Don't panic. IMO you hit a home run. Well done.

The angrier he is the better you hit the target. He will get over it.

A friend of mine talked to him and he said that the D paperwork was already in progress. And I'm scared. Because I don't want a D. I love him. Some of my friends are telling me to dump him & move on, but seriously, I have never pictured myself with any other man but him. The whole "til death do you part" I took seriously. I took all the vows seriously and I've never broken them.

My biggest error was not to communicate enough and take care of his emotional needs.

Hey LA,

Yep, his little fantasy world has ended! This is a good thing.

You could have taken your H's Txt message right from the WS handbook...

When you exposed the A, you "took away" his OW and the fantasy life that goes with it... He will be angry, he will say that it's 'over'...

Now, the most important thing for you to do right now is read up on Plan-A and learn how to meet his ENs.

You are at a disadvantage in that you guys haven't been living together for the past 7 years... JL has been discussing this with you and I agree that you have a hard road ahead of you because of this...

I would also ask the Chaplian to help you with MC... you guys need to start connecting and start MC as soon as possible.

Semper Fi,

RIF

Hey LA,

Maybe, maybe not... right now, you can't control this, so try not to worry about it.

Focus on the things that you CAN control.

* Read up on Plan-A
* Work on making yourself a more attractive (as in meeting his EN) W
* Enlist the help of the Chaplian

Your H is following the WS script to the letter... what you fail to realize is that YOU have a lot of knowledge and power as well... you just have to be willing to follow through with a plan.

I know this is hurts, but you've GOT to get control of your emotions and start working here... You can do this... Read up on Plan-A and HNHN and come up with a plan to win your H back.

Semper Fi,

RIF

You did the right thing. Expose the A to anyone and everyone that will listen. Find out as much about OW as you can. Expose Expose Expose I was "scared" too, but was mad enough that I did it. Called OWH (married 29 years) and he was shocked. She is teacher - called school board, sent emails to her kids (found their addresses, etc.). Told whole family. He was furious.

But 15 weeks later, we are finally working on our marriage. I wish you luck. It is still a long, long road for me but I would not go back and do anything differently regarding being a super sleuth, spending days, weeks searching, reviewing emails, analyzing phone bills, building graphs of gas purchases, etc. YOU are your own best PI, so dig it all up. Only then when everything is uncovered (because they will LIE) will you begin to heal. Good luck.

It's made me feel a little better to get up this morning & read these posts. I thought I'd really screwed up yesterday. I hope that the Capt. calls me back today as he said he would. If I don't hear anything by 11 a.m., I'm gonna call him. Plus I'm going to continue my positive phone messages and txt msgs to my husband.

Thank you all for your input.

Hi LA,

I hope you got some rest last night...

You're doing great! Relax and focus on the things that you CAN control...

Semper Fi,

RIF

Yes, I am still emailing him everyday and sending a txt msg. I hope to go to Tucson soon to see him. We need some serious face to face time. And I am going to call his Capt today, right now, to make sure he didn't get into trouble.

I also sent an email to SIL asking her and family to please respect my attempts to save my marriage because I love my husband and can't imagine being with anybody else.

OH Gawd!!! His Capt. just called! He tells his Capt more about his feelings than he does me! He says that he feels his marriage was over in 1999. I'm like what?! I just want to curl into a ball and cry.

Somebody tell me what to do!!!!!!!

LA, calm down. This is another thing that WS do. They "rewrite" their marital history in order to justify what they're doing. What else did his captain say?

Who else have you exposed to?

You'll be okay. Your WH is no different from the many that we've seen here on MB. They all pretty much say the same things.

LA:

You are doing the right things, even though you may feel very worried about your actions! BK was right, you hit a homerun. It is never a mistake to fight for your marriage. We would have less divorce if everyone had this attitude!

At this time, you cannot worry about the things your husband says. He is in a fog and when you popped the bubble of the fantasy he is living in, it made him angry. Be prepared for further hurtful statements, but don't worry about them too much. When he comes to his senses, he will respect you for what you did, regardless of the outcome.

I like the approach you took with the Captain, saying you just wanted it to end and not get your S in trouble. I am in the military as well, and believe it or not, that is what military leaders want as well.

You did the right thing by expressing your commitment to your spouse, his family, his work, and his OP.

Hang in there,

Thank you for all of your input. It makes me feel a bit better. But I am kinda having a panic attack now & I took an Ambien CR and I'm gonna take a nap.

I did call WS & just tell him that I still love him. That I love him so much. Why didn't he tell me this himself? I am so hurt. I hurt so much. My whole body hurts.

Again I can't stop crying. I don't want to divorce him. I don't want him to divorce me.

How many tears do you cry before you stop hurting?

Good for you. You are at a HIGH place of self realization 55% of the married population refuses to climb to. AWESOME.

Turn all of this over to God. Dr Harley's books are great, but have you cracked THE book yet? See a pastor or Christian counselor for scripture guidance, or go to Borders and get a devotional book. Within DAYS everything will begin crystallizing.

Jesus said, "I am the way and the truth and the life"

Yes, I have been reading my Bible. It's a student bible so it tells me where to find things. I've been reading all the passages on forgiveness and trust. And it seems like every two minutes i'm offering a prayer to God to bring my husband back to me. I've never prayed for myself before. Always for friends or family and even prayer for my pets, but never for myself. I have felt somewhat selfish to pray for myself. But I've been doing it multiple times each day. I'm not one for organized religion either even though I am a spiritual person and I've been going back to a small Catholic church here in the valley. It is peaceful there.

But one thing has really hurt me. I have lost my singing voice. I am a classically trained singer and I've lost my voice and my will to sing. I used to sing every single day & now I can't even sing a single note. It's as if my husband has not only broken my heart he has broken my voice too. I have been unable to sing the hymns at church. I open my mouth and nothing comes out.

I have vowed that I am not going to speak to my husband until I get to Tucson on the 19th. I need to regroup and all of the advice you guys/gals can give me would be greatly appreciated.

I've been writing in a notebook all of the things I want to say to him and then I'm going to type it so I can read it to him. My head is so jumbled.

Thank you all for your help. It is so much appreciated.

If he files for divorce is there a way I can stop it?

LA:

I did not realize that you were Catholic. Something that has helped me a lot is to look at the Sunday readings throughout the week and focus on it. Sometimes it is something in the Gospel, sometimes the Psalms, and sometimes one of the readings.

http://www.usccb.org/nab/

I know it sounds simple but it has really helped me. And when Sunday comes around I know what the Gospel is even if a baby starts to cry!

Continue hanging in there, you are doing great!

LA:

You can always go in front of the judge and explain that you need time and counseling to try to save the marriage.

However, the bottom line, in this country anyways, is that if one person wants a divorce, it will eventually be granted.

Don't give up hope, but at the same time, realize that God has a plan for all of us, even if the plan isn't the one we wanted (or even are worthy of)!

Thank you very much. I will look up that website. I am just about ready to leave to go see my therapist. I have so much to tell her.

My trip to the therapist was good. I had a good cry. 22 kleenex. I told her about the 2 page letter/speech I had written to my husband to tell him when I see him and she said that was good to have all my thoughts on paper.

I am going to Tucson to see him face to face. I deserve that. I deserve a chance to save our marriage. He needs to know that.