Way to go Charlotte, you did a greaaaat job. You know, right now WH is feeling a betrayal at the hands of OW. What a HUGE LB he has to absorb. He will try to get the OW to explain herself and then he will start defogging. The fantasy is crumbling. GF

Charlotte, please put "bumAdvisor" on ignore. She knows nothing about Marriage Builders principles and is only here to confuse and upset newcomers. She is a shark who smells blood in the water and is here to take a nip out you. She is a blood thirsty shark who cares nothing about your marriage and hasn't any idea how to save it. Please ignore it.

I haven't suffered from it personally, but I know that Nikko did a few years ago. I'll see if I can direct her over here for you.

hi charlotte....i'm nikko and i lost over two years of my life to being shut in. i still have small bouts with it but it doesnt stop me from going out anymore. if i can help in any way...just ask.

your doing great by the way....

Charlotte - I had panic attacks and they resulted in some agoraphobia for about 5 years. It was not from an affair, but an abusive relationship with my son's dad. The weird thing is it didn't happen until I was OUT of the relationship.

Anti-D's help. If you don't want to take them, relaxation exercises every day work. Listen to soothing music, and tighten and then relax every muscle starting with your toes. About 20 minutes each day will turn things around.

Hang in there, you are doing just fine.

Hang in there. You are doing fine.

Everyone, I am so pleased about Charlotte & H's progress so far. Through my day, this thread nags at me and brings my mood up so cheerful.

Cyberspace. This type of building board could only happen in cyberspace. The most positive use of the internet.

Charlotte used the tools and support and postings the best way possible. I feel like doing a pirouette. [In cyberspace I can do that!]

Thank you Dobie, nikko and believer,

They gradually started getting better to the point where I could actually function when I needed to go to the store or the doctor or take care of my grandma.

And go horseback riding for the first time since (?), well, a long time!

I was afraid to leave the save haven of home and I was also afraid H would come home & move out while I was gone. This was due to reading the correspondence between H & OW, too, because they had discussed how to get rid of me & OWH at an earlier point in the A, close to the beginning.

One plan was to rent a u-haul and take off and leave us in the dust.

For months I tried to tell myself that there was no way for them to do this undetected, he would have to call me if I was at my g'ma's because I'm only 2 minutes away. Our town is very small.

I do appreciate the advice, though. I wanted to gain more insight on agoraphobia as it relates to infidelity.

Thanks & have a great day!

Hi Bellevue!

Thank you, I'll do a pirouette right next to you. We'll choreograph the ballet, "The NEW Nutcracker: Dance of the Infidels, etc." (or some title to that effect.)

And now I can use the internet again and not hate it anymore because it was used to further H's A. That doesn't bother me ANYMORE! And I had developed an aversion to using it for a while. But, since I had to do research, I had to use the internet...good thing I got over "Cyberspaceaphobia"-the fear of using the internet or certain programs on the internet, like instant messaging, for example.

Have a great day!

I nearly spit out my coke when I read this. Too funny (especially as it relates to a WH). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Princess, you can do pirouettes and arabesques right alonside us in cyberspace. Auditions are now being held.....nobody will be "nexted."

Charlotte - Try doing the exercises. I went to work the whole time, but had a horrible time in meetings, couldn't drive on the freeway, and would go to the store, and suddenly have to leave without my groceries. It seems like it comes out of the blue, but behind it all there is a lot of stress. That is why relaxing everyday helps.

Just remember, the affair almost always ends, and you will most likely have your hubby back. Stick with your plan.

Thanks princessmeggy!

I didn't think I'd EVER be able to joke about the A, because it was so painful.

Of course, I never imagined I'd ever be able to talk in any detail about the A at all...especially the physical part. In my wildest dreams I never thought I'd be talking about it with OWH and comparing notes!

And I still feel GREAT! No problems sleeping or staying in our home alone...it helped that he was away so much during the A but I wasn't ENJOYING being at home then.

Just waiting and waiting and waiting and fretting and plenty of other negative emotions!

I have to mention Taylor when he was in his cell on "The Planet of the Apes"

"It's a MADHOUSE!!!!!!! A MADHOUSE!!!!"

Now things have changed and if H tried to touch me I'd have to say, "Get your stinkin' paws off me you damn dirty ape!"

I guess this will change someday. For H's sake, I hope so. But really, right now I have no desire for any physical contact with him.

Wow Char,
I didn't know they made monkey wrenches that big! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Charlotte, jokes are always about the things we fear the most. Death, abandonment, rejection. Humor helps us distance ourselves from the pain.

Here's one of my faves:

An elderly man, on his deathbed, loses all interest in life, food, everything. He gives up, becomes non-responsive. The doctor comes to make a housecall (Yes, this is an old joke) and announces to the wife that it is just a matter of a day or two.

The wife makes calls to the mortuary and picks out the suit she wants her hubby to be buried in. She phones the grocer for delivery to make up some food for visitors who will attend the funeral and then come for calling hours at her home.

She fixes Beef Roulade, scalloped potatoes, and candied carrots. The smell fills the house. She bakes bundt cakes and a berry pie.

The old man's eyes flutter, he rouses from near death, shuffles out to the kitchen leaning on his walker. He reaches out to pull a piece of the beef from the end of the Roulade. His eyes sparkle, and he says "Darling, your cooking has brought me back ......"

His wife swats his hand away irritably. "Damn it Ed, that's for after!"

[Did I tell it right?]

I talked to OWH today so I could tell him of the new info re: H and his XW. I gave him a brief rundown about H's visit and also told him H was afraid of what was going to happen w/HR.

I called HR to follow up on my letter but was sent to VM. I will be calling again shortly.

TTFN!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Heyyyyy Bellevue! You are right. I always forget to remember about the humor during trying times.

Thanks for the funny!!!

Okay, I called HR again. The head of HR and many others have GFD. Turns out they had int'l visitors today. The receptionist was kind enough to share this information with me.

So now I won't be sitting and waiting for a return call for nothing. Ah, what a relief! I'm glad I found out because I was thinking about driving to the corporate office if need be. Not before getting advice first because I wasn't sure if I should really do this or not. And of course, I'd be armed with all of the evidence. Graphic or not.

I now have the HR supervisor's name.

Also, I asked if H's immediate boss was there and he'd GFD, too.

That's the latest!

"Ain't no stoppin' us nowwwww, we're on the move!"

Good girl! What is "GFD??"

Gone for the day