Melody, Melody, what a lovely Melody...guess what I have???

THE address!!!!

(hee hee hee..."Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water," OW...) someone please cue the Jaws theme...

The address to what?

I think you SHOULD be a PI.

Hi believer...

tsk, tsk...you know I can't reveal that...

But seriously, I can reveal who's address, just not the source...I've been doing a lot of research today, just like dear S25.

I found the address of OW & OWH. It wasn't accessible and only gave the town on search engines. Evil me, I got that thing. Now Melody can do some recon...if she so chooses...

Oh, and also...I'm not sure of OW's age again. I've found conflicting info. 34 or 44? OWH is 44. That's been consistent.

good sluething, Charlotte. Hope you are getting some much needed sleep! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Popping in to say "Wow!"

Thanks Melody and Bellevue!

Melody, I slept a little longer than I have for the past week. I've been sleeping about 3 hours a night. Hey, I managed five hours this time! Again, I forgot my bedroom clock was already 1 hour ahead, so I thought...ok, 3am to 9am is pretty good. Then I walked out and remembered the time change and that it was actually 8am.

Ok, 5 hours is pretty good! And it's different than before when I couldn't sleep because of the pain and I'd wake up constantly after many nightmares. You know what I mean!

The Thing: 34

TOO FUNNY!!!!!!!! I saw that someone made a comment about this in your sig. I totally didn't get it. Then today I saw it again and BINGO! Just wanted to let you know you made me laugh today <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Thanks, suamico!

I just couldn't bring myself to be polite & use "OW."

Glad I made you laugh today!!

Take care,

Charlotte

Well if I was in your position I wouldn't use OW either but I don't know if the MB would allow me to use the "title" I would pick <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

H called this afternoon and asked if it would be okay if he could come over in an hour. I agreed. He sounded really apprehensive so I wondered if he'd even show up.

Well, he did so I offered him his favorite cookies but he said he wasn't hungry. (gee, wonder why?) He did grab one of his Diet Cokes out of the fridge and then we went into the living room. He turned on another light so we could see each other better.

When he came in at first there was a little small talk and I showed him the Halloween pic of DIL & DGS5m. He like it.

So back to the living room. I started off telling him what Melody and I had discussed so I could get a good start. I told him everyone knew about the affair and HR was investigating and I had provided them with evidence. He was very rattled at this. He said I might have shot us in the foot with that one.

He talked about how he was worried now about losing his job and we'd lose the health insurance, and he wanted to make sure I had all of my health issues taken care of, etc. I assured him he could get another job. So he said not at that rate of pay...blah blah blah this that and the other. I said not to worry about it, that everything would be okay.

I told him I had talked to OWH, that he had called me at 2:30 a.m. after he'd talked to OW and she had confessed. I told him that OW was embarassed and didn't want to go back to work and also that OW didn't know if she'd even have a job. I told him OWH had told me that OW & OWH had decided to reconcile and that she did not want to see H again.

I told him that I'd had no choice but to file for a D, but that I did not really want to do that and had agonized over the decision. I told him I'd had no choice, I had to protect myself and although I thought there was a way to protect myself without filing, it turned out that I couldn't do it that way so I'd had to file. I told him I still loved him and I wanted to save our marriage for us, but also for the rest of the family, especially the kids. I told him that it was possible for us to save our marriage but that I did not want to go back to the way things were before the A, I wanted us to work and make our marriage even better and stronger than before. I told him that he would have to prove himself to me.

We talked a while longer and he was still freaking out about the investigation and wanted to go into his room and see if he could retrieve those pictures for me from his laptop. He also found the digital camera, it was at our house after all...I couldn't find it and I thought he was BSing me on the phone when he said he didn't have it. I thought he might have taken it for their trip.

He was talking about the money again and I said well, I thought you were probably taking it out for your trip with OWH. He said, "What trip?" I said, "You remember, the one that you two planned to go on for four days." He denied it again. I told him that OWH had told me that OW had told him all about the trip and that there was fake paperwork she'd had made up for that she had shown to OWH and OWH had said that apparently they were going on this trip and when she returned to OWH Sunday OWH was supposed to be none the wiser.

I told him that OWH had said that I was supposed to get a phone call from H and H was supposed to "let me have it as little or as much as he wanted."

He said, what do you mean "let you have it?"

I said, "You know, tell me off." He denied it.

I asked him, "Are you telling me that OW lied to OWH about this?" He said he didn't know and that there was NO trip.

I told him, "Well, that's what she told OWH."

I was trying not to laugh about this.

