Here is a message I received from H. We had exchanged a couple of emails earlier...then he came back from lunch and popped in with this gem:

Beats ***** I guess. You'll have to let me know when there is something worth transferring from paypal, because I don't get in there very often. I did see the bank account is already - $60 in the negative and I don't know how much the check your work was for or when it will go through, and I guess they'll slap that $35 chargeback per day as well. You've stirred up quite the hornets nest, and so I guess you want your pound of flesh (it's understandable) but Divorce is now getting to the level where probably neither of us will recover a comfortable life style. I'm likely to lose my job and when that happens, bye-bye insurance, so if at all possible you should try to get some of this stuff done while you have it, and while it's free or almost free. I was going to run out this weekend with the planet of the apes and a tupperware thing, and pickup my MRI data but my lawyer advised me not too. It's not that I want the bank account to go under, but I'm afraid in the end, it will. H

These are consequences of his A. Don't own any of this. He must have that 5000w fog machine going full blast trying to blameshift this all on you. Sheesh...the mind of a wayward.

Steady and strong in Charlotte's Plan A...

"Hi, Honey. Thanks for the e-mail.

I think that there really is one way that we can BOTH recover a comfortable lifestyle. I don't want a pound of flesh. I just want my husband and my life back.

Planet of the Apes this weekend sounds like fun, I haven't seen that in forever! How about Saturday at about 5? You bring the movie and I'll cook (something he loves)."


Don't get into the other arguments. He's just baiting you into a fight. Trying to prove to himself and the rest of the world how awful you are and how justified he is. Give yourself a chance to plan A him, and let the lawyers slug out all the financial details.


JMO .... and I'm not one of the pro's, and didn't have a great Plan A, so take it all with a grain of salt. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

-AmI.

Translation: You've exposed my horrible behavior at work and I am starting to realize just how expensive a D would be. As a matter of fact, I am just realizing how much my behavior may cost us-and I want to make you feel bad so make sure you take care of any medical stuff "while it's free" Did it work? Did I make you feel bad?


<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

LOL!! Good one, johnstwin!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Thanks everybody!!

Please keep it coming!!!!

Hi H!

I don't know what you mean when you are talking about a hornet's nest? Are you talking about the one under our eaves?

I hope your weekend goes well and I'll see you soon!

Love,

Wife

It's too bad you won't be able to make it out this weekend. DS, DIL & GS are coming over for a homemade fried chicken dinner with mashed potatoes and gravy and all the fixin's!!

And we still need to go on that bike ride! Perfect weather!

His attorney advised him not to? Has he "answered" the petition?

I have no idea princess meggy. I think he is still p.o.'ed because OW was served yesterday.

At Melody's urging, I sent H a heartfelt letter in email since I will likely not see him until Wednesday.

H will have the weekend + 2 days to re-read your letter to him, and your email, and to fend off frantic communications from the OW. ("help me, help me, look what your wife did!") She isn't looking at all attractive.

And you are being so NICE! So assertively self-respectingly NICE!

Could he be hinting, fishing, for you to rescue him from the mess he created now? I think he's scared. It's sinking in what the real consequences of his actions are. He knows what he has to do to stop the D.

I can't say for sure whether the fog is clearing, but if it hasn't yet, it will very soon.

Best quote: "You've really stirred up a hornets nest." HA HA HA HA BWA HA HA! He cheated on you and YOU stirred up a hornets nest! Somebody's getting stung, Charlotte, and it ain't you. Why, you should have just stuck your butt in the nest opening and took it like a man. Yep. and once the nest cracked, why you should have spread your body over the hornets nest to keep them from flying away. Yep. And then, you know, hornets eat dead meat. The nest could have stripped your corpse to the bones and lived off of it.

How selfish of you to allow them to experience the consequences of their actions.

Dang, I envy you and admire you.

"You've stirred up quite the hornets nest, and so I guess you want your pound of flesh (it's understandable) but Divorce is now getting to the level where probably neither of us will recover a comfortable life style."


Wow. He's on the ropes. This is your opening, and I don't think he realizes what he has said to you here.

Read it again.

He isn't blaming you. What he says here is that you have exposed the affair, and people are really talking about it.

He knows now that everything is in the open, and that hornet's nest is buzzing around HIM. He sees that.

