Hey Charlotte!

You're doing great!!! I'm here on the Night-Shift if you can't sleep...

Semper Fi,

RIF

OWH moved out of his & OW's home, which is owned by her parents.

So now the infidels can carry on at their leisure.

...and along with your GREAT exposure, they will soon find that playing 'house' together isn't all that it's cracked up to be!

You're doing great Charlotte! Try and get some rest tonight...

Semper Fi,

RIF

Well, I hope you're right, RIF. OWH hopes for reconciliation but is unsure at this point so he's taking care of himself and moving forward. OW has been crying to him and going on about things.

She asked him if I am calling him all of the time and he said no, maybe once a week or so.

She said something to him about me being crazy or something and he said, "Actually, she's pretty reasonable."

Dang straight.

They used to trash me so bad it's pitiful. You should see some of the things that they said about me. Even OWH said that he was upset because they were laughing at me about something, I have no idea what, and neither does he, since the switching screens thing was so common with H and OW.

What kind of carp is that to build a relationship on? I found a folder that H kept of our correspondence when we were dating. We wrote to each other all of the time.

We declared our love, we talked about lots of things. But we NEVER trashed another person in order to further our relationship.

Maybe I don't want this person back in my home and in my life.

I don't know anymore. Maybe it's time for Plan B. I don't think I can take much more.

I think he's getting ready to crack. I know it seems so rough and just when you think you can't take another step .... somehow your feet keep lifting up one right in front of another. your H is starting to see you as a sane strong passionate woman and realizing that the OW is a bit cuckoo. Everyone here is behind you!

Hey Charlotte,

One of the main questions that I kept asking Mrs. RIF early in our rebuilding was did she and any of the OM talk about me or did she compare me with any of the OM...

Mrs. RIF always said that they never talked about me and that she never compared me with any of the OM... Was she telling the truth? I may never really know.

I DO know that typically, a WS will trash the BS because that's the only way that they can justify what they are doing... it's sort of a 'name it an claim it' approach... They SAY bad things about the BS, so that makes things right with the OW/OM... Twisted thinking in my mind...



You are the only one that can decide what you want. Rebuilding is painful... and you are in a very painful phase right now.

I do think that your exposure is working and your H will eventually snap out of his selfish way of thinking... If you feel that going to Plan-B is in your best interest, then by all means, you need to protect what love you have left for your H...

I never went to Plan-B, so I'll leave it up to the 'experts' to help guide you...

I think you're doing great and IF you can hold out in Plan-A for a little while longer, I think that things will turn around...

Semper Fi,

RIF

Thanks, 411. I'm trying. I really am.

And they still have the investigation at work hanging over their heads. There's no telling what's going to happen with that.

BB informed me that their company goes "by the book" when it comes to this sort of nastiness in the workplace.

I was really headed for a nervous breakdown when everyone started pushing me harder to expose. I don't know how close I was but it was close.

Thanks RIF. I'll try. I know that hammer's going to fall at work soon.

I still have my Ace card since I have the name and contact info of a high level exec. I don't know if I'll need it but it's nice to have it.

Tomorrow, (well, it's today now) I have to talk to HR again re: the affair and other issues with H over there.

They might both end up canned. But can you imagine having to work in such an environment? OWH told me again about the people there being fed up with H & OW's behavior and carrying on.

If I worked there I wouldn't even want to sit down on anything.

EEEEEEeeeeewwwwwww!!!!!

Hey Charlotte,

One of the things that I share with other's here is that your feelings are your feelings... you can't change them... but when it comes to rebuilding, it's better to focus on the FACTS...

The facts are:

* You've done a great exposure
* You pretty much KNOW what your WS and OW are going to do from learning from other's experiences and reading all about it in the WS Handbook.
* You FEEL like giving up... and that's OK to feel this way
* Exposure IS working

Again, I'm not trying to talk you into anything that you don't want to do... I just know that based on what you're sharing with us, I think that it's just a matter of time (a couple of weeks at the most) before your WH comes to his senses and comes back home.

It may be shorter... it may be longer... but eventually, I really do think he will come back and ask for a chance to rebuild the M with you.

Semper Fi,

RIF

Thanks for all of your wisdom, RIF. You're right. I DO need to think about the facts. When OWH told me about everything, I thought about the WS handbook.

But of course, you don't want to hear about things like OWH moving out and the A continuing, even though you knew it wasn't really over.

I'm not going to give up yet. You made me feel better about this. I might even be able to sleep now.

I may stay up a little while longer but I think I really will be able to sleep.

Of course there's no telling how long. I might show up with another freaky dream!

Remember: H.R. Puf-n-Stuf...who's your friend when things get rough...H.R. Puf-n-Stuf...can't do a little 'cause you can't do enough...(at least I think that's how the chorus goes!!)

