What is the purpose of the temporary hearing? Is it to extend the TRO? Or is it just to let the judge know where you guys are at in the process? Is your attorney asking for anything at the temporary hearing? I think it depends on the Judge and his preferences as to whether you need to be there. You husband HAS to be there because he was served probably with the TRO and a notice to appear. Is that right?

Usually at a temporary hearing the game rules are put into place, what the judge expects, discovery and mediation deadlines, etc., plus any temporary orders that need to be made are made.

You CAN ask your attorney to reset it because of your medical appointment but are you sure that you're comfortable with that? Do you trust your WH at this point not to twist off? Even though the affair has been busted up, doesn't mean that he's not still of a wayward mindset. Ya know?

It's interesting how our dreams reflect and give us insight into our real life experience.

Our son who was 7 -1/2 when X was "bestfriends" with OW had some dreams where he was shunted aside in favor of someone else. The OW and her H had 3 kids, the youngest was DS's age. X is/was very critical of DS. In Real Life DS told me a few times that his Dad was nicer to OW's D than he was to him. The dream showed that was what he was thinking as well.

Hi princess meggy,

That's the dilemma. When H came over Thursday one of the things he asked me to do was make a list of bills, etc. so he could give me the money. He informed me that the next check would not be going into the account. I told him I'd expected that.

The TRO was to stop him from diverting money, etc. Now that H knows for sure that I filed (I don't think he believed it at all the two times I talked to him about it) I don't know if he's going to be willing to give me any money, even if he was willing before. Of course, he's under the TRO now so he might have to. I'm not sure.

I don't have a copy of the papers so I don't know what all is in there besides giving me the car, which I don't want, didn't know the lawyer put in, and got H's goat really bad.

Oh yeah, and it's supposed to prevent BOTH of us from diverting money, taking things and selling unless for necessities...etc. And the hearing is to put it in place during the rest of the time the D is moving along, etc.

So I really don't know what to do.

That's sad that he had to go through that with his dad treating him like that. I hope your S is okay now. My H is very, very estranged from his daughter right now.

It really isn't about whether he's willing. It's whether the Judge decides whether he's obligated to do so, thus the temporary hearing. That's why you "don't do divorce" (discussing and worrying about the details with him) and you only do marriage (discussing and reinforcing the positive things with him). Let your attorney handle the hard stuff and get you what you need and deserve.

I personally wouldn't reschedule the hearing because this initial one sets the ground rules (and sometimes it takes forever to get a new date, leaving you defenseless if your WH does decide to leave you high and dry). It won't move you any closer to divorce, it'll just set everything in place. You can then delay future hearings, deadlines, etc.

I'm not of the legal know how and I didn't have to do any of these things in my sit. But I hope we can get some answers here.

I'm wondering why you can't put your cards on the table as far as the court is concerned. Why shouldn't Charlotte let the judge know that she filed only for the purpose of keeping her WH from diverting funds? For reason of financial protection. She's not trying to bluff her WH. She already made that clear to him that she doesn't want a D.

Would the court look unfavorably on her filing for that reason? If not, then is there a reason to not disclose that she is working on saving her M?

I am obviously not knowledgable on this topic and I hope someone could answer these questions which might help you take your next step.

Princessmeggy? MrW, are you out there?

I second that emotion from MicheleG!

Thank you for the input princess meggy & MicheleG!

Speaking purely from a paralegal's knowledge (and not an attorney's training) of our wonderful legal system, the Judge's role is an impartial judge of the facts and legal issues. Charlotte filed a petition which is petitioning (asking) the Judge for a divorce. She set a divorce in motion and activated certain statute-mandated deadlines in action by her filing. A Judge's "impartial" duty is to make sure that the statutes are followed. The clock began ticking the day of the filing.

She could tell the Judge that she really doesn't want a divorce but he can't ignore the fact that a petition has been filed. He CAN'T and probably wouldn't care why she filed. He CAN order mediation (and most do) but that is for the purpose of hammering out a settlement. He CAN order counseling for one or the other partners or as a couple but that's likely not going to happen and it won't stall the divorce clock. He CAN dismiss it if Charlotte request it in a motion (but read below about that).

BTW Charlotte, if your WH doesn't answer, you'll get a default and in 60 days you go before the court and finalize the divorce. I tell you this so that if he DOES default, make sure your attorney non-suits (dismisses) the divorce before the 60 days are up.

I suppose she could have filed a TRO alone (just like you would against a business partner) but I'm not sure how that would work since there would have to be some kind of final resolution. I dunno, I could be wrong about that.

Mr. W? Maybe you can explain this a little better.

I have no idear.

I, too, felt that she shouldn't delay the next hearing as that hearing should put in place the order requiring WH to pay spousal support.

Charlotte hasn't even seen the documents so we are all a little blind here as to what the TRO says in full.

PM is much closer to Texas judicial and administrative processes than I.

Mr. W

He is still very upset. He says he doesn't own the car anymore, he doesn't own anything anymore. He is a nobody. He said he was served at work at couldn't talk to anyone after he was served.

I finally asked him if we could talk in person instead of on the phone. He said he call in a little while as to when he was going to come out. He said it might not be today since he is so upset. He might come out after work instead.

