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#1957185 10/18/07 02:25 PM
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kelda Offline OP
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I'm not sure where to begin. My fiance and I have been together for 3 yrs, living together for 1 yr and some months. I have a 6 year old son.

The first 6 months were GREAT. After that, my fiance started playing an on-line game so much he neglected us, work, his health, our home, finances...everything. Still, we worked through it all. Things were okay (not great, but its a work in progress, right?) up until 2 months ago.

His excessive gaming came back, which put us on his back burner again. He also started acting weird when he was playing. Got denfensive when I'd ask who that person was on the speaker, would say radomly "that's a guy not a girl", just out of character stuff.

This prompted me to check up on him. I found a post where he was talking about his gaming experiences affecting his life, and said as someone who was "Divorced" and "not interested in dating", gaming was easy for him. He also posted a pic of his kids and my son and stated they lived with his ex.

I was mortified and he didn't get it. I pointed out that it wasn't okay to lie about your relationship status in any format and finally, he agreed and understood my beef.

I'm tired of being neglected and I don't know whether I can forgive his declaration of bachelorhood and freedom. For all intents and purposes, all he has done for the past two months is come home and log onto the game, except for when he graces me with his presence while I am watching TV.

Now I'm drained. This last event seems to be the icing on the cake for me. I don't have anything left to say to him other than the little I've said. Frankly, I don't feel like I have the energy or will to re-engage him in my life once again. BTDT.

I feel like I've run a marathon writing this post. My physical reaction to this problem is exhaustion and stomach irritation (and I have an iron gut), which I know is not good.

I'm not sure what to do... stay, go, whatever. Advice, input, anything appreciated.

kelda #1957186 10/23/07 05:31 AM
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My Daughter-in-law may be in a similar position. H treats me similarly. You young ones have a chance, even if I don't,to get though this better. She just hangs in there. Made him move to a sunnier climate where she could be happier. He may be happier there too. We will see.

My point is. Do something, anything, to try and communicate your needs to him. Not at an emotional time. I tried to talk, was met with, "You are going to make my cancer come back!"

Turns out there were real issues between us. Are there deep, underlying issues with you. Your cup is empty. His cup is empty for some reason. Get to the bottom of it, now. Lillian


Lily
lily33 #1957187 11/09/07 09:37 PM
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I so understand--I am having similar issues wit h my H and his gaming- he picked it up after he got hurt and has been out of work- originally- it was just a diversion- something to kill the time with while he was physically unable to do much--- it's going on 5 monthes now- and seems more like an obsession and an escape from reality. Some days I feel as if I am losing him to THE GAMING program...... He is also pretty depressed- really, so its even easier right now to escape into the game.
But again- we too, are being ignored, and it hurts.
I'm trying to figure this one out, too....

By the way, you might want to repost this to the emotional needs forum as well....... Because, clearly- yours aren't being met. and there is usually quite a bit of good advice there---maybe even more views.
Best of luck..... Hopefully we can both survive and keep or relationships alive thru this nasty addiction.....


-not just 4myself anymore... for BOTH of us ...we survive together, or not at all....
4myself #1957188 11/13/07 10:48 AM
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I have heard that gaming can be an addiction in the same way drugs or gambling are. Perhaps you could contact a local help center (eg. AA or somebody) and ask for advise?

Tabby1 #1957189 11/14/07 02:24 AM
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Hi, I am engaged to a man that also plays an online game. And it is very consuming. We have very strict rules as to how much time he is allowed and to show support of something that he enjoys I have also started playing. I have to admit that I enjoy it and it gives me a nice "out" from the pressures of daily life, so I can imagine that a similar type of escapism is what attracts these men to the games. Because we share the interest it gives us something additional to talk about. I have horses and they take up a large amount of my time. So when I am "horsing around" I am very happy for him to be playing. I really love my time with the horses but if I need him to help with something on the farm, it comes first and the game later.

So in this way we have boundaries very strictly in place. And I can honestly say it has not impacted negatively on our relationship.

But I can see how it could be extremely destructive in a relationship. I suggest that you both take the EN questionnaire and that you also ensure that you are spending the recommended 15 hours of undivided attention with each other.

Gamers can be very selfish. They are entertained in the game and that makes them happy. When they are playing the game problems are easily fixed and money easily made, whereas in real life it is very different. Pure escapism.

I am sorry you are having such frustration and feeling so alone and neglected. It is an awful feeling to be so left out and disregarded. I hope you manage to work things out.

Huntress #1957190 11/14/07 04:00 PM
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I think Gaming has components of addiction and affairs. There's the whole escapism aspect of it and the fantasy land. Online gaming is a mess because you get all the escapism of video games, PLUS you have contact with others that fills the social need.

I'd suggest he go cold turkey, or you get out.

You may want to post this on Emotional Needs with Gaming in the title. I think AverageGuy was a gamer, but it may have been someone else.


Divorced.
2 Girls
Remarried 10/11/08
Widowed 11/5/08
Remarrying 12/17/15

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