Hi 411,

Thank you. You are right. The more crap I take from him the more I don't want to go on. But I don't really want to give up now, either, in spite of the hurt inflicted upon me and OWH.

I'm not going to date anyone. Cute as my lawyer is I know it would be a teetotal disaster. It makes me wish BB had recommended a female lawyer but my lawyer is really good and he's a good human being so I really can't complain. I just have to keep myself from developing a crush on him.

I won't see him for a long time so there won't be anything to develop.

Of course, I'd love to do that just to get back at H but it would be very unfair to the other party involved and I'm not going to break my vows so even thinking about it is insane.

I'm just upset and mixed up and screwed up and "pick your adjective" right now.

Do you think I could Plan B and still go through the process of H coming here to get some belongings?

I HATE this!

Maybe I should just tell him to go to ****** right now. Unfortunately I'm not ready to do that even though this hurts SO much!!

Yeah. I guess I'm a sicko too. I let my lawyer be too close to me when I shouldn't have but I didn't care at the time because all I could think about was how much H hurt me.

So if my lawyer wanted to comfort me and sit close to me and let our legs touch and put his arm around me and so forth I didn't really care because of H hurting me and yes there could be an attraction between my lawyer and me if I let it happen but I'm not going to do that.

No matter how hurt I am right now. I am so screwed up.

It hurts so bad. I'm not going to try and contact H in any way. How lousy of him.

How lousy.

I think I am losing it.

Sometimes I think just to heck with it.

I know my lawyer is being paid to do his job but if there are fringe benefits, fine.

I'm not going to do that, though. If it came down to the wire I know I couldn't and wouldn't do that. It would just bring me down to the level that those sorry POS infidel MF'ers are.

When am I going to stop crying?

I can't believe I still love that sorry POS. I am going to call my lawyer and thank him for everything in a little while.

I am losing my mind.

***HUGS*** I am so proud of you tho for how you held up.....want catwoman to scratch there eyes out for you?

Charlotte, try to calm down, he ain't worth the tears anymore. Driving in with that wayward POS was reprehensible. Ask your attorney if you can sue OW for the misuse of marital assets your WH spent on her. I'm sure you know about how much he spent, and half of that amount belongs to you.

But you should do it soon, cause the little lovebirds may be unemployed shortly. Take care of yourself. GF

PS There's NO crying in the BatCave!!

Charlotte everything you're going through is natural.

I'm glad you're realizing that dating the lawyer would be a mistake. Having a revenge A or post D hook-up is never a good idea because it doesn't resolve your issues but merely makes things worse.

You should be angry you should be sad.

I would call Dr. Harely if you can to see what he thinks after all he's an expert.

Plan B letter imho should be given to your H when he comes over to take his stuff.

Plan B is a very difficult thing to do but remember that Plan A only works 15% of the time.

Plan B makes him miss you and for some that's more torture that they can handle.

No guarentees of course but at this point what do you have to lose? He's still in lala land with his fingers in his ears not listening to you.

It's going to be rough because Plan B makes feel like he's slipping further away. However, in actuality you got to flip that thought and say he's the one missing out! He doesn't get to have you in his life in any shape or form. He's the big loser in this case.

Just stay composed when you deal with your H. 3 C's are still key but most of all be your charming self.

You set up great memories for your H so he'll have to deal with that nbeing all he has left of you.

Not to mention he'll have to reconcile with the fact that his last memories of himself to you were as acting like a selfish [censored] with no empathy.

((((Charlotte))))))

I'm so sorry you are in a bad way right now. Seeing them together would have been enough for me to freak out too. You handled it like the classy lady you are.

Be real careful though about your own vulnerabilities right now. Try to stay strong and to look at your objectives...personal recovery, and a chance at M recovery. Breaking your vows will not aid in either one of those. I know you know that, just thought I'd remind ya.

Plan B is very close on your horizon. You still feel some love for him, you don't want to lose it all. It may be time.

Yep, you should have a Plan B letter ready to go for when he comes to get his stuff. Give him the letter on his way out the door...and don't say anything more.

Char,

Thank your lawyer...

And then avoid your lawyer except for when you need legal work done.

You already know why...

You are trying to talk yourself out of going ahead with it anyway...

Find someone else to comfort you...a family member or friend...FEMALE of course...

Minimize interactions with men in general until you are stronger.

You know all this already.

Decide to protect your vulnerabilities before you have a bad day and decide how you will do it too.

Plan B = Heal. Improve. Wait.

Stay above the pain and anger. Be a hero of MB...You already are one, ya know.

