Charlotte,

I know that this sounds strange, but when I first started thinking about why I wanted my wife back, Jennifer made me make a list. She warned me to keep this list close so that when I started to think about giving up, or started looking at other women, I could pull out my list. I know that right now your husband isn't giving you any reason to look to him for comfort, but having a list of what made me fall in love with my wife, and the reasons I loved her everyday made it easier for me to stop any and all relationships with other women. It might take some time to think of things to put on your list, but look back through photo albums and the times you shared.

You are doing great.
Ryan.

Hi RIF,

Thanks for checking in. I did sleep. I woke up in the wee hours to strange noises. You know, the ones that are okay in the daytime but at night they turn ominous.

I slept too long. I didn't want to get up and face the H-less day, I guess, but I have a ton of work to do before he shows up again.

Thanks 411!

I tend to forget that this will mean he is losing me as well.

I am looking forward to the peace of Plan B. I have lots of things I need to do that I'll have time to do when I get there. Like mucking stalls in the barn! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Well, I guess that depends on my shoulder. I'm supposed to do physical therapy for a while and then the doc decides whether or not I need surgery.

My shoulder reminds me of H because of the circumstances of the injury so I need to get it taken care of asap.

How is it going for you in Plan B? You are really close to the point where Melody says it gets a lot better.

Hey Charlotte!

Glad you got some good rest!

I'm going on a little trip this week so I'll most likely be off the boards until the end of the week... You're doing great and you've got some great help...

Remember, you have a good idea of what's happening because you've read the WS handbook... so when you start feeling down, focus on the facts, and remember that the A won't last long because of your great exposure!

Semper Fi,

RIF

Plan B letter: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...rue#Post1143897

Hi Ryan,

That's a good idea. I'll have to do that. And I'll carry it in my wallet, too.

It will be painful to think about. I was looking through our correspondence the other day and ran across the story that H wrote for the paper about our wedding day.

Hard to believe now that the same person wrote it. I'm tempted to make a copy of it and give it to him but I don't know if that's such a good idea.

I understand a lot better now about how vulnerable I am. When I was being warned about protecting myself by everyone, I totally understood this intellectually but I just didn't think it would really be that way, I didn't think I'd feel anything for anyone because of the damage H inflicted upon my psyche.

Since Wednesday, I now understand a LOT better. I am going to have to lock myself away at home when I'm not taking care of my grandma. Well, I guess I don't have to be that extreme but as close to it as I can get!

Hi RIF!

Thank you for reminding me about the WS handbook, I need all the reminding I can get!

And the exposure...my mind tends to not remember these positive actions that were taken when I'm thinking about H and the A.

I hope you have a nice trip, if that's the kind of trip you are taking. If it's anything else, watch your back!

I'll look forward to your safe return.

Take care,

Charlotte

Thanks Melody!

Going to study now...

I think you should attach it to your Plan B letter. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> And when you send him the letter, I would send a copy to the OW. Dr. Harley recommends doing this because it puts more pressure on the OP.

Thanks, Melody!

I will do that. I'm getting a good feel for the Plan B letter from the link you gave me.

I'm going to do my best not to overdo it! I guess there is a tendency for BS's to want to do that since no one really knows if it's a "goodbye forever" letter.

I won't lie it's been very difficult thus far and I'm only 17 days into NC. I think it will get easier.


I always loved being around her family so missing out on Thankssgiving was bad and it was componded by going to Santa Barbara which had loads of triggers for me. I was very angry this last weekend.

Felt depreived of having my second family and of course the love of my life.

However, I keep up hope went to a mission and prayed and I often pray that she'll gain the insight to stop what she's doing.


Make sure you keep yourself busy in Plan B and do things that make you happy and keep you feeling peaceful. It's hard but once you can find things to do that keep you satisfied eventually you think about H less and less.

It's strange that when we finally move on people seem to get an inkling that were gone and they begin to pursue.

Hi 411,

Sounds like you're doing a pretty good job in Plan B. As for triggers I guess one of the hardest things is going to be family members asking about H. I know my mom won't ask if I ask her not to mention him.

My g'ma is a different story because she suffers from mild dementia and she'll probably bring H up. I guess I can just go behind the barn and scream if this happens.

I'll have to let everyone else know what's up so that doesn't happen, I guess.

Thanksgiving was bad but it was probably worse for H...my cooking was always a big thing for him. I got out of that for a while when I was depressed.

As to your last line, I hear that a lot. I can't help but hope this to be the case with us.

But I was thinking about how right now he has a choice about contacting me and he chooses not to, up to this point after the hearing. Well, soon the choice will be removed.

I guess that he is trying to control me this way and once that control is removed he really won't have anything left to hurt me with, will he?

Except for money but I won't need to call him, just my lawyer so the order can be enforced.

I don't know if he'd do that since he's so afraid of jail, but he might. At the very least he might delay the transfer for a few days or something. He was sure trying to "get" me after exposure using money as a weapon.

Thanks for your input, 411...I hope I "see" you around and best of luck to you in your Plan B!!!!!

I apperciate the kind words. Triggers are certainly interesting and people asking about your H is hard. Just think that they are coming from a place of love and they are asking about H not WH.

I have no idea what Thanksgiving was like for my WxGF although she didn't even tell her patents about our split for more than a week.

