I'm not doing too bad, I little down but not completely distraught. I wish I would stop thinking about her for a little while.

As I was typing this the mediator called me. That doesn't help my mood at all. She talked to him on Saturday and he told her that he can come and see us at home, to just let him know what a good time would be. She talked to me about it on Saturday, and I told her that I was going to be home at my regular time and to set it up with him for what time and day suited her schedule. I could tell that she wanted me to take the lead on this, so I told her that it was up to her to set this up as she is the one wanting this separation. As far as I'm concerned the longer she takes the better for me to work the plan. I pray that as this is getting closer to reality she is having second thought about it, but my rational side is telling me that it's a done deal in her head.

Ok, I take my first line back... I was doing ok until that call. That just gave me an empty feeling.

Remember, it's ok to feel the feeling. Remember, the feelings won't kill us, it's what we do with them that will.

And then there is This Too Shall Pass.

None of them really matter when you are going through the feeling at the time. And I HATE when someone says it takes TIME.

I am finding that just knowing that people on here are walking through it with me and care and hurt for me helps me the most. We still have to feel the pain and walk through it, because we are learning something about ourselves.

This is so NOT easy and you have every right to every feeling that you are experiencing. Every right.

Try asking G-d to take care of her for a little while so you can rest your mind and heart. Ask him to help you. Not that I am the greatest person to give advice on this at all, but one suggestion was to put WH's name on a piece of paper and putting it in a G-d box.

Remember G-d is hurting for her as much if not more than you and wants her to seek him. So, by praying for her and giving her to him, you are helping G-d out. And it's also showing G-d that you are wanting to be dependent on G-d which is what HE WANTS.

Is this making sense at all? How's that working for you.

Thanks Queenie,

Yes you are making sense. I did say a prayer after lunch for you, lala/W2s, and serenity, N2F, DM and our WSs. I also ask for a special blessing for those who are helping us. Then I asked him to give me the strength to keep going.

It's just the bottom end of the coaster that's all, and having all of you here is keeping me sane.

And it's a good thing we have each other to do it.

How's your day going, almost done?

My boss is a little frustrated with me and wants to talk to me, can't wait. LOL

Hi Queenie,

I'm home now. I stopped at the book store a got my bible, then read psalm 102 again. I do feel better now.

I need to go get it blessed. How's your day?

tmts Thank you for the after lunch prayer! Much appreciated.

Yikes skins I hope everything is ok at work.

Go get it blessed? What do you mean.

I have to tell you, I LOVE MY JOB.

I am one blessed person. I am heading out to a PTA meeting, however I will be back and let share with you how my day went.

My pleasure Serenity, not sure what the prayer was. But I'm glad you like it.

Oh my boss...She is a trip. Will explain later.

How is your day going?

What 5 things do you like about yourself?

TMTS,

Now read Psalm 40...

Mark

My M told me the first thing I need to do with my bible is to bring it with me to a priest. Go to confession then ask him to perform a blessing on my bible.



Up and down I guess. I was ok this morning, the call from the mediator brought me down, then you guys got me back up, and getting my own bible was the icing. I feel pretty good right now.



1- I like that I am loyal.
2- I like that I have a good demeanor
3- I like my personality
4- I like that I am likable
5- I like that I can relate with the teens in my life.

Ok, so these are the ones I want to start with, and as I feel good about them I replace them with something new.

TMTS,

The most important things you can do with a Bible are to read it, study it, memorize it and learn from it...

What version did you buy, BTW?

Mark

Edited to add: If you want, I can help hook you up with a reading plan...

I could only find the NKJV and the NCV. I got the NCV.

Point taken about reading, studing, memorizing and learning from it. I see just by reading the passages you suggested how uplifting it is.

Hey Queenie!

Oh I laughed when I read this in your thread. My WH has started the same "we" crap too - but with my MIL. He did it to her a couple of times and she got so p-ssed off with him for flaunting the A in her face, that she told him off in no uncertain terms the day after Christmas that there was no WE that included OW as far as she was concerned.

Not surprsingly, WH has not spoken to his mother since then... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Now I'm not advising you to tell your WH off, but when they say the waywards read the handbook there's gotta be something to it. LOL!!!

You sound strong today. I'm glad. I'm thinking of you and lifting you up in prayer to God.

Smartie

Mark,

Ok, this is scary, I even thought to myself to ask that. I would NEVER had known that before MB.