I kept telling him I didn't know what was in the papers.

He just now called back and said he'd be here in about an hour and a half.

I'd better hurry, I was going to make potato soup. I doubt he'll feel like eating, though.

I hope I don't screw this up.

God is your co-pilot here.

Have faith.

You'll do fine.

He already appears to be taking on the victim's role. Whatever.

Plan A, Plan A and Plan A.

You don't have to apologize over and over. Like you have legitimately been doing...keep blaming the lawyer. Act like you are going to march right in there Monday and give him a piece of your mind.

Blameshifting...keeps the focus of you so you can Plan A.

"Dang Lawyers...we don't need them...let's just work this out...I've got a plan...wanta know about it?...what's the ideal resolution to this mess?...want some soup???

Mr. Wondering

Thank Mr. W,

I haven't apologized yet. Not gonna.

Thanks for the advice!

Gotta hurry!!!

I don't think she'll get spousal support because she works. Texas only has a "form" of alimony (for the final decree) and that's in situations where one spouse has been a SAHS for a period of time and no way to catch up. Even then it's only for a limited time.

I imagine the temp hearing will be to go over deadlines and to reissue temporary orders as to diverting funds, harassing, selling property, and child support etc.

Brit's Brat, if you're reading, do you know the answer to question above about the Judge knowing she doesn't really want a divorce? You're in Texas right?

My FWH pulled this too. I remember at one point, he handed me his keys and his wallet with his credit cards and said, "You might as well take them, I have nothing left." I said, "Okay," and took them and walked away. Of course 30 minutes later he was back saying he didn't mean it. He saw that it wouldn't work with me.

Charlotte, Mr. W is right about how to handle this. Just let him know this IS NOT what you want and you know a better way.

You'll do great... you have up until now... why should that change? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Well, Mr. W & princess meggy...ya'll were right. I did just fine. It seems the more confidence I'm able to put forth, the more confident I get.

Of course he wants me to drop the suit. There's another way, etc. I kept on with the "I don't do divorce."

I asked H just what it was he thought he could do in order for me to trust him. H says, "I told you I wouldn't leave you high and dry..blah blah blah, etc. etc. ad nauseum..."

I said, "Yes, but you also said you'd never cheat on me and then you ended up having an affair."

He said, "So this means we couldn't be friends after all is said and done and we end up with a D?" (he never uses the word, BTW.)

I said, "No. You have shown me that I can't trust you. How could we be friends if I couldn't trust you?"

He didn't like the sound of that, but it's true, eh?

He said, I'd be willing to try...if...blah blah blah...drop the suit...blah blah, etc. etc. ad nauseum.

I had no comment.

He admitted to me that he had another bank account. I said, I thought he probably did. (I knew about it already through Bobby Goren/Columbo-like sleuthing.)

He said he'd change the password back to what it was before on our account.

I explained to him the way it would be about being transparent, etc., if we were going to try and make a go of it again. I told him it would mean that BOTH of us would be transparent, not just him.

He seemed to be okay with that.

I told him I knew that it would be hard but that it could be done and we could recover our marriage. I told him we could regain trust and fall in love again. I told him I love him but I was not "in love" with him at this point, but that the love we have is important and it's a mature love, strong and true.

He still has to think about things of course. He said yesterday was a bad day for him. I asked him what had happened yesterday. He said he was throwing up and felt bad all day. "You know me," he said. "You know my reaction to stress."

I told him, yes, I do know.

So anyway, I know there's more but right now I'm going to kick back for a little while. Sunday cartoons will be on soon so I'm going to enjoy them.

He did take some of the soup with him. He didn't feel like eating and frankly, I don't either, at least not yet.

He really like the roast he took with him last time. He had to tell me twice. He hasn't been eating much, is what he told me when I asked. I told him I was worried he wasn't eating right and/or eating too much junk food.

It went really well, I think.

More as I remember it!!

Thanks again for all of the help, you guys!!!

Again...well done Charlotte.

When he does decide to recommit to the M, make sure your requirements are known. These are the things YOU NEED to recover from his A. Just a side note.

Enjoy your evening.

Thank you, Michele G!!

I started a list the other day but I haven't finished it yet. I'll have to post what I have so far...or I might add to it first before posting here for feedback...

I hope you enjoy your evening as well!!

Perfect.


Foggy speak straight out of the wayward handbook.


Excellent.


More fogspeak. If he was sincere and truly remorseful, he wouldn't have to think about it.



Has he always used the pity party to get your sympathy? Anything that he's experiencing now is a result of his own choices. Keep Plan A'ing him but stay firm with your boundaries so he'll know you're not playing. This is YOUR LIFE.

Good job Charlotte. Excellent Plan A stuff (carrot and the stick!)

As I've said before, I've never done a Plan A (it was too late for me when I found MB) but I've read and learned enough about MB to recognize good Plan A moments. There are many here who can offer you more advice on ways to continue doing it.

Stay strong and I'm praying for you and your WH!

Thanks, princess meggy!

BTW, when he brought up that, "stress, you know how I am," comment, I said, I know, H, I've been feeling that way for months.

I don't know if that was the correct response. I didn't think it was an LB. It is, after all, the truth.