MEDC,
I just wanted to thank you for bringing up the fact that there should be complete STD testing before resuming SF with a wayward S as you did on KIM222's thread. I just now read it, but decided not to repond there, as it would be a major distraction on Kim's thread. She stiil had bigger fish to fry.

I, for one, don't believe in rolling the dice on this issue, and believe, as Lemmonman did, that it is a major mistake to put your life and health at risk, for the sake of plan A. I believe it is the biggest flaw in Dr. H's plan A as he never addresses it in his discussions. As a Dr. I believe he is obligated to take a stance on this, one way or the other.

I wasn't the "lucky one" in this regard, and I now live the rest of my life as a result of this.

I just wanted to say kudos.

All blessings,
Jerry

ahh, but had I only heard and heeded this advice months ago. . .

To all of you reading this and dismissing the idea that your wayward spouse might have contracted something:

DON'T

Just read a report yesterday that bacterial STD's such as chlamydia and syphilis are being contracted at all time highs in the United States.

Don't think that your WS is "at least being smart about it". Realize that the OP is of obviously questionable judgement as they are involved with a married person.

If your spouse won't protect you, protect yourself. Its too late for me, learn from the accumulated wisdom here.

Thanks Jerry. I appreciate the support on this issue. IMHO...it is a great disservice to suggest SF with any WS before test results are in.

Thanks.

Amen brothers and sisters.

And if you can't reframe ..........at the minimum use a condom.

In our case,
Fortunately we didn't happen to catch anything.

Not that the CLB [OM] wasn't doing his best to arrange it.

My W didn't Know that he was also sleeping with a 2nd single OW [that we KNOW of, she's pretty nice actually]........as well as herself and his Own W.

W simply took his word that he was in his words "clean".
So never any protection used EVER.

And these are from so called health care professionals,
doing the deed behind locked hospital doors.

I did make a big mistake in engaging in SF,
while they were still in contact.
Although the A was sinking fast ( CLB was attempting to get wife fired) .....there were still lies to me about conversations and the like.

Yes,
I was TOLD by W (to this day) that there was No Further Sex between them ........but who knows??
However,
I chose to believe her,
and let my Volatile emotions let me get swept up in much sex.
In hindsight it wasn't really the best of Plans.

edit-ooops <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

agreed...just remember condoms do not protect against all STD's.

Thanks for sharing.

Sounds familiar. My W asked the same thing and was totally assured that he had NOTHING. Course 8 mos. later as I headed for my Dr's office, she contacted him again, where he finally admitted he had a problem in the past, but took care of it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

What a flamming a-hole. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

All Blessings,
Jerry

We often state how WS's lie, but in reality, that only scratches the surface to the extent just how deeply they will lie!

All blessings,
Jerry

What do you say about folks who risk their lives SKYDIVING or BUNGEE-JUMPING? Is that OK with you? Life is filled with RISKS.

A person has the right to choose to take risks..

You may not like that person..

You may think that person is stupid or idiotic but you are looking at it from your own point of view...

What if I said that the RISK was worth it to ME?

Should it matter to ME what you think of ME?

Excuse me, but, what are you talking about?

Are you equating spreading VD with extreme sports?!

Amazing.

Wow. Well...Mimi...you come here and advocate that behavior everytime you talk about how it worked for you. You are suggesting that bad judgment can pay off. Mimi...how many people do you suppose die from STD's every year. Compare that to sky diving and you would see how silly that argument really is.

Yep. I WOULD NEVER DO ANY OF THOSE EXTREME SPORTS..not for ONE MINUTE.

I think it's important to ACCEPT individual differences or ELSE one is being JUDGMENTAL.

truly an amazing mindset.

It's about FEELING...not FACT...

I FEEL like I would die if I did those SPORTS...

I did not FEEL like I would die being with my H...

I wish you wouldn't call me SILLY when I share WHO I AM and HOW I FEEL...that's your choice...

Believe me, I'm extremely intelligent, very well educated and knowledgeable...you might be surprised....but I FEEL what I FEEL...

I can only BE ME..and state how I FEEL..

Seriously, what are you trying to say?

You realize that the analogy comparing skydiving to spreading VD is completely erroneous, right?

Now, I wouldn't necessarily have a problem with an individual assuming the risk of contracting a disease FOR THEMSELVES. But when they risk exposing an unknowing partner, SCRATCH THAT, a partner who believes there is no risk involved, then the issue is not personal, it is, in fact, criminal.

It would be like taking someone on a plane ride, telling them after they are in the air that they are going skydiving, and then pushing them out of the plane without a parachute. If that made you feel good would it be ok?

This is what I did and what I was speaking of...

ahh, I see. Still foolish but I did the same thing and regret it. Guess I wasn't as lucky as you.

I did not FEEL like I would die being with my H...

Unfortunately many an AIDS patient has said the same thing...

Mimi,

You need to accept that not everything you did was right in getting your husband back. Just because your marriage recovered does not mean that every move you made was the right one.

In all reality, sex without protection, especially when you KNOW they are with someone else, is just plain stupid. Any physician will tell you that. Don't presume to know more than the doctors know in this area.

committed

LOL..you don't know my story and my posting history here...

I did LOTS and LOTS of stuff DEAD WRONG and ADMITTED IT...

I'm opposed to anyone thinking that they have all the RIGHT ANSWERS...

I'm sharing MY EXPERIENCE and MY OPINION...

It's MY TRUTH...

I RESPECT a PERSON's RIGHT to make their OWN PERSONAL CHOICES...

When one of our posters' wayward wife died from AIDS, I was shocked. She was an RN, a mom of two and had been in a 30 year long marriage. I even went back through his thread, HOPING that I didn't advise him to have SF during Plan A. At that time I was firmly on the MB bandwagon, and as a fellow BS was trying to give him all the "help" in winning back his wife that I could.

Luckily, he tested negative twice, so his daughters still have a dad.

Those that choose to ignore safe sex precautions have my prayers, and I hope that things turn out all right for them. I wasn't willing to risk my life to save my marriage.

And I understand your POV, Believer.

I wish folks would try to understand mine and others who FEEL the same way that I do but are not posting.

I WAS WILLING TO RISK MY LIFE. That was MY CHOICE and I would do it again.

I don't care.

Call me STUPID.

It's the STORY OF MY LIFE and I'm HAPPY...