I should just mention that really the camera is no big deal to me anymore. However, it's something we have in common and are sharing. I think he needs to see how easy going I can be on some things.

I will say at one point he made a commented about the cards for the camera and flippitantly said I kept them all. That was incorrect as I stood up for myself and jokingly said well, I remember it a little differently. This wasn't about the card, as much as saying that I am not a total doormat, but lovingly and jokingly that I care about myself.

I hope that makes sense.

I sincerely ADMIRE your COURAGE.

Busy today..but wanted you to know that...

Hey, skinsgal! Well since you wouldn't give me the brief lowdown, I had to read ALOT of your sitch. Probably not enough, but sure wanted to get a handle of where you are and where you were.



On of the things I had to learn was how to lovingly and jokingly get my point accross to my husband. It is hard for me to do when I am anxious or upset, though, as I am a born scrapper (trying hard to change).

My husband even showed me how the best way to approach him is when the subject matter might be a bit emotional...

And his way was lovingly and jokingly.

So guys must be affected in a much more postive way when we communicate in this manner.

I think you did great, too!

As for the CD's, I say yes to them. You are in Plan A, and the CD's are nothing like a trip for two to the "Heart Shaped Jucuzzi Love Shack Motel" would be as far as love busters for the active WS.

There was a longtime poster on here that Mimi probably remembers her name, that got back with her EX WH when his OW unexpectedly died. She found out after they got back together that he had kept every single card, letter, etc that she had given him during her Plan A...even though he was living with OW. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi Josie,

I apologize as I must have missed your request for a short version of my sitch. Thank you for taking time to read about me. What do you think of where I was and where I am? Do you see any hope? My phone counseling session didn't go as well as I hoped. Although she really thinks that getting into Plan B is a really good idea. I don't think she really understands the alien piece and that if somehow he could just wake up we would have a chance.

I still have the CD's, so I think I will bring it by one day next week while I am still on vacation. With Christmas Eve and Christmas coming up, I am not going to have a good chance of being in contact with him. Any ideas on how I can keep my presence? I was thinking about going to watch him play soccer on Saturday, but if she is there I am not sure what to do? Should I get out and watch whether or not she is there, so he KNOWS I am there?

Hey Mimi,

I miss you girl. The courage I have is because I prayed for it BEFORE I went up and talked to him. I asked G-d to give me the qualities I need to do his work when I was with my husband. G-d, I miss this man so much. I don't have enough time with him and I just want that more than anything is him with me. Do you really think G-d can bless me with this. FAITH and TRUST.

Do you think it impacted him at all? I have to keep reminding myself this isn't about HIM, but me being the best I can be for me.

I just have to keep waiting on the Lord. I'm sorry for rambling. It's just so hard to love my H so deeply and know that he isn't there right now.

For those of you who are walking a Christian life?

Can I ask you a question. This has been weighing on my heart and after reading some of MM's post and listening to all of you talk about the Christian walk. I guess I am scared that because I am Jewish and don't believe in Jesus as the son of G-d, I am not worthy of having my marriage restored.

How do you feel about what I am thinking or feeling?

you're playing those stinkin thinkin tapes... i have a book recommendation...how to stop worrying and start living by dale carnegie...shake those negatve thoughts out of your head, queenie

you are a winner

You know, SG, I don't think it matters if you're Christian, Jew, Muslim, or whatever. God loves us all the same, no matter what our beliefs or life situations are.

Each of us is worthy of having our marriages restored if that is where we are. If you are truly sincere in your efforts to win your H back, you deserve for that to happen. The difficult part is that things don't always work out the way we'd like them to.

The Christian walk is a personal thing between you and God. God makes each of us responsible for our relationship with him and how we decide to have him in our lives. If you're interested in learning more about Christianity and what place you may want it to have in your life, I know there are plenty of people on this site who can help.

SG, God hates divorce. Period. That's not exclusive to Christians, Jews, atheist, or whatever. Stop feeding those kinds of thoughts!

