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Thank you BA.
Again, if someone has a problem with my posts, contact the mods. I am not disrespecting anyone here.
Last edited by mkeverydaycnt; 11/20/07 01:31 PM.
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MEDC,
I'm not going to continue to argue with you.
You make valid points, but we are not children who have to have it drilled into our heads. State your position once in a thread and trust that you have been heard.
None are more unjust in their judgments of others than those who have a high opinion of themselves.
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I think that post from BA speaks volumes! SF, yes, i am very concerned that a newly betrayed spouse will not be strong enough to take the risks into account. I have seen that desparate state that many people show up here in...and then throw in advice like BA just quoted and wham...recipe for disaster.
SF..I have given suggestions about things I would consider safe...although others have made a good point of saying that it could lead to unsafe actions.
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Actually, I see your point, BA... EVEN I CAN MAKE MISTAKES..OH MY!! who by mimi's experience knows to be most likely not thinking clearly and not making those grown woman, adult decisions with a sound and unfoggy mind. I don't see myself as having been like that..and should not have WRONGLY assumed that this is true of others.. I hate to say it...but I WAS THINKING CLEARLY when "I" DECIDED to do SF..NOT THINKING CLEARLY when I was on my way to the OW's house to "get rid" of her for good...MY DESPERATION is expressed in ANGER... Just like DAZE, in asking Steve, I "CONSIDERED" it and the CONSEQUENCES and DECIDED to do it... oops..also not thinking clearly when HAVING SEX...plain and simple with my WH... DURING PLAN B... that was PURE PHYSICAL NEED...LUST... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> LIFE IS SO COMPLICATED..is what I think... AFFAIRS ARE A MAJOR TRAGEDY...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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well medc, on that logic, I should not share with others that I am recovered with an active alcoholic. People might be encouraged to stay married in a abusive situation.
We are here to share our experience, our strength and our hope.
Affairs and marriage and LIFE are MESSY.
Withholding our stories because someone has decided for everyone else what the black and white answer is, simply disrespects ourselves and others.
~ Pain is a given, misery is optional ~
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Again, Star, an excellent post.
Ba, no I did not see that post from Mimi. I will need to read the thread before I make an informed reply.
But, I would like to say that even in my foggy and emotional state I still was an adult that knew what I was doing was risky and was my own choice. Mimi does not have the power to "make" someone choose one thing over another to say she does it saying the other person is not a free thinking individual. Again, I don't want to go too much further in my reply until I've read the entire thread.
None are more unjust in their judgments of others than those who have a high opinion of themselves.
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we can not control other people, other situations, other outcomes.
we can only be honest and open with ourselves and others.
we can not hold ourselves responsible for other people's choices.
~ Pain is a given, misery is optional ~
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well medc, on that logic, I should not share with others that I am recovered with an active alcoholic. People might be encouraged to stay married in a abusive situation.
We are here to share our experience, our strength and our hope.
Affairs and marriage and LIFE are MESSY.
Withholding our stories because someone has decided for everyone else what the black and white answer is, simply disrespects ourselves and others. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Thank you BR. That was awesome and concisely put! Something I have problems with and the reason I don't post often.
None are more unjust in their judgments of others than those who have a high opinion of themselves.
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IMHO, you can't be recovered with an active alcoholic...but that is your business. Your position is what I find disrespectful. This is a black & white issue. If that poster that BA cited above was in a bad place they might have followed that advice and gotten themselves killed. EVEN I CAN MAKE MISTAKES..OH MY MEDC clapping. Thank you Mimi. Give me your word that you will not knowingly make this mistake again and I will get off the horse...all I am asking is that you balance out your message with some facts. It is these types of mistakes that are causing me to drill this over and over. If it can keep ONE person from suffering Resilent's pain..or worse...then I will believe it worth the effort...even if it causes others here to question my approach. Just let people know the risks and don't assume they are thinking clearly. Many are not.
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we can not control other people, other situations, other outcomes.
we can only be honest and open with ourselves and others.
we can not hold ourselves responsible for other people's choices. Goodness woman!!! Are you in my mind???? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
None are more unjust in their judgments of others than those who have a high opinion of themselves.
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mimi,
I have helped beat this horse to death. It was because of that response to the junior poster that I became interested in this one. I'm glad that you see how your post might have been perceived by others.
Your stance on the matter of SF during the affair was (to me) bold and defiant of the inherant risks. That winning the WS back from the OP was all that mattered. Perhaps thats where the perception of 'desperation' comes from.
ba109
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Oh, on second thought. I want to keep my spiritual beliefs out of this discussion and just read. Sorry.
Last edited by weaver; 11/20/07 01:30 PM.
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we can not control other people, other situations, other outcomes.
we can only be honest and open with ourselves and others.
we can not hold ourselves responsible for other people's choices. Perhaps one of the reasons we have trouble communicating is that I disagree with much of this statement. I feel that by our actions we can change outcomes and situations...people to a certain extent. I also believe that we should hold ourselves accountable for other people's choices when we are helping to shape the decision making process.
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It is one thing to share your own experiences with someone who may be in the process of decision making.
It is entirely another thing, and incredibly arrogant, to edit the information made available to that person, in order to control someone else's decision.
You've set yourself up as the arbiter of information here ***************
Last edited by Justuss; 11/20/07 01:48 PM.
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WE can't change people, but we can supply them with information and tools to decide for themselves. Whatever they choose is then their responsibility.
As far as this discussion goes, I, too made the decision to be 'unsafe' with my then WH. It wasn't an act in desperation, it was my attempt to control the situation, to snap him out of it with my wiles. Of course, it did not work for me. Any other time we were together in a sexual way was after testing.
HPV was a large concern for me, and I continue to be tested due to it's nature and ability to lie dormant for a long period of time.
When I have talked about the SF EN with anyone, I have talked about STD's and the dangers of engaging in sexual acts with a WS. After that, it's their decision.
Me-BS-38
Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009
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I have been respectful to everyone on this thread BR. Are you attemtping to edit the information that I am making available to others?
Are you not contradicting yourself?
Last edited by mkeverydaycnt; 11/20/07 01:51 PM.
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Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
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“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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No MEDC, I don't think you have been respectful.
I think that you have the right to offer your opinion. I think your point of view is a good one and should be voiced.
I think that you have tried to "shout down" anyone who does not agree with you and have driven every possible discussion about this particular emotional need into a ditch. I think you have been incredibly rude to Mimi.
There is more to the discussion than Don't Have Sex.
And yet, you clearly stated that you do not think that Mimi should write about her experience.
You've set yourself up as the judge of what can or can not be posted.
No one has said you must stop posting. You've been asked to let the rest of us have an open and honest discussion - and you are clearly opposed to that happening here.
~ Pain is a given, misery is optional ~
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BR, I would disagree with you.
I have not shouted down anyone. I have made my point in a respectful fashion. If you feel I was rude, i suggest you take up your concern with a moderator.
Your post is filled with misrepresentations of my activities on this thread. Once again, I will suggest that if you have an issue with my posts, to contact a mod.
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I have not shouted down anyone. I have made my point in a respectful fashion. Again I say, res ipsa loquitur.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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