One more thing going through my head that I need to resolve,

The wayward is an addict who can't live without his fix, correct? And I get that includes walking out on a family, blah, blah, blah. What I am having trouble grasping is that WH knows to have a relationship with HER will take a HUGE amount of work. And yet, he wants to over be with me.

And, I knowing that she is disappearing once a month to use, he tolerates something he would NEVER been a part of with me.

They CHANGE this much and this is a typical wayward?

How do they get there?

When that would happen to ME, I KNEW that I was talking to the WRONG PEOPLE. Even on my GREATEST DAYS now, I choose carefully who I talk to about certain things. Another lesson from all of this..some folks are UPLIFTERS and others are not..You will learn who your REAL FRIENDS are...

Here's where the SELF-CONFIDENCE comes in again. YOU are in charge of what YOU BELIEVE IN..you don't need to FOLLOW or go along with the BELIEFS of others. If you find that a person is not supportive of you or GOOD for you at THAT TIME or EVER then YOU can CHOOSE to LIMIT your time with that person. YOU ARE IN CHARGE OF YOUR OWN DESTINY..what YOU believe in..what YOU do...each of us walks to the step of a DIFFERENT DRUMMER (quoting from a poem).

You asked me what I gained from this..MYSELF..THE FREEDOM TO BE MYSELF...



ABSOLUTELY and according to MY BELIEF and JT's and others..HE has led YOU here and led US here to share with you...

And you've already begun HELPING others..I read your wonderful post to that newcomer on another thread...AWESOME..that's the PERSONAL GROWTH that I was speaking of...

Everything happens for A REASON..

We can't comprehend HIS PLANS...we can only TRUST IN HIM...

THEIR RELATIONSHIP is THEIR RELATIONSHIP...You are not going to UNDERSTAND it and don't need to understand it...

All that really HELPS is to ACCEPT that it is SICK and EVIL and that YOU want no parts of it...

It's like comparing APPLES and ORANGES..or moreso like comparing a BANQUET to CRUMBS OFF THE FLOOR...


And you most definitely can't compare YOURSELF to HER..you don't want him to treat you in anyway like he treats her...

SICK..SICK..SICK..and you know that when and if he comes back, he will come back BROKEN and SICK..so you need to focus on getting yourself STRONGER..

Keep that AIR OF SUPERIORITY that I was speaking to you about...THEY ARE IN THE GUTTER..don't even go there in the hopes of making any sense of that MESS...



Yes, they change THAT MUCH..

You of all people KNOW how a person can be changed by an ADDICTION...

SG,
A TYPICAL WS will do things totally out of character from the point of view of anyone that knows them. They don't make sense at all...This is what makes them typical.

They can't be figured out by logic because they aren't being logical. You can't compare what they are doing to what they once did because they aren't acting from the same motivations as before. They have been abducted by aliens...The WH is NOT your H and so won't act like your H because he is someone else.

Mark

EXACTLY....

Mimi,

Quote from you: You of all people KNOW how a person can be changed by an ADDICTION...

I was just talking about that in my AA meeting tonight. I have been sober SO LONG that I forget what it was like and that's scary to me.

He is actively in an ADDICTION, and if I can just remember that AT ALL TIMES, then I 1. won't take this so personally and 2. I will be WAY MORE objective to protect myself and do whatever it is I NEED to do.

Ok, HEADS UP, CHIN UP AND CHEST OUT..... I am the CLEAN, SOBER AND RECOVERING WIFE, who is STANDING for my M and taking care of my family now. I will do whatever I NEED to do to protect us and take care of us because it's WHAT I DO NOW.

Thank you for the words of what you did while this or that was happening. I have written it down and will keep it close at all times.

Thanks Mark for the reminder, I think I just need to set myself up an EMERGENCY REMINDER KIT, to remember just what I am dealing with and stop looking for "ordinary" people to understand what is involved here.

My PLAN for tomorrow is to send a letter to my cousin requesting how much money I need for the lawyer and make the appointment to start the legal separation.

Thanks Mimi, for the kind words of what I posted to that person. I am really AFRAID I will say something wrong, but I understand that URGENCY to do something now and just like the Psalm that JT sent me today, we need to wait on the Lord so we can SOAR like an EAGLE.

Sleep well and talk to you tomorrow,
Barbara

Hi SG-

A Jewish Santa too? That's so great. I've seen Santas that know sign language, and Santas that take pictures with pooches-so why not?

How do I put my trust in God? Well, that's a good question because it's an on-going thing in my life. First of all, I have learned-like David in the Psalms-to be honest with God. I journal. I pour out my heart to Him.

A book that has helped me greatly to understand that it is okay to be brutally honest with God, and to let Him hear my rants, doubts and confusion is Job. I think I said this before but not sure if it was on your thread so, oh well...here it is again. Forgive me if I'm repeating myself.

About 9 years ago I started teaching Advanced Placement English, which included the study of Job (ancient literature) and Matthew (for biblical allusion in later works). I have a strong background in the bible and literature, so it was fun to teach. Plus, my year managing the swimming pool at the JCC brought me in contact with some wonderful Jewish people who shared with me the intricacies of their faith.

