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I am going to LEARN how to COMPLETELY SURRENDER TO HIM. There is NO OTHER WAY. EXACTLY!!
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Actually I am going to pray to G-d and let him show me how I completely surrender. I think I am doing it, BUT evidently not. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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It's so interesting. When I did my timeline two weeks ago, I realized that I learned at a very early age it was MY JOB TO FIX things. And I had all the LOVE to give, but no one wanted it.
My job I think is learning to let things BE as G-d wants it so HE CAN FIX IT, and let G-d direct me to who it is HE WANTS ME TO LOVE.
I have to stop equating love with fixing. I intellectually get it, but as the saying goes. It's not in sync with mind and spirit. At least not at this moment.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Posts: 15,310
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Mainly FOCUS on YOURSELF...it's between YOU and GOD...no more trying to analyse him or trying to figure him out..
No thinking about what he's doing with her or even WHY he has your picture in his wallet...
Who knows?
It's ALL ABOUT YOU....
I think you are WONDERFUL, Queenie...
You DOUBT and QUESTION yourself too much....
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Mainly FOCUS on YOURSELF...it's between YOU and GOD...no more trying to analyse him or trying to figure him out.. Ok, but this will be a learning lesson. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Get the stick ready, or maybe not. Maybe I am in a good enough place where I get it. You DOUBT and QUESTION yourself too much.... This is ALL I know to do. Because this is what I LIVED MY ENTIRE life. I'm not blaming anyone but me because I didn't know how to take responsibility and stop it. So I just need to learn to do that.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Posts: 15,310
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What I learned is that it is NOT LOVING to try to FIX others...it's CONTROLLING and DISRESPECTFUL...and IMPOSSIBLE...
I lived under an ILLUSION of POWER...
Now my focus is on PERSONAL POWER
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 6,643
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What I learned is that it is NOT LOVING to try to FIX others...it's CONTROLLING and DISRESPECTFUL...and IMPOSSIBLE...
I lived under an ILLUSION of POWER...
Now my focus is on PERSONAL POWER AS I NEED TO DO. Of course this brings up a question. Did you focus on this during Plan A or was it in when you got to Plan B?
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Posts: 15,310
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Most definitely this started during PLAN A..which I called MY PLAN...as recommended by Steve...
I kept wanting to talk with Steve about MY HUSBAND..and he kept redirecting back to ME..
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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LOL...
Well than other than my focus, nothing really changes. I don't get to talk about what HE IS DOING.
My plan is to win him back. So, I proceed with Plan A for a little longer. I am heading out in an hour for coffee with a friend. I am going to call WH and invite him on a walk.
I am planning to get the papers up to the lawyer today, he wasn't there Friday and move forward with that. When I get home later on, I will get my PBL done and post it for you to read. I have the notes of what Steve says, but do you have any thoughts on what would be good to keep in mind as I write it?
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Posts: 6,643
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Posts: 6,643 |
Mimi,
When did you truly get this notion of not controlling him or anayone else for that matter? Was it gradual or something that happened to get you to truly understand what you were facing about yourself?
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
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My advice is to follow STEVE'S DIRECTIONS...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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OK.....
Will you have time later on today to read the letter?
Last edited by skinsgal; 01/21/08 12:26 PM.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
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Posts: 15,310 |
Mimi,
When did you truly get this notion of not controlling him or anayone else for that matter? Was it gradual or something that happened to get you to truly understand what you were facing about yourself? The AFFAIR..my H LEAVING ME.. Had to finally say, OK, LORD, I GET IT..I TRULY CAN'T CONTROL the outcome of TRAGEDY...even though, in growing up, I was under the false assumption that I was keeping my parents from killing themselves and each other...a SAD TRUTH..but you asked...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 6,643
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I only want the truth. You have what I want, a recovered M. How you got there is your walk and I want to understand it and treasure it for your blessing and my HOPE. I put a rubber band on my wrist and am snapping it everytime I feel that cringe, or desire to fix WH or say a DJ that I know better than him. I think I am going to hurt for a little while. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 6,643
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ACA really do grow up thinking they have so much control and power.
What an illusion.
Funny thing.... WH is also an adult child of alcoholics. I am so NOT touching that ONE. Just praying....
Last edited by skinsgal; 01/21/08 12:45 PM.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Posts: 3,146
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Posts: 3,146 |
I am willing to admit that I am POWERLESS over my H, and that my life becomes unmanageable when I try to control him. I'm just pointing out a small flaw. Your life is not unmanageable when you try to control him. Your life is unmanageable when you don't surrender.......This is the heart of step one. COMPLETE Surrender, raising up the white flag and dropping your weapons. Complete unconditional surrender. I am in the process of truly understanding that a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity. Step two says "came to believe"... not came to understand! The furthest distance God has to travel in our lives is about 18 inches. That is the distance between our head and our heart. We keep trying to understand what we are holding onto instead of believing that God can handle it all if we let go. Complete Surrender + Believing God Can = Sanity Once you are here you will make a decision to let go - step three ---- or you will repeat the insanity over and over and over and over and over and over, etc. (a process I'm way to familiar with)sigh.... Made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of G-d as I understood him, so that G-d can do what he is going to do and I won't keep getting in the way. This is called letting go and letting God....if we are past the insanity then all things become possible. Why? Because God is God and we are not!
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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Wow, tst, thank you.
I really need to read this post a LOT more. Thank you.
G-d is smiling down on you right now.
Thank you.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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Posts: 1,900
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Thanks TST.. I needed this too today..
Me - 32
DS - 5
DD - 13
DSD - 9
D final 12-8-08
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Sexymamabear what does it take for a WH to wake up and want to come home.? Not sure I am qualified to answer that.
Happily married to HerPapaBear
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G-d is what it takes, wouldn't you agree SMB?
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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