Thanks GC! I posted on your thread before reading here...I can understand the boycott..teach that thread a lesson!

P.S. No nerve hit, my back was bothering me so maybe I just sounded harsh, that's one problem with internet easy to misinterpret.

My H has made great strides, I am proud of him. I just have to learn patience for him to go the journey.

I did what was suggested I NOT to last night. I had a little heart to heart with H. Things were going along so well, I was sharing, he was getting it AND not feeling put upon or blamed...just perfect, THEN I asked him a question, he didn't answer, a few minutes later he says well I don't know the answer what is it so I tell him and *GULP* He raised his voice (which he doesn't do unless angry) and informed me how much this hurt HIM. Tears flowed, HURT HIM?! Told him was KILLING ME! LBing all over....he calmed down very quickly, I took a deep breath and calmed down.

We finished (my perspective) an emotional talk with only each of us LBing 1 time apiece (and both recognizing it almost immediately).

I shared with him MY blessings, thoughts, feelings, and fear. I shared with him WHY I post here and how much it has helped me. I shared with him WHY I'd like for him to read the HNHN and the 5 love languages book..for ME to learn about him.

And I told him all I want for Christmas...Your Heart.

He seemed to really take it in, process the thoughts and ideas. And best of all he didn't feel blamed, or anything bad. It was a good night.

MVG,,I didn't read your WHOLE post, its a long one,LOL, I read a bunch though.

you broke my heart in this last post with "all you want for Christmas is his heart" wow.

Do you think that H is being the "victim" wanting you to fall all over him? The more you want him to do something FOR YOU the more he is the victim? he wants you to beg?

I do know that my H likes to shoot himself in the foot all the blasted time,,,the more he wants something to work out the worse it gets,,do you know what I mean?

I so get where your coming from,,this is how I feel,,,if you want it you have to work for it,,why should I beg you to do something like this for our marriage? especially when you are telling him what to do! It dosen't get any easier then that!

My eyes are still full of tears about your wish.

mvg,

I think talking to your H about what's going on in your head is a good thing; it's when the LB'ing, DJ's, etc., comes in that it's a problem. It's something I work on, and probably always will.

WOW....you are one bold superwoman! Way to deliver your message, in spite of the previous LBs. I'm gonna learn from you. My H got defensive last night. I didn't do what you did. Maybe today.....I'll post it on Smiles & Trials.

You go, girl!

Ace

P.S. You know you're making a major impact when you make DF cry reading about it!!!! LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

DF, I'm not sure about the 'victim' idea. I do think he gets some type of satisfaction out of my attention. MAYBE that's one of his love languages?!

I can't even begin to tell you all how freeing it was to have that conversation. I think he got it. Now we'll see if it sticks. So far when we've had calm sharing conversations they have made an impression.

I feel good! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Whooooooo....Hoooooo....smile away, mvg. Thanks for sharing.
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Ace

Acey,,your right! I don't cry for no reason,,,I am a toughy,,shhhh the counselor is working on that

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> yeah MVG!

DF I wasn't at cryer before. Use to be if I cried someone was going to get a beatin! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I have since become a crier myself. Amazing all that these situations affect. But they say tears are cleansing (sp?), so look on the bright side guys...we are all very clean!

LOL, MVG, thats me too.

Growing up in the house I did I would not cry, punch me in the face, hold my hand under scolding hot water, lock me in the cellar, just to name a few, no way was I going to cry, its defiance for me baby, if I cried then they got their way, they beat me, ya know?

I am now working on that, letting the wall(s) down.
I cry now and then, usually for the people on this site, and for myself, I have been feeling so sorry for myself lately, I will snap out of it. right?

LOL GC, yes we are, no soap for me either

I know this is entirely irrelevant, but the title "Help with Procrastinating WH" caught my eye.

One of my kids has a T-Shirt that says --

Procrastinators: Leaders of Tomorrow

I'm not even going to read any of this thread. I'm just gonna tuck my tail between my legs and run, real fast!

Hey DF, what's up with you? Why are you feeling sorry for yourself?

Sweetsobriquet, chicken! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Sweet,,,that is an awesome T-shirt LOL,,,I love it

MVG,,,I think I finally feel bad for myself,,,I never allowed myself to discuss my feelings,,,any sadness,,,any anything,,,I always just swept it under the rug until last year it came up out of the gates of ****** and now everyone in my path is paying,,,(that I feel wronged me of course and maybe the people that are driving slow in the fast lane) I just feel so unsettled,,,no matter what happened to me I always thought there was someone worse off and had no right to whine,,,now all I do is whine about me,,,,I have to get over this hump and stop it. I am not laying around,,,still busy,,,not sure what its all about really.

Howdy, mvg!

Sounds like you are doing well. In terms of crying, I wasn't a HUGE cryer before, but since the As, I get teary a lot. I empathize much more than ever before.

Doingfine, do you feel angry? It sounds like you never allowed yourself to become angry and then let it go. Regardless of how many blessings a person has, it would still be necessary to mourn your losses, even if just to let it out.

I certainly KNOW that I am blessed in many ways, but I have a lot of anger to work thru over the mess that had been created. I sometimes feel like my FWH has it easier (I know that NOT to be true, but it can SEEM that way). All he had to do was come home, and now he can get back to his routine, his former life has been picked up again and he's running with it.

It occurs to me that he has his own set of issues to deal with due to his decisions, but WHILE he was out yucking it up with the ladies and his friends, during his A's, I was home trying to deal with the LOSS, not to mention my sons loss, and how it affected him; trying to help him work through his own anger (and he had lots) and sadness (lots, lots).

I could be waaaaay off on this one, but I didn't deal with my own anger at all, during that time (Plan B, separation). Now, it is something I have to make a concerted effort to deal with and to keep from brimming up, as it has recently.

I dunno?

HI SL & DF doing pretty well here. *knocking on wood*

Df not a fun place to be. Do you feel better in making those people pay or do you need to vent?

AND why can't you mourn/whine/whatever for how YOU feel??? Doesn't matter if someone is in worse shape, you are worth having your feelings and expressing them. Sometimes you need to 'clear the air' JUST for YOU. You might feel better if you do it in the right setting.

Being a emotionally strong person isn't what it's cracked up to be. Oh my! I didn't mean to but THAT is funny with this....cause you'll end up in a rubber room. At least that's how I felt DF, on the edge of going 'postal' or total destruction of myself.

My anger was always directed at PWC, which I stuffed. Other people didn't bother me, except for the occassional slow driver in the left lane, but that's to be expected.

I only lost my cool with the shirt and PWC; oh, and his cordless mouse, when I found out he was still cheating while living at home during the first A, oh, and many a-insect, oh, and my punching bag, pillow, mattress...goodness. I could go on.

At least you're letting it out SL and especially on inanimate objects. I'm considering a punching bag myself.