mvg:

I love your "touch and walk away" advice...I think I can apply to my H also.

SL:

In the earlier days of recovery, my H was not receptive to any touch either, let alone giving me any. At that time, my hormone and SF drive was so high for some wired reason and that complicated things a whole lot. I hope I had people giving me those kind of advice when I was so frustrated. H said he was smothered and he pulled away more...

One thing that worked for me was to try to give relaxation massages. At the end of the day, I asked H if his shoulders was tired or whatever and I would just give him some massages and that's the first thing he was receptive. He said that felt good even when other touches felt really stressful to him. You can buy an electronic ones that does the massage when you push a botton and after you do it to him, ask him to do it to you, ask it like it's not a big deal...

And I don't know if talking about it would be much helpful. I tried a lot of talking too but they all ended up not pulling us closer. Of course I couldn't keep calm during those talks.

I noticed about my hormonal cycle also. My anger and resentment would peak the week before my period and a lot of
the LBs and setbacks happened during that week because of my emotional outbursts. It's definitely hormanal and it started after Dday for me. I'm thinking about finding medical help for it. It's very severe for me and affects my mood a lot.

LovingAlong

I noticed a big shift in hormonal influence of emotions after Dday, too. Maybe I'm just more tuned in to my emotions now, or I've tapped into deeper emotions, but it can drive me nuts. That's why I'm not emailing, talking about it or anything right now. I'm a powder keg of emotion. I could cry with sorrow WHILE wringing his neck in anger at the same time.

I think I just need to heed the advice of LG, mvg, LA and yours, lovingalong. I need to touch and go. I've been doing this since he came home, but maybe it's not enough or the RIGHT kind.

Hi ladies: I just changed my screen name <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />. This will make things a bit easier since we already have an LA that we all respect and give such great advice, I need to be somebody else <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

We are off to a week long ski trip from this Friday and hopefully we will have a lot of fun there.

You know what, H asked what I wanted for Christmas (he never asked before)...I told him I wanted a new ring, with a new date, and his name and a word or two from his heart...I said you asked ;-)...And he asked me what's my ring size :--). So I'm expecting a nice Christmas present from H this year...

Snow White, GREAT NAME!!!

Have a wonderful trip, go slow and watch out for those dang trees, okay? Sounds like loads of fun. I haven't been skiing in years. I don't think my doc will recommend it in my current state. I need to get my BACKIOTOMY first.

Thanks SL. We will definitely try.
I'm sorry about your surgery again, but it's time to take care of it, right? You will feel better and stronger after it's taken care of. I'm praying for you.
Try to relax a bit also. I know about the mood swings all too well, especially when things are going up and down. I don't know the answer to all your questions, but always take good care of yourself and try to relax when emotions are high. I couldn't do it and it damaged me and my marriage so much...I know you are stronger and will do better.

SW

Hey lovingalong I like the new name too!!!
I hope you and H have a great ski trip. AND I PRAY you get exactly what you asked for, for Christmas!!!

SL is your surgery just on your neck or back or both? I was thinking (and that could be the confusion <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> ) it was your neck.

mvg,

the surgery is in my neckage area (C5-C7 fusion). I got BACKIOTOMY from a movie ("Half Baked").

Well, I'm back to smiling again (it's my favorite). I read Starfish's post on Acey's MB success stories thread and it reminded me of where I am now, and who I am now. I felt about a thousand times better when I went to bed last night, and when I woke up, even better.

I arrived home after work yesterday, and found my clothes from the dryer folded and ready to be put away. It was a really nice thing for PWC to do for me. When I was putting my clothes away, I just felt so normal; the whole situation felt normal, and good, positive. What is it with me and clothes?

Really, though, it was the kindness of my husband that helped.

Hey is half baked the movie the kills the horse with food????

I'm glad you are feeling better. Today seemed a little more on the bright side for me too...no reason why just is, so I'm going with the flow for now.

Yes, Buttercup was her name.

Oh yeahhhhh I remember it now...H loves that movie.

I read star's post too...WOW. It is very hopeful. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

We're having a extended family gathering today. Definately a house full of folks! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I hope it warms up a little so the kids can run around outside if they want...or we need them too! LOL

Happy Saturday folks!

P.S. I'm having one of those days...insecure,ugly,unwanted by H. Damn Hormones!Limbo land feeling even with happiness of family coming for visit. UGH. I hope by saying this to shall pass over and over, it will.

Family gathering was very nice, hectic but nice. Everyone enjoyed it.

H was good about interacting with everyone which is good also. Sometimes he'll just be standoffish. So I was very happy with him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Have a good one folks!

Mvg,

Stress events...which turn out well...because people show up and be people.

There's a huge road between insecure and secure...seems you were midway, because you didn't say you were worthless...and you looked to the darn hormones as first suspect.

So you know you're smart...be secure that you're smart, 'k?

Ugly? Signals you're not looking at your beauty...must be choosing to compare...which is worthless...why God made us unique. Kinda rules out comparison right off the bat, eh?

Heroic comes to mind.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

And you found something to admire your FWH about...wowsers. Did you share your appreciation and admiration with him today?

Were you happy with yourself, too?

LA


Snowy ~ I like your new name...especially since you're off skiing...and dazzling...I do feel kinda bad for having the LA first, though. Didn't even know you thought I gave okay advice...so thank you very much for sharing.

LA

<Sheepishly admitting> I avoided posting to LovingAlong to avoid confusion. I like Snow White, too. Pleased ta meetcha!

I disagree, though, Snowy....LA does not just give OK advice...she gives stupenduous, terrific, phenomenal, lifechanging, mind-altering (positive way) advice.

As Forrest Gump might say ...and thayats all eye 'ave t'sayah 'bout thayat! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Acey

Acey,

I'm the one who said okay...Snowy was more eloquent.

Thanks for your opinion, Acey. You're a treasure. Who knew you were awesome at writing dialect? Very tricky. I'm impressed.

And that's the second time today that Forrest Gump has been quoted. How 'bout that?

LA

mvg,

if you recognize it as hormones, recognize, along with that, that it will pass; that you just have to hang in there. If something comes up during this time, write it out. If it's still bothering you when the hormonal rush dissipates, discuss it then.

I had the same issue this past week. I wrote it out, and when I was feeling better, and calm, I relayed the information to PWC, in a concise, loving manner, with very little emotion. I was actually POSITIVE in my delivery on some very serious subjects, focusing on the POSITIVEs, of getting there, not quesitoning anymore "Are we gonna get there?", but knowing that MY goal is recovery; getting there.

LA,

Your posting is refreshing. I always feel relieved when I'm feeling something strange, or a challenge, or FEAR and YOU post, talking about the very things I'm experiencing, in such a human way. There is sincerity and love behind your posts. You know what we suffer at OUR OWN HANDS, and you just want to share how to escape the grief, by going THROUGH IT.

I want to bid you all (mvg, LA, Snow (lovingalong), Acey and all others reading) a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Hi LA! How are things going with you?

Thanks for checking in on me. I'm really ok, just normal ups & downs I think. And I did tell H how pleased I was with his interacting with family.

LA does not just give OK advice...she gives stupenduous, terrific, phenomenal, lifechanging, mind-altering (positive way) advice.
tats the trufh! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hey Acey!

SL & Mvg...

Gifts of your presence on MB...and everywhere you are. Please know you are truly gifts on this earth.

Thank you for being special gifts to me, too.

When you bring back what I've said, through you, you enhance it...and deliver it again when I need to hear it most. Thank you for being here and being you.

LA

ahhhh shucks! I'm blushing a little. Merry Christmas my friends.