You're not in Plan B yet, right? Nothing wrong with contacting him about the outlet. You're the damsel in distress crying out for help with your outlet.

Hi princess meggy!

You're right. Of course, I know I'm just setting myself up for him to be ugly to me but it IS a problem and he knows I worry about it a lot. We had the same problem with the outlet last year.

I'm worried about fire. If he's not worried about me, then he will at least be worried about his collection!

He was going to replace it but he never got that "Round Tuit" and then crap hit the fan so there it sits...

He'll probaby have my lawyer called and tell him that he's being harassed by anonymous emails! Some crazy woman talking about faulty outlets!

I sent Mr. Gray an email.

I told him about the outlet and the neighbors moving out.

I told him a few other things and then I had to add a "P.S."

The P.S. was longer than the rest of the message!

I talked about the kids and what happened over the holiday. I talked about my cousin who's an alcoholic who started drinking again and that I was worried about her because her mom was killed walking to her sister's (my great-aunt) house one night from a bar. She was hit by a car and thrown into the path of another. It was a horrible thing.

I was just a kid but I remember that we went over there the next day and there were all of these people that lived on that stretch of road and they were out looking for things that flew out of her purse. They were all over the place.

Anyway, didn't mean to start talking about that terrible time. I didn't mention the story to Mr. Gray, he already knows it.

I just let my fingers do the talking.

Anyway, he never responded to my last email so I won't expect anything from this one. I know he'll read it, though.

I talked about the kids a lot. We have been keeping in close touch...DS, DIL, DD and I. The only one that's been busy, busy is YDS. But he's been too busy to talk with any of us, even his mom. I talked to her about him last week after the hearing.

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Hi Dobie!

Yeah, I thought about you when I was writing about that. I thought you might like the analogy!

The e-mail is fine as your still Plan A. Once Plan B goes into effect that's when you shut it down to pitch black darkness.

Always better to talk about the kids than the devil incarnate WS. It shows you are concerined with the family which is better than showing concern for the WS who doesn't deserve your concern at this point.

Thanks, 411.

Not a peep out of him yet. Of course sometimes he drags it out just to make me wait.

I don't think he's going to answer this time at all, though.

So I'm not sure if I should continue to try and reach Jonesy before B is in effect or not.

After all, Mr. Gray intercepts my messages!!!

I guess I'll keep trying until I can't try anymore. I won't be able to very often because I'm sure that I'll be accused of stalking or something.

Even though there's absolutely nothing that could be construed as stalking in the email.

Geez, he IS still MY husband.

There are things we share together that still concern him. How is that stalking? Well, if he were to print this out and show it to a judge in a court of law he'd be laughed out of the state.

But I'm just paranoid after Monday and all of that bs.

I don't want to have to call my lawyer and give him the info every time I want to talk to my husband just so he can be prepared for any blowback. That is patently ridiculous.

We CAN talk to each other, there's no order preventing that. It can't be abusive and I certainly haven't done that.

I can't help but wonder what he'll make of the fact that I cared enough to send him that paperwork he needed. Will it register that I could have screwed him over this? Unknown.

Will he call and thank me? Doubtful.

But I have to believe it will make SOME kind of impact.

On Jonesy, at least.

Thanks again, 411!

I don't think he'll peep most WS get reclusive when they have to deal with reality.

Remember Plan A is to show the changes you've made and how you are becoming super you.

I would suggest trying not to initiate contact because that comes off as needy if it is too frequent.

Remember if you don't have a reason to contact other than to contact he'll sense it.

I rather doubt you'll be accused of stalking, although I don't blame you for being paranoid.

It's good to call your lawyer if there is something that you're not sure about. If it is idle banter not dealing with legal issues then you should be ok.

If legal stuff is brought up just avoid the issues and deflect with playful and witty banter.

You along with many other of us get caught up in the what if and trying to understand the WS.

Set your phasers on stun for the moment he's possesed.

He's only going to thank you when he realizes what he's throwing away and he withdraws from his dopamine addiciton.

You're welcome once again.

LOL!!

Thanks, 411.

I am trying so hard. My chest hurts now because of my back and forth"ism."

