Some might say we have been 'called' by God to stand for our marriages... that may be so.

Some would say that we are clinging to faith in hopes that we can petition God to fight for what we cannot... that might be true too.

The real question IMHO isn't -why- we turned to God.. the circumstances in our lives brought us to this point in our lives, and we -chose- to turn to God.

The same thing is happening to our WS's... Did you read the mass readings and Psalms today?.. God is seeking His lost sheep.. but the choice is -theirs- to listen to God.

So far our WS's have chosen to turn away from God.. but God does not give up.. God never gives up on us.

Someday.. I have faith that my WW will see, and obey what God is trying to tell her.. I pray your WH will as well. But God only knows what it will take.. what He must show them to help them home.. but He is persistent in his Love as we are in our prayers.. His timing will be perfect.. it always is.

I haven't read them. I will do that in a little while.

Did you read Charlynne Cares email yesterday about the "wise men". PEOPLE don't know G-d wants us to do, especially if it's something that happens inside of us and in our hearts.

Do I know if this is the right path, NO. Do I believe that G-d wants me to stand for my M, YES. Because G-d blesses marriages and hates divorce.

G-d is all powerful and I choose to walk in FAITH with him that if I turn to him during this time, then my chances of SURVIVAL and being blessed beyond my wildest dreams is the only WAY. I guess I have to just come to understand that what that BLESSING IS.... has yet to be determined. However, by walking in his WORD, I can trust what he says. And he SAYS he wants FAMILIES complete and whole.

When I walked in what I THOUGHT, my life was unmanageable, destructive and unhappy. I WILL NOT go back to that place.
I love G-d TOO MUCH to disappoint him and not be a humble servant to him.

SG:

I'm not adding this piece in to discourage you.

I believe in the VALUE of ACCEPTANCE so I want to add in these points.

Your WH is OUT OF YOUR CONTROL so your PRAYER is for him to turn to GOD. He has the FREE WILL to do so but your WH's SALVATION is HIS CHOICE.

The other thing is that we have to TRUST IN GOD'S PLAN. HIS PLAN may not include RECOVERY of your marriage. Your marriage may need to end for some GREATER GOOD in the LORD'S PLAN for this world.

But by YOU turning to HIM, you can trust that GOD will take care of YOU.

In taking care of YOU, it's up to YOU to decide about PLAN B. You have to BE READY for PLAN B because have to BE PREPARED NOT TO SEE OR TALK TO YOUR H. Remember, you were having WITHDRAWAL yesterday. The WITHDRAWAL is very painful and you will LONG for CONTACT with him.

But into PLAN B you must go, if you have to witness much more of him kissing and hugging her. This will cause your LOVE BANK for HIM to diminish and this is what you will be safeguarding by going into PLAN B.

Have a GREAT DAY, MY SHINING STAR!!

Mimi,

Can you help me walk through this a bit, please. In my head I can understand what you are saying.

But then when it hits my heart I immediately go back to the shame and guilt for all the mistakes I made and that my children are the ones to suffer for my bad choices and sick behavior. THAT is the PART that is destroying me inside.

I know you came to that point of trusting G-ds plan and that you would be taken care of, but how?

I can keep Plan A up for a much longer time, however with a legal separation, don't I need to go into Plan B immediately?

And you have the most BLESSED day as well,

Mimi,

This is really where the rubber meets the road isn't it.

Walk in faith no matter the outcome, and trust in G-d that one day it WILL BE OK with or without my H. I can tell you I just got on my knees to ask G-d to help me come to terms with what you just wrote.

I am NOT there yet, but a week ago, there was NO way I could have even accepted that or even asked G-d to help me accept that. Please pray for me.

I'm trying so hard to accept him outcome and understand that my pain and loss may be for the bigger good. My I am human and still selfish and I want my kids to have an intact family with both of their parents. I'm REALLY trying to be selfless and serve G-d. I really am.

There is so MUCH to learn and DO by not DOING.

The KEY is to LEARN to TRAIN your MIND to CONTROL your FEELINGS.

Remember how I told you how I would shake my head? I would shake that STINKIN' THINKIN' out of my head.



Only take responsibility for what YOU did. Make your personal amends to your children. That's what I did and keep doing and my H takes responsibility for what HE did. HE chose to have an AFFAIR. Regardless of ANYTHING that YOU did, he did not have to choose that option. You are not responsible for what he CHOSE to do and what HE is continuing to do. YOU ARE ONLY IN CONTROL OF YOURSELF!!

