Queenie-

Yes, you do have a regal bearing-so you can call yourself Queenie. Like Queen Esther.

I so enjoyed meeting you-even with all the mall "traffic".
It was as if we had always been friends. I think that's another one of those "God-things".

I ended up having dinner with my friend Sharon and left around 8:00.

About the bracelet, I think it's find to keep it on. The beads are silver and there's a wire inside, so it is water safe. And I finally remembered the one line of Ps. 23 that I couldn't for the bead after the brown one (you prepare a table before me) It was "my cup runs over". I think it's the light gold bead-maybe it's for ginger ale. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

sg:

You are already halfway there! You have your AA knowledge. The twelve steps are valuable lessons that do not apply only to addictions. They are life lessons.

You have been getting great advice. Paying it forward is a new position for me to be in, but I'm going to jump in anyway. Even if I'm not "perfect" at it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

So...new name for the OW. I can't even remember how someone here came up with RT for "the skank," which is what I call her IRL (she would often complain about her fat ankles...or skankles, hee hee).

Sorry...I can't help you come up with a name that evokes the image of a crack-ho-child-of-God-home-wrecker.

Give us some material to work with here...

You are so right, I felt so comfortable being with you. I actually didn't want to leave. There is a calm to you that just feels so sweet and loving.

This bracelet means a lot to me. I feel safer some how. I feel protected.

What is a regal bearing? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I know I am probably fishing for a compliment, but I don't really know what that means.

Ginger ale it is. It sparkles in the sun. I love sparkly things. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Well, what would help.

I could describe her physically which isn't nice. Or I could give you some description of her life previous to H.

He is online looking for cars. Should I talk to him some more or leave him alone? Remember, I am pretty much dealing with the WH right now. Of course you all know that.

We could even go with her IQ which I don't believe is really high. I actually don't know what she is really like.

I know she is one hurting person. I know she doesn't work and gets to stay at home and live off of my husband and do nothing all day long.

Hmmm.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Regal bearing is one of royalty-class and grace together.


And you have a lot more confidence than you think. You are doing a great job with Plan A, showing up with fudge, asking for prayers from WH's co-workers, going to the game at the crack of dawn (well, it's barely daybreak at 7:30 around here this time of year).

Plus, you have a compassionate heart. You are posting to others, offering encouragement and sharing your journey.
(and you let your YS beat you at Monopoly).

Yes, our WS's are choosing to miss out on time with their kids. But we are creating a safe place for our children by being there with them, and showing them that faith doesn't necessarily make life easy, but it makes the tough things in life easier to live through. Your faith is a refuge for them. (Prov 14:26).

Instead of thinking about what your WH is missing out on, think of it as having extra "helpings" of your YS's laughter .

What a great idea.

He was just on again.

wait, how did I deserve it
George: Yes you do
Sent at 7:11 PM on Sunday
me: You know, I enjoy hearing him laugh like I did you. More than winning. Maybe that's why you went in for the kill because I just enjoyed being with you.
dang he did it again
me: you youngest son is kicking my living touckis.....
me: your,
and he is having a very good time doing it

WH: LOL

me: he has a killer instinct in him, like his daddy. Remember all those Risks games we played together. You were brutal Roessler

WH: You deserved it tell him to take no prisoners

me: I will not.
besides I am making a come back or at least holding my own for the minute

WH: Be that way

me: I never deserved it
wait, how did I deserve it

WH: Yes you do
WH: Go YS

me: I love your support of me. thanks babe

WH: Have a good night

He was gone but will get these messges next time he signs on

me: I am, thanks.
me: I miss you husband

How did I do, do I make any mistakes, missed opportunties.

Thanks JT, I truly hope you know how much what you are saying is touching my heart.

I really need to work on some belief in myself that I am a worth person.

Ok, you know it these thoughts are going around in my head.

Where the addiction end of all this makes sense. What is just blowing my mind is how can WH live with himself knowing he is DESTROYING his relationship with his children.

He has not tried to get any time with them alone. If for this reason alone give me the hope that he will snap out of it one day. Can he truly live in this fantasyland forever? Remember, he was an everyday dad.

Or is this normal that a WW just ignores his children and shows no interest in what is really happening in their life.

I am not saying what I truly mean, does someone have a better way of explaining what I am trying to. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

He lives in this world of no touch with reality, thinking his kids should be the ones to make the relationship work. I know it is similar to JT, but who else has worked through this one?

Orchid,

If you have time, could you read some of the online conversations I have had with WH and help me see if there is anything I could be saying differently to draw him out?

Thanks for your time,

You are doing an AWESOME, AWESOME PLAN A!! You are so COURAGEOUS!! You are WOWING me...




