She is but I don't think the counselor she is seeing is good for her. After all of this came out she informed me that her counselor told her to act like her marriage was over and pursue her relantionship with the OM. Her H knows all because she told him. D is still very foggy it hasn't even been a week since the OM dumped her.

She has told all family memebers but they are supportive of her decision saying she should not have the OM's baby, I seen to be the only one devasted that my D could do something like this. SIL is of course devasted also since he thinks the child might have been his.

Some days she is very remorseful other days I hear just get over it I made a mistake. D is very much crying all the time over the OM and I am just about to throw in the towel. I have told her she needs a new couselor since this one is leading her down the wrong path, but she won't do that either.

I really don't understand all of this and how someone can have that kind of effect to cause these reactions and deceions. I am sad that this has forever changed the course of D's life and my relantionship with her.

She is telling my SIL that they need to get a D so that she can start with a clean slate and he is now in couseling and doesn't want to do anything until he feels comfortable with any decision he makes. SIL certainly doesn't know if he wants to stay with D, but wants to make sure, but of course D is still ****** bent on destroying everything in her life right now.

I am giving lots of tough love, but then D turns away from me and calls her grandmother who babies her and that isn't helping D face reality or the decisions she has made to keep this OM in her life. I mean he even made her pay for the it since he says he had not money.

I just wish the clock could be turned back, I am so lost and don't know if I can continue to have a relantionship with my D at this point, it sickens me to hear D say how much she misses the OM and how she can't stay married and needs a clean slate. I mean just sweep it all under a rug like it never happened.

Thanks

I saw a sign in front of a church on the way to work last week. It helped me when considering just how I would be able to deal with my WW, especially since she might be pregnant with OM's child.

It's a lot for SIL to deal with.. but you know what, God can forgive us anything.. anything if we are truely repentant. I don't think SIL will be able to forgive her unless she finally is allowed to fully hit bottom and come back to this on her own.. and she might not.

But here's what the sign said: God has a big eraser.

While you can't take back what is in the past.. you can move past the past if you trust God to do the forgiving for the truely repentant.

Sounds like SIL and D really need God in their lives right now.

Amen

Fist of all, I wouldn't let your DD go to that counselor anymore. Just like there are ways to get her to end her affair, there are ways to get her to a different counselor. I would also do something to expose this counselor. A lot of times they have websites where people can post their comments on certain counselors. Go there and give her horrible reviews.

I am trying to find out the counselors name, so far haven't been successful. My SIL is also trying to find out the name.

I am trying to convince her that she needs to find a christian counselor and she also needs to find her christiam religion again and not just go through the motions.

I am as a mother trying my hardest to help her, but she isn't willing to listen at this time. She is saying that when she is with her H that she feels really bad and just can't be married right now. I have told her that her H will do what is right for him when it is time, that she is in no position to demand anything. She told me that she thinks if she can D now that the OM might be willing to take her back.

I'd say there is an excellent chance that (a) she isn't even seeing a couselor or (b) she's LYING about what the counselor told her. As you say, she's still very foggy and is likely still very much in denial about how bad she's screwed up.

You must still have some type of leverage over her, whatever it is, I think I'd use it to insist that you accompany her to her next counselling session and/or find out the counselors name and go see him/her yourself so he knows the REAL story, because if she is seeing a counselor, you can bet she's not telling him the same version as what you've experienced.

I am trying my best, but she is blocking all attempts from me and SIL. She is now mostly talking to her Grandmother and when I do have contact with her, all she does is spew anger for me calling the OM's father and calling the OM. She says that is why her broke off with her.

SIL is also receiving a lot of hate from her also. He is not taking her calls and last night she ended up at martial home yelling please sign the D papers and then this morning begging him by phone not to.

He is just trying to fix himself at this time, and not trying to worry about her. He will not take any action until his head is clear on what he wants to do. He still loves her but also doesn't want to look at her.

I am still trying to save my D if she will only let me.

Your SIL shouldn't sign anything. Period. No one should ever make irrevocable decisions in the highly emotional state he's in.

Your daughter thinks if she gets immediately divorced the OM will take her back. He won't. Your daughter will realize that soon enough.

So many things have happened to your family in such a short time. Everything needs to sloooooow down a little.

So your daughter completed a marathon while pregnant? How far along was she?

Good luck to you. My only advice is, again, do what you can to slow things down. Your daughter very much out of control right now. Do your best to make sure she's safe, but there is nothing you or anyone else can do to take away the pain she's feeling.

She was 8 weeks pregnant. I am trying to tell this whole family to slow down myself included. I haven't had time to sort out all of feelings so I know that they haven't either.

I am talking until I am blue in the face to her about letting her emotions adjust to all that happens. I think she is just looking for a quick fix and like I told her there isn't any.

Keep us in your prayers.

Seemed like your "Plan B" had some affect on her before...perhaps you should return to it with the instructions to her that you'll resume contact with her "when she grows up"?

My kids did kind of a 'reverse plan B' on their mom when she was still wayward thinking but after OM had told her not to come. She was sitting around in withdrawl, telling them that she hadn't decided to stay, or whatever...

The kids IGNORED her when she was acting like that. When she'd act human around them, they'd interact with her...but the minute the pity party started, they just acted like she wasn't in the room. This was all on THEIR choice...I had no part of that idea. Worked tho...

