Forgot to add:

OWH told me even though he knew I was serious part of him thought I was still FOS...UNTIL he started looking at the material and recognizing familiar things OW had told him and that they'd done, etc. He said the more he read the more he HAD to read and his bro had planned on leaving early but he didn't after that. I'm sure they switched places after they picked up his mom so OWH could read instead of drive.

I think part of it too was because he had been having such reservations about the trip since she blabbed that H told me he was going to move in with his bro. He told me in Nov. or Dec. but I'm sure he told her otherwise.

He hasn't even been in contact with his bro. Whatever he THINKS he's going to do is going to be severly limited by the filing and subsequent temporary orders. And the TRO, which I'm not going to bring up. He is not well versed in the law and I am an avid reader of true crime (like his mom used to be) and I AM McGruff (lest he forget...oh yeah, he did!) Used to watch Court TV a lot but there's too much commentary & not enough trial but there's a lot of info since so many lawyers are invited as guests. As far as Texas law, I know a little but since there are those here who are VERY well-versed in the law I have learned a lot more since. So I don't think I need to bring the TRO up at all. He won't know the difference.

H had a D before but since he had to pay CS he didn't pay much attention to what had to be done for his ex. It was very traumatic for him so he didn't retain much.

I know there are other things I'm going to remember that OWH and I talked about so I'll post those as they come back to me. That way I won't have to be so long on a post!

Me too, believer! And I wasn't even thinking about the joking part 'til Mom brought it up. I was thinking more about the disgust & shoddy work habits both developed...and also the time taken off for coffee, lunch...sometimes leaving after lunch to go wherever, etc.

Someone may have said something before since they both started staying late and later and later. But they were still doing the coffee & lunch, though not every day.

Yeah, I've been at a couple of places where A's occurred, too. Same deal. EVERYONE knew.

I think H was going to call and tell me that he was going to stay with his brother and since he thought I wouldn't call either him or his brother he would have been covered for the 4-day trip.

Then he was going to come home and resume where he left off.

Well, nipped THAT in the bud...snapped THAT Sequoia right in 1/2 & knocked down the stump.

ADDED: I was going to expose to OWH on Thursday originally & was dreading having to go through knowing they were going on that trip. But then I started getting people pushing to do it NOW, TODAY, DON'T WAIT...so I called him & he agreed to meet & the next thing I know I'm flying down the freeway.

I kept my mouth shut initially on the board & also when I talked to OWH about where & what the evidence consisted of. I couldn't come right out and say it since I knew he would tell them. I didn't want them to know ANYTHING about what I might have. I did it here just as a precaution.

Don't show your tells!!!! Believe it!!! I went through that a lot with my former SIL's case...I talked about it on here somewhere.

Uh-oh, I just thought of another movie scenario to tie exposure to...I'd better go now! I'll be typing all night!

Now I'm gonna chop it up and build a new house with it.

So what is his usual behavior when the two of you are having problems? I guess we will just have to wait and see what his next move is. I think Melody gave you good advice on how to approach him.

She is really much better at this stuff. She kept me from making some HUGE mistakes.

The support here is GREAT. When I caught my WH and OW in bed together, I just calmly got in my car, and could hardly wait to post. It was so nice having people who understand on my side. All my friends and family were telling me to divorce him and don't look back. That is what I finally did but I felt so much more at peace after I gave it a good try.

Did Pepper get out?

OWH & I talked about the exclusivity factor and how both of our spouses lost the morals they both had when each of us married our SO's. How both WS's used to be as we still were, disgusted at the thought of cheating & at the cheating of others.

OWH told me to hide all of my evidence, just in case so I would have it to be protected and taken care of if need be in the event things didn't work out, and make hard copies of everything. "Just don't read it," he said, "Don't put yourself through that."

And we both talked about how great it was not to be living a lie anymore.

He talked about how he kinda felt weird but was basically in denial and didn't really want to believe that about his wife. And that she did a good job keeping him in the dark.

Hi believer,

How was he before the A re: our problems, or after?

I'm glad I did not have to go through walking in on anything. I feel bad that you had to see that. Eeew. Reading about it and seeing it in your head is bad enough.

Mom & I got Pepper out. We lifted a side of the kennel & she was facing the wrong way, with her butt towards us, and I kept calling her and mom was going to grab her when she finally turned around to where she could see that she could walk out from under the kennel.

I made sure to take PLENTY of pictures!

No, I meant before. Does he tend to not talk and avoid things for days at a time? I'm still surprised he hasn't shown up yet.

