I am still unable to access messages on Yahoo. I saw that I had two new emails from H.

So I called him. It went to VM but CW beeped so I knew it was him.

I asked him about the msgs. Turns out he was responding to old msgs. from the other night when he wrote.

He is at work. He asked if I was calling because I wanted to know when he was going to show up. I told him no, I was calling about the msgs.

About which I had already told him. He sounded normal; i.e.-not overmedicated. I suspect he overmedicated to call yesterday and I think I'm right on this. I'm sure there were other reasons as well.

OWH is off on the weekends so you can bet he & his wife are together. Besides, I could hear actual work noises. Haven't heard that in some time.

So H will let me know when he is going to get here.

That's the latest...

Okay, here it is:

S25 talked to his mom about what was going on w/the A last night. She told him she had her suspicions but never any hard proof. And (cue the bugle!) it was a coworker.

S25 said that his mom told him that S25 had told her that when they had separated & during visitations, H had been spending time w/OW at the apartment & she had kids so S25 & OW's kids played together. S25 also told her they'd gone swimming in the apt. pool, etc.

S25 said he didn't remember telling her this but he was 6-years-old when they split up.

I feel a little sick to my stomach. Now I don't know if I want to talk to H today. I'll see how it goes.

In the meantime, I am going to see if I can find all of the folders from when we got together. He'd been showing me poems, etc. and I remember there were letters from other women to H that he said he'd dated after he was divorced.

OK, then. I'll check back in later.

ADDED: S25 has been busy. He remembered his dad sending emails mentioning OW & also had the pics from the Horrorfest we attended in Dallas. He's been BUSY!! How do you think he's going to feel about his dad now?

hmmmmm surprise, surprise! Any chance you could email her picture to me? Since we live in the same town it would be interesting to watch out for her.

Hi Melody,

I think I can. If not I can get you the links to the vids. Or even both. I'll have to send it from my aol account if it hasn't been compromised. If it has I'll check my gmail account. He doesn't have pw to any of mine except aol.

I feel like I did when I found confirmation of the A, only not quite as intense.

I'll need your email addy again. Thanks.

I'm sorry Charlotte that you're feeling more pain. Everytime we find more stuff it's like another DDay. I'm afraid there'll be more. Hang tight. Find that backbone again.

Your WS is a piece of work.

Charlotte...

Mel's addy is xxxxxxxxx@xxx.com

Mrs. W

Thanks MicheleG!

My stomach is better but my heart is still pounding in my chest.

Sheesh! I know he'd never admit that. He'll go to his grave denying it. I'm not asking him anything about it at this point. As for S25 and very likely S21? I think that they will definitely bring it up. He destroyed their family & now he's trying to destroy ours. I'm going to stop him. The kids deserve WAAAAAY better.

Thank you Mrs. W!

I should have remembered but still a little shaken right now.

Completely understandable Charlotte...I'll go back and remove it now that you have it...(((Charlotte)))

Mrs. W

This will make it much easier to talk to H.

I'm feeling almost back to normal now. With an even newer vision of a broken, flawed human being. Who's not even trying to fix anything. Catscan indeed. How 'bout some HEAVY IC?

He's not going to make it today. I guess he thought I'd sound all sad and stuff. HA! He has no idea how relieved I am, for DIFFERENT reasons. He will look so ugly to me if I see him today. Even uglier than he already looks right now thanks to his choice to have an A.

Wanted to tell me that he would make sure the health insurance would be taken care of for me, he didn't want me to worry, no matter what happens between us. "If there's a divorce or not a divorce," I'll be taken care of, says H.

I was like, crap! He's bringing that up now and I didn't want to tell him over the phone!

Anyway he said he wanted to let me know because he'd been worrying about it and didn't want to wake up at 2am thinking about it & unable to call because of the time.

What a goofball.

Either he's fishing for info...as Melody suggested, or he's trying to figure out if it's really me answering the phone. I guess he thought the mention of a D might rattle me.

Poor H...he'll never know what hit him. Again.

I think he may be stalling for time until he can compare notes with the OW.

I wonder if it would be a good idea to let it "slip" that OW and her hubby were having SF all this time. When the time is right, you might mention that OW's husband was completely shocked because they have been having sex all along.

Hi believer,

She's going to need to work pretty hard to exhange notes w/H. OWH is on her like a tick on a deer.

I think he (OWH) plans to get her a new number for her phone. Good for him.

Besides, H can stall all he likes for whatever reason. He knows I'm not going to talk about that over the phone. Unless he chickens out tomorrow. Then I will. He's just scared of me.

Thanks for the tip. That's a GREAT way of wording it! Much better than mine!

I wrote this not long after confirmation of the A. I forgot to date it but I know it was early July. I didn't title it. If anyone has a suggestion...bring it on! I ran across this tonight while going through some paperwork so I thought I'd post it:

I am falling...falling...free-fall...
In my mind...falling...
Through a thin scrim of diaphanous clouds,
I see the patchwork of Earth below...

Falling...my chute won't open,
It doesn't matter where I hit the ground,
The pain will be the same.
Like death.

Bleeding...raw, open wound...bleeding...
Blood is teardrops...open wound weeps...
And weeps...teardrops...
Flowing...never-ending.

I stand at the chasm of nothing.
Nothing stares back.
My purpose is nothing.

The special chain, the links broken,
A broken half of what was once one.
Falling...free-falling...down down down...
Into infinite pain and sadness.
I am broken.

Abandoned in the dark,
I cry out for help,
But there is no answer.
************************************************************

I never showed this to H.

(((((((((Charlotte))))))))

How are you doing tonight?

Hi believer,

Thanks for the hug. I'm doing pretty good. I've been looking through paperwork for old phone bills from home and H's former cell to see if there's any flurry of activity in months I didn't check. So far I found a 1m call from her cell to him in April and a 6 minute call from her to him on May 9. Three days after my birthday.

I'm trying to pin down a closer date to the EA. I'm pretty sure it was late May/early June because we never went out to celebrate our anniversary on May 22.

You weren't abandoned
God was there with you
He heard you and He answered you
He sent you to us.
Where you obtained the message from Him.
To shine lightness in dark.
Expose TRUTH.

YOU received His message
and
YOU had the courage to remove the darkness

It's still pretty crappy
but it FEELS better
almost tolerable

Feelings follow action

Continue to act
with integrity
and
light from above

YOU are going to make it
one way or another
YOU'LL be OK

Act and live within His will.

Mr. Wondering

Thank you, Mr. Wondering!

I believe you are right. There is divine intervention ALL OVER this. All of the coincidences can't just be coincidence. One of those things being the fact that H never discovered how I was collecting evidence. And I stopped checking it for a while, a few months...yet it was STILL there when I went back. I really didn't think it would be. I was SO SURE he'd found it!

And so many Texans gravitated to my thread not even knowing I am a Texan, too. Melody told me about that. I had no idea.

I love to help people in any way I can and I asked God to please get me/us out of this so I could get back to normal & do those things again. Now I have a great way to help people out.

I have been contemplating going back to school and I want to go to culinary school. My aunt and others think I should become a PI. Well, I can do both! As I PI, I can help those who are being affected by adultery and send them here while I gather the evidence so they can study everything.

That would be great!!

I don't know why I'm still up yet again...I think I'll try and sleep soon. I finally finished going through those phone bills.

Have a great night/morning all you wonderful people!!

Charlotte