Hi, I am stuck! I can't make a final decision. I want to divorce my husband. I feel that I can not continue in this marriage. Is it normal to have mixed emotions?
Curious to know how long you have been married..? Either way, I would say YES, it is perfectly normal to have mixed emotions about divorce *IF* you have a conscience--which it seems you do.
I know for sure that I need to let him go so that I may go on with my life.
How could you know that for SURE if you have mixed emotions?
He have hurt me for 4 years and I just feel that God has a something better planned for me.
What specifically makes you think God has something BETTER in store for you other than the original man he brought into your life? God doesn't make mistakes. He is perfect. His plan is flawless. There is a reason you married your husband, and short of him being a social deviant or abusive, you made a covenant with God to see your marriage through til death do you two part... right?
However, at one time I really loved my husband and I think about my feelings that I use to have for him.
I think in order to understand how your feelings have changed towards your husband, you must FIRST have a personal definition of what LOVE actually is. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 teaches us:
"Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in injustice, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures ALL things."
Hence, love is COMMITMENT, not feelings, emotions, or personal gratification. You have heard the phrase LOVE IS A VERB, right? That means LOVE is an ACT. An ACTion. To LOVE is to GIVE, not receive. God told us if we love unconditionally, we will be returned that love ten fold. The hardest thing to do in a marriage is to give love unconditionally, even when our spouses are not immediately returning it. I HIGHLY recommend you (and your husband) read The Five Love Languages. There is SO much more to marriage than we have been taught.
I have given him so many chances and he have made so many promises and broken them all.
So you he has wronged you, and now you want to reciprocate by wronging him in return? As Paul wrote in Corinthians: "LOVE does not keep a rcord of being wronged."
Define happiness. You yourself said your dream was to be "a wife and share the rest of [your] life with [your] husband" ? What happened to that dream? Marriages are like gardens. If you don't nurture them every day the garden disappears and is replaced with weeds. I understand your husband has been less than stellar, but what have YOU done to nurture your marriage, grow closer to God, and set a Godly example for your husband to follow?
I had a miscarriage a couple of years ago because of my husband. I am not getting any younger, I want to have children and start a family. My husband have different plans. I do not want to get pregnant by him and he is not here for me. I thought that he was the one for me but apparently he is not.
Your husband has been "enticed and dragged away" and his mind is removed from what is RIGHT at this time. By NO means does that mean his mind can't be CHANGED.. and the two of you can't have children.. and have that DREAM you both shared at one time. But your relationship needs God to grow to that level of mutual joy and peace. Marriage does not take "two".. it takes "three". Do you and your husband go to church together? Have you seen a pastor? Had counseling? Is your husband willing to go to counseling? Have you told him how much that would mean to you? You both should read The Purpose Driven Life. That book propped my eyes open wider than I ever dreamed they could be propped open <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Should I go through with the divorce?
No way.
I know this is what I want to do but the emotions are so overwhelming.
God is talking to you. In your mind is a war raging between doing what is right (God speaking) and doing what is wrong (your sinful nature speaking). Listen to the Holy Spirit. ALWAYS DO THE RIGHT THING. Divorce is not right in situations like yours. Have you read Every Woman's Marriage?
If I do divorce him, should I let him know that I am going to divorce him or do I just do it and let him find out when he is served the papers?
Don't divorce him. Pray about it and work with God so God can sort it out. He won't let you down. Love NEVER FAILS. But you have to FULLY *trust* him first.
It hurts me too much to constantly know that he is with the other woman. When he visit me, I cry everytime he leave because I know that he is leaving to go back to her. I prefer that he do not visit me because it is too painful. I feel better when I don't see him. Someone please give me some advice. Thanks
Get some distance between you and him right now. Find yourself through God. Grow your relationship with God and lean on him in your hour of need and let him resolve all of this for you.
Do NOT give up on GOD. He WANTS your marriage together, And he WANTS his child, your husband, OUT of sin.
OWF