Yeah, I'm messing with you, trying to get that song stuck in your head!!
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I still love this part:

OWH: "She said something about you being crazy...blah blah"

OWH: "I told her, actually, she's pretty reasonable."

BLAM!!

That statement just about made my night in spite of the other stuff. But I know: "Just the facts, Ma'am." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hey Charlotte,

I'm not "wise" by any stretch of the imagination! I wish that I'd done HALF as good as you've done...

You see, when I found out about Mrs. RIF's "first" A in 1988, I didn't expose to anyone... I did talk with my CofC and they all told me to dump her. I didn't have MB back then, and I didn't know how to handle the pain, so I just basically acted like "it never happened".

Mrs. RIF went on and had several more A's while we were overseas and I didn't find out about them until Dec of 2000 when she confessed the rest of the 'unknown' A's.

I found MB in 2002 after we'd been in MC for a year... our MC plus what I learned from the MB site really helped us move forward with rebuilding.

I try to share what has worked for us and what hasn't so as to help others make their way through this process.

So if anything that I've shared with you helps, then all of the credit goes to Christ... Because HE is the main reason that Mrs. RIF and I will be celebrating our 21st wedding anniversary this coming December!

All the best to you and your H Charlotte... with your commitment and determination, your H doesn't stand a chance! He'll be knocking on your door before long and you guys can start rebuilding your M.

Semper Fi,

RIF

You rang my bell?????? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Hi Charlotte,

Just checkin' in to let you know I've been away on vacation...still am...but I thought I'd encourage you a bit.

Keep venting and keep posting your pain and your endurance will increase as folks respond. That's one of the beauties of this board.

Ace

She probably was. My FWW mentioned the same thing. I think it's part of building/reinforcing the A-bubble: don't bring in any external stuff (like talk about other partners) into the bubble as it might burst. And of course the OM was likely not going to encourage such comparisons anyway.

Thanks MIM - Our MC said the same thing to me... took me a while to wrap my brain around it though. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Hey Charlotte - How are you doing this morning? I hope you got some sleep last night/this morning....

Charlotte, I believe this new shift in you is going to make it more likely that your WH will pursue you with desperation and passion. You are no longer needy or desperate. No victim, but an Amazon warrior.

I visited another marriage recovery site for awhile during my H's EA. It was owned by Michelle something. Anyway, a concept they discussed was "charging neutral." I never really understood it and to this day I don't comprehend it, but it might be what has happened to you/what you are now doing. Does it sound familiar?

Anyway, bla bla bla, here goes more: You have a plan and you are following it. They don't dictate your present or your future. Things have blown up in their faces, God is laughing at their hopes and dreams, and in the chaos, you took control. You're steering the car now.

I'm seeing a marvelously executed Plan A, and the results of exposure in ending the affair. So is your H and his "thing". Their lives were smooth, their affair floated in a pink cloud, supported by secrecy and BS's ignorance.

Now OW does not get to play the blushing fiancee showing off a new diamond ring. Her co-workers saw her being served papers, and word will spread like wildfire that she's having to testify about her affair and her actions.

If your H moves in to the OW's house, it will really put the kibosh to the whole thing. And there you are, safe at home, and not even sure you want someone like "him" in your life. You really are in a powerful position.

Yay!

edited to add:

If you are getting close to not wanting him back in your life, it could be time for Plan B. I never did Plan B. I tried to Plan A so long, that I lost all respect, admiration, and awe for my WH. His A killed my soul.

Why not post a thread about Plan B, and ask those who have been in it for advice? [Or post on this thread, I don't know.] I know you and Melody worked together on a letter, but since you are still in communication with your WH, does that mean you aren't in Plan B?

I'm really out of my element with this part of marriagebuilding. My expertise is in what happens when you don't expose *sigh*

Hi Bellevue!

Thank you for your support and encouragement!

I think I'm going to need a little propping up to keep me in line over the weekend, I hope you and others are checking in once in a while.

I am going to visit a friend maybe all weekend, I'm not sure yet.

But I'll sure be checking in...and hope to be able to sleep a little bit this weekend.

I don't want to have Gucci bags under my eyes when it's court time!

Well, so far I'm still in Plan A but haven't heard much from H of course. Email exchanges and that's about it.

I don't want to lose what love I have left for him but I'm not really ready for Plan B yet and others have chimed in to try and wait a little while longer.

I guess it would make sense to wait until after the hearing.

I'm sure H will want to come by afterwards for some of his stuff unless he's too stressed out.

That is the beauty of MB. What one poster is ignorant of, others are experts about!

I hope you enjoy the change of scenery this weekend. If you come here, there will be lots of MBers, without a doubt.