I'll send some of GS's used diapers over in a separate care package... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

C22:

For what it's worth, I HAD read about the drug issues. It appeared to be more casual, than an addiction.

And if it is a drug Addiction, then MB will never work. Al-Alnon, or the narcotic equivlent, is appropriate for C22.

Until her H kicks that Habit, then, the M will only ever be on life-support.


I asked you to get a plan.

I NOW understand that you are in Plan MEL. With Mel providing assistance and guidance off of this board.

Cool.

When someone has the ability of DIRECT, face to face contact, either in person and then by phone, and they have a good knowledge of MB plans, like Mel does, then they ARE in good hands. I'm glad that has been exposed.

I will leave your thread alone.

My questions were geared towards exploring your past marriage to find out what lovebusters and EN issues were occurring to help you repair those things. And once those things were identified, then we could show you, through Plan A, how to show you WH these new behaviors, thereby allowing you to finish your Plan A on a high note, before going to Plan B.

You seemed to just be poking sticks at your H all the time, and no real Plan A moments, and then you were going to Plan B.

Thereby, not accomplishing the true goals of Plan A. Letting your WH see that you recognized and addressed the areas causing you two seperation.

I will continue to read, becasue I DO enjoy your wit and humor, in spite of the horror that surrounds your world right now.

LG

P.S. You posted about your Thyroid, before I posted this. My wife had Thyroid issues as well.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Charlotte,

I agree very much with Mel about Plan A and addiction-that is stuff straight from Dr. Harley...Mel knows her MB, and as I said before, you are in good hands there...

Mr. W and I were discussing your situation...We think it is quite likely that your H and OW "bonded" over the fact that they both had spouses with illnesses...That certainly is NOT okay, but I can see how it happened...I'm sure you've already thought about that as well...

I also have an illness that causes me to retain fluid-sucks doesn't it? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Hmmm, do you get pressure headaches with yours and have to have occasional lumbar punctures too??? How weird would it be if we have the same illness???

I will tell you that I have been a bit concerned about all the non business talk about your attorney...I came close to posting that to you yesterday, but then I remembered that you know Mel and that she would pistol whip ya if she thought there was danger there! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Still, diversion or not, BB said that your attorney is married, and I'll bet his wife wouldn't appreciate him being used in that way, kwim? Not beatin' ya, just a word of friendly caution, k? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W

Hi LG,

No, I wasn't really poking sticks at him. I just think that's the way he views things.

I made a lot of changes to myself before exposure. He noticed this, hence the "stepford" comment.

I told him I was doing things trying to improve our lives and to make me feel better about myself by accomplishing tasks that were too long undone.

I was back in the kitchen cooking good food like I used to. I was trying to get him to eat better and more balanced to help him with his vitamin imbalance and he knows this.

I took great care of him in our last few months together. He knows this. He noticed and he thanked me.

We weren't really talking, though, about the elephant in the room. I did bring it up a couple of times and had the expected results. I wasn't comfortable in volunteering any other type of information that I did not want passed on to OW.

So we talked about important things but we did NOT talk about the A or our R at all. Except for the couple of times or so before exposure.

I know the guilt was getting to him...I could see it. But that didn't stop his path of destruction. So I exposed and now he can do whatever he wants.

I am still married and I am not going to do that.

I Plan A'ed him really well the last few times he's been home. There was even some flirting going on between us. I wasn't afraid to talk to him normally, like we used to.

I gave him the letters, a story and I sent a poem to him a couple of days before court.

We talked in email and on the phone. Not always nice in the email from his end but he did tell me he liked the poem in one of his last emails.

He wasn't hungry or couldn't eat (nervous stomach) when he was there so I packed meals for him and packed extra so he'd get some good food into him.

I talked to him on the phone before court and once again told him that I didn't want a D and that I had to file for protection. He was having a lot of trouble getting that through his head or didn't want to.

schoolbus & Melody advised that I should tell him again for reinforcement so that's what I did in the last phone call, the one where we actually talked and he wasn't asking directions to the courthouse.

That he knew the directions for already.

So we went to court. He is in Plan FU and I am still in Plan A. I have no idea what will happen when he shows up for the inventory and to get some personal stuff.

I hope this happens on the same day but it might not. Depends on if he rents or borrows a vehicle so he can take the giant tv, which I complained about but ONLY because I didn't want anything moved around in our home.

Now I'll be moving and rearranging things myself.

Hi Mrs. W,

Thank you for your input. Sounds like that's probably what happened with the bonding. She doesn't seem to realize that H has a plethora of health problems himself. She's just exchanging one sickness for another. Plus a drug addiction.

I have pressure headaches, too. So does H. We used to compare notes to others we knew because there were a couple of family members who didn't believe it.

No lumbar punctures but I do have arthritis in my spine. I was reading up on rheumatoid arthritis and the symptoms sound close to the various bone and joint problems I've been having. I don't know if that's what it is, though.

As far as my attorney, I am not infatuated with him and I wouldn't jump into any relationship with him if such a thing came up. I am just glad his actions helped me as well as his legal expertise.

I now know that if H self-destructs completely to the point-of-no-return that eventually I could have a relationship with someone again.

I know my mind did this to me because it was trying to shield me from the pain H was/is inflicting on me. I just don't see it as a terribly bad thing. It is what it is. It isn't anything serious at all.

If that were the case I'd be doing stupid stuff like finding excuses to call him, etc. Ain't happening. Bad for everyone. Bad for the kids. They already have their dad acting like an [censored]. No, make that him being a TOTAL [censored].