Smartie,

Sometimes I practice to myself how I would love to tell him off. But then I remember how much I love him and how sick he is and it just doesn't seem worth the energy. Not to mention he wouldn't care and he certainly wouldn't hear it.

I was stronger much earlier. I am shaking my head, Mimi. I am happy I have my appt with Steve tomorrow at 4:00 am....And we are supposed to have snow and be delayed 2 hours again. I hope so.

If there was ever a book to destroy, that WW handbook would be the highest on my list. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

How was your day?

Good morning Queenie,


I was the same until a couple of days ago. It's a good thing I mentioned it before going out to get one. Next time I'm close to one of the big book stores I will look for the NIV as it seems to be the best option between both translation types.

Mark is a great man; his guidance towards the rediscovery of my faith is invaluable. My ODD asked me why I was reading the bible, and I told her that I need to put faith to help her M, what better place to put your faith than G-d. So I told her a little about some of the passages that I was reading, and she sat on my bed with me as I read psalm 102 and Chapter 1 of Joshua to her. It was a special moment.

Wonder how the session with Dr. Harley went... can't wait to hear from you Queenie!

Hey TMTS.. congratulations on picking up the best manual on living life you'll ever have.

I'll pass along some of the passages that keep popping up for me.

I could be misreading here but it appears your family is Catholic? I would strongly suggest as a cornerstone of your daily devotionals to go to the EWTN website (or other Catholic website) and read the daily devotionals/mass readings.

Also, my mom got me a daily prayer book with a focus on praying scripture. I'll pass along the title and author when I get home, it's been wonderful.


Not to threadjack SG's thread for TMTS entirely, but I did see you both talking about 'giving to God' your spouses. I've talked with SG extensively in the past about this.. and that by being still we can stay out of God's way as He works on our spouses. Now for as much as she and I have talked about it.. this weekend I finally did it. I finally had that conversation with God and truly gave WW to him, and started very seriously my work on 'forgiving' Wonderboy.. That's going to be a very difficult part of this walk.. but I need to be able to forgive him to engage in my own forgiveness that I need from God.

Still working, still praying for you guys.. glad to see SG is still making progress. Remember Skins.. the pebbles in the stream.. little by little you build them up under the surface until they break through one day. No expectations.. change is a slow process. This is a marathon, not a sprint.

Keep your chin up Queenie <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

One of the hardest things to do when we try to give things to God is actually letting Him have them. We approach His throne with this giant sack of troubles strapped to our back, spread them all out before Him and ask for Him to take them away.

But as He starts to reach for them and begins working to remove them from our lives, we wrestle them from His hands, throw them back into the sack, hoist it to our shoulders and trudge away mumbling about why we are so burdened...

When we take things to God, we have to stop asking for His help and simply lay them before Him and say "here ya go..." and then walk away empty handed. Until we leave our problems with Him rather than carry them away with us, we have not really given them over to Him at all...

Mark

Amen!!

That is -so- spot on Mark...

A good reminder that I'll print out and add to my stack.

If you don't ask him for help, what do you do? Do you stop asking or praying and just know it's being taken care of. How do I move forward?

This is truly a hard day for me. My session with Steve didn't go nearly as well as I had hoped. Because thanks to everyone here, especially the veterans I have been doing exactly the right things and there really is no other place to go but into Plan B pretty much as soon as the LSA is in place.

My WH is completely lost, Steve's words were he is a typical WW but to the extreme. I asked him if there was any hope. What he said was to go into Plan B as though my WH is going to spend the rest of his life with her. And then he asked me what I would be doing differently, knowing that's the case. My answer was nothing. Because when everything is said and done I have to walk away from this knowing I did everything I could.

This hurts and my hope is dimmed considerably. Even though I already knew what he was going to say, it's still the reality being smacked in my face. I don't know if I am strong enough to find joy in life right now.

Joe Gibbs retired today and I am totally saddened because he was such a light in my life. I'm truly down today. Not going to hurt myself (I promised Mimi), but just sad and lost.

So Mark, James, anyone else, some scriptures or words of encouragement would be so appreciated.

Oh please..... I really need to find some focus on how to get through this. So, let's see what I know. What I know is that I can still Plan A when I get the chance, Steve said I have reached the point of diminished returns. BUT, I need to grasp what I said up above, I need to truly let G-d and give my H to G-d. So, please help me truly understand what this looks like. If I do that, then I don't need to ask for help, how do I live life then?