My attorney tells me I deserve better. OWH tells me I deserve better. (My family hasn't said as much, except for Mom, but they respect what I'm trying to do even if they don't understand it.)

I know they mean well but Jonesy WAS the best before Mr. Gray took over. I'm still struggling with not thinking about that.

But it's hard.

Jonesy had a problem with XW calling him a lot after they were separated, even suggesting SF-type activities. I heard some of that, she WOULD call him, even 4 years later when Jonesy and I were dating.

So I know he's thinking about that. But I never bring up R issues when I'm talking to him in email. The last time he was here I didn't either, just gave him the letter Mel and I worked on.

Geez! I am SO jumpy! Every time the phone rings I think it is my attorney calling me about complaints from Mr. Gray or Mr. Gray himself.

I already know what I'll say when I hear from my attorney. I'll just answer with: "What did I do this time?"

I am losing it.

I know he did a good job at ignoring XW because I saw it in action for all the time we were together.

Thing is, I have done none of the things that she did both before and after they split.

Even when I was talking to her there were marked differences in the things she knew about Jonesy as compared to the Jonesy I know.

I didn't say anything because I didn't want to hurt her feelings. That was just stuff like: doing the laundry and other habits. It had nothing to do with why they split.

I am convinced that there was an A in there. On Mr. Gray's part.

Well, lest I ramble on too long (Robert Plant...dang it! Now that Zepplin song will be in my head for hours!)...I'll stop typing for the moment!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Thanks yet again, 411!

Luckily as stressful as everything has been I haven't been sick or in too much pain.

You do deserve better which means either Jonesy (H) or a man who will appreciate you for what you do and love you for you.

I'm convinced that waywards don't understand love beyond the honeymoon stage and don't udnerstand how hard it is to love someone and go through trials of love and life together.

I think relationships have become much more dispoable following the current trend in society of everything being much more disposable. Most people had one or two jobs in a lifetime 30 years ago. Now people often have had jobs in less than 2 years of working and will go on to have 10 or more jobs.

Could be that Mr. Gray is a serial cheater and he can't deal with the "boredom" of a relationship. Keep in mind this is not a relection on you whatsoever but a relaction on his immaturity and incapability of accepting true love.

You're not losing it you're just being pushed beyond your normal limits and you're not used to that sensation.

I think that's why I told my ex that I was going to do the Ironman triathalon after we broke up. I want to push the limits of my capabilities to show her a) I can achieve goals that I set b) and all my anger goes to a constructive place instead of a descructive state. c) her barb about need a man with ambition was off the mark.

I think Zepplin has so many great songs that speak well for life experiences. Ramble on indeed ...waywards


As always you're welcome

Thanks 411,

I'm just so sad right now. You could be right about the serial cheating thing.

There were times in our marriage where I wondered if I was going to be kicked to the curb after a certain time limit had passed.

Not because of anything strange from Mr. Gray but only because his first marriage lasted a certain amount of time so how long did I have?

Of course he assured me that that would not happen. And he didn't take 4 muscle relaxers on our wedding day the way he did with his first wife.

I wondered about the 7-year itch thing just because of the noteriety. When 7 years passed and neither one of us had the inclination to have a 7-year itch, I thought we were okay.

I, like others, NEVER thought that cheating with another person was in the cards. He had the same morals and values as I, of COURSE that wasn't going to happen.

Yeah, well, learned different.

I don't know. Maybe I should just throw in the towel and forget it.

Thanks to that thing with my lawyer, which was foolish but I was not thinking clearly at all except to recognize it for what it was...I know there are good, kind, decent people out there that value me as a human. That sounds like a contradiction, doesn't it? It's not. I think a big part of that was to get at Mr. Gray, even though I wouldn't acknowledge it at the time. It's been done and it can't be changed now, anyway.

So I am on the fast track, or not so fast track to a D. I don't know what I should do. He is such a jerk now that I think I should go ahead and listen to my lawyer and OWH and just forget it.

Or I could wait until the day before the final hearing and drop it.

I don't know.

Maybe I should just leave town.

Of course I don't really want to. I think about our history together and how good we were together as a couple. I think about our vows and the beautiful story he wrote for the paper about our wedding day.

