Thanks all. The Goddess thread came at the BEST time for me. I really needed a way to focus on me and let our M simmer for a bit. I am starting to feel better about myself. It's been waaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy to long and I'm enjoying it greatly! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I asked H what he had planned for the weekend, nothing what about you. I told him I needed to go to city to do some shopping and you get to come with me. He looked surprised! hehehehe I mentioned you don't comment or give me any feedback so I guess you'll have to go with me so I can see your reactions and possible get some clothes you actually like for me to wear!

I might let him off the hook if he's really good and because he's a really bad shopping buddy if he wants off the hook, we'll see.

Mvg,

Can I make a suggestion? OK, I am not waiting for you to tell me yes, I'm just going to make it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I would not let him off the hook, but I would also ask him again to go with you. Instead of telling him he's going say something like this"

"Honey, I am heading to the city to do some shopping and I would really appreciate it if you would come with me. I would love it if you could give me your opinion on some new clothes. I think we could have a lot of fun. We should also go on a lunch date, do you have any ideas where you might want to eat?" Or something along those lines.

Oh and BTW, never take a hungry man shopping. Make sure he is well fed before you go and it will be a much nicer experience. Make him want to go with you again.

Shock him a little when trying things on. This is a fun little thing you could do. Grab a shirt that is low cut and sexy (even if you don't normally wear something like that) or something really out of the ordinary for you, come out of the dressing room and say "What do you think about this one?" Be sure to watch his eyes. LOL

The way you phrased it the first time might make him feel you are making him go, he will probably resist and the day could be a total disappointment. If you say it the way I stated he will appreciate being asked vs being told.

LC

Actually I did 'tell' him in a teasing sorta way but his reacton is what got me, he looked pleased to go. Go figure?! I am going to mention I would like him to go with me, it's a lonely ride and lunch out is always a MUST! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> And if I throw in a while we're here why don't we stop at the sporting goods store he'll be a happy camper. I'm hoping for a good trip.

Good for you and remember don't have any expectations on how you "think" things should go. Relax and enjoy the day.

LC

oooo, sounds good mvg. Real good.

I was wondering to myself, yesterday, if I'll be able to keep the Goddess momentum. I answered to myself, YUP, because it's about caring about me. Your spouse being there for it is a BONUS.

Hope you have a good, no pressure, time.

Ah, and I agree with LC, in making sure that man is fed. You might even consider having a Cocoa to go, so that he has something with him while you shop, to occupy him and make his belly warm.

There ya goooooo.....great idea. Buy your license to go with him while you're there!!!! (Story on Mark's Fishing thread about my tried-to-buy-a-license (!) experience.)

Acey

We didn't go to the city. I was so exhausted from not sleeping this week, I couldn't work up the energy to drive or ride that far.

Question for y'all....my birthday is coming up next week, my sister called tonight and wants me to come (alone) to spend the weekend with her and my other sister. Do a sister's weekend, no kids or hubbys. As much as I'd love to do that I'm a bit hesitant because of the Harley's don't spend the night apart thing. What do you all think? This would be the first time since August that I would be away.

Mvg,

Too bad your plans didn't work out.

Good question about your birthday. It will be interesting what the opinons come back at. I personally think it would be good for you to have some sister time.

LC

mvg....

Only your heart can answer that. I use my time-machine example when these types of decisions come up. If I were to look back on that birthday a year or even five years from now, will my choices back then provide positive memories or regrets?

What are the pros and cons? Maybe you could make a list and then weigh which would create the best potential.

What does Mr. mvg think/say? Your D-day was in late July, right? Can you trust his choices? If not, you might be miserable the entire weekend.

Do your sisters know about your H's A? If not, it might be tricky to decline the offer...but that could be listed on your 'cons' list mentioned above.

Ace

I think I would stay home with hubby. Going to your sister's sounds like more fun, but you are very early in recovery.

