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How do you KNOW that I am making an impact. This is where things are a little cloudy for me. Remember: THIS IS ALL ABOUT YOU...having confidence in YOURSELF..knowing that YOU ARE HIS WIFE..and YOU KNOW HIM BEST..the OW is just doing guesswork...everyday is a new day with them... The WS will not necessarily let you know that you are having impact..and worrying and thinking about THAT is a NO-NO This is about YOU..MOVING FORWARD..with YOUR PLAN OF ACTION..not caring what HE is saying or thinking... AS LONG AS YOU ARE MEETING HIS ENs and/or EVIDENCING your CAPACITY to do so YOU ARE MAKING IMPACT..BELIEVE IN THE MBer's SYSTEM... That's what I did.. I only had EVIDENCE from HIM of MY IMPACT when my H started begging me to reconcile....During PLAN A, he gave THE IMPRESSION that I was hitting a BRICK WALL.. It was ABOUT ME..doing what I knew was the GOOD and RIGHT things for ME to do as HIS WIFE...cooking his special meals, that she knew nothing about..reminiscing about our special times in the past..telling him that I was sorry about my mistakes...and on and on...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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James,
Since I was the one NOT having the conversations with him, I don't know.
Whenever I talk to him he ALWAYS sounds so happy and good. It's in the emails that I get the cold and distant, so I don't have an answer.
One thing I DO KNOW, he was very talkative with me yesterday. In the old days, he loved to talk to me.
SG
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Mimi,
Ok, sometimes I need to reword things to better understand them. Not because I am trying to be stupid or difficult.
So the point I believe you are trying to make is I am doing this stuff because I LOVE my HUSBAND and want my marriage to restored.
This has NOTHING to do with him, how he reacts or doesn't react. And EVERYTHING to do with me and understanding that as HIS WIFE, I know him better than anyone else in this world.
My PLAN of ACTION is to win my H back by moving forward and creating a life that he would WANT to come home to.
There is no competition between me and OW, the competition is in myself and I HAVE to stop it. Do what I do BEST and leave the rest to G-d.
I KNOW this man, I KNOW what makes him happy and to STOP being afraid to what I do BEST which is love him with all my heart.
Ultimately, I am my OWN worst enemy because when I am afraid, I am blocking G-d out.
Have I missed anything or gotten it wrong?
SG
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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PERFECT!! Print this out and read it over and over again!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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You got it..... And thank you.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Posts: 15,310
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One thing I DO KNOW, he was very talkative with me yesterday. In the old days, he loved to talk to me. So TALKING to him will be in your PLAN OF ACTION!!! When will that next conversation occur???? Call him JUST TO TALK..about a topic that is of interest TO HIM...that YOU know about and she doesn't....
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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You are one patient woman, this took a while to get me to understand this, but I think I really do.
Now, I will pray on what actions and run them by you.
You didn't tell me how YOU are doing today?
SG
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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This has NOTHING to do with him, how he reacts or doesn't react. CORRECTION: NOTHING to do with the WH..EVERYTHING to do with your HUSBAND... PRETEND..in YOUR MIND..that you are trying to REACH your REAL HUSBAND...who has been captured by THE ALIENS...
Last edited by mimi_here; 11/29/07 04:07 PM.
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Ok, wait, maybe I have one last personal recovery question.
Since I am creating a new life for me, but ultimately I want my husband to come home. How do I know that what I am doing here is truly walking in G-ds will and not my own will?
I have to tell ya, that in the last two days, I have had more people tell me I have NEVER looked better and there is more of a peace to me.
Yahoo G-d is great and very PATIENT with me.
SG
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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It's ALL ABOUT YOU, SG..but thanks for asking... I'm busy...doing a trillion different things... Talking to you is a welcome respite... I LOVE seeing you GROW AND PROSPER... You will BLOOM just like my African Violets here... Keep on..keeping on... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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I am so NOT comfortable with it being ALL ABOUT ME. Maybe we should work on that one. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
I appreciate you so much.
And yes, I am going to keep on keeping on.
SG
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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One thing I DO KNOW, he was very talkative with me yesterday. In the old days, he loved to talk to me. So TALKING to him will be in your PLAN OF ACTION!!! When will that next conversation occur???? Call him JUST TO TALK..about a topic that is of interest TO HIM...that YOU know about and she doesn't.... How often should I call him? I think the next topic that ONLY I would be able to talk about is the fact that our family cabin bathroom has been remodeled. Finding only topics I KNOW about might be kinda difficult. Can you help me think of ideas? SG <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Posts: 6,986
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Finding only topics I KNOW about might be kinda difficult. Can you help me think of ideas? I know! I know! "How bout them Cowboys? Think they'll go all the way?" (Just kiddin SG) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists. Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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PM, I would say good luck tonight, BUT I don't mean it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Football is one topic, but OW may talk to him about it though. The only thing we had in common in the beginning was DRUGS. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> SG
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Well that topic is out.. he's got Hep C girl with her drug issues now.. next suggestion SG?
Me - 32
DS - 5
DD - 13
DSD - 9
D final 12-8-08
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Well..WSes by nature are NARCISSISTIC so he wants to TALK about himself..
I would suggest asking him about HIS JOB or any of his FAVORITE HOBBIES or PASTIMES..did you mention a LACROSSE TEAM???
Also, to meet the ADMIRATION NEED, don't you have some more questions about training for the FRISBEE thingy??? Don't you soooo need his help with that?
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Jamesus,
You are SO RIGHT about that one.
Mimi,
I could totally talk to him about himself. BUT those would be topics that SHE would talk to him about. I thought you wanted topics that ONLY I knew about.
I did ask him about soccer over email and find out he still plays on Saturdays. I was going to pop up there one Saturday and get out if OW wasn't there. If she were there, would I want to be noticed?
I could totally ask him questions about the Frisbee thingy. Like how to build up my arm strength, what would be the most important attributes to have, etc. And YES, I SOO need his help with training.
He got the card, I got confirmation because of how I sent it.
So to recap, any subject is open that revolves around him. It doesn't just have to be what I KNOW about?
SG
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Ok all,
Here's his response to the Ecard I sent.
Thank you your card was nice. Was it supposed to play music? Hows Mike doing?
WS or Hubby
Please help me respond. Who wrote this? Hubby or WS? Or does it even matter, because I am reaching for Hubby.
SG
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Posts: 15,310
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Posts: 15,310 |
OMG!!! YOU ARE AWESOME!!! YOU ARE THE ONE WHO CHOSE THE CARD!! So continue to trust your gut. You tell us what's next? I think we need a walk in the park. Any special place that you two used to go? He needs an INVITE and yes WEAR the SPANDEX....cause he's gonna need to help you workout and stuff.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Ok all, Smartiepants brought up something that I need a little help in handling. She wrote: What will you do if he brings OW since she “insists” on being with him if he is with you or the kids? How WILL I handle this? Remember no violence. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Seriously, this is a good question that I need to be prepared for. SG
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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