STINKIN THINKIN...Shake your head, Queenie....




IT IS NOT GONNA MAKE SENSE!!



You have gotta get this line of thinking out of your mind. He is NOT THINKING LOGICALLY. All he cares about is GETTING HIS HIGH off of her...nothing else...

IT IS AN ADDICTION..

I think you can UNDERSTAND THIS...



He is STANDARD GARDEN-VARIETY WS..my H didn't have anything to do with our son either, Queenie...

HE IS NO LONGER YOUR H NOW...

I'm so sorry, Queenie. You have got to ACCEPT THIS...




YES!!!



My H and I and most others on here...who made it to RECOVERY...

He's following the TYPICAL WS SCRIPT..NO DIFFERENT!!

So then following the typical WS is a good sign? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

I miss you Mimi. I'm glad your life is busy. But I feel so SAFE and walking in the RIGHT Direction when you are around. I hope that's ok. Am I doing anything wrong that you can tell or should I be doing something else. Is it possible to do too much at this point. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I have one thing up my sleeve for tomorrow if it pans out. He is supposed to go over to his friends house and work on his car. Now his/our friends dad happens to be in town who I have never met. OW usually goes with WH, but she is not welcome in the house because our friends' wife is one of my best friends. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

So, I was thinking about popping over and going inside to meet dear old dad and introduce myself as the wife and mother of MS. You see, MS did a project on dear old dad last year and we have never met. What do you think? Then I think I will pretty much back off. Or should I keep going. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" />

I am still not totally sure what I am doing at this point other than being the best I can be. What am I working towards for Plan B? And when will we know it's TIME?

The chops that he ate tonight, were given to me as a present from MY friend. And he took them and snubs it in my face they were amazing. SHE ate a present that was meant for US. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Ok, I feel better.

I got the book by the way and will start reading it.

I really am trying to accept he is NO LONGER my H. It's so hard. But then I can look at him and see he is so different. The beard helps alot and that stupid thing on the back of his neck. Not to mention the tatoos. Does having a MLC putting more of a wrench into this or just more "typical" WW crud?

Ok, also. I was thinking about him buying this car. Since there is NO LSA between us, anything he does buy it half mine if we are a community property state, correct? He can't put her name on it can he? I know check with the lawyer. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

How are you doing Mimi, what are you up to? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Mimi,

I don't know how to do the quote thing, can you tell me please?

Quote: You have gotta get this line of thinking out of your mind. He is NOT THINKING LOGICALLY. All he cares about is GETTING HIS HIGH off of her...nothing else...

IT IS AN ADDICTION..

I think you can UNDERSTAND THIS...

My response: You would THINK I have this part down, but something is blocking me. Maybe it's because its not a drug. I just get stuck here. How did you finally learn to accept it and all the ramifications.

Oh wait, I know. If I keep denying this then I can maybe control or fix it. I KNOW that if he was drinking or using, there would be NOTHING, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING I could do to stop it. But I would know deep down that somehow he would hit rock bottom and come to his senses. This one seems more scarier because he can lie to himself about this addiction, where if he was drinking or drugging he would avoid, but deep down he couldn't lie. The using is way more obvious. See the difference, help me get beyond this thinking once and for all.

Does that make sense? How did you finally come to accept it. Was it over time? A certain event?

For the most part I have forgiven myself for all the mistakes I have made and asked G-d to forgive me and give me a second chance.

Help me come to terms once and for all on this and move on to the next battle, ok?

SG,

To quote something type the left bracket [ then the word "quote" all lower case. Then type the right bracket ] (These are the ones just above and to the left of the <ENTER> key)

Then copy and paste the text you wish to quote. Follow that with the [ again, then / the word "quote" once more and the ] to finish it off.

The [ and ] indicate a command rather than text to be shown. the / indicates the end of the command. Between the two is the text that is acted upon by the command.

Thus when I say [/tj] I am saying "end thread jack."

If you use the same format and replace "quote' with a lower case "b' you will get bold and the letter "i' will give you italics.

You can also do colors by enclosing the string color:XXXXX where XXXX is the name of the color such as [color:"red"]red[/color] and ending it with the switch /color also in the brackets.

You can make it a url by typing a string of url=websitenameorlinkasacompleteurl (copy and paste from another browser window is the best way to do this, BTW) all enclosed within the brackets then add a name or shorter phrase such as "Read this Link" and ending it with the switch /url again inside the brackets.

That's the nickel tour of UBB code.


The chemicals involved in this are the same ones involved in drug addictions. While that may be hard to accept, it is a matter of fact. And just like a person who is using crack on a regular basis, the addict does not see the control the negative activity is having in their life. While high, they feel wonderful.

