Where does it say that you need to be concerned about OVERWHELMING him?

It doesn't.

But you told me that I KNOW him better than anyone. And I know that if I overwhelm him he will get pushed farther away.

I am really mixed up, so please help me understand and sort out again.

I've been reading this book A Woman Afer G-ds Heart and I can SEE where I made so many mistakes. I think I am questioning why would G-d give me another chance.

How can I prove to G-d that I am worthy of this blessing?

Probably by not missing the ones HE GIVES ME, would be a HUGE start. Oh there is so much to LEARN...

Am I really STRONG enough to do this?

Simple answer is YES, you are strong enough to do this. Remember, you are not alone. You have G-d with you ALWAYS.

I just posted over on James' am I really WORTHY of his coming home.

This book I am reading, which I read years ago, and didn't apply just has me so sad on how I was so NOT a woman of G-d.

Maybe somehow maybe this was just what was planned all along. I think about how many years ago when G-d was a part of our life, I put him first. Everyone was appalled at what I was doing by submissing to him. And it never seemed to help him or make a difference.

Oh, how I want to understand what happened? Or is it really just this WW addiction that has him completely in his grasp?

UGH... Back to baking for my children.

Hi SG-

You don't have to prove to God that you are worthy of another chance. He gives us second chances because He loves us. Think about all the chances He gave the Nation of Israel in the Old Testament.

And it's quite possible that this time of personal growth in your faith is to prepare you for all other chances and blessings that He has for you. You are strong enough because you know where your strength comes from-not yourself, but God.

And yes, I think it is the WS addiction that makes them this nutty. Who in their right mind would opt for what your WH has chosen. As Bugs Bunny would say "What a maroon." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

JT,

I am so grateful for your kinds words. He did give Israel. I still don't know what they did with it however. One day I will have a better understanding of Torah.

It is possible, I just feel like after what Mimi said I had a great opportunity and blew it and G-d made not be so gracious and give me other opportunities. I know its NUTS.

So this weekend I did the Domestic Goddess work. I cleaned by bedroom, went shopping, cleaned my apt today, all [censored] and span, and baked today. I made homemade fudge for the first time in my life, chocolate chip cookies - Toll House Style and Molasses Cookies. I didn't put one thing to my mouth. Wow unbelievable because I love raw cookie dough.

I rearranged my apt a little and made a nice dinner for the boys.

And I got to watch my Redskins on tv tonight and they won.

Still my insides are turned upside because I MISS my husband. I have had a lot of time today to think about things and I am frustrated by what I am remembering.

For so long I really believed that I was this horrific wife who completely ignored her husband's EN. After reading this book and thinking about it with G-d, I really wasn't that awful a wife. And I am frustrated because for so long he didn't meet the most important EN I had, I begged him to, but he wouldn't. What do I do with the pain of wondering what life would be like if he came home. This change in him happened over many years. I tried to stop it, but he chose his path or got swallowed up.

How do you address the problems that truly existed in the marriage for me or should I just forget about them because I really love him and want him home.

If I am rambling please forgive me, I am just really having some soul searching time with G-d and voicing it on here.

SG

Hooray for the 'skins!

SG.. it sounds like you're going through a pretty normal process. At least I hope it's normal because I've been having the same internal vacillations myself.

Open your eyes, ears, and heart and listen to what God is telling you. Remember.. we are to trust in Him and rely on him rather than our own understanding.. that's part of faith.

So what if things weren't perfect before.. you didn't make a promise to him to be perfect.. You can look at your life and see what you want to improve, but you can't make those choices for him.. he'll have to do his own growing ON HIS OWN..

If there are things you were not happy about in the M, it does no good to address them at this point if you're intent on saving the M.. that's POJA stuff for later.. radical honesty stuff.. things like that.

You've done well to this point.. continue listening to Mimi and keeping your faith in the right place.

(((SG)))

Hi James,

And Mazel Tov to the Colts. That was a HUGE win for the skins last night and to think we are on tv again next week.

I really thought my eyes, ears and heart and were open as wide as they can be to listen to G-d, but maybe not. I might pray to G-d for help in that. Thanks for the reminders.

How do you open your eyes, ears and heart and listen to G-d?

I still haven't put the club down and just accepted totally that this was his plan all along. I think that somehow I could have fixed it before it got to this point. And when I truly realized that I didn't see the blessing of WH being on here, I think I panicked.

This is really hard....

You are right, my walk with G-d needs to become stronger, my faith deeper and my trust needs to become like it's a part of me as in breathing.

Thanks for the reminders. It's kinda nice to be walking through the same stuff and yet have completely different stories and situations. I have so MUCH to be grateful for that I need to stop getting on my pitty potty of what isn't.

Hmmmm. What a novel concept, put down the club, get off the potty and let G-d have my life.

Do you know who I would like to have the same type of walk as? Joe Gibbs. He is the most amazing human being I have ever had the pleasure of meeting.

It's beyond his commitment to life and his family and yes the Redskins.

But it's his walk in life with G-d. He enduring grace of hope and belief in how to get through life. As I watched the game last night, I finally was able to have joy in my skins for the first time since before this whole experience began.

Joe Gibbs is a lighthouse to me on his faith and walk and I would love to have one ounce the strength and characteristics he possesses. I think you can understand that with Tony Dungy? Yes.

Yeah.. I like Tony a lot.. what he stands for, what he beleives in.

It's hard not to like a guy like that.

I suppose I kinda hope to be the kind of guy that's difficult not to like.. maybe that's part of what Plan A is about... becoming that guy.

