And I did use PRECAUTIONS and I was tested..so was my H...I knew he had been...

Now, though, I've learned that I should have been worried about HER..cause she was likely with others while with my H..

OH WELL...

Knowing him, though, he probably had her to get tested..he's so PHOBIC about that kinda stuff...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

I RESPECT a PERSON's RIGHT to make their OWN PERSONAL CHOICES...

I respect their right to choose...it doesn't stop me from thinking that it is a stupid decision.

I think that respecting a person's right to choose is a far cry from encouraging them to make the wrong one. This is what I think you do. You encourage them in the wrong way if you encourage them to have unprotected sex with their actively wayward spouse who has NOT been tested for STDs, AIDS, or anything else that can be passed via sexual contact.

They can choose all they want, it is derelict to encourage them in their risky behavior.

If you had been an acid dropper in your youth, and your child came to you and asked if it was ok for them to do it...would you tell them that since it worked for you and you suffered no adverse effects that it would be ok for them too?

Same thing in my book.

committed

Any person that believes that they are better off dead than living without an unfaithful spouse is in need of some serious counseling. Total dependence on another to the point where death is a better option is most assuredly a sign of mental instability. It's sad and I understand the feeling...having been there myself...but it was surely an unstable mind thinking that way. I feel sorry for anyone that goes through this...but we should be encouraging healthy behaviors...not Russian Roulette.

egg zak lee

AMEN.

wouldn't necessarily have a problem with an individual assuming the risk of contracting a disease FOR THEMSELVES.

This is what I did and what I was speaking of...
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Oh...I get it...and that is one of the saddest things I have ever read here.

I guess you feel that it is ok for a person to choose suicide...since it is only for themselves..and it is their right after all.

committed <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Not ignoring you. I'm not going to talk about this anymore.

I'm not mentally unstable... never have been.

I was betrayed and wronged by the LOVE OF MY LIFE....

My reaction to that, I think, was A NORMAL GRIEF REACTION...

Believe me, I'm very knowledgeble about the field of MENTAL ILLNESS..you are way out of bounds on this..based on your own personal life experience, probably...

I'm not ignoring you..carry on...but I'm not going to discuss this any further...

Whether you want to accept it or not, there are folks on this forum who will have SF with their WS and I feel (my opinion that WILL NOT CHANGE) that you are out of bounds to make such a person feel that they are MENTALLY UNSTABLE...

Life is complex..

We do what we have to do...

I have had to do loads of other things..in caring for my elderly grandparents until their deaths, for example..that I thought that I would never do...

I'm sure that there are more things that I will do that others may not understand or question...

I bet the same will happen to you...

THIS IS MY LIFE and I TREASURE EVERY MOMENT OF IT..I have learned and gained from all of my experiences..POSITIVE and NEGATIVE...

How about a parent with responsibilities for their kids. I am just curious as to your view on that.

How do you feel about presenting that concept here where vulnerable people...some willing to do anything to win back their cheating spouse...some not thinking clearly...come for advice.

I think a lot of people that go through infidelity are mentally and emotionally unstable as a result of the trauma.

I do not take PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY for folks here, MEDC.

I do FEEL PERSONAL RESPONSIBLE for the care of MY CHILDREN.

I'm certain you love and care for your children Mimi.

I do think you should take a little more personal responsibility for the people here...since you are handing out personal...not professional advice that could impact their life (emotionally and physically).

and as you can clearly see, my question was directed to C&L.

This is just my opinion...but I do not think that you should give different advice to people just because you are not emotionally vested in them.

I would give the same advice to people here that I would give to my children. THAT is the metric I use.

But..that's just me.

committed

I do.

medc,

You give advice different than you would give your kids?

If so, would your advice to your kid be more conservative, liberal...or what?

committed

NO, I give the same advice...I agree with you 100%.

Oh my....we are on different pages...

We all come with different goals and purposes, I gueses...

I mainly come to share and keep in touch with knowledge about MBers, SPECIFICALLY...since it is the MARRIAGEBUILDERS' FORUM..


There is so much, much more about ME, about who I am and MY LIFE...that I could NEVER share on a FORUM..I don't WRITE that well for ONE THING for you to get the essence of ME from the brief amount that I write here...

OH MY...

I do my very best to give what I can but I can't and don't feel personally responsible for folks HERE...

ok...just checking...lol

committed

So, you would feel NO personal responsibility if one of the people you were helping here followed your words and lead and slept with their spouse...acquired AIDS and died? I know I would....so, yes, I guess we do have different agendas.
Mine will never be "marriage at any cost." And since risking ones life is the greatest cost, I could never advocate that...or lead people to believe it is a good idea since some were lucky and got through unscathed.

since it is the MARRIAGEBUILDERS' FORUM..

Yes, it is...but I don't think that the Harleys intended it to be a place where we lose our sense of self and what is right for ourselves emotional, mental and physical well-being.

Otherwise he would encourage marriages to continue at ALL costs...even in instances of physical abuse. I do not think that he sacrifices one person's health in the name of marriage.

committed