No, we never had a problem between us where he dealt with it in that manner. We were always able to talk things out as adults & we consulted each other on decisions that would affect both of us before taking any action. Problems were discussed very openly whether they were between us or we had to deal with problems thrown into our midst that belonged to others.

Okay, that is good. I'm sure he will show up sooner or later. Hopefully he is over most of the anger.

I'm going to bed now, so will talk to you in the AM. I'm helping my mom take care of dad who is gravely ill. He sleeps a couple hours and is up a couple hours, and I want to get some sleep before he's up again.

Hang in there. You are doing great. If you get a chance, post the horse in the doghouse pictures on the MB photo album here. I tried to search for it, but couldn't find it tonight.

Thanks believer. I'm sorry to hear about your dad. I went through this with my grandfather in 2005. It's really hard. Knowing that your loved one won't be in pain anymore & that it would be better for them to pass doesn't make going through it any easier. I feel for you on this. I haven't forgotten how it was with my grandfather, who was really more of a father to me than my actual father.

I'd love to post photos of Pep. I took a few with my camera but it didn't work too well. I'll have to get them off to see what they look like on the pc. I looked for the digital but couldn't find it. I think H might have it. I took a bunch with a disposable, too.

Take care & thanks again,

Charlotte

Well, still quiet here. He did say "this weekend" so that doesn't necessarily mean today. I'm sure he wants me to be waiting anxiously.

Sorry, I'm too busy for that. He can show up when he shows up. No problemo.

You are doing just great. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks Melody! I was wondering...after confirmation of the A, I developed agoraphobia to a degree. It escalated & I started to think about the Sigourney Weaver/Harry Connick Jr. movie.

Has anyone here experienced this after finding out? Afraid to leave the security of the home? It did make sense to me in a way at the time but I was afraid of it becoming permanent back then.

Would it be a good idea to send the link to the infidelity video to OWH?

I hope that H will watch it. If he doesn't, fine. He will eventually.

YES. I avoided my neighbors and friends. I stopped undressing in front of my x. The blinds stayed closed. And I didn't call H's office, because I didn't want to speak to his secretary, who knew how friendly he was with OW. I made silly excuses to a colleague of my H's when she invited me to a surprise b'day party in his honor, because OW was still on staff.

I wanted in the worst way to hide my face.

When I took our son and his friends to see the L.A. Times, son wanted to go and see his Dad. That was agony. [Would have been worse, but OW had left for a better job at this point.] I burned with embarressment as the other mother and our son's classmates came to visit H and greeted his staff, and toured the building. Gritted my teeth, because I was hiding his affair from our son.

Can you imagine, Charlotte, the stupidity?

I'm living vicariously through your success. And I love the "The Thing -34" too.

Kiss Pepper for me. I love animals (though horses scare me.) I love horses from the other side of the fence.

And I had not done anything wrong.

By the way, your posts are hysterical. In a good way.

Thats a great idea!

Thank you, Bellevue!

This has been something I was curious about, not only because of myself but because H's ex suffered from agoraphobia. This made me wonder when I started suffering from it. I can't remember exactly when he told me this, but I thought it might be related to her other mental problems, which pervaded their marriage from the beginning and are something she has problems with to this day, although not the agoraphobia anymore.

He told me he never cheated on her. He knew how I felt about it because not too long before I had been in a relationship where this happened. That guy was a serial cheater and a sociopath. I saw a lot of him in my ex-SIL but sex "addiction" for lack of a better term at this moment IS one of the earmarks of a sociopath. Lots and lots of sex, different partners, unprotected sex, etc.

Granted that other disorders can cause this but lack of conscience in someone...makes perfect sense that sex would be this way for sociopaths. There were many other factors with this serial cheater I was with & when I broke away & gained some perspective, I totally saw it all.

I'd like to ask H if he cheated on his ex. I thought about it the other day but since I was getting the Cleopatra saga from him when I tried to talk to him about the A, I didn't bother asking.

I'll give Pep a kiss. I just hope she's not in that kennel again! We have some smaller animals, too. A regular menagerie!

Thanks again Melody! I've had his email almost since the beginning. I hid it away in mom's email in case I was going to need it someday.

I did TRY to send it before bed but my browser started acting up thanks to yahoo & their new page-it was sucking up all of my resources and messages would not load correctly, nor could I compose a message.

Hey Charlotte, since your WS probably won't tell you the truth about any previous affairs, can you ask one of his kids to find out?

Hi Melody,

I'll sure ask and see if they can find out. I'm sure their mom would tell them. I just wonder: if it DID happen, if she actually would have or have had any proof of an A.

I guess I'll find out! I think I'll call oldest son now.