Charlotte...

I'm so sorry that you are sad and going through all of this...You seriously are doing so great, but I know that it's all still very painful...I am continually awed here by the strength of BSs in Plan A...It's just takes unbelievable strength & character...

Belle's post made me think of Ark's lighthouse post in some ways-I love that post...I'm not sure if you've read it or not, so I'll c&p it for you below...

Mrs. W

P.S. Thank you for the Bachman/King recommendations...I'll check out Blaze tomorrow if they have it in...Thanks to you too Tyk for your suggestions-The Shawshank Redemption is one of my all time favorite movies! Loved The Green Mile too! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi,

Thanks for propping me up, everyone.

I'm saving this whole thread, who am I kidding? I have to keep this running journal and all of your kind words and support.

Well, I guess H won't be showing up this weekend. I'm trying not to think about that and I hope he is really thinking about things since being handed those papers a few short hours ago.

He has my letter from last night. I've told him over & over that I don't want a divorce, I want to save our marriage.

I hope I get more opportunities to do this until it is drilled into his head.

Maybe since he's heard it several times already it will seep in.

Thanks for the name change idea. I'll definitely consider it.

I have a headache.

That was great, Mrs. W.

Thanks for copying it over.

Ok, so I've got to slow down in my reading. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

I read "fair induced fRog." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

L.

I think "The Shawshank Redemption" is arguably the best movie of all time.

Hey Charlotte - Just wanted to check in with you and see how you're doing today...

Semper Fi,

RIF

I had another strange dream with H involved.

What I can remember is the part where me & H were kissing and we were about to be intimate.

We were in our room, but our room/home was in a different locale, our room was in a beach house, or the whole house was a beach house, I'm not sure about how the rest of the house looked.

Anyway, he had to leave for a moment and I was in our room when this stripper or hooker (?) entered. She was dressed in a bustier with a garter and the whole bit.

I was like...hold it...hold the phone! I asked her what she was doing here and she said something about being invited.

I either thought or said "over my dead body are you going to put your hands on my H."

For some reason I knew she like the beach so I started telling her, "Look, there's the beach! The beach! You should go there right now! Hurry before the sun goes down!"

I was talking to her like you would tell a dog, "Fetch the stick! Fetch! Hurry! Go get the stick!"

So she left.

I knew I could tell H she went to the beach because she loved it so much.

H came back. I don't remember if he asked about her. What I do remember is he was talking about the car. Someone, I don't know who, had told him the car was no good anymore.

It couldn't be fixed and had to be gotten rid of. I told him I'd take the car rather than see it towed away to be crushed into nothing or stripped clean for parts, etc.

And that's about the time I woke up.

There were also a lot of people milling around in the beach house/our house during this whole thing. None of them came into the bedroom.

I got the feeling that most of them were businessmen & women. They were just walking around and talking. There may have been some family members there, but I'm not sure.

That's a weird dream. Both my son and I had reoccurring nightmares after d/d. Both were related to abandonment issues. My son was only 6 at the time.

Mine was in a bar with a long stainless steel counter. It wrapped around like a tight U shape. At one end was WS along with a bunch of asian floozies. A bartender was in the middle taking orders and my son & I were on the other end of that U shaped bar standing at a stainless steel sink, cleaning shrimp!


My son's dream on consisted of 3 small row type boats. Son & I were in 1 boat, WS in another boat with someone else rowing and a large tin soldier in a 3rd boat. The one with the tin soldier was trying to overturn our boat, which he finally did and all the WS would do is watch and row away. My son says he called for his 'daddy' to help but his 'daddy said he couldn't'. Then someone we made it to shore and ended up in Toys R Us (remember this is a 6 year olds nightmare)..... son said he couldn't find me and then the same tin soldier came after him in the toystore. About that time we found each other and escaped.

These dreams happened for me every night for 3 months. For my son it happened about 3 or 4 times during the same period. It was like a bad rerun with additional footage each time.

I realized our minds were attempting to understand the trauma we were experiencing. I am not a dream expert but used this opportunity to share with the WS the effect of his actions even on our little one.

It didn't stop the A but it showed him that his A was traumatizing our family.

Equipped with that, I strengthened my immediate support system. I told the story and kept reassuring our child our my support. That I would not leave him as his dad did.

This was not an attempt to bad mouth his father. This was reality and I was not about to downplay the severity of it. It was obvious my son even at 6 years old knew the WS' actions were wrong. I acknowledged this and we worked together on fixing what we could from our end.

As a result, my son composed is 1st letter. It was a 4 sentence letter to his dad with 2 questions and 2 strong statements. That letter is still in H's possession.

Later if you like, I can tell you the story of how a dream helped me go to plan B. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

L.

Hi Orchid,

Thank you. Yes, I'd like to hear about that plan B dream. I may end up in H imposed plan B since he was served. I hope not.

Thank you for the reverse babble info in the other thread. I have been going nuts trying to find and read the info in your RB link!!

Hi RIF,

Sorry I didn't see your post earlier, I guess I was writing about the dream at the time.

It's quiet here and I'm wondering what H is up to. I hope he's thinking about his actions and everything else.

I'm probably going to go visit at my mom's and g'ma's home in a while. Our DIL & GS are supposed to visit there today.

I'm scared but I haven't cried today, yet. I prayed a lot for H, though. And for guidance.

Hi Charlotte!

Yep, I'm sure that he is! You're getting great advice here... stay the course and stay stong.

You and your H are in my prayers.

Semper Fi,

RIF

Thank you, RIF.

Your thoughts and prayers are very appreciated. I know that they will help.

Thanks for helping to hold me up so I don't fall.

Charlotte

Hey Charlotte!

We're all going to fall from time to time... the difference is the fact that YOU are getting back up and not letting this keep you down.