Stepping Off A Limb
I am going to step off on a limb here. I really don't want this to turn into a religious debate, I just want to share something very personal with SG.

The way I see it (and correct me if I'm wrong) is that practicing Jews try really really hard to follow the law of the Old Testament (which is what they've done for 1000s of years).

The thing about Jesus (and He is prophesied about in the Old Testament if you'd like me to give you a reference) is that because He came to earth and sacrificed his life... taking on all the sin and ugliness in his death... we who have confessed that He is Lord... are no longer under the old law but are covered by grace. We are not saved by our "works" but by our belief in Him.

I can not imagine trying to live my life everyday trying to make sure that I followed all of the laws in the OT. I couldn't do it. I KNOW I couldn't. I would fail miserably. In fact, the CHRISTIAN church I grew up in focused solely on what we COULDN'T do as opposed to the JOY that comes from serving the Lord. That's rough on a child.

If you want to ignore this little side comment, I understand. I am not trying to persuade you to do anything. I just wanted to share personally with you about where I am coming from as a Christian.

Skinsgal,

The only thing that is true is that you can actually create what you don't want dwelling on it. Who is it around here who has that sig line: Worrying is like praying for what you don't want? So true.

You wrote this on Jamesus thread, and I want to post it here, because it brought back really painful memories for me, from a time when I felt the same way -



I did lose the love of my life, and let me tell you that now I am married to the 3rd real love of my life. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Love is something that you give, you never, ever lose it. It goes with you where ever you go, and you lavish it onto whom ever you want.

Your WH is not providing any love to you, and yet you are absolutely over flowing in it? Why do you think that is? Because it is coming from you?

He still has love for you, I am not saying he doesn't. But right now his love is buried under a bunch of fog. And still you are filled with love. Strange how that could be, when he isn't giving any of it to you. Hmmm.

If Mimi's guiding you, your Plan A is being done well.

How long is the plan, for the Plan A?

Thank you, Need, PM and Josie,

Truly. This is something that I don't take likely, at all. My whole child life my parents were assimilated and we didn't celebrate Jewish holidays or even discuss what it was to be a Jew. Everything I learned was after my H and I joined our first temple and I got involved. My Judaism is the most important thing I have because I know that I can go to Israel and belong, truly belong.

PM - It's funny how the most important topics in life are the ones that people don't like to discuss. I find and maybe I am the crazy one - that if you are secure in your thoughts then its ok to talk to someone else about it. Now, secure is something that I am working on or rather my path in life. So, I welcome dialog and discussion. I used to be threatened by entertaining this, but it just seems ok to me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Part of the reform movement is fitting those laws into your life that you want to and leaving the rest. Where in theory it's a great idea it also leaves for a decline in morals and values. Hence the reason that most of my "friends" don't support my walk in standing for my marriage. They truly think I am an idiot and they don't understand. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

If I am completely honest with myself, I have never really studied Torah, and so I don't know where it falls into my life. Over this break I hope to begin to establish a way to have it make sense to me. One suggestion is to go to a more conservative or Chassidic temple, where spirituality is most important. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I am looking for my connection to G-d. I want to please him and walk in his will, truly he is the most important relationship I have created. When people talk about G-ds word, I have no context of what that means as a Jew. For instance, is G-d's word just the 5 Books of Moses or are the psalms and proverbs included as G-ds word. See what I mean? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

However, my IC thinks I am back to the bargaining stage. If I do this, will you let him come home. If I convert, will you let him come home. I think there is some truth to that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

She also has told me to work on my self-esteem. It frustrates her when I call myself ugly, etc.

So part of building myself up is to have fun in my life. And tonight I am hitting the bar for ladies night out with the ladies from school. Which will keep me laughing and having some fun. I'm going to get really dressed up and just enjoy the night. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I made a flippant comment about going out with someone so I would know what a different relationship could be like. My counselor said it was a great idea. Only because I have not ever had another relationship with any other man in my life. However, I am MARRIED and deeply in love with my H.

