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This story turns my stomach. I see our own praise team and I would be hurt to the core to think that any one of them would do this. don't know what to tell ya about your marriage, cause you already know what is right. I will tell you to remove yourself from that praise team and quit pretending you are worshipping God. And please tell me ya'll didn't sing on the courthouse lawn this past Sunday!!

Post deleted by lostsiteofGOD

I'm not sure why you've posted in the Plan A/Plan B forum, since, as a Wayward Spouse, you aren't engaged in either of those. I recommend copying your post and pasting it into a new thread in the GQII forum, where there is a lot more activity.

That being said, you know what you did was wrong (a sin) and you're trying to not sin again. That's a positive step that many WS never take. I think you know what needs to be done, but you're afraid to do it. In case you don't know, you absolutely have to do two things. 1: Tell your BH. He needs to know, so he can make decisions for himself based on the truth. 2: Have No Contact forever in any way, shape or form with your lover.

Those actions don't have to be done in that order, but they both must be done immediately.

I'm sure your pastor means well, but his advice seems a little ridiculous. He'll help you when you want help? Does that mean if you decide you don't want help he'll allow members of the church team to carry on an adulterous, homosexual relationship? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Also, the two of you cannot 'get out of this' together. First, she got you into it and doesn't seem interested in getting out of it. Second, your feelings of love for her won't go away unless you have NC with her forever. You already noted how 'sweeping it under the rug' didn't work. Instead, your continued contact with her increased to the point where you had sex.

Also, you will need to prepare yourself to deal with judgment. It hurts, but sometimes the best advice seems harsh. There's another poster on here that has a great Bible verse in their signature. Something like 'Better to hear the rebuke of the wise than the songs of the foolish.'

Finally, you should read Dr. Harley's book "Surviving an Affair"

Hi Lost,

I'm not going to judge you, but you've asked for advice and here's what I would suggest:

1 - Remove yourself from the Praise Team. This does two things... it will separate you from the other woman, and two you don't want to cause others to stumble. You don't need to go into a detailed discussion, just let them know that at this time, you feel that it would be best if you not serve on the Praise Team.

2 - TELL your H. If you want any chance at all to rebuild your M, you must do this immediately. If your H learns of this from the normal "church gossip" it will be more devestating than if he hears it directly from you.

3 - After you tell your H, you need to find a good pro-marriage counselor and start going along with your H.

Once you and your H have started rebuilding your M, I think that it would definitely be possible for you to rejoin the Praise Team as long as the OW is not on it... You must maintain No Contact with this OW for the rest of your life.

I wish you well as you start out to rebuild your M... it's not an easy road, and it doesn't happen quickly...

Semper Fi,

RIF

I agree with RIF but I'll go one step further.

You have to break off contact with this woman for life. So either YOU and your husband find a new church or SHE does.

I would recommend YOU do because from your pastors reaction, I doubt you will get the help you need to beat this thing.

Woa, I didn't mean to "pass judgement". All I'm saying is if you have done this you don't need to be the leader of the praise team, you should both step down just as many of the defrocked ministers have done. The woman at the well
was not a Christian and had her sin washed away and even hid herself from public view as much as she could.

David had his child taken from him. Yes you will be forgiven your sins, we all sin. The difference between Christian and non-Christian is that the Christian is forgiven, and will never be perfect.

If I may say, God loves all of us, and if you have an s orientation issue, maybe you could address that. Many churches embrace folks of all orientations. Sounds like you may be in a Baptist church. You are going to have turmoil all your life until you address your deepest issues.

You knew this woman had an attraction to you, maybe deep down you thought you could resist it. Just be honest with yourself. God forgives all sins. I just think you shouldn't give a false impression of yourself in the music ministry position that you have placed yourself in. Sing in the choir someplace else, til you put yourself together, then resume your role when your have been honest with yourself.

Your minister has to be in some sort of shock, tell him you need help from him immediately.

My dog-tags say that I'm Southern Baptist... but I'm a Christian first... Not all Baptists are judgemental towards sexual orientation...

Semper Fi,

RIF

none of us are here to judge, but the bible is pretty clear on god's feelings about homosexuality. i do not condone it, i do not give to causes that support it. i would not judge someone, however, i would pray diligently for them. i have been friends with those who are homosexual. but i do not agree with their choices simply because god does not condone it. as a sister in christ i would love you and pray for you and urge you to seek christian counseling. i do not in any way believe that any of us was created by god to be homosexual period. i do not believe it is something you are "born" with. that is not what the bible tells us.

"for the glory of the lord we have been created" sexual sin of any kind does not glorify god.

i agree with the other posters about stepping down, telling your husband, going to no contact, and finding a good christian counselor.

mlhb