Ok, I will keep working on this. And yes, I do remember you saying that. I think I will print it up and sit it on my desk.

I think it would help to come up with a name for the monster so I can remember who he has turned into.

Any ideas?

I also have to understand that what we are saying isn't about what the OUTCOME is, we are just preparing me for whichever the outcome is? I can still fight for my M, right? And there is STILL hope, right?

We are working on my FAITH and TRUST?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi SG-

You have email <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

You are the best..

How are you doing today?

Maybe if we can help me problem solve what I am most scared of, I can pray for help from G-d.

Ok.. I'll bite.. So what is it you're most afraid of SG?

This thought just popped in my head,

In many ways I am tired of fighting and hurting. Maybe what you have brought up Mimi is G-ds way of just telling me that to get relief is to open myself truly up and TRUST him no matter.

He KNOWS I am so VERY SORRY for my wreckage. But he KNOWS that I too suffered in this marriage and I was HURT too and it's time to not hurt anymore?

I don't know. I am just walking through what's happening and putting it to paper so I can process it more. It helps to write it down and get rid of it.

LOL,

I'm glad someone ASKED..

Of being alone and not being in a relationship and not having to share intimacy in my life.

Something that has ALWAYS been the most important piece to me.

Guess what,
In 6 months since he has been gone, WH has not called me at work on his own once. Not once!!!

Here I am coming to terms with whatever the outcome is to grasp that marriage recovery may not be in G-ds plan for me...and WH just called asking me what Sean Taylor's number was. He said he was working on something, but he wouldn't tell me and only wanted to talk for a second and got off really quick. What the heck?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Wait on the Lord....For he has the Plans and I have to just keep working on me. HEAD UP, CHEST OUT, I am STRONG enough to survive.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Ok... see.. it's this wayward crap that confuses the heck out of me.

If he wanted to know what ST's number was.. he could have probably asked -ANYONE- he worked with.. or looked it up online.

He didn't.. he chose to call SG.. he chose to reach out and get that contact.

Waywards are silly creatures.


As for being alone.. I -fear- that too.. but you know what.. we're not alone so long as we have God.. never alone.

And hey.. if marital recovery is not in the cards.. I'm sure there are plenty of men out there who would -love- to be with a WARRIOR GODDESS!!!

Right Mimi?

Quote - And hey.. if marital recovery is not in the cards.. I'm sure there are plenty of men out there who would -love- to be with a WARRIOR GODDESS!!!>

And you know what the sad part of that comment I have no FAITH that there is another man out there that would ever want me.

Before I met my H, there was NO ONE that ever showed any interest in me. And my H really said it good when he said he has NO DESIRE for me. Because that's what I lived with for most of my married life.

Hmmm. I need to work through this. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

But this WW crap isn't something he HAS DONE at all. He has completely ignored me. Is working a good Plan A have anything to do with this?

What do you think?

Well,

This has certainly been an interesting day.

I just got a call from principal at the high school, my son's school. Evidently he skipped out on a substitute last week and today when the teacher confronted him, he went off on her.

He is so ANGRY inside and since he is 18 I can't make him do anything. This is my most sensitive child, who is also the one who confronted his dad and also saw WH and OW at his game. He is hurting and wants to hurt my WH, but he WON'T, he just shoves it down and pushes it away. That's what my WH did and over the years I gave up trying.

What can I do?

Hi SG-

It's true that at 18, you can't "make" your son go to counseling, but the school can.

In our state-students who are 18 aren't allowed to sign themselves out of school or bring in their own absence notes UNLESS the parents sign a form "emancipating" the student. This means that the parents won't get any more information on their student. No calls for absences, no report cards. If the student is going to be responsible for his/her notes-then they are responsible for the whole thing.

It has to do with the school being responsible for the student in place of the parent during school hours. So, if your son is told by the principal that he has to attend a group/or counseling for kids with anger issues, to avoid in house suspension or detention-that could work in your favor.

I'd call the counselor at his school who works with him and let them know what's going on. First of all, the counselor is bound by confidentiality rules. Second, they can keep an eye on his progress. This kind of stress can derail a kid. I have plenty in my program who have been. My YS struggled last year (first year of high school) because of the dual stresses going on.

As Roseann Rosanadanna said "It's always something."

SG, just droppin by to say hi. I'm still reading your thread and see that you're getting lots of good help. Keep it up girlfriend.

Hey JT,

Thank you for the head's up. I have a call into the counselor and asked the principal to talk to her as well. I'll keep checking on that.

This is very useful help.

It is always something. Too bad I can't numb the pain and experience <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

SG