But I still love him and I want us to work out. Yes, I wish I could Plan B right now, today.

I have fears about Plan B, too because H might see it as an "oh, well" and that will be it for him. We end up D'ed and out of each other's lives forever.

So while I understand that B is going to work for me whether or not H wakes up and turns around, I still fear that I will lose him forever.

I understand what you mean about the attorney Charlotte...I just care kiddo, so I thought I'd say a little something...But I gotcha...

As far as Plan B goes...Plan B is about YOU and for YOU...Hard as it is, you have to let go of the outcome-it's not something that you can control, although I know it is VERY human to hope that it will make a difference to the WS, and it WILL, even if you don't see it right away, but realize that that is only a byproduct of Plan B and not it's true aim, which is to remove you from harm's way and allow any love left in your lovebank to be preserved...Stay the course, you are doing great!

(((Charlotte)))

Mrs. W

Thanks Mrs. W,

I know there are no guarantees with Plan B and that it's really for me. I can't help but hope it will have some sort of impact on H.

I know he'll miss me in lucid moments. We always had fun together and matched each other wit for wit when we were goofing around.

When I was talking with him face to face one of the times he came over before the hearing I had told him that I knew what he had told me (re: not leaving me high and dry) but I couldn't trust him, after all, I trusted him and he had an A.

His reply was to say, "You mean we can't even be friends?" No. My friends don't lie to me and betray me.

I thought I'd have to be the one to bring this up as Mel and I discussed but my words prompted him to come to that realization and voice it.

I know it will be really hard but I am going to pack away our memories and it will help me to let go of H. I'll still hold that tiny spark of hope in my heart that my sweet Jonesy will come back to me and Mr. Gray will be dead forever.

On a different note: Did you get a chance to check out "Blaze" and read it?

I did check it out, it's sitting on my nightstand right now as a matter of fact! I also got This Present Darkness by Frank Peretti (have you read that one?) and chose to start that one first, although admittedly I haven't set aside enough time for reading lately and am lagging behind...Our DD's birthday had me hopping to and fro and then there was Thanksgiving prep/Thanksgiving and now Christmas decorating...and LOL, let's not forget my MB time...I'll get there though, I'm looking forward to it! Thanks for asking! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. W

Hi Mrs. W,

I haven't read the Peretti novel. I'm like you as far as reading lately...I'm still reading "From a Buick 8"-(King) again but I haven't picked it up lately.

I might have picked it up once since exposure day and read a page or two. That's about it!

You'll probably enjoy Blaze. I had my doubts at first when I read the excerpt, I mean, I KNEW I would enjoy it but I just didn't expect it to be so GREAT after I read the excerpt and SK's intro. WOW!

I'll never forget it and I know I'll read it again and again. I think they should make a movie with Frank Darabont as director. He would be great for it!

Hey Charlotte!!!

Well, there was one Italian in the gym this morning. He was on the stair-master... but he wasn't wearing any skimpy shorts as it turned a bit colder here last night.

What is it with guys that wear the mid-thigh spandex and that's it??? I mean come on, the skimpy shorts were bad enough, but now this guy is wearing the skin-tight spandex shorts and that's it!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Well, at least it wasn't smelly this morning! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I hope you have a good evening Charlotte... I've got to go outside the wire today so I won't be around on the Night-Shift for very long... I'll check back with you later, OK?

Semper Fi,

RIF

TJ- MrsW - I read "This Present Darkness" about 15 years ago and LOVED it. I still remember it. Hope you love it.

Charlotte - Hang in there, and don't blame yourself for things you can't change. The affair will end. They all do. You just need to keep making a very nice life, and I'm sure hubby will be wanting to join you.

Thanks RIF! I'll probably be up unless I wear myself out shifting radio equipment around so I can store the memory boxes in our spare room.

Short's report revised to "Spandex Report!" I don't know, if I was a guy, if I'd be able to wear such things. I think I'd be a little too self-conscious about it!

Take care out there, RIF, I'll see you later.

Thanks believer. I know it will. I can't let impatience get to me now.

I'm trying to mentally prepare for Plan B and also prepare for his attitude when he shows up for the inventory. I was looking around again earlier and there is just no way it will be done in one day.

It will probably take a pallet of film to photograph all of that stuff! Maybe they'll videotape it instead.

And please post the enchilada recipe..............

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I can do that!

Hey Charlotte!

I'm back! Hope you got some rest this evening...

Semper Fi,

RIF

Hi RIF,

Glad to hear you're back! I slept longer than I expected. Some dreams but I don't remember much about them. I know H was in at least one of them, asking me about his pictures.

Hey Charlotte!

Glad you got some good rest... and I hope you have a great day today!!!

I am thinking that I won't hear from H even after he cools off. I think he is going to hide behind his lawyer.

We are allowed to talk to each other now (even though we were before, anyway,) because the lawyers left the door open for reconciliation.

Do they always do this? (I guess not in physically abuse situations it wouldn't be a good thing.)

I have an affadavit from his case for the DWI that he needs to sign and get notarized within 10 days of 11/27. For his license. The rest of his case is still pending. Maybe they will set a date for trial at his next hearing. That won't be until February, though.

So I need to get this affadavit to him. He knows about it but I'm betting he forgot.

So I'm going to have to contact him whether he contacts me or not.

Will his 6-mile brick wall of silence make it easier for me to transition into Plan B? Or should I still contact him once-in-a-while?

I would give everything I had just to hear him call and say that we need to talk. That he'd awakened in the morning from a dream and he'd had an epiphany.

I know. Dream away, Charlotte.