I love it... this pretty much explains plan A.

Go smack that monster out of him.

LOL,

I'll report when I get back.

Thanks TMTS

Well for sure I had the WH. BUT it didn't matter, my H was trying to fight for a peak.

He jumped up when he realized I was there. He is super busy at work today and I didn't want to keep him too much.

He was very uncomfortable with me, I could tell because I looked very sharp and it was so obvious I was wearing his wedding ring around my neck encircled in the Moses holding the ten commandments charm. I actually wear that all the time now. And he has noticed on and off, but my shirt was very different than what he is used to me wearing.

Ah the blessings of losing 79 1/4 lbs. He bragged about their 3 inches of snow. I refuse to give him lip service when he talks about them as "we" and "us". I turn it around to us or let the moment pass, which can be very uncomfortable.

He asked me what I was up to today. I told him that I specifically came down to see him and that I had errands and stuff to run. He was checking to make sure I am off for the week. Little does he know that I will be visiting him each day for some reason.

I asked him if he had time to come over this weekend to work on the car. He said probably during the week, but I don't WANT him to. So I said hmm, it would be easier for me if it was this weekend, will that work? He said he thought so. I want to TAKE TIME away from HER. I hope G-d will give me that chance and have him come over.

I gave him a hug because he was antsy to get back to work and really uncomfortable with me. I also whispered in his ear I loved him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Then I left and went to his car and left a note thanking him for remembering to bring the camera that I wanted. I really appreciated him remembering me.

I then wrote, I would love to go play in the snow with my husband and make snow angels.

Oh, I started off by saying Hey R. And signed it Mrs. R.

He'll get it when he leaves.

I called him about 15 minutes later and asked him about why he was working where he was working. And then thanked him again for remembering the camera for me. I really appreciated his thoughtfulness.

I asked him a job related question which he answered. The only down part was that he is taking next Monday off. Remember New Year's is my anniversary and I wanted to go visit him on Monday before it. I'll just have to pray and be more creative. It hurts horribly that we won't be together, we used to walk around town and go shopping and brag that our anniversary was Jan. 1.

Any ideas?

You have this down to an art form don't you? Sounds like a very good plan A in effect. Did he mention anything about how you looked, or did his body language give him away?

About next Monday, might he "need" the camera? It seems like this camera holds a key to keeping you in the loop.
Do you think that he is also using it for this same purpose... the H that is?

All the best.

TMTS,

This camera means something to him. I just haven't figured it out. It's like the only thing he can control because he knows I use it to take pictures of our kids. But when he wants it, it becomes very important for him to HAVE it. Got any ideas?

I don't have him down to an art form. I just have worked very hard at praying and asking G-d to give me the clarity of mind and calm heart when dealing with him.

He NEVER says anything about how I look. BUT I can tell he is so nervous and the way he looks. You can't help but notice the difference. The closet he came was the first time I saw him and he asked why I was dressed to fancy.

The best to you. Any thoughts is appreciated.

Have a great day,

Could his hold on the camera be his attepemt to hold on to you? Could it be your H's way to keep the door open? Could it be his internal fight with the monster? Whatever it is, it seems to keep you in the picture. I suspect that some of the vets will sugest that this could be his way of cake eating, so that's something else to consider.

From the stuff I read he makes it sound like this is the last camera on earth and when he needs it he needs it. It's just very strange.

I would use the camera to my advantage to meet with him on your anniversary, figure out a reason why he would need it.

About your dressing up... Have you considered a complete makeover. New hair, do your makeup dofferently. LOL If he's nervous when you dress up, that would knock him right off his feet.

Other than thatI think that your love for him is keeping you focused and I can't beleive that he is not taking notice.

You're doing awesome, and I look at you as a positive example on how to conduct a good Plan A. Keep it up!!!

SG,

You asked on another thread if I had any thoughts for you.

It appears you are doing an awesome Plan A, that will surely be remembered when you move into Plan B. What is your timeframe for ending Plan A and implementing Plan B? I do remember you were doing a Plan A last summer and then kind of "rebooted" it this fall. Is that correct?

I have been so impressed with your ability to keep hold of Plan A when most of us would crumble. My fear for you is that one day you may just "snap" and be done. That is what happened to me. I was doing an awesome Plan A. Then one day, I just felt done. I felt there was nothing left in me to give him any longer (thankfully, I was wrong; there was some little something deep inside waiting to be sparked.) Through that I became aware of how the love bank can completely be depleted and the account closed. My bank was in a deficit and the account was nearing being closed. If it had drug on any longer, I would have had to gone into full-blown darkness or I would have lost all love.

This is why I ask what your timeline is? How long to you intend to Plan A?