Mark

Thanks Mark. I know you are right. Spock knows you are right. I must get him back into the driver's seat.

My mind is focusing on my lawyer to help me deal with the pain. Not fair to me or my lawyer.

But dang it! If he responded to me only as a client and not as a woman it would have made all of the difference!

Probably he was just trying to help but "what??!!"

No, not imagination. He responded to me as woman, and not just when I was upset.

Curse me. I am so weak. I know this would never lead anywhere and only end up hurting more people.

And me? I hardly looked at H. I was too busy looking into my lawyer's eyes.

Curses!

I am ashamed.

It doesn't matter. There's no telling when I'll see him again so I'll just be focusing on H and his sorry self.

H doesn't give a crap about me anyway.

I'm thinkin' that's a real good idea, Cathy. That and staying as far away from my lawyer as I can.

Thanks, MicheleG.

I feel that you are right about Plan B. It's just too much for me to handle with this crap.

And not just me but poor OWH. It hurt him so bad. I could tell. OWH is Italian, too. I might call him later and see how he is doing.

I wish that I could be in B right now. As it is it looks like the middle of December.

Do I want to talk to H? Right now, I could give a less crap.

Thanks to my DIL and my step-D and all of you I am able to keep going.

That sorry b******.

That's all I can say about him right now.

You are right, 411.

I am trying to hang in there. I guess I forgot I was a female that was capable of attracting the opposite sex.

I won't sink to the level of the infidels no matter what.

But then what do I think? I think if my lawyer asked me out to dinner I would go.

How sick is that?

But only dinner. NO dessert!

Well, I know I'm just grasping at straws here but at least I'm appreciated. Even if it isn't by H.

Charlotte:

Just so you don't think I'm picking on you.

What Happened in your Relationship?

That's my point.

You can stay married to this guy or get divorced. That's your call.

But in your first post, you state that your R was exclusive with your H, and seemingly good.

And here we are 69 pages and 27 days later.

What HAVE you learned about what went wrong in your R with your H?

HOW do YOU think OW got in?

Are you willing, or unwilling to investigate this?

Read LilSis's and BugsMom's threads. There first ones. AND read about what they found out.

We know around here that you are of good spirts and witty remarks. But what went wrong in your M?

I was trying to point out in my earlier post that maybe you verbal skills could have driven your H away.

Maybe? You replied that you never directed anything at him. Are you sure?

Part of MB IS finding out about relationships and some of the dynamics that occur between partners and how thier M is in the ditch.

So? What do you think?

LG

I will, GF and thank you!

I'll stop crying. It's almost time to go out and fight evil again in the batsuit.

And my car....Wooooooweeeee!

Yes. I am sure, LG.

I was absent because I was sick. I wasn't fulfilling his EN's because I was sick.

My condition caused me to retain up to 20# of fluid per day. I would pass out at the drop of a pin...no matter if I was sitting, standing, driving or sitting on the toilet.

H was worried that I was dying. So he takes up with a slut?

That's REAL GOOD.

That's a GREAT way to handle your wife's illness.

My medication was finally regulated and I haven't had the problems I was having previously.

Well, too little, too late.

Believe me, I go over this in my head all of the time. What was I supposed to do? I couldn't control it.

Please do, surviving!

Can't I send H a Plan B letter right now?

The worst thing you can do right now is a Plan B letter. Not because it's not the right thing to do but you've got to take time for you. Today was very emotional and stressful and it's best to let things sit for a bit before you do anything especially when you don't think you have a moment to lose.

Take time for you right now so the emotions can ebb somewhat so you can have greater clarity of thought.

Take a break and decompress.

Sure, you can send him a Plan B letter now. But it takes some planning on your part. You need to make arrangements to have somebody you trust be at the house when the WH comes to get his stuff.

But do not give him the Plan B letter and then agree to be there and see him while he gets his stuff...or it proves to him that your letter means nothing.

If you are ready to go to Plan B, then you need to be DARK. NO CONTACT. WHATSOEVER. Find an intermediary (and discuss it with them beforehand so they know what their role in this will be and make sure they understand the responsibility they are taking on), and have that person handle all contact with WH.

You need to be very clear in your PBL that you will not accept any contact from him until the affair has ended and no contact is established, a NC letter is written and approved by you, and you ALLOW him back. You must not answer his phone calls or read his emails. All of this must be handled through the intermediary.

But don't go Plan B then talk to him then go back to Plan B, or it will be completely ineffective. Just make sure you are absolutely ready before you start...