Thanks 411 and Cathys01,

I know you are both right. Well, I'm going to start preparing now. I already have an intermediary in mind. I am going to go over this with her tomorrow.

Meanwhile, I sent H an email wishing him a Happy T-Day and a Happy 14 1/2 year anniversary.

Then I went:

P.S.) Isn't my lawyer the sweetest, cutest person you ever met?

Nah, not really. But I was tempted.

Charlotte,

Try and get out and do something that you enjoy and will cheer you up. I know it's hard - sooooo hard. Don't rush into Plan B. Prepare well cause once you're there there's no going back. I am probably going to wait till after christmas cause I know I'll be in danger of breaking it then.

Goodluck

Hi Vladie,

I will try. I will try to prepare as much as possible. As far as the holidays...well, H doesn't give a crap about me anyway. I doubt I'll see him at all.

Plan B is supposed to be for you. It is to give you time to heal and recover from the grind of Plan A and preserve anything that is left in your love bank.

Part of a Plan B letter should be stipulations of your requirements to accept him back. This is why it needs a lot of thought and consideration. You don't want to set the bar so high that he can't ever hope to attain it, but can't sell yourself short. What you ask for in your PBL cannot be added to later since he needs to know what it will take from him in order for you to accept him back as your husband.

It must, of course include end of the affair, NC with OW for life and things of that nature, but could also include counseling, either with the Harleys or a MC of your choosing as well as agreement to be transparent in his day to day dealings like emails, correspondence etc. What you tell him he needs to do to be your husband is what you have to live with when the affair finally crashes, which it will more than likely do. You can't up the ante later, so get it right the first time.

Plan B entered into out of anger and frustration seldom gives you any peace. If you are waiting for him to return, that is why you use Plan B. If you are done with him, then Plan D is a better choice.

Plan B can be harder than Plan A at first because you will experience withdrawal and all kinds of emotions to begin with. But once you get used to being on your own, it gives you a chance to rebuild your own life.

And not to be a broken record, but if your intent is to move on, find someone else and live happily ever after, then don't bother with Plan B or a PBL because if you give him the option of coming home under certain circumstances and conditions, he might just meet those conditions and want to come home. Not a good thing to be in a new relationship when that happens. It happens more often than you might think, that's why Dr H includes it as part of the strategy for trying to save a marriage. If that's not your goal...go to Plan D and be done.

Thanks, Mark.

I feel like I need Plan B because today was such a huge withdrawal from my love bank.

And such a loss of respect for someone who would be so cold as to do what he did today. Not just to me but to OWH. It was nearly a double withdrawal because of OWH.

Okay, all kidding aside. I would not date my lawyer if he asked. Not even a dinner date. If I did that I might let him kiss me and we all know what could happen next.

I wouldn't want to hurt someone if H does come back. It just wouldn't be fair to another person. So I'll close myself up tight and not think about my sexy lawyer and not think about H either.

I doubt Plan B will affect him much anyway. He just doesn't give a crap.

This just sucks.

At least I know I am attractive and other men like to look at me and flirt with me. I'll just hold onto that, too. I never did such things with H. The barn doors were always closed to anyone else.

But H left his wide open. All of the cows and horses and chickens got out and the weasel moved right in.

I admit I shouldn't have responded to my lawyer the way I did but I did and it's done. I won't do it again.

Maybe.

Depends on if H is around or not.

Yeah, just like back in high school. Geez, I need to get a life.

I also wanted to mention that you need to limit contact with the OWH right now as well. You really shouldn't be calling him just to see "how he's doing". It is a slippery slope and your emotions are very fragile and it is very easy for things to happen that you will later regret.

Keep any contact with the OWH to a minimum and only when necessary. At this point, you know he's with the OW, so I can't imagine anything you'd need to discuss with the OWH that you don't already know.

We're all just looking out for you Charlotte!!

So what is the next step in the whole court thing?

I know today was upsetting, but that is exactly how the WS's are. They probably thought that was a class act, showing up for the adultery hearing in the skank's car. YUCK!! But it happens all of the time.

I'm not sure but it will be a long, long time from now. My lawyer is busy busy busy.

A class act. That'a a good one. Everyone was so disgusted by that "class act." HA!

Oh, Charlotte, they are just behaving according to the script.

My WS was not nearly as friendly and responsible as yours. Now he wants to get married again. He's driving me crazy, calling several times a day. I'm about to LB big time. And during the affair, I was worse than a piece of furniture to him.

Any news on the work front?

Hi believer.

Nope. Not a peep.

And my cutey lawyer is the best revenge today. H got to watch our not so business exchanges. So that was fun even though I was upset.

There you go bringing that lawyer up again!! My stepdaughter is like...maybe you were meant to meet him. My DIL in a text: Is he cute? My mom tells my sister how cute he is.

Oh merry-go-round. Deadly, deadly merry-go-round. Oh well, I won't see him for at least 6 months anyway. Any goofiness I have now will have worn off by then.

