Wow this is all happening so fast. The OM called me I guess my cell phone number whas on his dads phone. I informed him of the nice weekend she had with her H and how I was with them on Sunday and she did all the trying for affection, she held his hand, she walked with her arm around him and fell asleep with her head on his lap. I also let him know about the sex she had with her H. I said wow how do you like that she is cheating on her H with you and cheating on you with her H. I also told him that I watched SIL and D ineract and I knew she loved her H. I also aked him how can you ever trust her, I mean really how can you.

I said you need to back off totally and leave her alone until she cleans up her own house. I said you have known each other for 6 weeks come on how can you really know and love someone in 6 weeks.

He did not have much to say, but I was sure to let him know that I would hurt him if I ever saw his face.

Well we will see how it goes now. Man this feels so good to know I am fighting for her and she doesn't even understand why.

Thanks

Be careful about indicating "you will hurt him" as he very likely could have been taping the telephone conversation and then turn around and slap a Restraining Order on you.

It would be hilarious...but not unprecedented.

Typically...they just THREATEN legal action and attempt to manipulate everyone else into just being quiet and allowing to just flow for another day and then another day and so on.

They are drug addicts concerned only about their fix.

You have stated your piece...now go silent. The hornets nest has been stirred enough for this week. Sit back and take cover lest you get bit.

Mr. Wondering

Damn, I am at work and normally let my phone go to voice mail but my supervisor was at my desk so answered and it was my D. She is laughing and saying that she set me up to talk to the OM and it didn't do anything they were still going to be together and she is still getting a divorce.

I just hang up the phone and will continue to let it go to voicemail. She also said that everyone thinks I am patheic and should love her uncondinally.

Damn, I am just so sad and sick to my stomach, how can this be the daughter I raised. She said she was done with me and have a nice life.

Thanks

Out of the mouths of the fog bound!

It's so hard, when you KNOW how you raised them, boy DO I remember, please don't take anything she says personally! It is hard to wrap your brain around what you are hearing!

Translate her latest exchange with you into: blah, blah, blah, blah.......and more blah! Maybe we can find the fogbabble translation thread for you!

Sadly YMD.......I dont think anything is going to help this situation. I praise you for your efforts, but I also feel that sometimes when a parent or friend tries to intervene and breakup an affair, it just makes it stronger. At least IMHO. My EX wifes parents loved me to death, and basically said they would never accept the OM. Well, we ended up divorced and she was with (married) OM for over 4yrs. He finally decided to keep his marriage in tact. All the hard work my former inlaws put in on my behalf, didnt help one ounce.

I have an explanation for the fog babble.

She's got to convince her drug dealer (OM) that what you are doing is having no effect on her.

She likely even said these things with HIM right on the phone line listening in. OM set this up so WW could hear for herself just how awful her mother is (likely he believes that you story about the weekend with SIL was a lie so he got to prove MIL lied and said awful hurtful untrue things to him...when it's WW lying to him the whole time)

Her fear is that if she waivers...OM gets insecure. Insecure OM does not deliver the really got affair drug. Instead he REQUIRES her to provide him with reassurances and the like which isn't fun for her. To much reality.

Stay quiet. This is the hornet nest you are to avoid.

They are going to implode.

Mr. Wondering

Mr. W gave you a great explanation and great advise to stay
quiet!

Here is more of the foggyness:
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...e=3#Post3315980



Yes, indeed they are!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

OMG, my D is truly an alien. I come home from work and she has left a message on my answering machine since I am not taking her callse. This was just 5 minutes ago. She says I have ruined her life and she never wants to speak to me again becuase the OM has just broken up with her and it was because of the lies I told him.

I told him the truth, I was there I know what happened. She was crying hard and it broke my heart I wanted to reach out to her but haven't.

SIL called me earlier and she had called him and let him know that she couldn't not speak to me and that I had talked to the OM. He said to her, well she is only looking out for your best interest and if it is to hard then don't talk to me for a while. She said OK, that the OM was telling her on several different times that he was getting fed up with the situation and she really doesn't care and it was not going to change her mind.

She then aksed when he would be home and he said he is on his way. and she said how about I stay and cut your hair and then maybe we can watch my favorite show and SIL said OK and I will make spagetti for dinner.

Now don't know what is gonna happen since the OM broke up with her and she is very upset will probably take it our on SIL, but I called and warned him.

Please help me stay strong my heart is breaking.

BE THE BAD GUY.

Let SIL be her support and shoulder to cry on.

She'll come around.