So, I was teaching Job and helping my students understand the ancient poetry, and looking at the universal theme of suffering. Lo and behold-that book became my lifeline. (Gee, wonder if God set that up <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />) Job's struggles with faith mirrored mine. The night I was diagnosed with cancer-5 weeks after my now XH left us, I was standing outside in the summer evening and I asked God "why". I just didn't understand why it was all happening at once. Just as I noticed Orion rising it was if the words He spoke to Job spoke into my heart "Can you bind the beautiful Pleiades? Do you loose the cords of Orion?" It was like I could, for that second, understand God's sovereignty. He glimpses eternity in a glance. He saw this coming. And because He is good, I can trust in Him. As Job said at the end "I know you can do all things. No plan of yours can be thwarted."

I have learned to pray His promises. I pray the words of Isaiah and Jeremiah. I pray the words of Job and the Psalms. Just like them, I have learned that it is because of God's character that I have hope. Here are a couple that I have written in my journal:

"I will praise you forever for what you have done, in your name alone I will hope, for your name is good. I will praise you in the presence of your saints." Ps. 52:9

"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him." Ps. 62:5.

When we actively seek God out, He answers us-just like He promises in Jeremiah 33:3 "Call on me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know."

He will bring you to the promises you need.

You know, since we are practically neighbors-and we are in the same time zone, if you need to talk to someone, you can call me. Just email me (it's in my profile) and let me know it's you. I'll send you my cell #. We really should try to meet sometime. Somewhere about half-way. Maybe Alderwood so some place less crazy...Bothell??? (I've never thought of Bothell as being much of anything-especially "less crazy" but certainly less crazy than Bell. Square this time of year!)

HI JT,

I would love to talk to you on the phone and meet you. I am on vacation in two weeks and will have lots of time on my hands. Let's try and arrange something then.

I am going to write these down and start to look for ones that I can use or put in my journal.

You have mentioned your study of Job before, however, I love hearing about it and reading it again. Right now, repetition is VERY important to me.

When my husband first left I wrote in a journal, but then got out of the habit. A month or so back I began writing in a journal to eventually give to my husband. He is MISSING out on their daily life and I wanted to save those memories as best as I could. It actually has turned into a journal that encompasses all so I think I will begin writing in their my walk with God.

I will continue to pray for clarity of his Plan and the willingness and strength to walk through and learn the lessons he wants me to learn as well as becoming the woman HE envisions for me.

Is it ok to pray for selfish things, like bringing my husband home and healing our family to be complete and whole one day?

Mimi,

I really think you are so RIGHT about when my H comes home he will be broken and sick. My rabbi told me that I needed to get ROCK SOLID strong because when H realizes what he has done and hits rock bottom he will NEED ME and MY STRENGTH.

PLAN for Wednesday is to take the morning off from work, make fresh hot latkes and bring them down to his work with pictures of our YS, MS with me and pictures of his neices. I plan to wear RED which is my best color and in an outfit that looks SHARP and really shows off my weight loss. Hair is getting cut tomorrow and I plan to hit the tanning place before hand.

How's the Plan? What do I need to TWEAK?

SG

WONDERFUL!!!

and the picture with just me and son is ok to do?

The photos are a GREAT IDEA!!!

Okie dokie,

How is your day going?

BUSY but GREAT!!!

Hi SG-

Hope you've battened down the hatches for our windstorms.<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

It's not selfish to pray for your family and your M. God is the one who brought you together (Malachi 2:13-16). He established marriage and family. So, basically you are praying for God's written will for your family.

Send me an email so we can plan to meet sometime when your vacation starts.

JT,

It is really raining hard today. The little darlings are having rainy day recess which our teachers just love.

I will email you.

I am listening to Sean Taylor's funeral. So SAD and such a LOSS.

Some of the things they are saying.

Trouble don't last long....

Clinton Portis said: There are three things you need to have in life - Peace, Faith and Heart. And whatever you do, do it with all your heart and soul.

I KNOW I have HEART, because it was broken and now it's MENDING, and I am working on strengthening my FAITH and with that will come PEACE.

And CHAMPIONS are FIGHTERS AND WARRIORS. I am fighting along with all of you here to PERSONALLY RECOVER and with G-ds help, save my M. MY NEW MOTTO: HEAD UP, CHEST OUT AND HERE I COME. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Mimi,

What makes your day so busy?

Post deleted by mimi_here

That is so AWESOME. Dreams are MADE to be live out. And when we can truly appreciate them and enjoy them, it's all the MORE BETTER.

What do you most enjoy about staying at home?

NEW BUSINESS? Did the happen after your marriage restored?

I am SO HAPPY for you.

Do you have kids?

SG

Post deleted by mimi_here

Got it and understand completely.

My husband and I were building a business a few years back. It was the Quixtar business. I could really dissect that as partly why our marriage went south.

Another time maybe? Do the mistakes from the past matter or NOT?

Guess what? Hubby made the 50.00 deposit this week. I wished it had been the whole amount I am short, but no such luck.

Yeah.

I am still planning on getting the SA, but this is nice. :

I have to say, that this is the ONLY ACTION he has been way consistent and generous with? Any thoughts?

SG