TMTS,



I want him to cake eat, so when I go into Plan B. It might make an impact on him. I have NO CLUE what is inside his H. He lives in his head and NEVER asks anyone else.

I'm all ears on how to figure out how to get to see him on my Anniversary. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks for your compliments. He actually hates make up. And OW is so hard looking and where thick black eye liner. I actually do make up for brides and so when I want to, I can look like a knock out. But I know that he prefers the natural look. As for my hair, it's short and curly. I color it, but nothing I DO makes an impact or at least he doesn't say so.

SMB,

My timeframe is when Mimi says to switch over. I have NO CLUE when to do it. Part of it is on the LSA and having it in place. Once I go to Plan B, if that weren't in place I think he would cut off the money. I don't want to give him that chance.

Yes, you are correct. I actually did a Plan A this summer, unfortunately didn't have Mimi helping me like she is and so was kinda floundering. I make lots of progress and at one point his was coming home (false hope though). The piece that was missing was ME. I was trying to get his attention and even though I am still doing that, I am doing it because I want to.

Thanks for your concern about me doing Plan A too long. I can't imagine ever giving up on him. I am sure it's possible, but I LOVE my H to the depths that I just didn't understand. I can't give up until G-d tells me and he will let me know when it's time. Honestly, there is a part of me that almost wonders what that would FEEL like to be done. He is so SMUG in his world and just walks all over me when he can.

But I have to be honest with myself and I am so not done yet.

I did Plan A this summer from July until September and then did a mini Plan B. I will regret that I didn't write a letter and I didn't do a good Plan A for his birthday instead.

Oh well, I am learning. I am sure that Mimi will keep me on track to the timing. She has me working on the final piece I think in terms of negotiating him coming home. I am starting to be more bold about asking for what I want. Just haven't asked him to come home yet. But I am getting closer.

Do you think there is hope for him to come home from the nasty mother alien ship?

I gotta ask. It's gnawing at me. For those who know my sitch. Do you really think there is a chance that WH will end his A one day?

Or are you just preparing me for the inevitable and making sure that I will be strong enough to survive him not coming home?

I really am doing Plan Aing him for ME. But I looked on our cell phone charges and he spent almost an hour talking to her throughout the day. Could he be fighting himself or should I just stay away from this thinking? It's killing me not knowing what is happening on the other side of the street.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

The Ws in my case had the A w/PBR from Aug 2000 - Aug 2003. It ended with false RO charges where we all went to court. The judge knew she was fabricating it (she came intending to play their phone conversations and a 4" binder of e-mails?!??!) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> ......

PBR claimed 3 pregos, tried to get me fired, tried to extort medical insurance from me (when she claimed prego 2 or 3), accused me of being a H beater, child abuser and a lesbian, called my church and left messages for the elders (in the wrong area....but still I found out), etc. The list goes on. ......

Yet we are recovering.

Can your sitch? Possibly. Depends on when he decides to stop being a WS and where you are in your journey. He may decide AFTER you decide you don't want him.

So don't plan on his coming back. Instead plan on you moving forward. This means whether he comes back or not..... you w/b ok.

That mind and heart is in sync, right? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Then pray for patience.

take care,
L.

Orchid,

What is PBR?

I'm really trying to move forward and no planning on him coming back. I just can't seem to get the desire to live when I think of it like that.

My whole life has been this man and counting on us growing old and raising our grandchildren together. I had a long talk with some dear friends today. They helped me realize a lot of stuff, but mostly they reinforced that it was obvious to everyone how much I loved my H.

He just lives in his head because he doesn't want to feel the feelings that are killing him inside. He is my soul mate, my best friend. I always thought that is what you want in a M.

I really am trying to accept he is gone. It's just something so unbearable to me. Does that make sense?

thank you,
B

Yes, your feelings do make sense but only because we have been there and done that. I wish I could hug your hurt away but since that is not possible, I will continue to support you so you can get strong enough to stand up to his babble and give him back his guilt!

Btw, PBR (OW's name: Pyscho Babble Rabbit)..... she earned each one!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

L.

Somehow I just knew PBR didn't have anything to do with Bull Ridin'

Mark

She wasn't ridin' da' bull....she was full of da' bull. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Oh boy....gonna' get my mouth washed out with soap... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

So Mark, I see you've been using my sig line threads. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> That's ok.... hope they help.

I gotta squeeze in the 5 stages of grieving link back in my sig line.

take care,
L.

Good Morning Skins,

Is there hope? I struggle to hang on it daily, and when I am having a day of hopelessness I think of my parents who after two years my F came out of the fog and cane back. It wasn't so easy for him though because he has to court my M and regain a certain amount of trust before she would take him back. So is it possible, yes! Like the vets say though, will you still be willing by that time if it does happen.

You sound down today... remember, chin up, chest out, and do something for you today.

Take care,

Y.E.S. In the meantime, you prepare YOU for whatever the outcome is of that.

Here's a song for you: [i]All Things Are Possible[/i] MPG Link

Almighty God my Redeemer
My hiding place my safe refuge, no other name like Jesus
No power can stand against You.

My feet are planted on this rock
And I will not be shaken
My hope it comes from You alone
My Lord and my salvation

Your praise is always on my lips
Your word is living in my heart
And I will praise You with a new song, My soul will bless You Lord

You fill my life with greater joy
Yes I delight myself in You
And I will praise You with a new song, My soul will bless You, Lord

When I am weak, you make me strong
When I'm poor, I know I'm rich for in the power of Your name
All things are possible
All things are possible
All things are possible
All things are possible

TMTS,

Down, yes a little for some things and maybe just taking another step towards acceptance.

You see, yesterday I had a conversation with a very godly man who is a close friend or at one time a mentor of my H. He explained to me how my H lives in his head and had a DEEP DEEP NEED to be always right. He creates a life around him that is small so he can be always right. And I know this to be true.

Over the years, I moved when I didn't really want to, I gave up all my friends, I gave up all my volunteer work, I lost a bunch of weight, I searched out help to change myself, I got a job after being a SAHM, I learned to become submissive and create a home where he clearly was head of teh house and I deferred to him in all matters. BUT NONE of it made him happy.

Because there are DEMONS that live inside of him and won't ALLOW him to face those deep feelings from his past. I know that he is running from his past b/c it was so awful and I am the single person that represents his past.

M H knows I LOVE HIM. My H creates emergencies, chaos, anger and situations to take away from dealing with whatever pain is inside of him. Thus the A, the ulimate betrayal, and of course he would run from me. I am WILLING to completely change and created a new M. But he doesn't want that.

He wants the dark side because it's a world where he can always be right, which is SOMETHING THAT DRIVES his life. Growing up his dad WAS LIKE THAT to the expense of my H's healthiness.

What I have come to realize is that I TRIED, and deep down inside no matter how hard my H tries to say it, he KNOWS THAT I LOVE HIM WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL. And what happened was along that way, I LOST WHO I WAS. I became a chaotic person, creating anger and situations that took me out of the one place I wanted to be, A LOVING WIFE AND MOTHER.

So, yesterday I began my journey of building back my self esteem, because undeniably, I have an ENORMOUS capacity to love not just him, but anyone else in my life that I CHOOSE to, and it doesn't take away from one to do so. I am starting with reading Og Mandino books, which they are scrolls that I can do daily.

I am learning to pick myself up and dust myself off and move forward. I am really scared that my H won't have enough strength, I really am.

And that's where G-d is needed most. I can NO LONGER do anything for my H. Am I done with Plan A, no not one bit yet. But maybe I am actually getting that I AM DOING THIS ONLY FOR ME, because it's who I really am.

Today I am stronger and and a little more peaceful about my life. And I my light of love and commitment and faith to G-d as well as the restoration of my M grows stronger because G- desires it.

Corny I know, but just where I am at.

SG:

May the Skins thrash the cowgirls this weekend.

Then on to Seattle to make them feel bad.

May the power and spirit of Sean take them to Super Bowl where they belong this year.

LG

The WH is fighting hard for survival. For that I have no doubt. He is calling and talking to her all day long, and where I left a little message that H would respond to, he didn't.

The positive in all this, I have G-d on my side. WH has Satan and G-d is stronger than Satan.

Not to mention, I really am a better choice. I have life, I am full of it, I love living life, I love laughing, exploring and mostly I love living life, especially with m H.

The dark side is winning my H over today, and I keep asking you all for the prayers for G-d to somehow, someway soften my H heart and have my H turn to him for truth and guidance. There is NO OTHER WAY. This is G-d's show, and I have to stay out of it and watch him do what he is going to do and when it's all said and done and my H is home. Then can we all rejoice in the glory of G-d and his strength of good and love over dark and evil.

Bracha

Why PM, I just saw you were on girl. Three days babe.

LG, Are you a Skins fan? Oh yes, I am so there. I can't wait for MY Skins to come to Seattle. I am going to go and meet them at the hotel and take lots of pictures.

May the memory of Sean carry them through. This team has endured and are moving forward. This team has always been my LIGHTHOUSE, and here they are recovering from there devastation, like I am. Wow, G-d is amazing in the things he gives me.

Hail to the Redskins indeed, for the memory of Sean and the healing of that team.

Skins