When we were discussing OWH & OW at the very beginning of our conversation I told him OWH and I had talked about our sex lives and I told OWH about our lack of a sex life and that OWH was surprised because OWH and OW had been having intercourse the whole time the A was going on. I told him that OWH & I had talked about other similarities between OW & OWH's sexual relationship as compared to mine and H's and that the similarities were abundant.

He calmed down quite a bit before he left and he couldn't retrieve the photos so he said he was taking the laptop with him. I told him that I thought that had been the plan all along, that he was going to take it with him.

I packed the toiletries he had forgotten while he was working on the pc. I asked him where he had been staying. He said he'd been sleeping at work & that he had an air mattress he'd bought. He was unsure about where to go so I asked him about his bro but he didn't really want to go there, so I asked if he thought he & his bro would not get along. He said there was a possibility of that.

When he was ready to leave, he told me he did not hate me and whatever happened between us, whether we were divorced or not, that he always wanted to be my friend. I told him I didn't hate him either, I still loved him and wanted to save our marriage.

Earlier when I had told him this during the D conversation, I told him I wanted us to work on the marriage AND each other; as in he work on himself while I continued to work on myself. I told him I knew that he'd been trying to fix himself in some ways but that I thought it would be a really good idea if he would go to IC. I told him that his health would get a lot better now that he wasn't living a lie, just like me. I told him how much better I felt to be purged of the poison of the A that was bottled up inside of me because I was keeping a secret that wasn't even mine.

I told him I knew he'd been taking more pills lately and that I wished he'd try and stop and reminded him about how good I felt not having to rely on pain pills. I said to him that he should remember how pain pills can have that opposite effect where you end up taking them when you feel bad and then feel bad and hungover from taking them.

I wished him a safe trip back and told him to be sure and look for that comet (he didn't know about it, I'd told him earlier.)

I told him I appreciated that he talked to me and that we were able to talk like humans.

I did not ask him to call me or ask when he would be back.

********************************
I apologize for this being a little out of order in places, I kept remembering things from earlier but didn't want to have to do a whole re-edit.

I'll probably remember some other stuff so I'll post it later when I do.

I WAS quite nervous before he arrived but once he did and we started talking, the nervousness subsided. He looked me in the eye when we talked, except for when we were discussing the trip, he was looking at the pc and would not look at me.

Did I do okay, MB veterans and others here?

I felt really good after we talked. It was a relief to finally be able to talk to him about the A and not have to listen to, "What A?" or "You're crazy." or "(insert any WS phrase here)"

More later as I remember other things.

Thanks for reading!

Wow, you blew him right out of the water. Wow.

Beautifully executed Plan A and Exposure. Whistling in wonder.

You did GREAT Charlotte. Sounds like you were calm and didn't LB. Very good.

You've got a very good handle on the carrot and the stick of Plan A. It seems to be working. Keep doing it. It's going to crumble.

Good job!!!!

It seems to me that he still treat you like a doormat. What about his lies about the affair? Did he at least apologize? Did he feel bad about sleeping with this OW behind your back and for you to find out by talk to her husband?

The whole meeting seems like you're trying to apologize for filing for divorce, you had to disclose to his job, etc. and it also seems like he's forgiving you by saying "no matter what, I still want to be your friend."

By doing what you did, I don't think he will learn much. You didn't seem to be mad at all and all forgiving for such a big betrayal. The only thing he has learn is maybe next time to make sure the OW is not from his work and most of the problems you're giving him today will be eliminated.

Amazing what can happen when enabling is disabled! What an inspiration you are Charlotte! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Glad you saw your name in the Enabling thread title. I did it Thursday, but you were kinda pre-occupied, weren't ya!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> (Just a heads up.....you can only change thread title names for 60 days....not sure if there is a total 'change limit' but you must have the record for recent history!!! I just look for your name and over 500 posts!)

Keep Plan Aing....you're doing great! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Ace

BA-- Do you EVEN understand what MB is about? Your "advice" above is exactly what someone would say who doesn't have a clue about MB.

Charlotte-- You did excellent. You can't expect him to "respond" as BA naively suggest above because he's still a WS in his mind. You gave him a lot to absorb tonight and you betcha he replaying your conversation in his head. He's probably reeling that his little wife grew a backbone and fought for y'all's marriage. Way to go girlfriend.

His head is probably spinning right now.

I can't even imagine his confusion. LOL. He's probably thinking...what the heck just happened?

Keep it up.

go away, troll

Charlotte, you did great! Just sit back and wait for the fireworks at work tomorrow. Follow through with the next step we discussed. That should kill the vampire. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Charlotte - just ignore Bumadvisor - Do you know how to put posters on ignore?