Also, YOU may have to plan something for your birthday for your husband and you to enjoy. Sounds like he is a little slow in the planning department.

I think spending one day with the sisters is good, but the whole weekend is not. I would plan something for you and FWH to do. I think we spend way too much time hoping someone else will make the plans to show us we're special, when it's OUR day in the first place. Make yourself feel special by planning something fun for yourself, like that trip to the CITY you have promised yourself.

If you have the funds, go shopping, and stay over in a hotel...

I, personally, love my time with the 'girls' when I can schedule it, so I don't think it's a BAD thing to spend some time, just not ALL of your free time.

Ace no I don't trust his choices.

I think I sorta knew what y'all would say I wanted confirmation. As much as I'd love to spend time with my sisters overnight right now probably wouldn't be good, mostly for me. It's a 2 hour 1 way trip. So maybe I'll try a spend the day with them and get back late afternoon early evening. I 'need' to see them, they make me feel happy and we have a great time together.

Believer you are SO right! He is slow in the planning department.

Plus to make matters worse the hormone rollercoaster is starting again. It's bad enough trying to deal with normal emotions throw in the hormones and it's insane! I'm sick of wondering why he does or doesn't do something. Then I start with well something is wrong with me. Then it's back to nope he's a jerk. Then back to reality check, take a deep breath it will be ok, to geezzzz what is wrong here! UGH! Makes me sick.

I sure do wish for the day I don't doubt him or me. I'm beginning to think those days are gone forever.

Thanks for hanging with me and giving me things to think about and good advice. I appreciate you all.

I would try to talk yourself out of this negative thinking. THAT time of the month usually heightens my FEELINGS, and then I apply them where they don't necessarily belong. Try to step outside yourself and be objective. If you fall into the OH WHOA IS ME rant, it can wreak havoc on your day/your week and you could end up LB or having AO. Even if your are THINKING/FANTASIZING about AO's or LB's, they exist, and poison you against your FWH.

Anyway, enough of me lecturing.

If you can keep steering the ship, and become more consistent, I believe the day WILL come that doubt is not a part of your marital vocabulary.

Breathe deeply, mvg.

Always wondered about double posting....guess it is possible!

I thought that too.....thought I'd just have to endure til I couldn't any more. But my FWH is starting to prove me wrong.

It's going on 9 weeks since our last MC session and we couldn't come up with one issue to 'pay for say'.....at least for now. (I once wondered what each word might be worth in MC and we were/are 'paying' alot for 'saying' much more! Eventually, I'm hoping we can just 'say' to each other what we want said/done without having to 'pay' someone to help us say it right!) Geez...now I'm all confused!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Hang in there, mvg...... it will get better!

Ace

SL & Acey, thanks! SL I NEEDED the lecture and possibly a thunk on the head.

I know these things but the monster inside just won't listen, it needs the blood of the WS and a few bones to chew on. Horrible huh?!

I AM PUTTING on a happy face, the monster will NOT win today. I WILL be pleasant to H, I might puke but I WILL do it. I WILL repeat and repeat until I believe.

SL, how are YOU doing? Surgical recovery moving along at a good pace? Your PCW still helping?

Again thank you ladies. I will try very hard not to be whiney and needy.

Welll, thanks for asking mvg. I'm doing well. I have my follow up appointment with my doc tomorrow. I expect he will be releasing me for light duty next week, considering how well I'm doing. I get around really well, and do a lot around the house. I can't lift much, but I can still cook, clean, do laundry, vacuum, and all that good stuff. I do notice, however, when I do get up and about, I tire within three hours, so I have a feeling those first few weeks back at work will take a lot out of me.

On that note, saying all this to PWC, he says that I should EXPECT to be tired, that I've only just begun. HE brings me back down to earth when I get TOO lofty. REminds me of someone I USED to know.

I think more and more of the fog is lifting these days. Some days, PWC seems contented mixed with SOME happiness. He's not anywhere close to how he used to be, before all of the neglect that led to the A's, but he's surfacing more these days, more in the last three weeks, me thinks.