I've learned that waywards want to be in control. One the control is gone they will still be wayward but they start to realize that you are above control and generally respect yourself more than to be controlled. They tend to look at you differently, like you're a leader and don't need them.

He can only hurt you if you let him. Plan B is to remove that capability from his arsenal by blocking his WS crap from reaching you.

I'll be around I'm sure. I don't think you'd want to see me as I fit into the Italian profile although I'm not smarmy. I'm just one of the good guys.

Best of luck in your Plan B and keep posting as this board can give you great strength and empathy when you're hurting.

Hi 411!!



You're welcome! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


This is a good point! I hadn't thought of it that way! Thanks!


She was too ashamed to say anything, maybe?


I LOVE this! So true! I've had but a taste of the control issue from H and it was quite enough! (I guess he thinks he's like the ending of the album "2112"...where the lyrics are, "WE HAVE ASSUMED CONTROL!") Yeah, we all know what "assume" does, though, don't we? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


And I'm not going to let him, either. He's done quite enough of that.


LMAO!! Of COURSE I want to see you. I'm a fun-lovin' Czech-German (mostly German)...I love everybody! Just don't wear any skimpy shorts!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

And you are a good guy. I'm sorry that you are experiencing this horror with your WxGF. I wouldn't wish this kind of pain on anybody in the world.

I enjoy talking to you, though. Even though we met under not so great circumstances.


Thank you! I almost wish I was in B right now. At least I'd know H's control over me was removed. I'll keep posting as long as I can type. They'll have to pry the keyboard from my cold, dead fingers!

Heeeeeey, wait a minute here.

Do I detect some FLIRTING?

I couldn't tease (using a wink icon) about SHORTS on my thread (it was locked down).

What's with this thread?

Don't get me wrong. Charlotte (so far) has been my "wonder woman". So was SexyMamaBear before she had an A along side her husband, after she had given up.

And here I am truly faithful to my husband (in thought, word and deed) but WITHOUT my original thread.

Okay, my thread became emotional toward the end after I came under false accusations, but before that you couldn't find anything questionable.

Where's the fairness?

Hi Observing!

No, no no no no no no no no!! No flirting!!

RIF started the thing with the skimpy Italians in shorts...I mean the Italians in skimpy shorts so I was just referring to that.

Believe me, I HAVE LEARNED MY LESSON WELL! <<<(not shouting, here, just emphasis! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> ) I will NOT be flirting, nor will I be in touch with my attorney unless absolutely necessary.

I am not going to fall into the same trap that H has fallen into. The kids have been through enough. Even though they are very angry at him and would think he deserved it, ultimately I would be just the same in their eyes, a low-down, dirty adulterer.

If any man tries to touch me, I have my favorite line from the Planet of the Apes all picked out, "Get your stinkin' paws off me you damn dirty ape!!" At this point I'd likely say the same thing to H. Welllll, maybe... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

As far as my WxGF I'd like to think she's too embarrassed to call over Thanksgivingbut last time we talked was taking me off her cell phone bill and perhaps adding OM with a pay as you go phone. Not sure as she cut me off after I was taken off.

Strangely enough she's pissed at me whereas I still love her.

In our last few face to face encounters I tried discussing reconciliation but after we separated.

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a terrible time as well.

From what I gathered Plan B seems like a good shot for you in your situation.

In my case I'm Plan B'ing to maintian my sanity, save any love I have for her, and grow and work on me.

So far in a month you've done quite a bit. Just keep working for your own sanity as you can't control him.

I'll be doing the same.

Hi 411,

Thank you! I know, I can hardly believe that it's only been a month that has passed. Compared to the molasses days when I waited and waited and waited for H to come home at night or the day of the weekend where he "worked" ha ha...

It kinda freaks me out. It feels a lot longer.

I hope your GF comes around. I hope H comes around. I know it will tick him off when he can't control me anymore.

But that's okay. I need my sanity. Removal from the ugliness of the A sounds like Heaven to me right now.

I can hardly wait until the inventory is finished and he gets some personal belongings that the judge is allowing him to pick up. Then it's bye-bye Birdie!!

It's stupid but it's funny under the right conditions. Works best at parties where folks are just a "little" inebriated but it can work to confuse the heck out of someone who is sober.

Stop me if you know it! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Three monkeys are in the tub taking a bubble bath. The first monkey says to the last monkey, "Pass the soap." The middle monkey says, "What do I look like, a typewriter?"

Then laugh laugh laugh. Works best when there are others who know it and laugh along with you. I know, it's kinda mean.

I had a friend who LOVED to tell this stupid joke. He got away with it a lot, too.

Kinda like, What do a bicycle and a guitar have in common? Neither one can climb a tree.

Oh, boy, I need some new material!

I guess I'd do better by posting that recipe believer asked for. I'll try to do that tonight.

It's only been 2 months since d-day and everything still feels like a nightmare that I can't wake up from.

Yep, I know what you mean the time apart feels like ages and my WxGF seems to only have been a dream.

I think the same is true for most WS they want that control so desperately because it enables them to feel like they're doing something without consequence.

There you go stay strong and take up something you always wanted to try.

Learn a foreign language, take up a new hobby, go skydiving.

Keep yourself busy and try to set aside a specific period time to think about H. You can do anything during that time but once it's over then try to not to think about H.