Well heres the update. D calld her H Friday to meet and talk, they went out to dinner just talking of anything but what has been happening. D asked H if she could just stay the night and he said yes. D takes a bath and while in the tub H checks her phone and of course she has been contact with the OM, but the OM has texted her that it is still over and he could never trust her again.

H lets D know in th morning and of course it leads to a fight, she is pleading she is sorry but she couldn't help herself and promises to not contact him again, but H knows it is because the OM doesn't want contact. She ends up locked in the bathroom so H rakes the leaves and then she leaves and then come back to martial home and tells H that she has signed a one year lease on an apartment with a friend and she needs some money. Can they sell some items in the house, and H says yes lets sell the wedding rings and she starts crying saying she loves her rings which H had takes them back and now are in a safety deposit box
H says no money from me.

WE all go to church today and she is happy go lucky almost like her old self. I am being reserved and she wants to know what is wrong with me. She states her and H are fine and they will be dating. H doesn't think this is the plan and never told her that. What is she up to now. Is this still fog or what.

H is going about life and is not ready to make any decision yets, but the texting OM did not do much to help the situation and the fact she signed a 1 year lease and has no money isn't helping either.

YMD, this affair is crumbling fast. Your SIL should not date her unless the purpose is to commit to the marriage before reconciliation. To ask him to COMPETE in a dating situation with other men is cruel and inappropriate. He shouldn't make himself available in such a way.

All he needs to do right now is step back and let his enemies [the affair] destroy themselves. They are in self destruct mode now and it will crumble fast.

"Closure contact" is very typical.

No contact rarely happens overnight.

That's why ML says SIL should step back and stay out of the way. It's crumbling and his discovery of contact merely hurts him more.

If her cell phone is on his plan...he should cancel it and good for him not offering her money. I predict you will be asked next and I presume you won't as well.

Mr. Wondering

Just recieve a phone call from D and she tells me she is going back to the OM and stay out of her life and not call her, the OM or SIL. She is a grown women and she can do what she wants and she wants the OM to put closure on things. What a bunch of crap, he took her to get an abortion.

She said she is done with me and will have my phone numbers blocked from her phone and she will not talk to me ever again.

I can't do this anymore, I am so sick I can't stand it. The tears are flowing she doesn't care who she hurts or how bad.
She said she tried to love her H yesterday and at church today and it didn't work.

Thanks for listening.

She knows what impact you had on OM and OMF when you called them. She doesn't want you to interfere again.


I'm so sorry.

I think you and SIL ought to go to Plan B now.



You're right, she doesn't care NOW.

But, she will once she regains her mind and heart again.

(((YMD))))

~ Marsh

Her state of mind is temporary. Please don't distress yourself with her fog. Please calm down.

When my DD was trying to be the OW, she told me that what she did was none of my business.

I told her that I was her MOTHER for LIFE, and that meant that it will ALWAYS be my job to try to teach/help her to live a decent life. I told her that I loved her enough to want what is BEST for her, and NOT just whatever she WANTS.

I told her that I loved her enough to do this, even though she might hate me for doing so.

I stood FIRM with her. I did not back down in any way, shape, or form. Not even when my WH (who still hasn't earned his "F" yet) sided with her against me.

Stand FIRM with your DD. Do whatever you have to do to bust up the affair. Tell your DD that you are her MOTHER and that you did NOT raise her to be some jerk's "Ho" that he could just drive to an abortion clinic and dump over the phone after she goes through such a traumatic experience as aborting her child.

Thanks all for the replies. I am strong and continue to be strong and will fight for her even if she isn't fighting for herself.

I just can't understand the attraction or addition and how it cause so much pain in everyone invloved. I do know that I am glad I found this site.

Everyone who comes to this site should post and then take the advice given by you all, we started out thinking ours was different but nope they are all the same. Once we put the light of day into the affair by telling everyone and contacting everyone this whole thing started to crumble fast. No matter how hard they tried to keep it up it just crubled and they couldn't lie anymore.

I even found out places they would go to and then I would go there and just sit and watch them, really just stare at them. I found out what hotels they went to and then I would go there to.

I have such respect for my SIL and sometimes wonder how you can go through this also, he is a very strong and loyal man that my D cant seem to see or understand.

Whenever she is down and in trouble she runs to him. We have both gone to plan B again tonight. SIL did not do a letter this time just a phone call, and she has been calling him non stop. He will not be staying at the martial home tonight but his parents are there so she can't go there.

Please anyone who is going through this please read and take everyone advice on how to break up the affair and trust me it will work. The fog talk is so true, I have some taped conversations for my D when and if she comes out of the fog.

Keep us in you prayers and hope she does salvage her marriage since she has found such a great man.

Based on what you wrote, it seems that your D doesn't deserve your SIL at all and that he should move on and find someone who's as royal as he is. The sad part is that, even you, the mother of your own daughter, think so too deep down.

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BestAdvisor1,

This is a MarriageBUILDERS SUPPORT forum!!!

Please familiarize yourself with the MarriageBuilders concepts & principles!

JustUss

YMD - Please ignore this troll bumadvisor. She/he isn't marriage friendly.