For instance, my B-day was LAST WEEK. PWC got me a lovely bottle of wine, which I have yet to enjoy. I receive an email today, from Zappos, with an attached Gift Cert. PWC's message was that he didn't think he did enough for my B-day, so he got me the GC. I LOVE shoes, and consider viewing it online to be ONLINE SHORN (shoe porn). I got myself a nice pair of wedges that I can wear in the lab, with a low heel. Since I'm working on revamping my wardrobe to be more professional, less JEANS N TSHIRTY, and told PWC as much, it was a lovely gift.

Still not a lot of kissin and huggin going on, but it's coming, slowly. We spend the 15 hours together each week, but it's not very exciting YET.

These days, when I mention that I would like something done around the house, he's on it. The fence was agape, allowing our greyhound to run away, so PWC shored it up this weekend.

I'm doing more, too. When he talks, I listen. We were up until 1AM Friday night, just talking, at first about his job (our usual intro into conversation) but it veered into other stuff, like food and happenings. It felt good to just talk. I detected no BS with my meter, either. It was just easy, breezy.

I look forward to making DATES with him when our financial sitch improves (being off work and medical stuff piles up). I still plan on getting out this weekend, even if it's only for a couple of hours. I'll ask my dad first, and then move on to friends, if he's not doing better.

Wow, this is getting long. I guess I just feel good about how I'm handling myself these days. I'm really positive, and I don't focus on the FUTURE or PAST all of the time. I try to remember to do or say three nice things each day, and build on it.

It's getting better all the time, slowly, but better.

Oh, and my kid ROCKS, which makes life all the better.

SL I'm so happy for you. You are progressing with your physical healing and mental thinking too. Your PWC is making progress and you are recognizing it too. Yehaw!

I was very intent on my attitude last night, keeping it positive. H asked me later what was wrong. I asked him what he meant..had I given some indication something was wrong. He said no he could just tell. I tried very hard to head him down a different path and said I just had things on my mind. He said like what...geezzz I was TRYING to avoid this conversation right now. BUT wasn't to be and maybe for the best. I told him calmly MY THINGS and how I was FEELING befuddled into how to reach him, get feedback from him, how to be desirable to him.

He of course got defensive and I managed to handle that in a proper MB way! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Told him it wasn't that he hadn't done this or that but how I WAS FEELING. He took that much better than he has in the past. (crossing fingers for progress).

He's resumed reading the 5 Love Languages. When he first started reading he was reading with the wrong attitude of whatever it said he was defending himself of why he did this or that. I told him this wasn't a finger pointing book nor is HNHN BUT a learning tool, a way to maybe understand better each other's feelings and find a way to work with those. A better way to reach each other AND find happiness in doing that.

He did tell me 1 chapter in particular seemed it was written just for him-basically not communicating and how that is interpreted from someone who needs intimate conversation.

I started taking my anxiety meds yesterday and will continue until these hormones calm down. Hopefully that will help me stay in check and be CALM and not a madwoman on a rampage.

So today will be a good day because I will make it that way. As much as I tried to avoid talking last night maybe it was the best thing to happen. He seemed to 'get it' more.

Well, you handled it well,keeping the ball in your court. The feelings you are having are probably temporary, and you don't want to backslide because of that.

When I read the 5 Love Languages, I read it with an interest in what PWC's languages were, not mine. As I read, of course I thought about my love language, but I focused on my H.

Keeping calm is very important, and you seem to be doing well. Keep it up, and this will pass.

The good thing here is that your FWH WANTED to know what was wrong. He noticed, and had the guts to ASK. That is good, doncha think?

YUP! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

When I got the 5 LL book my intent was to find H's language too and to find a way for both of us to communicate better. I truly believe if (when) we do find a communication technique that we BOTH feel comfortable with alot of issues will be nonissues as we learn to understand what the other is trying to convey. Make sense?