You're doing great! It's bed time for me, so I'll turn it over to your wise counselors here... Relax and have some fun this weekend! I suspect that your H will be calling you soon with a totally different attitude! (just be patient and give him some time to think things through... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />)

Semper Fi,

RIF

Thanks, RIF.

I sure hope he calls.

Have a nice rest. I'm going to stay busy and try not to think about H. (Yeah, like I'm going to be able to NOT think about him...right?)

Take care,

Charlotte

Hi,

I'm just checking in to see what's going on in here. I guess I'm in "H imposed Plan B."

If that IS the case, what's my next move?

Futhermore, what in the world should I say at the hearing? I don't want a D? Because I don't. I'm not going to get up there and lie.

Now you have your attorney start delaying.

Well, H answered the email I sent re: his PayPal address. He added that he wanted to come over for a couple of things to put on eBay. We discussed this the other day when I told him DS & DIL were having money problems.

I know this is his excuse to come over here and talk. I emailed him back asking that he call me this a.m. to find out what time is a good time to come over.

I was really surprised to hear from him at all. I thought I wouldn't see him or hear from him until the hearing.

Now I guess we'll see if he calls and actually does show up.

As for dreams, I had several throughout the night.

Lots of H dreams. In one, H was in the form of an old BF of mine. He wanted to be intimate but he didn't want me to get any STD's because of his cheating. Now that I think about this particular dream, it makes since because after the old BF and I broke up he got into IV drugs and slept around a lot. He contracted HIV a couple of years later and died of AIDS a few years after that. It was so sad. He'd lost his parents in a drunken auto accident when he was 2. His mom probably would have lived but no one found them until it was too late. It was a one-vehicle accident and they flew off of the road while on a curve and landed in some bushes. So his gp's raised him. His g'ma is still good friends with my g'ma. They have known each other since childhood.

Oh, and yes, I got myself tested after finding out about this BF having HIV & I was given a clean bill of health. Better safe than sorry, eh?

Another dream I had w/H was him telling me he was going to hire a female lawyer to try and make me look bad. In the dream I failed to see how that would make me look bad, and I remember looking at a list of things that H either gave me to look at, or I had written down myself to look at and see what I had done that was so bad. I woke up on about the third line of the list. I don't recall what the statements were.

In one of these dreams, I was also walking in a mall and I met John Corbett. The thing is, I accidentally called him Chris, his character's name in Northern Exposure.

Later on after I had checked email and gone back to sleep again, John Corbett was again in my dreams. He was concerned about my well-being and what H was up to. He was trying to talk to me and give me advice about H. He also wanted to go on a date and kept coming on to me.

Okay, let me say this: I have never had the burning hots for John Corbett or had a crush on him. I DID, however, think he was the best looking male actor on Northern Ex. I also liked his character when he was on Sex and the City as Carrie's BF.

I think he was in the dream because of the character he played on Northern Ex. I don't know how many here used to watch that show, but Corbett's character, Chris, was a philosopher and wise beyond his years. Everyone used to go to him for advice and he also gave advice on his radio show and discussed philosophy on his radio show as well: in his prologue, during and his monologue. So I can pretty much get why he was in my dreams.

I don't know why it was JC instead of some other philosopher, or even my IC, but I don't mind a bit! Oh yeah, just noticed his initials are JC. Hmmm, another thing to think about. Oh yeah, and he was a carpenter when he was on Sex and the City.

These dreams are getting interesting. I wish I was still tired. I'd go sleep for another hour or so to see if I could have any more.

Charlotte,
I didn't catch the date of the hearing. When is it?

I'm sure you've emphasized to your lawyer that you DON'T want a D. You want to delay, delay, delay, and the A is to do whatever it takes to accomplish that.

In the meantime,plan A your WH. Make deposits as much as possible. You know what he likes. If he "plan B's" you than all you can do is to be still.

Keep on your personal recovery journey as well. Be a person that anyone would want to be with. Improve on you.

You're doin great!

P.S. Those are some interesting dreams you're having there. Most of mine during my H's A (once I knew) were blunt and to the point. H picked OW in the dreams and I would wake up hysterical. But those dreams didn't come true.

Hi MicheleG!

Nice to see you this morning! Thank you for your advice.

The hearing is set for the 21st. That's the same day H was going to accompany me to the hospital for a mammogram because I found an anomaly, (probably a cyst, had one before but want to be sure), I did emphasize to the lawyer that I DO NOT want a D.

The day after the hearing is 14 1/2 years after our wedding day as well as T-bird day.

Last night when I went to bed early I thought that this was it. He wasn't going to contact me at all and just wash his hands of the whole thing. I was trying to prepare myself to accept that, even though I kept telling myself things that were of a positive nature...a good example being Thursday night when he was upset that I removed a picture from his wall that included me & H and an actor. He kept asking me why I took it down.

I told him I thought he might not want to look at it. He asked me more than once. Maybe he thought I was washing my hands of him? I think it rattled him quite a bit.

And the flirting that night. Two-way flirting. Before the A we were always very demonstrative with our feelings. We didn't make out in public but we always held hands or had our arms around one another, etc. At home, same thing but more intense. And we flirted with each other a lot then, too.

So...I should get the lawyer to postpone the temp hearing. I do have a good reason, I haven't cancelled that appointment. And I do need to be at that hearing, don't I? They can't have the temp hearing without me? Or can they?

Anyone know?

I haven't heard from H yet this a.m. I guess it's possible he's changed his mind about coming over. But I still have an appetite and I think I'll have a late breakfast.

The dreams have certainly been interesting. I'm glad your dreams about your H & OW didn't come true, MicheleG.

I'm hoping the good in mine comes true & not the bad. (I'd like to go to Mexico sometime, but not under those conditions!)