Charlotte, if you just let the information sit and percolate, they will have time to really think about it without the distraction of the foreign visitors.

It could be that this is one time NOT to rush them getting back to you, and one time where time is on your side. Your H is still not home. THat is good. The affair was busted up last week, the OW is dealing with her H and incidentally probably really busy with their own relationship.

Your H is sleeping at the office. He has time to feel the impact of your exposure. No comfortable bed of his own, no comfortable bathroom of his own, no potroast (which you reminded him is so wonderful when you make it!) and no OW stroking his ego for him.

My opinion: I think you can let time do its work. Fog could be lifting really soon.

Hi Bellevue,

Thank you. I'm hoping so.

I'll start at the beginning of today's events:

I asked about the D comment from everyone and Mr. W came through with it spot on.

H began emailing me about the D with different websites, etc. I finally emailed him back that I would rather talk in person instead of email.

I had called the lawyer's office to see if anything was new not long before the emails. They hadn't heard anything yet.

Well, after the last email I sent H, I got a call from the process server. He was going to pick the stuff up at 2 at the courthouse and go back to serve H.

Jokingly I said I would pick it up...next thing I know I'm on my way there and then on my way to meet the server halfway between here and there.

He bought me lunch and we were talking and as it turns out, he knows the royal family that owns H's company. He knows them personally. From a chance meeting in Big Town one night he forged a relationship with them and has had them for a client now for years.

Okay. There are too many coincidences here to be a coincidence.

Anyway we parted ways and I came back to wait. I didn't have to wait long before I got a call from H.

I didn't know if I should answer but I did. H said he'd been served, he didn't want it to have to come to this, blah blah blah. And he was mad about the car.

Just as I predicted.

He said, well, he guessed he'd have to get a lawyer and go for the jugular. (because of the language in the papers)

I told him I didn't know what was in there I had just given my info & H's info to my lawyer. He said, well, there's a lot of stuff in here.

I told him I wasn't trying to go for the jugular.

So then we said goodbye and hung up.

What now?

I had a pretty good cry on the way home after leaving the process server.

You wait. You pray, cry, go stay with some friends.....notify your support group you need their support during this time.

Have you identified your personal boundaries yet? If not, start working on it.

Hugz,
L.

Thanks, Orchid.

I have started the list but not finished it yet.

I'm scared.

He's really p.o.'ed. He didn't yell but he was mad.

Do you think he'll calm down?

And think about things a little bit?

From this point forward Charlotte you no longer discuss divorce with your WH...When he attempts to engage you in a divorce conversation, (and he will), you repeat this mantra to him, "I only do marriage, my attorney does divorce"...Always stay on message and don't let him try and sidetrack you into little "ifs, ands, & buts" divorce conversations...Let the attorney be the "Big Bad Wolf"...Bat your eyelashes and remain the lamb...

You are doing GREAT...(((Charlotte)))

Mrs. W

P.S. I've only read one Stephen King book ever-Thinner (I know that is SHOCKING to all of you S.K. fans) Anyway, QUESTION: Tomorrow is "library day" for us-our DD LOVES the library and I think I want to check out a Stephen King book-you all make me think I MUST be missing out on something so awesome...Any suggestions on which one I should pick that will turn me into a lifetime S.K. fan?

Yes he will.

This is another step in the road you've been forced to travel. You've done an amazing job so far and while this is the first time I've posted I've been following your story for a while now.

Your H has it all laid out in front of him. When he says "I had hoped it didn't have to come to this", well, it didn't have to come to this. This is a result of his decisions and his actions and it is STILL within his capabilities to stop it. I would tell him that the next time he acts like a victim of fate.

Stay strong Charlotte.

Thanks, Mrs. W.

He has the letter I gave him last night and I wanted to call him back and say that what I said in the letter still stands but I don't think that's a good idea.

I'm having a hard time of it right now.

I think I might call my IC.

Pick out "Blaze" it's a Bachman (King's pseudonym) book and it's a very moving tale.

Also pick out The Green Mile, The Stand, The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon, Insomnia, Lisey's story....etc.

But do get Blaze right away...it is FANTASTIC!!!

My favorite Stephen King book is Four Seasons. Shawshank Redemption is one of the best stories he ever wrote, and its also the best film translation of any of his movies!

Thanks, Tyk, I'm doing my best trying to stay strong. I know this wasn't MY fault. He just can't seem to grasp that right now.

I doubt he'll be able to get a lawyer today. So he'll have until Tuesday to think about all of this.

I wonder if he'll try to contact me? I'll do just what you & Mrs. W suggested. I tried a little when he called...I just forgot the "I don't do divorce I do marriage" wording.

Oh, boy.

Charlotte, nothing has changed except his reality. You told him about filing and now he's a believer. You KNOW your reasons for filing (to protect yourself AND the marital assets) and he'll get that too once the fog starts clearing. Just sit tight and take Mrs. W's advice... you don't discuss divorce, only marriage.

Now. Go do something nice for Charlotte this weekend.

Charlotte, I know this is hard. You realize that serving him with D papers does NOT pull the plug on the marriage. He doesn't realize that yet. He will, in time.

He will realize it in his OWN time. And then he can begin moving to repair the damage. He's not at rock bottom yet. He is sinking and bobbing, and once he reaches bottom he has nowhere to go but up.

And who is "up"? Why, it's Sweet Charlotte, faithful and steadfast, dignified and with clearly set boundaries. It's Charlotte, the valient love of his life warrior princess who is slaying the dragon of infidelity so that her Prince can find his way home to their castle.

Charlotte, who keeps repeating "I only do marriage; I don't do divorce. I don't know what was in the papers my attorney drew up. I only know what I wrote to you."

Charlotte, of the hot slinky blue and brown snakeskin dress with the peekaboo hem, the keeper of the hearth and the potroast. The lady, not the tramp, the lady who walks with her head up high. The lady, who is guarding the bank accounts and community property for her Prince, so that they still have their castle once he comes out of the affair induced fog.

Thanks, princess meggy.

I think that he thought he was going to be fired or arrested. When he saw the cop & the PS he said to wait a minute & that he had to get some things from his office.

That's when they took him and sat him down in a conference room.

I'm so sad! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />

tsk. princessmeggy, while I was creating my grand opus, you said the same thing, pithily and succinctly. Dang. Wish I could write pithy and succinct.

Thanks Bellevue.

That was a beautiful story. It made me cry more but in a good way.

I'm going to copy and keep your story on my hard drive.

Then I can find it easily when I need to read it again and again.

***charlotte*** we have faith in you

Any one read the Anne Rice novels?

Naaah, I liked your version much better Bellevue... I actually could SEE what you were describing. So much better and way more comforting to Lady Charlotte.

I know!!! Charlotte... you should change your screen name to Lady Charlotte. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

How about something a bit tougher....The Baroness Von Charlotte.....hahaha....or she could even be a Dutchess....oooh oooh she can be a Dame....you know they same as a knighting for a woman Dame Charlotte. She is a knightette in shining verbage for some uf us....