Daddy's home! and wait for the rush of hugs!! but reality... I have a letter ready (hopefully won't need it) in cas eI can't get out what I want to say to my wife...about everything. I've gone over it what feels like a million times and it's perfect. it tells her everything I NEED to say, and some things I want to say NOW. I'm hopeful that after whatever time on Monday I have my case i can call her, tell her I'd like to meet somewhere...and then just talk to her. If I'm too emotional, I'll apologize and hand her my letter. Let her read it and take it from there.

monday night I hope I'm sleeping in my bed again, if not, at the very least under my own roof again...

I'm in no way prepared to be rejected by my son. i will not handle that well at all if it happens. 7 weeks of not watching him grow, experinces his firts with him, being able to hold him and kiss him goodnight.... that's 7 weeks too long! witht he emails, IMs, and phone calls i get about his behavior and wanting to knwo where I am...i really think he'll be just as happy to see me as I him.

i won't TALK too much to him just yet, just hold him, hug him, kiss him, and make him feel safe that i'm not going anywhere ever again. I might even take tuesday off of work and stay home with him and play all day.... that will depend on him, but I'm prepared to take the time off.

I've learned from my mistakes... first one was lettign my wife control me. now i see my other kids, and i will contimue that...they are NOT my 'other' kids! They are my family... second mistake was not communicating to my wife that i was HURT from her accusasions...I think she thinks I was MAD...there is a difference. I know we have communication issues, huge communication issues, and instead of doing nothing about it nd accepting that, every day i will take an active part to establish and maintain GOOD communications with my wife.

Third and MOST IMPORTANT.... NEVER LEAVE MY HOUSE AGAIN!!!! No matter what.

I DO NOT like the deal being offered. You are innocent of all charges and should fight for their dismissal.
WHAT IF...your wife decides that she wants to do the same thing down the road and have you arrested for nothing.....WHAT HAPPENS THEN.

What you relayed about the therapist doesn't make much sense. What you did was wrong in a way...that does not mean it was a threat or criminal in any way. You seem to be running into an amazing number of incompetent people throughout all of this.

I don't like the deal either...for the very same reasons you post MEDC. I surely do NOT want that type of "What if" over my head for however long it's there. To me, that's just setting me up in this system again for them to believe whatever she feels like telling them at the time.

I WAS going to take whatever is offered if my lawyer advised so...just to get back in my house. But after thinking about it, and reading that post... I realize if I take any sort of "deal", I'm still the one getting the fingers pointed at for this mess, I'm the one "responsible" for what happened.. and I'm the one that gets haulled off again if things don't go 'her way'.

This deal, though I do not officially know what it is yet, is simply another setup. The ONLY thing I did wrong was not tell my wife I was a mental wreck with the latest news and I needed to leave to compose myself. THAT does not warrant my being arrested NOR me having to walk on egg shells during my probationary period to make sure she doesn't make another bogus phone call.

.....Besides. Probation or not. What stops her from making another call like that and having me haulled off again ANYWAY?!?!?!?!?

.....hhhhhhmmmmmm Perhaps I need to rethink this whole plan of mine. I'm still acting/thinking like I'm the one who needs to be apologetic. I need to demand answers and figure some way to feel safe that she will not make another bogus call to the police....(Will I ever be able to trust her that she won't????)

I would never accept that deal for the very reasons you are concerned.
Honesty should be te rule of the day here. First off...I am still fuzzy as to how this all happened. It doesn't make any sense practically or legally.
I would fight this and your wife should come forward and admit that she lied. Anything less than that is a miscarriage of justice.

It all stems from years of being beaten down and told my opinion doesn't matter.

In the begining things were great, but then she foundout that I have self esteem issues (have most of my life- Thanks Mom) and she used that against me to get control.

Perhaps she took control becuse she didn't have it in her last relationship? Or maybe she is just a control freak period.

The more I think about what she tells me my son has told her, the more I think she treats him the same way she treated me... If that's the case, I am NOT the problem.

Too many what ifs right now. Need to concentrate on getting back into my house and being able to talk with my wife. Problem there is HOW I go about doing just that... If I concentrate too hard on getting back home, I may loose my freedom...so to speak.

you are NOT the problem. YOur wife is a control freak.

You very much need to develop a backbone and work out those self esteem issues VERY QUICKLY. You need to command respect...and the only way to do that is to show that you will not be disrespected ever again.

You might need to invest in a good voice recorder, just in case!

I'm nervous for you too! One would hope she's learned from all this, but you just never know.

My 2 yr old sounds a lot like your son. He started talking at a very young age and putting together sentences. He can be too smart for his own good we say. When I had his little brother I had to be in hospital for a few days. He acted kind of funny when I came home. He wouldn't hug me, he ignored me basically. After a few days he came around. It also didn't help that I couldn't pick him up and he had a new baby brother to contend with!

I wish you the best of luck and I have been praying you will be back in your house come Monday. I'm not even you and your situation stresses me out!! I can only imagine how you feel...

I agree with MEDC on this TOMK......This is going to create a history of violence on your record (it's like traffic tickets even if you go to traffic school and it doesn't go on your record it's still around in some form)....and if you took a deal it would make you look guilty and if they get another call.....they have that so called history.....with how unstable your wife has been....I wouldn't trust her with how she acts during her tantrums.....

It's not a way to live always having to worry and look over your shoulder. What has your lawyer said about the "deal"?

Haven't heard from my kawyer yet...strangley enough. I plan on calling today.

I did nothign wrong, I'm taking no deal. 100% innocent in the accusations she put on me. Which to me translates to 100 accuital (spelling).

And no... I CERTAINLY do not want to live the test of my life worrying if she'll make another bogus phone call simply because she doesn't get her way.

I got another IM last night. Apparently she was told yesterday at work that becuase I didn't sign off on her profit sharing form she sent me, she lost out on $15K. I re-read the form just to make sure... I didn't cause her to lose jack... this form says I agree to remove myself as benificary if something were to happen to her. Nice....

...and she tries to flip it around on me. sigh!

See... she loves and misses you one minute and the next she's trying to make you felt guilty for yet something else. Good thing you've decided not to take the deal cause if you did she'll just have that much more power over you.