This is very good news...if it lasts. Quite typically the Wayward Spouse gets SOOOO caught up in getting another fix they believe that ending there marriage is the only way to make OM believe their feelings are real. SIL needs to stay strong and no matter what leave the divorce talk to lawyers.

The best answer to "Give me a divorce" is a simple "no".

Hopefully this is the end and in a few short weeks (since the affair only lasted 6 weeks I don't anticipate a long withdrawal) she'll soon be THANKING YOU for helping to save her.

You've done GREAT.

Mr. Wondering

This is a wonderful site and am so thankful that I was able to find it. It has been the only thing to keep me strong and understand the stages of affairs.

I started searching for answers for my SIL to help him but this site has helped me just as much. I would never have contacted the OM or his parents without this site.

I just hope the OM is serious and means it, I told SIL is now his time be the strong one and give her all the support D needs and I will be the bad cop and he can be the good cop.

I told him not to pay any attention to her saying this doesn't change anything because she is still in the fog. He will not sign anything until he is ready to. He told me today that he has broke some pretty stubborn hourses but D is the toughest yet.

Thanks again and keep the support and advice coming.

(((YMD)))

You have done the absolute right thing by your daughter...My heart swells just reading how much you love her...Mr. W is right, allow your SIL to be her savior at this point-her anger at you will dissapate-not to worry...Tell your SIL, as hard as it is, to let her cry over this "break up" to him...It sounds so sick that a BS has to endure that, but that is how things typically go...She will eventually thank you for saving her...

Mrs. W

Well YMD, we around here are very glad that you found MB...It is a pleasure to "know" someone like yourself...So many parents don't respond like you and my own mother did...and it makes a HUGE difference...I'm am continuously shocked by how many parents have a "follow your heart" attitude...that is a travesty...You ROCK YMD...And like I tell my own mom, "you're a pistol"! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W

WWs ALWAYS take it out on their BH after their affair ends. This is unavoidable. The key is for the BH to continue to meet her ENs and avoid LBs until she is through withdrawal. Only after several months of NC w/ OM will your DD's opinion of your SIL change. At this time, SIL and you just need to ensure that NC is upheld. If it is, she will slowly and eventually come out of the fog. The beginning of recovery can be harder than the actual affair, especially if NC is broken. Trust us, everything else that we've advised has worked or come true. Almost all of these situations play out the same.

Oh my I don't know how much of this I can take. D shows up at my door, and I had been in the shower so the door was deadbloted so she could not get in. D was on my front proch just balling her eyes out, saying how much she loved the OM and she can't live without him and how could I as a mother do this to her. Please call him and tell him you were lying so he will take me back.

D states she is really in love with him and I just have to understand, she will now for sure D her H because I want them to be together and she will now break my heart just like I did hers.

I didn't even let her see me, I just stayed in the hallway listening to her cry and gasp for breath and yell. I wanted to go to her and put my arms around her and take the pain away. Maybe she did love this guy. No NO NO NO I know this isn't true and I will have to stay strong.

I am not even going to contact my SIL I will just stay the course and see what happens now.

Thanks

Stay the course is exactly what you should do YMD...I cried, screamed and begged in my wayward time after OM dumped me too...It will pass...It's the beginning of withdrawal...This is something your daughter will have to get through based on her own poor choices...It's not fun for her, but it is part of her consequences...Don't get in the way of those consequences...If you caved now, it would be like handing a crack pipe to a crack addict-you wouldn't do that, so don't do what she is asking now either...Remain the strong moral woman that you are...Prayers coming your way...

Mrs. W

Egads.. I -wish wish wish- my FIL could see this..

You are an -awesome- lady.. there's a special place reserved in Heaven for people like you.

Amazing.. simply amazing. While it's not over -you- have pretty much single handedly busted up her A.. she will one day thank you.

It will certainly pass.

WWell, SIL just ccalled and my D is with the OM, she called her H and said that the OM wanted to meet her in person and they are together now.

She told H that she might need him later, but no one has heard from her.

So guess she with the OM.

Now what?

Continue plan B-ing her. If she continues to still see OM for another few weeks, your SIL should plan B her next month as well. I would suggest that he go to plan B before the holidays. I'm sure not having anywhere to go on Thanksgiving will snap some sense into her. You took her crack pipe, and she wants you to give it back. Just stay the course.

Hopefully it's an in-person goodbye but it will most probably mean the affair will continue. They'll have some hot sex and convince themselves they are soulmates.

If your SIL knows where the are he should go there!!!!!!