And H hasn't replied to my Happy T/Happy Anniversary email.

Fine. Be that way.

Wish I'd had a cute attorney. Mine was an old buzzard.

Anyway, get on with your life while all of this is going on. I'm sure the affair will end.

Melody will have the best advice about Plan A or Plan B. In the meantime, let the affairees feel the consequences of their affair. Be sure to stick to the court agreement. Don't feel sorry for hubby and let him take stuff.

Hey Charotte22

Want me to send Bigfoot over to your WH and OW's place? As soon as my Jack Russell gets him cornered, I'm sure he'd be happy to help.

In all seriousness, I agree with believer-let them suffer the consequences of their choices. They already are. I'm sure there will be a very "Jerry Springer" audience atmosphere for the affair partners at work now that things are no longer "secret".

I know you're right, believer. And I know I'm going to need to Plan B soon or else I'm going to lose whatever is left for H.

I'm going to talk to my DIL about it tomorrow. When I'm not talking about my cute lawyer, that is! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I just got off of the phone with H's XW. I told her what happened between me and my lawyer. I also remembered that I was going to look and see if H was still wearing his ring but I was paying so much attention to my lawyer that I forgot to look. H is in trouble.

XW told me that she bets that even though I wasn't looking at H or paying attention to him that he was sure watching what was going on between me and my lawyer. Good.

But I didn't do it for revenge or to get back at H. I didn't look at him to guage his reaction because I didn't care. I was just enjoying the moment of distraction in a very painful situation.

So I get a crush out of it. I'm not going to act on it. I'm not going down that road. I'm not going to be like the adulterers. I'm still married.

It would be an offense to God and my family if I had an affair. I don't want to set a bad example for the kids. They already have their father acting in a despicable manner. They don't need me following suit.

But if my lawyer flirts with me I will flirt back. H or no H. But I'm not going to see my lawyer alone so there won't be any flirting to talk about.

I feel better now and I'll enjoy the movie of the exchange between me and my lawyer in my mind for a little while. It's a welcome relief after so many months of crap.

And if H noticed. Good. He'll be thinking about more than his pocketbook then. He still hasn't replied to the message I sent him. He's online, too. In IM. Probably talking to that trollop.

Hey Charlotte!

Just wanted to let you know that I'm praying for you and I'll be here on the Night-Shift today if you can't sleep... It's Thanksgiving over here so...


HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!


Semper Fi,

RIF

Yes, please send your Jack Russell and Bigfoot over! H hates JR terriers because he and his XW used to have one and the dog got on his nerves for some reason.

JR can take care of H. Bigfoot can take care of wh*re.

Yes they will suffer. She will suffer more because she has more to lose than him with regards to work colleagues and she also CARES about it.

So what are you going to do for Thanksgiving?

Thanks RIF!!! Happy Thanksgiving to you, too! In an hour and ten minutes it will be our 14 1/2 year anniversary here.

I don't know how much I'll sleep tonight. I had to lie down for a while earlier because I had a bad headache. But then H's XW called so I got up to call her back.

She kept asking about my lawyer so now if I do sleep I'll probably dream about him.

Well, better him than nightmares of H's despicable behavior.

I feel so bad for OWH. I think he may end up in the hospital. He looked so bad today. Way too pale. Trying to put up a brave front while his trollop of a wife is cavorting around with H.

Her affair may put her husband in the hospital. He has MS and I don't know what happens with that when people are under stress. The other day my lawyer mentioned it, though. He was worried that OWH might have a reaction today from coming to court.

I hope he doesn't end up in the hospital. Just a month ago I was so sure that's where I would end up. In the psych ward.

Thanks again to everyone for lighting a fire under my *ss and getting me going for exposure!!

Hi believer!

Last week I thought I wasn't going anywhere but now I am going to my mom's. I won't be cooking anything this year, though.

Usually I make 3 or 4 dishes and pies to boot to take over there. Mom and her friend are going to handle everything this time. H is going to be missing out on some good grub.

On top of that...DS, DIL and DGS are coming over, too. They are really starting to hate H. I'm going to talk to DIL about Plan B to see if she's open to it.

She would be perfect.

H is so gonna regret this affair. He just better hope his wife is around when it's over. She might be in Italy.

Hey Charlotte - Well, I'll be here all day... (except when it's time to head over to the chow hall for our Thanksgiving meal!)

Try to relax and not think about about the bad behavior... your H and the OW are still reading out of the handbook. Once reality hits them, it won't be as much fun for them.

Stay focused and don't let your mind wander to your lawyer...

Semper Fi,

RIF

Thanks, RIF! I hope you have some good grub!! Now you are making me hungry!!

I know you are right about H.

I will do my best not to think about my lawyer. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that I forgot to look and see if H was wearing his wedding ring.

I polished mine this morning before court so it would be nice and sparkly.