And the next sentence tells you that he knows whose fault it is. He says IT'S UNDERSTANDABLE. This is the crack that shows he knows whose fault this whole thing is, and he is actually asking you a question here.

Can you forgive me?

Could it be possible, that you want a pound of flesh, but is is also possible that you could forgive me? You see, the use of parenthesis in this sentence is the TRUE MEANING OF THIS SENTENCE. Don't miss it, Charlotte.

He is asking a question here, and telling you something in the same breath. He is saying, he understands that this is his fault, and wondering if there could be forgiveness if he gave you the pound of flesh.

You need to let him know that there would be forgiveness. Do it quick, while he is wondering this. Do let him know.

The musing about divorce getting to the level that you both would end up never recovering has less to do with money

than it has to do with love.

And I don't think he even realizes what he said.

Not yet, anyway.

Maybe if you pointed this out to him by way of a return message????

Let him know that your "recovery" would be less difficult if he came home. And there would be no need for any divorce talk, attorneys, or anything like that.

And that the "pound of flesh" isn't necessary, but other things could be discussed in making amends.

And that yes, forgiveness is possible.

But not unless the other woman is gone, and NC starts right away.

And instead of waiting to lose the job, he just resigns, and you both move somewhere, maybe. Easier than waiting to be fired. Something to consider.

SB
Amazing...I'm always so amazed at your interpretations.

Charlotte...that's great advice.

Dear H,

I just want you to know how hard your affair with OW has been on me. I am in the worst pain I have ever experienced in my life. And you know I've experienced a lot of pain in my life.

The pound of flesh you referred to in your last message has been removed from me many times over. I have no desire for revenge. I want all of this to be over. I am ready to move on with my life and try and get over this pain. It will not be easy.
We lived a peaceful life before and I miss it terribly. Yes, we were in a bad phase before your affair took place, with my illness and my addiction, among other things, but like everything else, I was confident we would make it through together as husband and wife and family and things would get better. They always do.

We have weathered many storms over the years and our seaworthy ship had been getting stronger with every storm.

When I knew for certain that you were having an affair with OW it hurt me very deeply and I didn't think I would ever be able to function again. I was devastated. I never thought the man I loved with all of my heart, body, mind and soul would ever betray me in such a fashion.

I need to know what you are going to do about your affair. When is it going to be over? Your affair has hurt many people besides me, your wife, and that includes you.

The kids are absolutely flabbergasted that you are having an affair with OW. They are very worried about you and DS25 is afraid that cheating is hereditary and he is VERY scared. He needs to see you and talk to you.
It is hard for me to stay in the place we made a home because every nearly every corner contains something special we gave to each other or things we had great fun shopping for and buying for our home. All of the pictures of us in happy times bring nothing but sorrow now. It feels like someone in the family has passed away and almost everything is a trigger to great emotional pain. I tried to watch Columbo the other day and all I wanted to do was call you and tell you to come over and watch Columbo with me.
I still love and care about you more than you can imagine right now even though you have hurt me so badly. I just want the pain to end but I'm at a loss as to how to accomplish this. I miss you, my sweet H. I wish I could see your beautiful countenance right now so some of my pain could be alleviated somewhat.
With all of my love,

Charlotte

schoolbus,

What constructive posting! Excellent. I'm tempted to remove my post, because of my sarcasm and spite and negative bent.

I'm going to have to pay more attention to your posts.

Charlotte, aren't you glad now that schoolbus is still here? She really gets the "builders" part.

Hi Bellevue,

Yes, I am. I'm hoping she pops in to analyze H's latest ramblings that he sent yesterday.

Oy!

Charlotte, could you tell this lady how to install webwatcher on her H's computer? http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...e=0#Post3338973

Good morning! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Good Morning, Melody!

I'll see if I can help her...I'm on the way now...

Thanks, friend!

Sheesh, he totally ignored your pain, a good sign that he's still a wayward. He's still ticked about you filing for divorce and wants you to feel sorry for him. Charlotte, you CAN NOT take these words to heart-- they were deflections.

Who did he mean "your friend"? OWH?

It's up to you whether you want to continue to Plan A when you get the opportunity or go to Plan B. I'll let others advise you there since I've never done either the MB way.

(((Charlotte)))