As far as the listening goes.. it's just that, listening.. being open to receiving his messages.. whether it's something in one of my daily devotionals.. the mass readings.. or just a verse that pops out at me as I page flip my way through the Bible.. God speaks to us through His word.. God sends people to affect our lives in particular ways... so you've just got to be open to that I guess.

As for the pity party thing.. it's easy to cast yourself in the role of victim... but I passed a sign on a church the other day.. and it said: Write your troubles in sand, and your blessings in stone.

I think of that now whenever I'm getting down and depressed about things..

You will receive BLESSINGS DAILY.

BLESSINGS to me include seeing the beauty in nature.

I hear... I AM GOD... when I see my flowers growing..even my houseplants that I check for new growth each day.

I'll never forget when I went to NIAGARA FALLS...My thoughts were HOW GREAT THOU ART (that's a religious song).

HOW GREAT THOU ART

I hope you are not offended that this is a Christian song but I wanted to share the words with you. It's one of my favorites.

James,

It's so weird that you wrote this.

I just had a co worker come and talk to me about her M. She has been in an abusive relationship for 21 years and wants to leave her M.

I'm directing her to G-d, and she has a strong faith, but is so tired. She is even willing to leave her children to get away from the verbal abuse.

Think that was a message. It seems there are so many messages coming my way, but I don't know how to see what it is.

I'm rambling, but I remember you said that it's what's is said in my heart. What's there is that my H is just so sick and empty inside that he is running from me because I am his light to life. He's tired in many ways and he is destroying himself unconsciously because when he is hurting, that's his pattern.

I guess I feel like I need to keep being that light and find the strength through G-d, my walk with G-d and people on here. Is this silly or crazy.

I just know that when she was talking, I kept realizing that my work wasn't done, that yes I am exhausted and feel disheartened, but that I just need to keep having faith and trust G-d. I can't walk away from my M because G-d hates divorce and I am in the business of pleasing G-d, not displeasing him. Well I am working on that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Hugs to Mimi,

One of the things that I am completely able to do is see the blessings of everyday life. When I can see my mountain sticking up in the sunshine of WA. When I get to play a game of dominoes with my DD and DS last night, knowing a few short months ago, she and I had a restraing order between us. What I discount which is probably the worst offense to G-d of all is that I am NOT a blessing. How interesting that my Hebrew name is Bracha - which means blessing.

I feel like I am on an interview for a job and that one wrong mistake or missing a blessing so to speak, ruins my chance with G-d. But what I have to somehow come to understand and accept is that my love for my H is really pure and unconditional and I am building on the qualities that G-d needs me to have in order for it to be safe for both my H and myself when that day happens that he comes home. Does that make sense? Am I wrong or off in my thinking? May another way to say it is, misopportunities at this point are just learning lessons for me.

Remember the wisdom of my rabbi, Christian or Jewish isn't what's important, it's the messages that I am getting that is.

Thank you for sharing it with me. As soon as I can, I will listen to it.

Talk about BLESSINGS, you are truly one of the biggest and bestest....

SG

Wins for the Panthers, Colts and (most HAPPILY) your 'skins (I watched with you all the way!). Doing an NFL celebration dance in the endzone. LOL!!

Smartie

That win last night keeps hope alive yet for a postseason doesn't it?

Hey Smartie,

I miss you. How was the weekend.

You are so sweet. It was a great game last night. Finally something for them to really celebrate and be proud of.

Don't tell anyone I asked, but do you think that I am doing the right thing and WW will figure it out? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I just need a little support from my friends... I am getting bantered by everyone around me to give up and admit that maybe G-d wants something different. It looks so hopeless to them and they don't like him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I have prayed and prayed for more strength today. Not there yet, but I am also wondering what other qualities do I need to pray for to get through this.

Strength, Perserverance, Grace, Understanding, Acceptance
Wisdom, Creativity, Sense of Humor, Willingness, Tenacity

What else could I be missing or add to this list?

SG

Don't know if Hansel will figure it out, but YOU are definitely doing the right thing. Why? Because at the end of it all you will be the woman God wants you to be.

Remember some advice I told you that I got from a good and wise friend months ago about my own sitch -- in the end YOUR marriage is YOUR marriage, so despite what others tell you should do (move on, forget about him, etc.) you follow the path God has set for you. Everything else will come in its own time...

Besides, with Mimi to guide you how can you lose? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Smartie

I love you, sweet friend....

Ok, here's my Plan A action for the day....

I just called WH and thanked him for the advice that he gave me last week regarding the kids. I told him how much it helped and I really appreciated his input. I told him how I was implementing what he offered. I told him what successes I was having which of course included me making breakfast and dinners and he said that he was glad. He had called our older son to go play soccer with him, but that he didn't return his call. I said, that we were all challenged in the phone business this week. He laughed.

Then I moved on to whether he watched his football (Raider) game yesterday. He said no, but that he watched my team's game last night. I talked to him about how they are on next week at the same time and how it has playoff implication. I also was sounding excited that they might possibly be coming to Seattle for a play off.

Then he started offering his opinion and knowledge on the Seahawks. And we talked a few more minutes on that.

I then asked him about work and how it was going. I asked specifically about inventory and he told me about what was going on. I got him to talk to me for a few minutes about the new way he has to do things. I told him that it sounds like he has things pretty well organized and he said will see, I said I have faith in you.

He said he needed to go and that he would talk to me soon. I said ok and I would look forward to it.

How was that? Anything I could have done differently.

I think I might show up at work tomorrow with some fresh baked goodies for all the hard work he is doing, what do you think?