God can get you through this, regardless of the outcome for your marriage. You have been doing so wonderfully of late and your patience is way deeper than mine. I'd have been in a dark Plan B by now.

Jer 29:11..."I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "Plans to prosper and not to harm you...Plans to give you hope and a future.."

Psalm 5:12 "You, oh Lord, will bless the righteous. You surround them with your favor as with a shield"

As the Lord told Joshua...As I was with Moses, so I will be with you. Do not be afraid. Do not be discouraged... (Josh 1:5) He repeated it several times to Joshua. His way of making sure we get what He says.

Mark

Thanks Mark,

Let's see how technical I am. LOL
[quote:] The chemicals involved in this are the same ones involved in drug addictions. While that may be hard to accept, it is a matter of fact. And just like a person who is using crack on a regular basis, the addict does not see the control the negative activity is having in their life. While high, they feel wonderful. [quote:]


You are talking about the chemicals that are effecting the brain, correct? And thereby the negative effect of the action causes their life to become unamanageable. Thus the behavior is now an active addict to a relationship. JT kept talking to me about the chemical reaction, but this is making that a little more clear. So in reality, some how, some way I have to absolutely accept my husband is an active addict whose chemicals are altered in their brain just as if he were using coke which was HIS DRUG of CHOICE.

Thank you for the compliment. I don't feel like I have been patient enough. I saw tonight that I say I don't expect anything, but deep down I think I must be hoping for something. I need to knock that off. Because I can remember when my H was actively using all those years ago, he was absolutely self destructive and destroying his life. It was when he was in the throws of his addiction that he cheated on me the first time when I was pregnant with my first child.

I truly am becoming stronger and stronger each day that no matter the outcome G-d will turn this into something good, just like Jer 29:11.

I really enjoy when you and everyone else send me scripture. It helps me to go looking for my own path in Torah.

We are truly the blessed ones on this website, because I KNOW one day I am going to be able to give back to someone who comes after me and in their darkest hour I will be able to work for G-d and bring light into their lives, just as you all bring it to mine and help me focus myself back to my deep growing FAITH in this walk with G-d.

L'dor v' Dor - From generation to generation.

He knows something about me, that I haven't found out yet, and he believes me and all of us to be strong enough to come out the other side a glory to his being. And for that I can say AMEN.

That didn't quite work out did it. I'll keep trying. LOL

Practice makes perfect......

SG,

Drop the : and use the / switch before the "quote" at the end.

[ then quote]the text you want to quote[ then /quote].

I gotta put other stuff in there so it doesn't build a quote box for me...

The format is [command]text[/command] where "command" in this case is the word quote. Replace quote with b for bold and i for italics. For color replace the first "command" with color:red, blue, green, yellow, orange,etc and turn it off with /color in the last set of brackets.

The [command] means "turn on command" and the [/command] means "turn off command." so it's "on" in the first set and "off "in the second set by using the / as a switch to turn it off. (It really is called a switch, BTW.)

Try dat...

Mark

[/lesson]

I tried. Let' see if it worked.

Ah the joy from simple things in life. Remember those times.

I did it. Thank you....

One more thing learned on this journey in life.

Can we ever get back the innocence or simpler things in life.

I am so overwhelmed by my gratitude for G-d right now. I can't stop crying becuase of it. My heart is so full of love for those on here as well as the man I married. How is that possible when my heart is breaking from the absolute destruction of my M. I am so blessed to not be bitter and angry but hopeful that there is a plan for me that will be ok, truly ok.

I don't know what to do with these feelings, how do you glorify G-d enough for not leaving us when we are so sad inside and hurting so terribly from this.

It doesn't seem like there is anything I can do that would be enough to thank G-d for leaving my heart in tack, a little battered, bruised and definetly hurting, but the love is so deep inside.

This is amazing work G-d is doing, isn't it?

Hey Orchid,

If you can, please remember to look at the online convos WH and I had earlier, to see if I am missing RB opportunities or where I could create some. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks,

SG,

Sorry it took so long. Had some 'war of words' stuff going on.... guess it just irks me when some try to hang onto silly assumptions. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Anyways, I read back 2 pages.... now from what I can see you are still in contact with him and the current status is he and OW ate the dish your BF made for your family? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

If I read it correctly, I am seething, so please let me know. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

My guess is that you need to have a plan on how to treat him when he acts as a WS and a separate one when he acts as your real good H.

My motto is: Plan A your real H but plan B the WS.

Later when you can get your mind and heart in sync, you can move forward with a solid plan B.

Ok, now I am going to get some dinner. It was put on hold for a while. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hope this helps.

L.