I think about what I promised the kids.

And I am just about "thinked" out.

I think I should just send the B letter right now and be done with it.

Let someone else be here when he comes for the inventory and get his things.

I don't know.

He's not going to talk to me, call me or acknowledge my emails. I'm just pissin' in the wind. (Well, I would be if I was a guy.)

I'm just crappin' where I eat. And anyone with a lick of sense knows you don't do that.

So fine. I should just cut him loose. If the Slag wants him, she's welcome to him. Just get ready for a whole host of problems with his drug addiction and his health.

But some people are turned on by such things. Okay, get a job in a hospital or nursing home, then, Slag.

I am at a loss. Mr. Gray signed out of IM about 30 minutes ago. I had it closed but not signed out on my end.

I know he got the message.

So ignore me. Ignore me at your peril.

Ignore me until the sky falls and the earth collapses in on itself.

You will be the one to suffer, Mr. Gray.

Well, I guess I'll quit writing now. Sorry about the rant!

I'm seriously thinking about sending him the letter, giving my lawyer my house key so someone can be here for the inventory, and going to stay with my bro' in CA for a while. And after he leaves for Hawaii, going to stay with my sister in LA or my dad's old army buddy in NY.

Or my dad in Austin.

I don't know how much longer I can last. I'm trying to hang on by a thread.

I'd rather be wrong than right and sad.

My ex always pointed out cheating and how wrong it was.

Don't throw in the towel quite yet.

Just realize that your love bank has been nearly emptied so you don't have much empathy for him right now.

Don't worry about the thing with your lawyer. It is in the past and the thing about it is you got a glimpse of what cheating is about.

Just work on you.

Keep busy or take a trip. Do things to have fun and enjoy life after all that's the ebst part.

He's being a selfish SOB.

There's no way to know where he's at you can onyl control you. You're a fighter so if you want to fight sometimes you need refrain from fighting to regain your advantage.

I would suggest you read Sun Tzu's Art of War and study it like a bible.

It will give you inner peace and also prepare you for the battle that lies ahead.

I would also suggest you read many significant works to better understand life philsophies. not because you don't understand them but rather as a way of steeling your nerves and drawing power for those who expressed those thoughts.

Remember that you are the virtuous one here and he's sold his soul to the devil.

He is suffereing in his own way. The problem is he doesn't recognize the suffering of others which will catch up him when he clears through the fog and realizes what he has done.

Stay strong in the days, weeks, and months ahead.

Cherish each moment as an opportunity to grow stronger and become more learned.

I know the sadness you feel and I can empathsize because I try to work through it each day just as many here do.

We can either let it define us or we can take that pain and overcome it.

Start making yourself really really busy and start trying a whole bunch of things. Try not to leave time to think excessively. If you do need to think about Jonesy set aside 30 minutes a day to rant rave, cry or whatever else and then do not spend anymore time on it. Reduce this period every once in a while until you spend no time on it.

Do not expect anything and you will not be disappointed.

Do not apologize for your pain, Charlotte. The pain is real and it is palpable.

Channel it into something positive.

Thanks, 411.

I'm trying not to expect anything so I won't be disappointed my heart betrays me into expecting anyway.

I feel like calling him or emailing him and asking him to pick up his stuff this weekend...then I give the key to my attorney for the inventory and bug out of here.

I'm fighting it but I sure want to right at this minute.

I just got a phone call from an unknown number. Asking for Mr. Gray. Female. Lots of background noise. Sounded like a bar or something.

I don't think it was Slag but I can't be sure because I don't really remember her voice.

The female didn't want to leave a message but said she would try later.

???????

I don't know what to make of this, if anything.

We'll I would think that slag knows he's not there ...

so my guess is this might be slag #2.

Sounds like the poo poo might start to hit the fan quite soon.

The question why do people live thier lives like this.

If you come out here to cali let me know....I'm here... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Oh, COOL!

I'll do that.

I just sent an email to my attorney to let him know what's been up and to tell him about that call.

It was odd.

I think it would be a good idea to get out of town for a while.

Maybe those nasty vibes won't affect me as much.

Wow, 411, you read my mind on that one!