Josie and Mimi,

I am becoming more "awake" to what you are saying. I agree my negativity is wearing me down and creating what I don't want. Oddly, this is just completely the opposite of who I was before this. I was miss positive and just took things as they came. I will start praying for guidance on this and get the book. They didn't have it at the used book store. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Josie, I never thought of love that way. You are so right, I absolutely and giving him the purest of love that I have and I enjoy it.

Yes, Mimi is guiding me and I totally NEED and APPRECIATE it, I am learning as much as I can so that I can pass it on to someone else.

Mimi, chime in here if I am wrong. But Plan A is to continue for a little longer and as soon as my LSA is ready to be completed I go dark, EXTREMELY DARK. Would you agree Mimi? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

I have to tell you my IC was appalled that I brought him cookies and fudge. She goes, aren't you rewarding his behavior. I just smiled and said, there's a plan involved and I am working it. : <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Queenie

OMG,

Guess what?

He called me tonight to find out if it was snowing. I was exercising at the time and he left a message.

So, being his WIFE, I called him back and told him how sweet he was to think of me. He resisted, but it went in. I asked him if it was still snowing. He loves the snow and he knows I love the snow. It stopped snowing there, but it is getting colder and I said, hopefully it will start snowing again. He agreed.

He tried to say goodbye, but I kept him on a few minutes longer. And then he said Hey - thank you for the fudge and cookies. He said it was really good. I said I did good on my first try - he said very good and then said he left the cookies out for the boys and hid the fudge for himself.

DING DING DING.....

I told him that I looked forward to talking to him soon and he responded in a positive way, unconsciously, but I don't remember the exact words.

I know he is at home, and if G-d is really gracious tonight, OW is at home with him and now knows I came by work and brought him fudge or at the very least knows I called and was talking to him. Hopefully she won't mind too much. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

He CALLED ME.... I know it doesn't seem like a huge deal, but IT IS TO ME. He thought of me.

So, what can I do tomorrow before the weekend, bring the CD or just call him to wish him a nice weekend. I was also thinking of slipping up to his soccer game on Saturday. Should it matter if she is there or not?

Hey Mimi, I am thinking about the Queenie name, in light of what I am working through on my attitude, self-esteem, etc, I think using my Hebrew name Bracha (blessing) would be more appropriate for me right now. I am working through accepting that I am one of G-ds blessings. How interesting that would be my name.

B

Bracha..it is...and you have been BLESSED..and your H called you...HOW WONDERFUL!!

Still don't have much time..but I'm so HAPPY for you...

Just a baby step..

He FOUND one of those CRUMBS...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I'll take each crumb as they comes, that is until Plan B goes into effect.

Thank you, I couldn't have been there without you.

What's keeping you so busy?

B

He's online and I asked him if it's snowing. He told me he would go check. I said thank you. LOL

We are having quite a nice conversation. I getting in every suggestion I possibly can. One that appreciates, loves and shows respect. I am really getting some blessings tonight with time with him.

Tell him that you miss having him there with you...

Sign off with I LOVE YOU...in your LAST communication with him tonight...

Bring up some SPECIAL TIME you had together...

all in one setting? Or over a few responses?

In a FEW responses...TONIGHT..

Especially tell him how you miss him and that you LOVE HIM...

You can do those TWO THINGS tonight...

REMEMBER BE AS BOLD in your RIGHTNESS as he is in his WRONGNESS...

I did as you suggested. Reminded him of the fun we had in the past. It was going to the movies last year on Christmas.

He asked me what we were going to see, I said I didn't know but the boys were trying to get me to see two movies and it wasn't working. He wrote - LOL.

I told him I loved his laugh and I miss having home all the time to hear his laugh.

I said I needed to get going and that I loved him very much. I signed off.

I didn't want to wait for a response. Just leave it there with him.

I hope you meant to do that.

OMG - Mimi doing her stuff..........

Hang in there skinsgirl. I'm reading along and watching.

YEP...Oh, what a day... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />