yeah so I really feel like an Idiot today....guess you can add me to the I am a single loser list once again....just got this email:


Quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



SIHW,

I have never had someone so comfortable and trusting to share their thoughts so completely with me. In turn its only fair I do the same. I understand your analogy's message, however sometimes I have soldiers that celebrate the smaller victories to such an extent they feel the lesson is done being learned. And I do salute you and thank you for the time, however it's important for me that this is about me. Not about us, not about you and me. I encourage to find strenth in your life, but I most need to find the strength in my life for myself. In the beginning I was truely feeling like it would only be a while and I would be ready, several realizations have come in the ensuing weeks. One being that I no one I meet during my time here will be a strong enough connection that I would feel comfortable staying, or bringing her home with me. I'm sorry that time is limiting me from building or giving a relationship a chance, but I'm no longer in for hobby dating and I am realistic about the outcome of relationships starting here.

You are a great person, and that is what brought me to a point where I needed to bring myself up to the plate and start playing like a man. I've taken trips into my past in the last couple months that have been some of the most painful moments of my life. Sometimes the memories have been more painful than the original events. After looking back at a wife I cheated on, at the girlfriends I neglected or lead on, I refuse to repeat those mistakes again in my life. I am sorry, but I don't feel that there will be a chance for us before I leave. Thank you for your support, and thank you for desiring to be with me and showing me a part of myself I did not know was there. But I am not planing on staying here, and when I return to Idaho I plan on starting life in a new direction. I do want a family, however I can't find comfort in coming into a family. I know there are many great men in the world who fit into families as if they were their own, but I can not firmly grasp that. I hope to one day hold my newborn in my arms as a shared first experience. I know a lot of what I say will hurt, but I want to be honest and not mislead you at all. I have a bad habit of hiding from saying anything hurtful and truthful and end up putting hope and promises where there is no foundation.

I know our minister has been a great source for you, but he has many difficult things coming in his life right now. It's time that you draw on the friends that have been proud of you. I wish you happiness and fullness in your life.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



It's great to know I'm such a great person who's made him want to be a better man...yet I am not good enough to take home to his family and how because I already have a child it taints me from being a future prospect of a wife and mother for him....

I am trying so hard to not cry at work right now ....guys I need support I am falling apart.

What a selfish creep.

The only child I have ever known or able to ever have was my step son and he is gone for good.

This guy thinks he's so marketable, but I can guarantee you he will issues to be dealt with when he returns from service that wil make him less marketable from his definition.

I’m with Pariah. SIHW, you are SO much better than him! I HATE that letter. It rubs me all wrong and I’m not sure why. Perhaps it’s because it’s all “me, Me, ME.” If he didn’t want to pursue the relationship, why not say so in about 5 sentences instead of dragging it out. I know you liked him, but he’s showing his colors now. And what was that last crack about your minister? Ministers are called to serve others, that’s one reason they are ministers rather than monks. And even in most orders, monastics serve others. “It’s time for you to draw upon your friends”? What business is it of his????

If I were you, I’d tell him it’s none of his business who you look to.

As for the whole child thing… There are lots of good men out there who welcome an instant family. It’s not easy for them, but they still love the children and being part the children’s lives. In a bit, one will wander into your life. I just know it.

I'm not even sure I would bother to respond to a letter like this. Immediate no contact seems to be in order. He will try to contact you to make HIMSELF feel better about dumping you...and he doesn't deserve that.

You will be fine. You will find someone worthy (as he obviously is NOT). He mentions previously cheating on his wife and leading women on...doesn't sound like a great catch to me.

At least he is able to admit that he can't jump into a ready made family. He's not man enough to handle it. It takes someone special to be a good step-dad...and he wasn't it.

Do NOT consider yourself a loser because of this guy!!! Please!! I don't know how long you've been dating him or what your story is...but it sounds like you deserve so much better!!!

Maybe, despite all the words, he wanted to make sure you knew it was over. And the "ready made family" comment certainly solidified that for you - didn't it?

Package deal, and it's a wonderful package you offer.

I agree, this loser is trying to make himself feel better by justifying why he "needs" his "own" family.



Karma will come back and bite him.


Bad.

thanks guys I almost wish I hadn't read it at work...every little thing sets me off and I have seen the bathroom more times than I like to count today.

surviving, i am so sorry. oh gosh i know your pain. gekko and i broke up over the summer after over a year together and after making plans for me and my kids to move down there and make a life. it hurts terribly. i am still healing almost 5 months later. the only thing that has truly been helping me to heal the most is to have no contact with him. it was very hard to do, but i had to do it.

we are here for you
mlhb

SIHW, wow, as much as it seems that you are hurting,
when I read about the bathroom, and thinking of crying,
I think that's a good thing.
You must have felt strongly, and loved strongly for it to hurt so much. It takes alot to open your heart after a divorce. You opened the door, and I'm guessing you liked that feeling.
Perhaps he was just the test guy that God put here to show you that you could open up. Now, after you mourn this relationship, you will begin to develop a better sense of your wants and needs.

It takes a brave person to open up to love. You are that person.

unfortunatly I do have to see him to get his stuff back to him like his utility jacket with his name and unit patch (I am not supposed to have this)and some other stuff. I can't believe I let myself believe in him and support him...I feel like an [censored]....he even had me going back to church again....oh and the minister is his best friend who is a minister from minnasota who is in the army with him.

My faith is really REALLY shaken by this. There were so many promises made. He knew how I had been hurt and in the beginning did everything he could to gain my trust. He swore this wouldn't happen.

I am sick of having the carrot dangled in front of me and only getting a fricken nibble.....i swear I feel like someone is laughing at me right now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Don't know what caused me to pop in, but better to end it now than find out he is not a committed stepfather and a disappointment to your son. I think as a mother, that would hurt me more than anything.

Hang in there. We learn from everyone we encounter. What did you learn from this man?

To be honest yes I opened my heart alot to him and I think I had let my imagination go...I did and still do love him...I denied it for awhile because I had a fear that if I admitted it and it didn't work out it would hurt more...but then more and more I got more hope it was working out and it would be a future I could look forward to....and really thought if it worked out...I could be an army wife....I sacrificed and gave to this relationship more than I really had for any other because I believed in it so much....and i believed that god sent him to me when I needed him most with the way he came into my life.

can't answer this right now as I don't want grief, sorrow, or anger to answer for me.

oh trust me, i know exactly how you feel.
i was supposed to be getting a ring this christmas. plans were being made for me and my children to move down to him next summer. i had talked to my realtor about selling my house and had an appointment with my attorney to start the process of changing custody so we could move down there. we broke up in june and 3 times he wanted to work things out, picked out weekends for us to spend time together so we could talk and 3 times he backed out on me. promises were made with us as well.

the bottom line is, these men were not ready for the level of commitment that we were. as much as they wanted to think they were, in the end they see that they were not.

as much as i hurt, i am glad this came out before i moved down there. i would have been stuck once i moved down there.

i am not going to lie to you... it is going to take a lot of time to heal from this. mail him his stuff. or leave it somewhere that he could get it. i would not see him again. and i would end contact so as not to be pulled back and forth. that hurts more than anything.

mlhb

Thankyou MLHB.....I am trying not to let my anger get the best of me as it's trying to surface now....the italian woman in me just wants to blast him for alot of things.

and that is hard... i didn't say anything for a long time and let it build up. i used to have a blog where i shared everything. and i finally lost it for about a week and spewed it all on there. well, he read it of course. and then i felt i really bad about it. i should not have used an open space like that to vent. then he said ugly things back and it was just terrible.

find a healthy way to vent your anger, and when you are calm, if there comes the chance, maybe you will be able to express you feelings of hurt and disappointment. anger comes from hurt.

it is so hard when you swear you have found the one. gekko and i were perfect together in so many ways i thought. we had so much in common and i too grew spiritually being with him. i swore that god had put him in my life to finally give me someone i could love and be loved by. i am still not sure why he was put in my path since it did not work out and since it ended up being so painful. some things i will probably never understand.

you can email me if you need someone to talk to...
my email is
mhugginsboyea@yahoo.com

mlhb

Sent you an email so now you have my addy as well. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

I know what I learned the hard way... If some makes promisees early in the relationship, I run. Especially at my age, we all should have learned it takes time to get to know someone. If a man comes on too strong in the beginning, I suspect he's in love with infatuation.

I've also learned that when a man says "It's not you, it's me" he has a point.

Just fedex him back his stuff. Do NOT see him again. From his email, I wouldn't be surprised if he likes drama and hopes you'll beg him to reconsider.

Put his stuff in a box and mail it to him ---- COD!

The minister bit got me. He doesn't want you to go to his friend because his friend may end up thinking less of him for leading you on. If YOUR minister is the person you want to talk with DO IT. Your exbf has no say in the matter.

Put his things in a box, tell him he can pick them up at a particular time. Make sure you're not home. Hey, if it happens to rain that day, gosh, that would be unfortunate.

I am sorry for your pain.