Hi LA,
sorry that I didn't post sooner..........I had the flu. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />
I had asked you what attracted your husband at the beginning.....you wrote your looks and you being the happy going gal......the "touchyness" that you went through and sorta went away during the years.
Well, I'd say that the looks of a woman can be indeed an important "Emotional Need" for a man and the mixture of good looks + humor can indeed be highly attractive for a man when he meets a woman. (True Beauty comes within a person....it gives a person a special glow.) This mixed with SF usually works in every relationship at the beginning.
But you also wrote that this changed during the years....
This is where I'd say that looks no longer play the most important role in a relationship.
Your looks will probably always attract him.......and if you have read about Emotional Needs here in MBers.....you will understand that this will probably always be important for your husband. But it's the mixture of fullfilling needs.....
My husband and I will be married for 28 years this year. When we met, I was 14yo. Chirpy, happy, easy going and I'd say my husband was facinated about my looks and my humor and we couldn't keep our hands off each other.
Now so many years later and the fact that we've been through so many stages of life.........I know that looks are indeed important for my husband but I also know that it always depends on the mixture........
My husband had an affair with a woman that looked somewhat like me..........only that I had changed. I am NOT saying that it was my fault that he choose to have an affair.......NO WAY.
I'm trying to say that it was the mixture of many things that attracted him to this woman. I'd say due to the fact that I am NOT ugly....he was craving for humor, admiration and a woman that wasn't clingy.
I had lost that..........during the years. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> When my husband and I talk about our situation it becomes clear why this happened throughout the years. We were in the cycle of reality. Children, business and many other things.......
We lost what we call...........our "golden thread" that held us together for the greatest time of our relationsip.
(hope you understand)
So my husband was somewhat looking for what "we" had shared for so many years..........only he didn't realize that he could have it all with me if he would of been capable to give his 100%. No relationship works if only one side is taking and the other only gives.
It seems to be that this is a big problem for many relationships..........
I was giving..........and he was taking..........and that sucked!!!! I slowly but surely didn't have much to laugh about anymore and there wasn't anything truely there to admire.
We lost the contact with each other. My looks didn't count anymore..............
Hmmmm, this is getting long isn't it?? Sorry.
When I read your thread, I just noticed that you are being told to contact him everyday.......he's telling you to leave him alone....he's backing off and you're pressing.
This situation isn't easy.........and I do feel with you.
Have you ever thought about what would happen if you choose to Plan B???
Right now, he is making the choice whether to contact you or not and you are taking what you can get.
He knows how you tick. I understand from what you wrote that he wants you to back off.
Pressuring him is a turn off for him. What do you think will happen if you do back off???
I know that you want to stay married and I am definately PRO marriage, don't misunderstand me.
I just think that it is important for you to concentrate on yourself right now and to become the person you once were.
A happy, fun person.............and you weren't that way because he was there. You were happy because YOU were YOU!!!!
Backing off and do everything for yourself to achieve happyness within yourself can be the most attractive point your life.
Pressuring him seems to be a complete turn off...........I'm sorry for being so blunt.
Get him thinking...........what will he think if he doesn't hear from you anymore..........turn the cycle around.
I hope that I am not off track for your situation...........I just do know that looks + humor + independent behaviour mixed together seem to be highly attractive...............
You wrote that he's confused..............very true. Affairees are always confused...........it's up to you to confuse him even more...........get him into the thinking mode. Plan B. Do all you an for yourself. Read all about Plan B and what affect it can have.
bb
PS: I keep finding things I want to say. I'm surrounded with many very beautiful women.......honestly.....they are so beautiful....I have to grasp at times. But many of them are unhappy. Most of them are separated or in the misc of separating. Everything about them seems so perfect.....the only thing that really seems to be missing is the sparkle that comes from deep down inside. When they are involved with a man......they seem to be all twirled up about their looks and about this man.....that they seem to forget about themselves.
I know that my looks are important and I don't want to neglect that.....but I do know now that being happy deep within myself reflects more beauty than anything.....mostly in the mornings waking up and looking at my husband......the sparkle in my eyes speaks more than a thousand words......it's just that that keeps me attractive for my husband. My enthusiasm about seeing him and being with him even when I am having a "terrible hair" day.....
I think this is what truely makes a woman attractive for a man......it even makes less attractive women beautiful.
