WS called this morning and I was so flustered that I picked up the phone & talked to him. I know I shouldn't but I did. I wanted to ask him the Steve Harley question but I could barely talk. He said that he knew about the private investigator and he knew about me getting his cellphone bill and he said somebody tried to hack into his email, but that wasn't me. I wouldn't have a clue on how to do that. He blamed me for all of these things.

He just keeps saying it's over, it's over. I just feel sick.

LA:

Now you know that it is ok to talk to him, you have to stay calm when you do, even when he is angry when he calls. If he continues to be angry, just let him know that you look forward to talking to him when he is in a calmer and nicer state of mind and hang up.

I think you should go ahead with your gifts, but don't expect much in return. He seems to have become pretty hard-hearted.

The call started out ok. It's when he started to bring up things that his dad wasn't ok with me living in LA while WS was in Tucson. It seems like everybody is OK with his A but me. And if I asked a question I got silence. He knew that I'd got his cellphone bill changed & he tried to blame his hacked email acct on me, which I didn't do and he somehow knew about the PI I hired.

I was nice. I asked him questions about our relationship and he gave me silence most of the time. I feel sick.

I have decided to mail his Christmas present to him along with his B-day and promotion present. I'm trying to just let him know that I love him still even though he is doing this to me. I guess this is kinda a bit Plan A.

I'm also doing things for me too. I'm still looking at acting and I did new headshots today. So we'll see how things go.

LA:

IMHO, you can't build a marriage by yourself. You can put some actions out there that may turn around a relationship, but at that point it needs the involvement of both.

Learned a lot over the last six months, the hard way. One of the toughest lessons is that it isn't any fun to be the only one that really wants a relationship. Eventually, you get to the point where you want someone who wants to be with you. This is especially tough when you have hopes of spending your lives together.

But in the end, you will find the strength to survive and be the person you need to be regardless of what another person chooses. It would be nice if all marital problems could be worked out, if there were no divorce. But if one person is set on it, in this country, it will go forward.

IMO, the only way to make a win-win situation for yourself is to be the kind of person that another person in their right mind would want to be with, regardless of whether your spouse ever comes to their right mind. That is a win-win situation for me, even if you think now that being the person you are supposed to be without your spouse isn't winning. Remember God has a plan for us all, even if we don't know it. We can allow ourselves to be used by God for good, but we can't make other people choose good if they don't want to.

Don't know if any of this is a consolation or not, but sometimes these thoughts are what we need the most.

The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.

I'm off to buy brown sugar for Christmas cookies, have a good night!

I'm going to call in to MB radio on Friday. See if I can get through. Get some more info from Dr. Harley.

I'm really trying to be a better person for myself. And hopefully he can see that too. Right now, I don't think he's in his right mind. I pray that his mind will come around.

I really hope that he gives you some good advice!

My cookies came out awful! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I've already written down my question.

I hate when the cookies get all burnt & hard. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

What was your question?

I was going to first let him know that I'd talked to Steve Harley & had a question I needed to ask WS. And then I was going to ask him what would be the most successful way for me to implement Plan A when WS was deployed and not in the same place.

You mean you were going to ask Steve Harley that? Please post that once you do.

I was going to ask Dr. Harley from the radio show about the best idea for a Plan A when WS will be so far away.

And if I could get hold of the WS I would ask him the question that Steve Harley asked me to ask him.

WS is just not returning my phone calls.

So instead of retunring my 2 phonecalls, he sends me a once sentence email.

I have continued my nice phonecalls and just left voicemail messages for him. I tell him any new news and that I am OK (though I'm not) and tell him I'm still working on my resume so I can find a job.

Down 52lbs now. My appetitle just won't come back.

Still no phone call or communication from WS. I don't know what to do. Get on a plane? Just show up?

He finally emails me that he will try to call me on New Years Day because he's been busy. And then says that he is not deploying to over seas.

I'm tired of his power plays witht he phone calls. I'm considering telling him that he can just email me. No more phone calls.

Well, another day, another no phone call.

Hang in there, Sunshine! You can make it through! Let him wonder why his phone is so quiet!

I am. i went out. got new headshots. they look fabulous. the photographer said i look like i'm in my early 20's and it went so smooth. i'm emailing them to friends & having a good day. now i'm gonna try to eat.